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  1. #1
    The Optimistic Asshole
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    NFL Week 5: The (Gun)slinger.

    Jacksonville at Buffalo (PK) - Fitzpatrick is actually playing decent. He has a bit of happy feet, but eh, he's better than Edwards right? This is going to be a battle of Fitz vs Jacksonville's shit secondary and MJD vs Buffalo's shit run defense. Who wins? Noone, it's a terrible game. Jacksonville.

    Tampa Bay at Cincinnati (-6.5) - Is Cincinnati who we thought they were? It certainly doesn't look like it. They've strayed from what made them successful last year. We thought that possibly the pickups at the receiving position would open up the run game, but it's as if they've just completely failed. It isn't like Tampa is the greatest team either. Oh well, we'll chalk it up to another terrible matchup. The last two weeks have been horrible. Cinci wins, Tampa covers.

    Atlanta at Cleveland (+3) - I don't really know what to make of either of these teams. I think I have a bit more faith in Atlanta's ability to move the ball on offense than Cleveland. Cleveland does have the ability to slow the game down with the best white RB in the NFL! I'll take Atlanta to win, Cleveland to cover.

    St. Louis at Detroit (-3) - This may be one of the best matchups of the week oddly enough. At least we know it's going to be interesting. Shaun Hill has been playing, dare I say, really good football here lately. Pettigrew has been getting involved, and he's targeting Johnson a lot and letting him make plays. However, I think St. Louis has a very underrated defense, they've yet to allow 20 points. I almost feel bad for Detroit, they've been competitive in almost every game. I think they'll finally turn the tide and pull out a win here. Detroit to win and cover.

    Kansas City at Indianapolis (-7) - So hey, Indi and KC are going to play in week 5, and one of them is undefeated. Guess which it is! Actually thought about going to this game with a friend, I'd love to see Eric Berry take Austin Collie's skull off, but alas, I'm at home with my wife/kids. Despite the 2-2 start, I still think Indy is a premier team. I don't think they'll have any issues steamrolling KC. Indi to cover.

    Green Bay at Washington (+2.5) - Hey NFL, can I get any more terrible fucking football games this weekend please? I'm still of the thought that Green Bay is the most complete team in the NFL right now. Washington has been, if nothing else, inconsistent. The defense is pretty damn good, but the offense is...something. Ryan Torain will finally get the reigns this week, and imo, probably keep them the rest of the season. Look for him to have a big game in a losing effort. Green Bay to cover.

    Chicago at Carolina (-1) - Is Cutler playing this week? I haven't really researched it. I wonder if Chicago will now see teams constantly blitz their asses off and continue to sit the Chicago QB on his ass. I had heard an interesting stat the other day. Apparently a Martz QB has only played 16 games like, twice? Something like that. Doesn't look good for Chicago's future, but they're playing Carolina, so maybe a good week to bounce back. Chicago to win.

    Denver at Baltimore (-7) - See, now this is a game I would love to watch, and I'm sure my local channels will deprive me of. Denver has, dare I say, a vaunted passing offense. Orton is walking among the ranks of Manning, Montana, Young, Brady, Brees...there's no stopping the sure-handedness (holy fucking lol) of Brandon Lloyd. Denver with the fucking upset.

    NY Giants at Houston (-3) - Looks like both Andre Johnson and Jacobe Jones could be sidelined this week. If that's true, well, look for Arian Foster to have (yet another) huge game. I wish I would have fucking listened to everyone who said to go get Foster in fantasy drafts. I especially hate people who managed to pick up both Foster and AD in the same league. If Johnson plays, I like Houston to win. If he doesn't, G-men with the upset. I'll go with the G-men pulling the upset for the pick.

    New Orleans at Arizona (+6.5) - A long long time ago, I made a comment in one of the College Football or NFL threads. I said that Max Hall would be a very good NFL QB. Well, I think he was a Junior when I said that, and he had a pretty decent draft outlook. Ultimately, however, he went undrafted and never really got a shot...under now! The Max Hall era will begin in Arizona, and begins strongly, with a loss at the hands of the Saints. Saints to win, Arizona to cover!

    San Diego at Oakland (+6) - And just as soon as McFadden begins to pan out for the Raiders, he pulls up with a lame hamstring. Another RB they stole in the draft, UofL alum Michael Bush (in the 4th round) has been fantastic when healthy however. Great RB tandem there in Oakland. Bush will likely see the lion's share of the workload this week, and could prove difficult. Look for Zach Miller to have a big game, as if there's one rule in fantasy, it's that nothing is ever a given...except play the TE against San Diego. San Diego to win, Oakland to cover.

    Tennessee at Dallas (-7) - Well, you got a shit home team playing a team that is apparently dirty as shit. Dallas has had a week to sit around and mope about their terrible start. Coming off a bye week, they get a home game. I hope to god they don't lose this game, or heads will (or should roll). Tennessee needs to get their running game back into swing, because it's looking pretty damn ill compared to last year. Dallas rolls in this game, covers.

    Philadelphia at San Francisco (-3) - Kevin Kolb is playing, so it looks like the niners will finally get a win. Look for Celek to catch about 10 passes for 48 yards as the checkdown king lives up to his mantra.

    MON, OCT 11

    Minnesota at NY Jets (-3) - Cocks cocks cocks. Well, now that that's out of the way, we get to see another great Moss/Revis matchup. This time, the QB throwing it to Moss sure as hell isn't going to be afraid to put it in the air. Does Revis get moss'd again this week? I sure as fuck hope so. I need a Jets loss in this game like I need testicles. It's imperitive. Favre, MAKE IT HAPPEN GOD DAMMIT. Minnesota with the (I hope) upset.
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  2. #2
    Bring on the Revolution
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    Cutler has been ruled out for Sunday.
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  3. #3
    The Optimistic Asshole
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    Still, it's Carolina.
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  4. #4
    Bring on the Revolution
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    Still, It's the bears Offensive line and Todd fucking collins.
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  5. #5
    The Optimistic Asshole
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    vs Pickle.

    It appears we have reached an impasse. I propose a motion to terminate this relationship effective immediately.
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  6. #6
    Member since 2006 and still can't think of a title.
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    Tyche, i should skin you for picking the 49ers. Till they win they should be predicted to lose. Twice now we've snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
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  7. #7
    Mr. Bananagrabber
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyche View Post
    I had heard an interesting stat the other day. Apparently a Martz QB has only played 16 games like, twice? Something like that.
    Should be Warner in 2001 and maybe Bulger in 2004? At least the injury to Trent Green in '99 introduced the world to Kurt Warner.

    But yeah, outside of the 49ers having a decent chance to win this week (at home, no Vick, etc) and the Monday night contest, not very excited about this week of football. Should see good game coming out of Baltimore, Houston, and Dallas though hopefully
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  8. #8
    Mr. Bananagrabber
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melena View Post
    Tyche, i should skin you for picking the 49ers. Till they win they should be predicted to lose. Twice now we've snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
    The cards are in our favor this time, unless the Not-Vickles got some serious work in this week, they're going to be facing a severe uphill battle, especially if Singletary puts pressure on Kolb.
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  9. #9

    I don't understand why you all have a problem with the Kolb checking it down...

    The skins played a Tampa 2 and took away anything mid-deep.

    That said it doesn't look good w/o Shady in the game so they'll use Joique Bell in the running game /s...
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  10. #10
    If I screw up again Im gone forever.
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    CHECK DOWNS WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS.
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  11. #11
    Shootin' rocks at monsters
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyche View Post
    [B]Denver at Baltimore (-7) - See, now this is a game I would love to watch, and I'm sure my local channels will deprive me of. Denver has, dare I say, a vaunted passing offense. Orton is walking among the ranks of Manning, Montana, Young, Brady, Brees...there's no stopping the sure-handedness (holy fucking lol) of Brandon Lloyd. Denver with the fucking upset.
    Someone believing in the Broncos right now makes me all kinds of smile. Denver's passing game is going to be a bitch all year to stop, but I'm fairly sure teams just need to put up a wet paper towel instead of the front 7 to stop our running game. I can't see Baltimore buying the play-action's that the Titans were buying late into the 4th (why, Tennessee? I mean, thank you... but why?).

    To reiterate a point from last week: Kyle Orton had more rushing yards than the rest of the Broncos offense *combined*. Denver's sporting 2 rookies on the offensive line (that I know of), and Orton got sacked 6 times by the Titans. I just don't see Denver beating an actually good team at this point in the season. Of course, I hope desperately that you are right.
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  12. #12
    Salvage Bans
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    Denver always get their shit smashed in against Baltimore.
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  13. #13
    Shootin' rocks at monsters
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maaglin View Post
    Denver always get their shit smashed in against Baltimore.
    Is that why Denver's won two of the last three meetings between the two?
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  14. #14
    The Mizzle Fizzle of Nikkei's Haremizzle

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maaglin View Post
    Denver always get their shit smashed in against Baltimore.
    Orton son, Orton. Plus, besides last week have you seen how terribly Flacco is playing? He's like Carson Palmer lite so far.
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  15. #15
    Tyven's Xbax Fren
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silentleroy View Post
    CHECK DOWNS WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS.
    actually, they do, or did you not see the Bears v Colts super bowl?

    ORTON4PROBOWL

    I still kind of wish Chicago hadn't traded him, but oh well
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  16. #16
    The Mizzle Fizzle of Nikkei's Haremizzle

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    That's right. Chicago will rue the day they let the Orton go, but I am glad. His entire time there he was the Rodney Dangerfield of the Bears QB rotation. He got them to the damn playoffs and they handed the job back to Sucky Rexy, fuck that noise.

    Yes im still bitter. -.-
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  17. #17

    Last Week: 10-4
    Season: 38-24

    Jacksonville at Buffalo
    Tampa Bay at Cincinnati
    Atlanta at Cleveland
    St. Louis at Detroit
    Kansas City at Indianapolis
    Green Bay at Washington
    Chicago at Carolina
    Denver at Baltimore
    NY Giants at Houston
    New Orleans at Arizona
    San Diego at Oakland
    Tennessee at Dallas
    Philadelphia at San Francisco
    Minnesota at NY Jets
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  18. #18
    My Little Ixion
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    Jacksonville at Buffalo
    Tampa Bay at Cincinnati
    Atlanta at Cleveland
    St. Louis at Detroit - AMAGAD EPIC BATTLE!
    Kansas City at Indianapolis
    Green Bay at Washington
    Chicago at Carolina
    Denver at Baltimore
    NY Giants at Houston
    New Orleans at Arizona
    San Diego at Oakland
    Tennessee at Dallas
    Philadelphia at San Francisco - The Niners have trolled me every time so far this season, so put your money on them.
    Old Man Cocks at NY Jets
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  19. #19
    If I screw up again Im gone forever.
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    Jacksonville at Buffalo
    Tampa Bay at Cincinnati - upset special. Sorry heady.
    Atlanta at Cleveland
    St. Louis at Detroit
    Kansas City at Indianapolis
    Green Bay at Washington
    Chicago at Carolina
    Denver at Baltimore
    NY Giants at Houston
    New Orleans at Arizona
    San Diego at Oakland
    Tennessee at Dallas - CJ2k gets shut down.
    Philadelphia at San Francisco
    Old Man Cocks at NY Jets - Revis suffers season ending ego injury.
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  20. #20
    I'll change yer fuckin rate you derivative piece of shit
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    While the Packers are clearly awesome, if they're going to lose a road game to an inferior opponent this would be one they'd lose.

    Morgan Burnett (SS) is out for the year, as is Nick Barnett (ILB). Nick Collins (FS) is out for the week at least, as is Brandon Chillar (ILB). Yes, you read that right, both safeties and both middle linebackers are out. And then on offense, Mark Tauscher (RT) is out too, so Bulaga will probably get his first start against Orakpo.

    ...

    If there is any talent at all in the Skins offense, this is the week they break out. And the Skins have managed to shut down Owen Daniels, Jason Whitten, and Brent Celek, so I'm not sure how Finley will break out against them. Those 3 tight ends combined didn't break 100 yards.
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