Order of the Blue Gartr - Blogs - isladar

ISLABLAG: IN WHICH AUNTIE IS REVEALED TO BE LITERALLY HITLER

isladar — Mon, 04 Nov 2013 18:59:41 GMT

[Fade-in on a typical day in Darkest Carpathia; upon the Throne of Skulls Auntie Isla is browsing' some forums, bannin' some jerks. There is a jump cut to the computer screen, where we read:]

Originally Posted by some jackass

Its like nazi germany up in this piece

[Camera returns to our glorious mediatrix]

"It warms the heart to see the adoration and, indeed, admiration of my subjects," I say, monologuing as I'm wont to do. "But such statements strike a chord -- what if they're just saying such things? What if, and it pains me to even consider it, they're exaggerating, and the forums aren't actually akin to the government of the National Socialists?"

[Close up of my awesome face, looking concerned]

"How," I ask, in a somewhat rhetorical manner but with every intention of answering my own query, "can I absolutely and utterly ruin everyone's fun? And not just sort-of ruin, but enact, with malice aforethought, such heinous and draconian laws that the righteous among us will have no other choice but to cry out that BG has become, without a hint of hyperbole, Nazi-fucking-Germany?"

[Pause for effect]

"The answer, of course, were I to truly wish to bring about the rebirth of the Third Reich … an 'Islareich', if you will … (note to self, write that down) would be to do exactly as that terrible monster Adolf Hitler did, and begin to mercilessly ban people for saying racist, sexist, and other hateful things! YES! Ban people for racism! JUST LIKE HITLER!"

[maniacallaughter.wav]

[Fade scene]

____

Hello jerks, dears, friends who are dear jerks, farty babies, &c.! On this the glorious dawn of our ETERNAL REVOLUTION, I greet you! NEW RULES have come down from on high to get up in your business! There could even be FABULOUS PRIZES*! Oh this is exciting. So GET THE FUCK DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and get ready to get your dome-piece peeped by the realest of real talk. TO WIT:

RACIST, SEXIST, AND HATEFUL LANGUAGE IS NOT TOLERATED ON THESE FORUMS

Note to self: should have blingee'd that shit.

*There are no prizes.

For the vast majority of the userbase of these forums, this won't be an issue, because you don't say hateful, disgusting shit. Unfortunately, there is a loud minority of shitfuckers who do say hateful, disgusting shit, and make our forums entirely hostile to anyone who is even a remotely decent human being! Fuck them! They're assholes, and they're getting banned! Yay! Because, and this fills me with ineffable joy to share with you, NO ONE HAS TO TOLERATE INTOLERANCE!!! God that's so fucking rad.

There is an unfortunate tendency to think it's only racist when you say "nigger" with intent to be hurtful. This is what a dumb baby thinks! Racism is racism whether you're just kidding, saying it around 'cool' people [read: racists], or are pig-ignorant! HATE SPEECH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INTENT.

So what about these new rules? How do they totally ruin everything awesome about BG (which I guess in this instance would mean racism and misogyny? wow that's fucked up, wtf is wrong with racist assholes)? Let's take a look at the new rules, and then do a Q&A so that dumb babies who think hate speech is awesome can get relentlessly mocked for being shitasses.

Originally Posted by NAZI HITLER RULES FOR NAZIS

The Human Decency Clause

The use of language or posts that deliberately discriminate against, insult, or demean an individual or group is forbidden. We cannot stop you from being an ignorant bigot in the privacy of your own home, but your right to express such opinions is trumped by our right not to be exposed to them. If you cannot participate in discourse without relying on hateful language, you will be banned from this site.

There are a very few circumstances where arguments may be made that certain offensive terms are used in a humorous context. In such cases the user may or may not be banned or infracted. This will be completely and utterly subjective and based on the mod reading the post at the time. Use at your own peril.

The Catch-All:

Shitty posts are against the rules, even if they do not explicitly ‘break’ a rule. Don’t be a rules-lawyer. If you find yourself typing “but what rule, exactly, did I violate”, it’s this one.

Spam:

Forums marked as 'spam' are granted some degree of leeway in this regard. Spam is the cool place to hang out. You can find most of the cool people there. In Spam you can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. "Take it easy" is the Spam motto, for example, that's how laid back it is there. Show up if you want to have a good time. Another good reason to show up is if you want to hang out with friends. Note: while leeway is available within spam, it is not outside of it. Stop being racist shitbags.

Seems pretty cut-and-dry, I think. If it makes sense to you, congratulations! You're a decent human being who's pretty cool. If these rules bring to mind objections, but-what-abouts, how-comes, or thats-not-fairs, FUCK YOU, you're likely a whiny shitass baby who thinks racist, sexist, and other kinds of hateful language constitutes a valid contribution to society. Also you're probably a fuckface, an asshole, and a shitty, useless, cowardly person and no one except other shitfuckers will miss you! Holy fuck this is cathartic to write out, I can't even tell you. So let's do a Q&A !!!

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR THE FRIGHTFULLY STUPID

1. I'm an ignorant baby, how do I know that something I'm saying is racist/sexist/&c.?

Good question! If you're a dumb baby. Honestly it's the year of our Lord 2013, you cannot seriously be this stupid to not know when you're saying something fucking awful. But let's pretend, for a minute, that you are in fact frightfully stupid.

If you find yourself making a sweeping generalization about a type of person, you're almost 100% guaranteed to be saying something fucking disgusting and awful. So: don't!

2. That kind of self-awareness is far beyond my capabilities. Will you write out a detailed list of what is and isn't hate speech so I can follow the letter of the law and not the spirit?

No, fuck you! It's not my job, or anyone else's, to teach you how not to be a shitfucker. It's actually your job to not act like a shitass racist! And if you fuck up you're banned!

3. Why is this a problem when [other thing] is still around?

Waiting for there to be no problems to take care of problems is really fucking stupid when you think about it. The existence of a worse thing does not obviate our duty to deal with a (maybe) lesser bad thing.

4. Why is this suddenly being enforced now? It's never been that big of a deal before!

Man, this one sucks, because I honestly have to say that I and a lot of others were content to ignore it. In my case, at least, it was because I was being kind of a coward. I was allowing myself to be cowed by shitty people because I didn't want to get shit on myself. And then I realized that fucking sucked, and that if I was so uncomfortable with it as a goddamn admin, it had to be a million times worse for someone who can't ban people with utter impunity! So I needed to step up and tell people to stop saying shitty racist shit. Plus it feels really good to ban shitfucking racists!

5. I don't want to get banned!

Don't say hateful shit you dumbass. Jesus fuck it's not hard.

6. This is going to ruin [my favorite thread / forum]! Also, free speech!

Good! Because 'ruin' in this case means making the forums available and welcoming to people who want to participate, regardless of their background, gender, or sexual orientation. That is my favorite kind of ruining !!!

As far as free speech goes, you absolutely have the freedom to say whatever you want! However free speech does not protect you from the social consequences of your speech, which can include being banned for being a fucking shitass, or called out on being an ignorant fuckface! Both of which will happen!

7. What should I do if I see someone using hateful language on the forums?

Holy shit an actual question! If you see someone using hateful language, report the post! Feel free to also tell them that their language is fucking disgusting, because remember: NO ONE HAS TO TOLERATE INTOLERANCE.

In conclusion,
Love,
Auntie Isla

p.s. fuck asshole racists/sexists and people who apologize for them

ISLABLAG: IN WHICH I SHILL FOR MY FATCAT CORPORATE OVERLOARDS

isladar — Wed, 23 Oct 2013 20:21:56 GMT

TIRED OF PRODUCTS THAT DON'T LOUDLY ADVERTISE WHERE YOU WASTE TIME ON THE INTERNET? WELL WHO ISN'T, FUCKFACE!

HI FOLKS, AUNTIE ISLADAR HERE WITH AMAZING NEW PRODUCTS CALLED BG SHIRTS AND HATS WHICH ARE GUARANTEED TO REVOLUTIONIZE YOUR SHIRT AND/OR HAT EXPERIENCE, AND WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SOME KIND OF KRIS KROSS REVIVAL*. THESE SHIRTS AND HATS ARE MADE OF 100% MATERIALS AND ARE ENTIRELY GLUTEN-FREE**. I'm going to stop typing in all caps, but I need everyone to still read this in their head as if I were shouting. Because shut up, that's why.

Look, everyone who knows you already knows you're a hopeless goony shut-in who loves video games and pretending to be erudite on the internet. Stop trying to hide it. Stop being ashamed! Take ownership of your poor life choices, and start wearing them -- in the stylish form of BG SHIRTS AND HATS. Don't think of it as advertising for an internet gaming forum: think of it as letting the world know that you have enough disposable income to spend money on an internet gaming forum. That is class. That is prestige. I mean sure, you could buy Armani, but what kind of asshole does that? Some jerk who wants you to notice. BG SHIRTS AND HATS don't say 'Armani', they say "I have considered being a functioning and reasonable member of adult society, and must respectfully decline", and then they do a totally-sweet ollie-bo-bollie*** or w/e and give double middle fingers and then fireworks go off and they spell out FUCK YOU, DAD and that one hot chick who laughed at you when you asked her out starts to feel a slight pang of regret that she keeps your friended on FB but hey, those were some sweet-ass fireworks. You fucking stopped reading this in a yelling voice, didn't you. Goddamnit, you had one fucking job.

NO IT'S FINE, I'LL HOLD DOWN THE SHIFT KEY MORE. NO I'M NOT MAD, JUST DISAPPOINTED.

JUST KIDDING! I'M ALSO MAD -- MAD FOR THESE SWEET-ASS BG SHIRTS AND HATS THAT YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE FOR NOT BUYING. AND NOT A COOL ASSHOLE, LIKE THE KIND THAT SHOULDERS YOU OUT OF THE WAY AND SAYS "Sorry, pal" AND THEN LIGHTS A CIGARETTE AND BLOWS THE SMOKE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE, BUT AN ACTUAL ASSHOLE, LIKE THE GUY WHO KEEPS CREEPIN' HIS FUCKING CART INTO YOUR SPACE WHILE YOU'RE WAITING IN LINE AT THE GROCERY STORE AS IF CROWDING YOUR SHIT IS GOING TO MAKE THE OTHER ACTUAL ASSHOLE WITH A BUNCH OF COUPONS AND PAYING BY CHEQUE**** GO FASTER. THAT KIND OF AN ASSHOLE. THE SHITTY KIND.

IN CONCLUSION, NOT BUYING THESE FUCKIN' AWESOME BG SHIRTS AND HATS MEANS YOU ARE IN FACT A FARTY BABY.

LOVE,
ME

P.S. haha I almost forgot to mention where you could buy these shit-punching BG SHIRTS AND HATS!! haha you can click >>> HERE <<< that's the power of the keyblade !!

_______

*Though let's be honest that would kind of be awesome, in a stupid 'retro-ironic' way. Seriously, people wore their pants and underpants and shirts and hats backwards for a month or so because of a song. Look, it was the early '90s, shit was different. I know you kids love your dubs and your iPhone minis, but back in the early '90s we were fucking serious about the JC Penney catalogue. For some it was their only source of porn, and others the only thing that kept them in Jordache jeans with french-rolled cuffs. It was a wasteland of neon pinks and wet-look perms and acid-wash denim. And you kids are trying to bring that shit back! Seriously, look upon the mistakes of the past. Look at teased bangs. Like father, like son: think about it, won't you?

**Seems legit.

***I have absolutely no idea about skateboarding, fyi. I just made shit up, and you read it! THAT'S THE POWER OF BG SHIRTS AND HATS. Or words. One of those things.

****Fite me.

ISLABLOG: WEIRD CRAP FROM MY INBOX

isladar — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 17:28:23 GMT

As you've likely already ascertained from the harpsichord janglin' in the background, it is time for another edition of MASTERPIECE ISLADAR, wherein I shall constructionate words with other words and make a thing for you to read. Gather 'round, little potatoes, pour yourself a snifter of grown-up juice, and prepare for the aforementioned, but now about to be actually-mentioned, word parts...

http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...32dc514a11.png

It is unfortunate that while being an administrator for BlueGartr affords me privileges far beyond mortal ken, I am, on occasion, required to face a horrifying reality: there is a means for people to send me private messages, and worse, they sometimes do. These messages run a gamut from inane to OH FOR FUCKS' SAKE, and it is with pleasure that I will present to you, dear mouthbreathers, a hand-picked selection of fucktardation from my meticulously-catalogued records. I have, of course, expunged any identifying marks from these missives, but if by some manner you recognize something you've written, please be assured that you are being posted here only because you are frightfully retarded.

[Note: The vast majority of the messages I receive from users are lovely. Most of you jerks are actually very polite and decently articulate, and I hope I can always help with whatever question or concern I'm presented. Obviously none of those messages are remotely amusing, so fuck that, on with the crazies.]

There are two broad categories of what-the-fuck-crazy: responses to infractions, then shit that comes up out of nowhere with no context whatsoever. As an introduction to the former, I will assume that my readers have never received an infraction. Oh god, oh god, hold up, I can't keep a straight face. Hold up. Okay. All right. So. When a moderator or administrator sees a post that defies, despite all of our blood, sweat, and fists, the rules and guidelines of the forum, we have a magic button that pulls up a magic form. Once we have filled out this magic form, usually with a love-note to whomever so cruelly defiled our precious utopia, a few things happen at once: a report is generated in the secrety-secret moderator forums, the infraction points are assigned to the user (with an accompanying posting lock out, if applicable), and, most relevant to our discussion today, a private message is sent to the user. A private message that seems to have mystical, unexplained powers of making people lose their shit.

Responses to Infractions

If you want to ban methats cool this is a useless piece of shit site anyhow

Ah! One of the most popular reactions. The above illustrates users who are so utterly unaffected they are compelled to inform you how much 'whatever' the infraction has engendered in them, and let me tell you, it's a lot. These sorts of messages always make me do that one-side-of-the-mouth quirk before I go back to refreshing the hackey thread, since, like, if you don't like it here, dude, then uh.. why.. are you.. um.. Yeah.

I've seen worse

The "But so-and-so is" defense! This is an offshoot of certain derails that afflict GD threads: "I don't know how you can be mad about [x], when [y] is just as bad". I can't think of a single circumstance in any situation where "Yeah well I'm not as bad as [x]" has ever been an acceptable defense to poor decisions. These types of responses are usually chalk-full of other flavors of mad, and as a rule as soon as I see a comparative like that I let my eyes glaze over and go check the Random Image Thread.

give yourself a favor, fuck you

I don't know if these are two different imperatives or what. If I fold the laundry, am I giving myself a favor? Because that seems like a lot of work. Like, the 'fuck you' part I'm pretty clear on. I'm on the same page as this guy, but if anyone can help me figure out how to give myself a favor, I'd appreciate it.

I'm a bit confused on how rational you are

The indignant intellectual. In this same vein I've also received offers of therapeutic counseling. Not like, give yourself a favor and get counseling, but like, "you seem mentally imbalanced for daring to give me an infraction, I'm genuinely concerned, do you want to talk about it?" Sometimes.. sometimes I do want to talk about it. Then I punch a baby and infract more jackasses.

wtf what is this minus 50 points didnt even know this had that tho it really doesnt matter to me?

Insert meme here. You know which one. I love this guy. This guy is fucking great. This guy starts off with a question, veers straight into woogily-jumbles, left-turns into "whatever, I don't even care" territory, then remembers at the end that he was asking a question. Always wear your seat belt, kids. The absolute best part about this response was that when I got the pop-up notification of the private message I had no fucking clue what this guy was referring to. Usually, if people are going to bitch, they respond in a few hours and at most within a few days. This dude was responding to an infraction from six months' previous, tho it really doesnt matter to me?

The 'What the Damn Hell Crap' Messages

These beauties are the ones that come with no warning. They wait in my inbox, often with innocuous titles like "Hi" and "Isladar", but what lies within defies all logic, reason, and probably some parts of the Geneva Convention. These aren't the ones where people assume I know what the fuck they're talking about when they ask me to move "the thread" and don't link me to anything, these are messages from people who truly don't understand that I cannot, in fact, read their goddamn minds. These are messages that make me wonder if humanity as a collective entity is in fact doomed, and whether it is even worth it to continue in this endless Oh man I make fucking great coffee cake. Seriously. This shit is amazing. Where was I? Oh right. Retards.

where are the general talk pages? so far all ive done is look thru the media threads so ive never looked for it

That's it. That's all I've got. What the fuck is he talking about? Because right now what he's saying is that he can't find what he hasn't ever looked for. I think that's a U2 song or something. AND I STIIIIIIIIIILLLLL HAVEN'T FOOOOOOOUUUUND, WHAT I HAVEN'T LOOKED FOOOOOR.

why am i pming you

WHY INDEED.

Hello,sir
I found your website when I was searching on the Internet. Your website looks very good and professional especially on the game Fina fantasy. So I sincerely want to establish the cooperative relationship with you. My site provides virtual trading of internet business service, specializing in internet game exchange such as Final Fantasy XI cd key，gil etc.Is there any promotional items and activities you can provide for our company in your forums such as purchase Ads Placement or link on your site. I don't want to use the third party to advertise. Onece we establish the trustworthy relationship,we would like pay monthly of advertising. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. If you are interested in this, we will be available to discuss further. If you have any other suggestion, you could email us or contact us on MSN:
[redacted]
Look forward to your early reply.

Tracy

Look here, Tracy, I don't know what kind of website you think this is, but BlueGartr is the more COREST of CORES with regards to Fina Fantasy. We can't just go around establishing the trustworthy relationship with just any jerk who-- wait, you found us searching on the Internet? SHE'S LEGIT, GUYS! All we have to do is do lots of promotional items and activities, like Bingo or something, and Tracy and her fine establishment would like, pay monthly of advertising. I'm not sure I want to be paid in advertising, but I'll talk to the other admins, so gimme a minute.

Hi,sir.Have you received my message? I don't know if you are interested in the advertising with us,plz give me a reply,OK?

BITCH I SAID GIMME A MINUTE.

I got banned for a week and now I can't post.

That is, as my father likes to say, a true fact.

Remember in school when jerkass jerks would be all ALWAYS WRITE FOR YOUR AUDIENCE, so if you're writing for a bunch of scientists use some sciency shit and if you're writing for a bunch of mouthbreathers cuss a lot, that sort of thing? The same thing applies here. Unfortunately, giving me a single, factual statement, which requires no comment or addressing on my part, kinda, well.. fails. Unless tho it doesnt matter to him and he just forgot the question mark at the end. Then I could have said "Yes, yes you are." As it stands, this person forgot that who he was writing to doesn't give a shit!

Hiya Poof :)

Okay, this one actually made me mad and sadface at the same fucking time.

You are a dick sucking mother fucking asshole. I will have a word about you to sonamaa. You are a dictator and fucking peice of shit. go suck a dick.

But this one was awesome.

Well kids, that about wraps up MASTERPIECE ISLADAR. Always wear protection when PMing someone you don't know. I had way too much fun digging through crazies, and realized I never should have cleared out my inbox a few years' ago, because there were unspeakable glories hidden there. Ah well! If you want to bitch about there not being as many pictures in this entry, fuck you. If you want to bitch about there not being a Danzig video in this entry, you're probably p. all right.

The End

So long, jerks!

I AM GREAT, AND BY EXTENSION, THE THINGS I LIKE ARE ALSO GREAT

isladar — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:30:03 GMT

Since BG has opened the floodgates with this new-fangled blog thinger, I've noticed a disturbing trend. While the blog entries have been both entertaining and informative, an important demographic has been entirely ignored: me. All these game reviews and whatnot are great and all, but really, how is the audience supposed to make an informed judgment on a thing if they don't know if Isladar would like it? More importantly, does Isladar like it? We can't let this shit be subjective. We can't write an entire blog in the royal plural either, so it's up to me to talk about me, and shit that I like.

Therefore, it is with great pleasure and liberal use of made-up words that I present to you, the unwashed masses, what will hopefully be the first in a series:

http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...ce12eafdfb.png

Much deliberation was to be had in deciding what to title this already-classic literary work. "But Isla," you say, using the familiar in a crass attempt to look cool. "You could call this shit anything and mouthbreathers would eat it up!" TRUE. And yet, unnamed you-person, I wasn't about to put my hallowed name to something unless the very heavens rang out with its awesomeness. Even perfection has to be selective. Though I'm not going to lie, I did consider just calling it 'POTATO' and being done with it. Some other runner-ups included: OBFUSCOUS HETERODOX RUMINATIONS (which I'm going to reserve for my upcoming side project that fuses Norwegian proto-Celtic symphonic death post-metal with Appalachian washboard-electronica and samples of Belgian dudes humping dishwashers), and.. Okay this was pretty much my only idea. Write what you know, and all that.

Shut up, that's why. ON TO SHIT I LIKE THAT IS GREAT.

GAMES

Games with local co-op have become a dying breed. Which is fucking stupid. While having the ability to call people a weasel-butterer over the internet is a fantastic development for our cultural milieu (that's French for possibilities), I need to be able to call someone a weasel-butterer and punch them, and as of yet you can't do that on the internets. Some digital revolution this is. Unfortunately, if you want to be able to punch a jerk while playing video games, you had better enjoy punchfiting, or Army of Butts or Halo Butts or Gears of Butts, because that's fucking it. Doing a spinning lariat with Armor King is one of life's greatest pleasures, but playing SHOOT DUDE 7: THE SHOOTENING is for ladies and grandpas, and eh, I think you know it.

To amend this, my designated punch-target and I have scoured, like, three whole different shops looking for local co-op games, and I've outlined the experience below:

Is this game stupid? It looks kind of stupid.
What the fuck is this shit.
HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING.
THAT IS NOT A WOMAN, THAT IS AMBULATORY SILICONE.
Hey look, Viva Pinata. You can water my plants while I make all Fudgehogs!!
Okay fine we won't get Viva Pinata.
This is dumb. I'm hungry.

Finally, however, we alighted upon what is, without exception, the greatest game of all games of all times that there have been games. LADIES AND GENTLEMANGS:
http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...127a60ac6b.jpg

This game was made like a hojillion years ago, but you know what? Fuck you, it is awesome. It was made by the same jerks that made some games about some Chinese dudes or Gundams or whatever, but that is totally immaterial, because this shit has hot samurais. FUCKING TRUMPED. For those of you unfamiliar with the game play and storyline of this fucking incredible game, let me elucidate this shit so you can check yourself, lest you in fact wreck yourself. In SAMURAI WARRIORS 2, you choose from a puppy mill of hot samurais, and then you kill fucking everything. Not convinced? Here, you cryptohipster douche-monger:

http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...f418ad214e.jpg

LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKER. He isn't afraid to rock some fucking feathers and take the fuck over feudal fuckin' Japan. Do you know why? Because he is fucking awesome. This is Nobunaga Oda, and his moves include: pressing X to win, pressing X and then throwing in a Y every once in awhile for some variety, and waiting until a bar fills up until you press A and win the game. To be fair, this is the general strategy for pretty much every character in the game, but "not playing Nobunaga" is kind of a dumb strategy.

http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...244800fc4b.jpg
This is not Nobunaga Oda. This illustrates another failing tactic: not being on a fucking horse. Seriously. Get a horse. Mill through dudes. It's heaven.

There are approximately ninety-twelve thousand other characters to choose from, all of which exhibit varying degrees of being "okay compared to Nobunaga", which can be fun to explore if you like slumming. Not every character is some kind of Isla-fap material, either. There are a handful of chicks, two of which are lady samurais, which is tolerable, one is a stupid ninja who is stupid above and beyond being a ninja, if you can imagine, and one is some kind of horrible shojo heroine whose weapon is a goddamn cup and ball. I am not kidding. A fucking wooden cup with a ball on a string that you see poor Victorian kids playing with in period movies about shitty children's toys. SPOILER: SHE'S STUPID. There are also a couple ugly characters, if that's your thing, and some ninjas, if you were beaten about the head as a child and think being able to use stupid ninja-only paths to get around the battlefield can make up for the fact that you're not playing a goddamn samurai.

The only downside to this game is the voice acting. Since this game was made before weeaboos ruined everything you love, there is no option to use the probably-superior Japanese voices. For most characters, this isn't an issue, but for some incredibly hilarious exceptions. Most of these exceptions will only illicit the occasional groan, but this guy:
http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...7be4ba777d.png
THIS FUCKING GUY. Good god. If the character design didn't tip you off, this guy sounds like the product of a SoCal surfer-dude who forcibly mated with every horribly-dubbed anime hero from the 1990s ever. Most of his lines are pretty much: "WHOAAAAAAAAAA ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE?!!?! BECAUSE I AM A GUY WHO LOVES TO CHALLENGE AND FITE BECAUSE I'M CRAZY!!!" and "WHOOOOAAA!! HONOR IS FOR STUFFED SHIRTS, TIME TO GET REAL AND/OR EXTREEEEEEEME." Fuck that guy.

All in all, I'm great and I like SAMURAI WARRIORS 2, which automatically makes it great as well.

LINKS

I figured since there are occasionally some great threads on BG, they should be included here, since this is the Home of Great. The Great Home. The Isladar Society of All Things Great and Also Great. Whatever. I'm still trying to figure out if we can short-form the blog title to IAGABETTILAAG. Ee-ah-gah-betty-lag. It could work.

The Official Forums II: Out Here Grindin': SE's official FFXI forums are live, and this is the only place where BGers can go to get tips on first aid for head-desk. Chock-full of more gimp/confused/wtf than all the Gimp/Confused/WTF threads combined. Also has up-to-the-minute reports on everyone's favorite crazy, Starcade!

2011 NHL Offseason Thread: Capgeek is my new homepage: My home away from home. The season may be over, but it's still the best place to watch Canadiens fans froth at the mouth over Boston winning the Stanley Cup. Some of my favorite jerks post here.

FFXI New or Returning Players Discussion: A fantastic resource for people who started working at the pants-shitting factory when they realized the level cap went up and there's this Abyssea thing or whatever.

I'd link the XI's Random Question Thread BUT Y'ALL KNOW HOW WELL THAT'S EVER WORKED. See also: Every locked thread in Advanced.

Speaking of threads, I've been bouncing around the idea of starting a Dear Auntie Isladar thread in General Discussion. A lot of the relationship/life advice threads cover the same ground ("quit being a bitch"), and I thought it might be fun to have a Dear Abby-type thread. People could PM me with issues to keep it anonymous, and I'd make up names for them like "Retarded in Raleigh" or "Beta Male for Life" and tell them to quit being a bitch. What do you think? I mean, I know it's a great idea, since, like, it's my idea, but let's keep up the illusion of an open discussion for a little longer, hmm?

DANZIG

http://images.bluegartr.com/bucket/g...50e67d1542.png
Best line: WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAABLAAAAAAAAAA huhYEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNIGHHHHHHHIIIIIII

Funfact: BGblogs evidently won't embed videos, so I posts that video in IAS, screenshotted the post, posted that screenshot here, and made it link to youtube. I am fucking awesome.

THE END

So long, jerks!