Am I a douche?

[Senoska]

Ryko and spam people aside...

So I'm sure people remember a few months ago I posted about my 'problems,' and before that I had posted about buying a friend a ps3.. same girl... roll with me on this..

Going to try and make this as unbias as possible:

So I had a friend for two years who I met in school. As time went on I kind of devolved a pretty serious crush on her. I'm the type of person that really enjoys buying gifts for people [type 2 personality, psych people.]. Even people I dislike, I'll buy them flowers just to make their day better. Long story short, I ended up paying for this girls stuff a lot. I'd take her to dinner and what not at first, and she enjoyed it as far as I could tell. I bought her small gifts here and there, a stuffed animal, etc.

Then Christmas came around. She had been constantly talking about how she wanted a ps3. I was at her house a lot and we had classes together which allowed me to be there for awhile. I decided I'd buy her a ps3 on the condition that I'd be able to play it and what not. She seemed to like it.

As time goes on, our relationship kind of steps up a little bit. She starts living at my house, I take her out to a nice dinner almost every night [She lived here 7 months, we ate at my house twice.] I paid every single bill in the house, never asked her for a dime, nothing.

Her and I started going on dates, things were going well, but she kind of kept the stance that she didn't want any serious relationship. I told her I was fine with that on the condition if she hooks up with anyone to just let me know. I wouldn't be upset, I just wanted to know where I stood in the relationship. She promised me that she'd let me know. If anything, I'd say our relationship was friends with benefits with the closest possible line to dating there can be. It was basically a super open relationship with the only clause being to tell me if she hooks up with someone else.

Then one day, she told me she was going to go see her dad and her dog and kind of squealed tires out of my house. I knew right away she was going somewhere. She had brought along a book that I had purchased for her and I knew she already had read it. I made a mental mark of "That was strange.."

Longer story short, this guy posts on facebook the next day on her wall about he really enjoyed the book, etc. I was like "What the fuck is this shit?" when she came home. She told me that she had lent it to her girlfriend and her girlfriend must have lent it to this guy. I seen right through that and immediately called her on her bullshit. She kept lying to me and I kept breaking it down every time she said something. Eventually she got frustrated and told me she did go over to this guys house and did sleep with him.

I was pissed. Not because she slept with him, but because she lied to me. Later I had found out that she has 'been' with 3 other guys. Her ex-boyfriend, some dude at a party she took a bath with, and now this guy.

I was pretty distraught. I loved this girl with all my heart and constantly tried to show her this. I was upset because I was honest about everything with her and only asked the slightest bit of honesty with me. It's not hard to say "Hey, this guy at this party.." etc. I was mad because I found out another way. This was a huge emotional investment and my trust was broken with her.

I told her I wanted her out of my life and she begged me to remain her friend. Literally on her hands and knees begging. I told her I'd try to work it out if she'd try to rebuild trust with me. Since then, she's basically spent every night at this guys house, only answers a few of my texts, went to dinner with me once in two weeks since this has happened and she couldn't even look at me.

So now here I am. The fact I gave her all this stuff has managed to put me a little in debt. The ps3 was purchased on a credit card with zero interest for a year, and I haven't managed to pay it off. I called her up and asked her to give it back to me. She's clearly upset, but so am I. I gave her basically everything I had on the condition of honesty and she couldn't keep her end of it. Am I a douche for wanting this back so I can pay off my credit card?

Also, is it wrong of me to be upset at her for sleeping with this guy? I mean, as much as I try not to let it bother me, it does. She basically used me while she had a fuck-buddy. Why would she hide this from me if not for using me?

I told her she could keep everything else I bought for her, clothes, etc, if she gives me the ps3 back and I'm not doing it out of malice, I just don't think its right I put myself in debt for someone that cant keep the truth straight....


What does BG think? Wall-o-text I'm aware, but I'm pretty upset.

[Milkster]

El oh el.
So tl; dr version: Meet a girl, fall in love, she uses the hell out of you and cheats on you, now you want all the gifts back?
Homie you got played. Putting the pussy on a pedestal... You set yourself up for this.

[Diamicles]

things like this will matter more when you're out of high school

if you're out of high school then hang out with more mature people

obligatory thisisntyourlivejournal

[Rhyis.]

http://www.bay-of-fundie.com/img/200...ark-douche.jpg


Seriously though, you need to stop being such a push over. Cause if you act the same way in your 20s, chicks are going to run you over.

[Atreides]

the worst part is that I told your dumb ass that she was using you for gifts like... months ago

and your dumb ass didnt listen, so yes you're a douche

[Diamicles]

the worst part is that I told your dumb ass that she was using you for gifts like... months ago

and your dumb ass didnt listen, so yes you're a douche

/thread

[bebeci]

Let her know that all the things you bought for her will be a reminder of you. So you might as well take back the ps3.

As for being upset? Sure, why not? But move on. Life is all about putting stuff into the 'do not give a shit' category. Not being a dick here, just saying.

[Zoolander]

Credit cards are dangerous, why are you spending more than you can afford? You don't ever go into debt for other people.

[Kaisha]

Don't be an Indian giver. Live & Learn, even if it fucks your wallet.

[Ohaigaiz]

dude my ex fucked 1 dude like 1 week after we stopped dating, then dated him for a month, then fucked 5 dudes in a 2 week period, then fucked another dude a week later and has been dating him for 2 months

all girls are tricks and hoes, slap that bitch with your slong

[Senoska]

El oh el.
So tl; dr version: Meet a girl, fall in love, she uses the hell out of you and cheats on you, now you want all the gifts back?
Homie you got played. Putting the pussy on a pedestal... You set yourself up for this.

No. Over all the time I've known her, I spent $5k on her. I'm asking for $300 of it back. She can keep the rest. I dont care about anything else but this. I went in on a DSLR camera with her. That cost me $250. She bought me things too, to be honest. It was kind of mutual gift exchange with me spending far more. I didn't expect anything in return and the rest are gifts. But this one I feel like was a gift to both of us and she took advantage of me.

[Zeh]

You're a good person who just found out their kindness was abused and taken for granted. You have every right to be mad, handled situations well... Just be very cautious from now on.

[Mr. Flippy]

dude you got rolled

[Neoscrilla]

You aren't a douche. You just let pussy fog your better judgement. If letting her move in, buying her expensive gifts, and paying her way on everything don't net you a relationship and she pulls the "friend" card, then you should have stepped away. I've seen this happen to alot of guys. Use it as a lesson learned.

[shindycat]

You are not a douche. You seem like an incredibly nice guy. You got used she lied because she still wanted a free ride from you. You have every right to be mad

[Alvein]

I'd say, take the PS3 and get away from this girl. It might be a douche move, but she was worse by being purposefully untruthful and not respecting you.
She's shown that she'll repeatedly lie to get what she wants so I would be careful before you trust her.
The way I see it is that now she's just seeing if you'll try to buy her back by giving her stuff like you did before.

She wins either way so you're gonna have to stand up to her at some point and set boundaries.

I'm not saying she's a horrible person, I just think at this point she's just trying to keep pushing you and you have to stop giving. Stop letting her take advantage of your kindness.

[Senoska]

the worst part is that I told your dumb ass that she was using you for gifts like... months ago

and your dumb ass didnt listen, so yes you're a douche

I didn't buy her gifts as much. I did listen. She did move in here though. I dont know I'd consider that a gift. And basically shit started to get kind of real for awhile there and I really liked her. You can't blame me for doing what I did and that's not really what I'm asking.

In regards to being upset; I'm aware I'll get over it. There are billions of girls out there and I'm not going to get hung up on one. I just want to know if I made the right choice here.

[Tagus]

She did use you, but you kinda set yourself up for it. Live and learn, man, and don't beat yourself up over it. Just make sure if she comes back around to think twice before you spend any money on her, because bitches will do that shit for a nice dinner.... and if it's over for good and you've got nothing to lose, grab that Playstation and change the locks!

[Franzer]

simply put, nobody needs a friend. She's says let's just be friends, you say, i have enough friends, and gtfo. Sad part is, she'll feel bad about herself thinking she sucks, and fuck you later

[Jefe]

Eh, the chick was taking advantage and you were too stupid and didn't see it. The best thing you can do is move on and forget about your shit. At least you learned something, right..?