Any tips for living with roommates?

[Cyn]

Make sure if your roomate ever gets super powers; he makes you his sidekick.

Speaking from personal experience?

[Hyan]

Second roommate is messy as hell, I constantly have to remind him to clean up the living room, wash his dishes etc.

Maybe it's just because I don't care, but why is it so annoying? Me and my roommate keep our dishes etc in a place where they don't bother us if we're doing food or shit (or at least can be moved easily), that should be enough imo. Also if you're going somewhere for longer than few days to take care of the dishes before you leave.

What is especially annoying is he'll use my kitchen things and not wash them, so when I want to make something and the dish I need is dirty I have to wash it or do something else, it's extremely inconvenient and inconsiderate on his part.

Yeah but that sucks big time. He shouldn't automatically assume that he can use your stuff, at least the first few times. Would think it's common sense to wash other people's shit if you use them.

I guess I'm just lucky to have a considerate (although messy) roommate.

[LiquidFriend]

The real solution to small issues like dish problems is to make your roommates look like complete assholes without looking like a douche yourself.


When I had dish problems with 3 roommates, I came up with a very simple solution:

I need a dish, I grab a dirty one, wash it, use it, and put it back where I found it, dirty.

This way there's no arguing that I've always done my share of the dishes, and the big pile of dirty ones in the kitchen is entirely their fault/responsibility. (obviously doesn't work if dirty dishes bother you)

This is an awesome idea until bugs start invading your place. Then, not so awesome.

If you have a dishwasher, dirty dishes are fucking easy to deal with as long as everyone understands the concept of rinsing right when they are done using whatever.

When I had a roommate, she was a complete neat freak. In return for keeping everything spotless, I covered more of the overall expenses. Worked out very well.

[Maguspk]

If you have a dishwasher, dirty dishes are fucking easy to deal with as long as everyone understands the concept of rinsing right when they are done using whatever.

Jesus, this.

I don't know why the concept of rinsing stuff off is so difficult, it literally takes 2 seconds of time and saves you minutes of having to scrub shit off a dish hours after it's been in the sink. I mean you literally just put it in the sink and turn on the faucet for 2 seconds and you're good. Current roommate still doesn't do this often, rarely will he rinse, and then he puts dishes with shit on them into the dishwasher, when they come out with shit still on them he's confused like, 'Why didn't the magical dishwasher make the dishes spotless? herpderp' Some people just lack common sense and/or are used to someone always cleaning up after them.

It's cool though, because as you have roommates you slowly start to realize all the little things that are deal breakers for you and when you get another roommate you can select for those deal breakers.

[Astarael]

don't forget rules based on time travel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0qDy0T5WXM

[Venga]

Try to be tolerant even when they're being dicks. Everyone has their off days and may just need space.

As long as you tidy up after yourself you can always try and enforce that rule on others seeing as it wont be your shit.

[Sylvrdragon]

I've had the same roommate for ~5 years (moved out once and then back due to employment issues). If I could start fresh, I would cause this place is a perpetual mess. Despite the sub-par living conditions though, we get along pretty well. We typically leave each others food alone and we have a loose system with taking turns with a few of the chores that we actually manage to do.

There are two ways to keep your place clean while getting along with your roommate. Either you clean up after yourself in every single thing you do so that you always know that it's your roommate's mess left behind, or you establish an agreement on how to split chores up or take turns. If you or your roommate are the "Those dishes aren't mine, so I'm not doing them" type, then the first method will work out better.

Of course, in my case, my roommate and I were already friends before I moved in and we've maintained a ton of similar interests for years. We also tend to think and act alike in more than a few ways. If you're moving in with someone you don't know very well, then I suggest you keep it formal and look out for yourself (keep shit locked, etc).

[Osede]

Well, I think if OP end up find out the new roommate just a douche that lazy to wash dishes, then he can understand why parents always scream at children to do the housework lol

But really, usually the dishes are the main problem in between house/roommate, instead of the party and noise. Besides that, OP may want to check the internet rule. Just make sure that if both of you using the torrent and emule or other p2p program, then you may want to agree on what is the maximum upload bandwidth for each people. Trust me, sometimes some people does not know that the slow internet is due to the p2p program, instead of something wierd in the modem and router. Especially when they are using ppstream or xunlei those kind of china p2p software which took alots of bandwitdh away

[Vigilia]

I've house/flat-shared for several years during and after college, it's not really as scary or painful as people make it out to be. True, there are the occasional flatmates from hell but those are incredibly rare and I've never personally ran into one nor has anyone I've ever heard of. It's very much like others already said: accept that you will not end up being best friends and don't even strive for that. Treat your flatmate with a courtesy and respect like you would for example a co-worker and try keep a work-like professional attitude.

Lay out the ground rules as early on as possible: how bills are dealt with, how often should bathroom/kitchen/other shared areas be cleaned, what stuff is ok to share and what's not. Even little things like kitchen utensils can be a big deal to some people, it's always better to ask first or just stick to using your own things. I would recommend you never share food or food shopping, because that can get messy fast and it'll cause unwanted friction when you had planned on a pizza that night only to come home and find out the pizza you bought has been demolished... plus it would be incredibly rare you find a flatmate with exactly the same eating habits as yourself. Both do your own food shopping and have your own designated cupboards and so forth for it.

And yeah.. remember that not everything needs to be even steven split, some people utterly hate having to clean up and will let you get off some bills if you agree to do that bit of extra work. While others only detest one type of chore and you can get them to do extra stuff otherwise if you do the one thing they hate. I had a flatmate once who hated bathroom cleaning so in a trade-off he kept everything else clean while I kept only the bathroom tidy, he even vacuumed and dusted my room every week.

[Ksandra]

Another way to deal with the dishes thing is to hire a maid.

No joke.

I have a friend who has a roommate, and they hired a maid to come 2x a week. I think they pay her $180 a month. (they split the cost obviously). She comes in, does the dishes, vacuums, takes out the trash, etc. for about 3 hours each time.

In my head it's a waste of money, but if you have two people who are lazy as fuck, it might end up being worth it rather than dealing with the fights. XD

[shaddix]

Roommates are all horrible.

I agree with this, fuck roommates.

[Francisco]

I should be an expert on this by now.

Three years ago I moved in with a friend. Then we moved and added another friend. Then we added the first friend's cousin, then she left due to being piss ass broke, and we added the friend's girlfriend. Then we moved again and added a fifth person (!) - which lasted about a year - and now we're back to four. At one point we were at 1 fridge, 1 bathroom, 5 people, but we made it work.

Here's my advice.

- Know your roommates work schedule. If you know he needs to be at work by 9am, don't hop in the shower at 7:45 and take your sweet ass time when you know your roommate gets in there at 7:50.

- Don't share food. Feel free to offer food to your roommates if your feeling generous, but don't go by a "whoever buys it, buys it" and "whoever eats it, eats it" approach... you'll find yourself pissed off when you grab the "unopened" carton of OJ and only have enough left for a quarter of a glass. Also, don't eat food that isn't yours.

- Take turns on shit like toilet paper, trash bags, paper towels and cleaning supplies.

- Respect your roommate's stuff and space. Don't "borrow" their shit without permission. Don't go in their room or in their stuff without asking and them being there.

- Don't be a cock block.

- Pay bills on time.

- Lock the door when you leave the house (one of my roommates got his shit jacked because of this).

- Remove any hair from drains, tubs and sinks. Rinse your used toothpaste from the sink. Flush. Don't leave food on your plate when you put it in the sink. Don't dump liquids in the garbage. Wipe the stove, table and counter tops if you make a mess of them.

A good rule to go by is: your room is your personal space. Same goes for your roommates. If you are in your room and your door is closed, you should not be able to hear their TV/Music/phone conversations/sexual acts...

[Siniroth]

Don't sleep with any of them, if you get any that aren't your gender.

Seriously.

Don't.

Edit: Or are, for that matter.

[Korremar]

A couple of comments on things already pointed out:

As mentioned, set all rules for everything even remotely important right from the start. Write them down on a document and all parties involved sign it. Don't ever be passive-aggressive. If there's a problem, bring it up right away. If you're going to have your own room in an apartment, get a door lock. If not, get a small locker for valuables/documents/etc. Use security screws on your PC. Lock up your drugs. Truecrypt your drives and set a bios password. Get headphones.

These are all key points. When I moved into where I am now, with two other people who are in a relationship together (or, were, they aren't anymore) we wrote up and signed a household constitution of sorts. It outlines all the rules of the place, and it makes things way easier.

Securing your things is a huge deal. I moved in with two people I explicitly trust, as I'd known them for quite some time beforehand and one is my best friend, so it's not such a big deal here, but unless you know for an absolute, 100% fact that you can leave your nice things laying around without them being taken, don't do it.

Best advice I can give from personal experience: if your roommates ever do anything that you take exception to, bring it up right away in a civilized manner rather than keeping quiet about it til you can't take it anymore and flippin shit over it.

This is also a huge one. Don't be a passive-aggressive douche. I was when I started out, and the house became a fucking wreck and I almost exploded about it. Things are a lot nicer now that we've talked everything out.

Try to be tolerant even when they're being dicks. Everyone has their off days and may just need space.

This. Everyone does have bad days, this includes you. Sometimes a bunch of shit goes wrong in a day, and I can't work up the drive to do anything besides making some food and then hiding in my room for the rest of the evening. Don't jump down someone's throat for shirking a chore every once in a while.

- Know your roommates work schedule. If you know he needs to be at work by 9am, don't hop in the shower at 7:45 and take your sweet ass time when you know your roommate gets in there at 7:50.

- Respect your roommate's stuff and space. Don't "borrow" their shit without permission. Don't go in their room or in their stuff without asking and them being there.

- Don't be a cock block.

- Pay bills on time.

- Lock the door when you leave the house (one of my roommates got his shit jacked because of this).

- Remove any hair from drains, tubs and sinks. Rinse your used toothpaste from the sink. Flush. Don't leave food on your plate when you put it in the sink. Don't dump liquids in the garbage. Wipe the stove, table and counter tops if you make a mess of them.

All of these are correct.

Scheduling: There's been a couple of times where I wake up early to go actually do shit with my morning instead of sleeping until whenever, and I'll make it known several times when I need to leave and when I am waking up. When my roommate decides to take a shit and I'm locked out of the bathroom for 20 minutes, it's pretty fucking irritating. We have a board on the fridge now that has all of our assorted "this is my time for this" stuff on it. It's also nice to set up a laundry schedule; that is to say hypothetically on Monday you have priority on the washer/dryer, so without asking first to make sure it's alright, nobody else can do laundry that day.

Borrowing: I don't so much mind it since I'm living with my best friend and another friend, but we still out of courtesy ask before we use anything that doesn't belong to us. Some people are really touchy about brushes/combs, shampoo, and especially things like computers. If there are things that are absolutely off-limits that you think a roommate may use without thinking, make it known.

Cock Blocking: We have a special section in the house contract just for this sort of thing. Rules for having "company" over. (Not that we don't have rules for traditional company.) Lay down serious ground rules. Make a code for "Hey man, we need the room, do you mind stepping out for a bit?" if you have to. My roommates have fucked in the same room as me because I honestly don't mind it, and they don't really care, so if that's the case, it's whatever. But in traditional cases, like I'd imagine you are in, rules are pretty important.

Bills: More important then all the rest, if you don't pay your share of the bills, then you don't have a place to live. With that said, if any emergencies should happen, have something set up beforehand. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a couple months of bill money set aside, myself included. If you or your prospective roommate have car issues, lose a job, or get injured, try to work things out ahead of time. Sometimes things come up and someone's a little short on the rent one month. It isn't the end of the world, if it's something that's expected and you have things put in place beforehand.

Locking The Door: My roommates are awful about this. Make sure each one of you has a key, and there's no excuse. Depending on whether you're staying in a house, apartment, or whatever, keep a key somewhere else inconspicuous if possible. Also included in this sort of thing, lights. We always leave a light on when we leave, so the place looks occupied. One person fucking up can cost everyone, so make sure everybody's on the same page as far as security things go.

Cleaning: Clean up after your damned self. I have, without exaggeration, removed two days worth of mess from my roommate's habits at one point. Included were THIRTEEN cups, a box of cereal, an entire pack of applesauce cups, a jar of cashews, four plates and two bowls with food on them, and a huge handful of assorted candy wrappers, plus miscellaneous silverware, along with coats/shoes/what-have-you strewn about the floor. This doesn't include any of the dishes in the sink. I went off. Nobody wants to live in those sorts of conditions, and nobody enjoys being someone's cleaning bitch/mother. It's just common courtesy. If your roommate/s don't do the same, get on them about it. Badger them about it when they don't fix it.

- Don't share food. Feel free to offer food to your roommates if your feeling generous, but don't go by a "whoever buys it, buys it" and "whoever eats it, eats it" approach... you'll find yourself pissed off when you grab the "unopened" carton of OJ and only have enough left for a quarter of a glass. Also, don't eat food that isn't yours.

I feel there is a caveat to this, to an extent. We share the food responsibilities, so unless we specifically lay claim to something, generally by paying out of pocket for it instead of out of our communal food fund, all the food's free reign for whomever. Keep it within reason, though, if you do this; don't be a greedy bastard. Many people find it easier to just buy things separately. If you do that, don't eat something that isn't yours unless you wanna find your food eaten in reciprocation.

Don't sleep with any of them, if you get any that aren't your gender.

Seriously.

Don't.

Edit: Or are, for that matter.

This will complicate matters tremendously. My two roommates are mid-breakup. One is fine with it. One is not. He's constantly mopey and depressed and unless I get on him about things he doesn't clean up dick. Starting a relationship with your roommates is ugly, more often then not. It sounds cold, but statistically speaking, you're gonna end up breaking up, and it's gonna get awkward. Just don't do it. Fuck someone outside the place, if you're with them long-term and want to get a place together, awesome, but getting into a relationship with people you're ALREADY living with is just as bad, if not worse, then moving in with someone right after you meet them.

Basically, to sum everything up:

Set rules. Be thorough with them, make sure everyone understands and agrees with them. Clean up after yourself. Be courteous, but don't let your roommate/s take advantage of you or walk all over you. Overall, just be a decent roommate yourself, and things'll usually work themselves out.

[Woozie]

Don't do this:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20091030.gif

[Locarb]

Roomates suck and if you can avoid them, do it.