BG Real Life advice

[Darkdreamer]

Eagle I just saw on the evening news that they are opening an abortion clinic in Germantown, go make an appointment.

[Clerix]

Don't get an abortion. The baby has nails!

[Ksandra]

I'm really just not getting the last sentence at all. I understand your doom and gloom comment and I agree that I'm being harsh as hell, but nearly the entire first half of this thread consisted of people playing nice but instead of the OP looking at his situation and seeing that he wasn't capable of raising a child, he was actually empowered by people's job and insurance advice. OP should not be bringing a child into this world, and he needs to know that.

Your second sentence is a bit awkward too, but it's not super important? So it's not a big deal.

The last sentence means people are attacking the op for making a poor choice, but people are getting to act so over emotional about it they are no longer speaking with a logical head, just saying whatever will attack the OP.

And I don't think the OP is getting empowered from bg advice, probably more from advice he's getting irl. People have been pretty brutal in the thread so I doubt he'd listen much.

[Eaglestrike]

Actually, after reading the first 25-30 posts in this thread I said to my girlfriend "I think we should reconsider abortion." But hey, assume what you want.

Ksandra's right and for the most part I'm skimming or skipping the "doom and gloom" posts. Negativity isn't helpful for someone who has done nothing with their life in years and has a big responsibility coming up. Positive thinking and support is the only thing that's going to do me any good, no point listening to the hating. I am certainly listening to some people saying the same thing as those hateful ones, like Archi, and Komm Seusser Todd. I wasn't going to give abortion any thought at all before this thread. But it is a serious consideration, at least to me. Not sure if it is for her yet. The nausea is starting to get really bad, so she might get her mind changed a bit by it all.

[Airenn]

I'm well aware of what I'm getting into with a Fibro girlfriend. The first week of dating it was non-stop Fibro information. We have practically lived together since we started dating as well, it was an instant connection, "love at first sight" type things. I often fall hard, but this was completely different. The whole sex/I can do anything speech was just because that's what most guys "value" in a relationship at this stage/on this forum.

Fibro isn't new to her, and she believes that the baby could be just what she needs to really start recovering/getting through it because the baby is so much more important than her aching. This may be an idealistic view, but it's not something impossible. There are plenty of women on Fibro that can still handle full time jobs. Normally these women already had the jobs/work experience before they were hit by it, which made that easier. But still, she has the potential to be there and not be completely worthless all the time. She can mostly take care of herself already, get food, wash clothes, general housework, etc. She just takes advantage of me doing all that for her and sleeps some more to feel better.

I know it's going to be hard, and won't be easy. But I'm looking for another answer than abortion. She's maybe 10% on abortion, I'm teetering between 0 and 33% (I really don't like it morally, but I realize it's the "easy" and rational option). I'm looking for a way to get my stuff together, fast. Like I did say earlier, I have a way to get us support most likely through my parents, or our friends, etc. So we should be fine on having a roof over our heads (for free if need be) and apparently the government can take care of a lot of clothes/food, so just a good part-time job may be enough to get us through the early years, allowing me to be around, and then I'll move to full-time after a bit to help later on. Yes, this is an idealistic view, but I'd rather go with positive thinking than continually think about the bad, just read the latest xkcd for a bit of an explanation why.

Second question that many probably want to know: How long have you been dating?

Also, I'm fairly certain people aren't saying abortion is the easy option and that's the reason you should take it...

We/They are saying it because it's the correct one. "Rational" whatever.

[Airenn]

OP, shut the fuck up.

Wow, everything I wrote in this entire thread alone was right here.


My bad guys.

[Airenn]

. Oh and the fact that the OP is totally ok with the chance that his child could develop fibro as well.

The postpartum depression, what negative effect pregnancy could have on fibro, plus chance of fibro for the child itself all chalks up to abortion being the better choice over adoption.

Fuck, this disease/problem (I really don't know much about it outside this thread) can be genetic?

Oh dear god... Maybe in a stable relationship (i.e naayaa?) I'd consider having a child but this situation is so beyond wrong.

I like how at least half of the most angry responses to this thread completely forget that the entire purpose of this thread was finding a job to support this whole situation.

I don't talk in certain terms if I'm not 100% on something, and there's almost nothing I am certain on about anything right now, whether it be abortion, adoption, keeping it, what jobs I can get, how much aid I'll be getting from government or friends. It's just over 24 hours since I found out about this, how the fuck can I figure everything out right away?

How many people berating me actually have kids?

We told you the best answer and you either ignore or it or won't give a good reason for it: Military.
There is no good-paying, part-time job that you don't actually have to work hard in to support yourselves. Someone should suggest this to that Myth Busters TV Show.

Do we have to have kids to berate you? Fuck no. It's probably because we DON'T have kids that we know we need to berate you. I'm 25-- I may be out of the house, with a job, but I'm still not mentally ready/financially ready to have a child. (Much less no one to have one with, but moving on.)

[Airenn]

Last post, sorry I was catching up:

I wish I could "follow" this dude's life after this post. See what the decision was. If kid: See how out it pans out. 1 month mark, 3, 6, 9, 1yr, 2yr, etc. Do they stay together? How does the mom fare during and after pregnancy? Etc.

Just you know... Out of curiosity.

[Obev]

Just you know... Out of curiosity.

I'd call it schadenfreude, but hey, tomayto tomahto.

[Dantrag]

We told you the best answer and you either ignore or it or won't give a good reason for it: Military.
There is no good-paying, part-time job that you don't actually have to work hard in to support yourselves.

This, give us an answer about the military please.

Last post, sorry I was catching up:

I wish I could "follow" this dude's life after this post. See what the decision was. If kid: See how out it pans out. 1 month mark, 3, 6, 9, 1yr, 2yr, etc. Do they stay together? How does the mom fare during and after pregnancy? Etc.

Just you know... Out of curiosity.

Reality BG-TV?

[Airenn]

I'd call it schadenfreude, but hey, tomayto tomahto.

I dislike tomatoes, but I fucking loved Avenue-Q.

This, give us an answer about the military please.



Reality BG-TV?

Oh man, for some threads it'd be so worth it. Like that girl-problem thread with the clingy bitch but the OP seems to blame, too? I wanna see what happens there. Fucking popcorn ready.

[Darkdreamer]

I just wrote out a long ass post but then I went back and re-read all of this dumb fuck's posts and I just don't have it in me anymore. You really are nothing more than a naive child that has no idea how anything in this world works. You're no better than some dumb fuck Justin Beiber cock sucking teenager that thinks they know everything but in reality don't know shit beyond the bubble of a life you're obviously living in. Either that or you're completely and utterly full of shit and just trolling everyone.

[Archain]

Have you though about the Coast Guard?

The other services would probably deploy you.

[Lucki]

If the OP plans on keeping it, he should invest in the BabyBox

[Ksandra]

Fuck, this disease/problem (I really don't know much about it outside this thread) can be genetic?

When eagle first mentioned the fibro in the thread I went to look up some shit 'cause I was worried for both the girlfriend and the baby.

There are conflicting results on the pain she'll experience. A study said it makes it worse, but doctors who have treated pregnant fibros have insisted that most of their patients have positive results.

anyway in the studies all the babies have come out perfectly normal and healthy, and so far (that I saw anyway) there's nothing to suggest it's genetic.

[kuronosan]

Fibro can be genetic if it's the result of a mutation. It's a condition, not a disease that someone contracts. It's caused by the absence of some protein which can be due to a genetic anomaly or acquired defect (much like folate deficiency causes pernicious anemia, but anemia can be hereditary or acquired).

In the case of many diseases like Fibro, it's because of an excess or deficiency in hormones/proteins/neurotransmitters.

I would imagine there's some risk involved in the baby developing Fibro but it's probably minute at best, and the risk factor is literally cut in half if it's a male.

I think there's more danger involved in her condition being a liability with them trying to take care of the child and not so much with the child being at risk. I'm more concerned for the mother as she sleeps all day.

[Valisk]

Have the baby
Sell it on Craigslist
Use the money to buy future MMOs
???
Profit

[TheTaru]

More like:

Abort the fetus
Use the stem cells to cure fibrogirl
Get a T.V. show about your lives
???
Kill yourself/Profit

[Seraph]

I have to take a moment to address something Ksandra said earlier in this thread.

She made mention about the fact that baby showers do not generally include the men in the whole situation and that the friends and family of the mother attending will always give an acceptable level of good and useful gifts to the mother-to-be.

My step sister had a baby last year. She and the boyfriend were in a similar situation in that neither of them had a real job, they were both broke, and they assumed that 3rd parties would pick up the slack for them. They too thought that they would get tons of gifts from their baby shower and invited all of their broke friends and relatives who mostly do not have stable jobs and can barely support themselves.

Guess what? They barely got anything aside from their parents (specifically a crib and a car seat). Oh boy! A few clothes, useless crap like cute little "It's a boy!" shit, and some diapers. The real gift they got? The parents watch the kid for them occasionally (because they threw both their asses out of both houses since it wasn't the grandparents responsibility to raise this child) so they can both work terrible jobs to barely get by. They live paycheck to paycheck and it will be a solid 10+ years until their finances are solid enough for them to do anything beyond survive. That isn't even an option here since I doubt the OPs girlfriend can work.

It's all well and good to assume that the altruism of your friends and family will help you out, but if most of the people you know are fucking broke (and guess what, this economy is making that a reality for many people, and the OP even said he came from the most wealthy family he knows) they are not going to shower you with gifts. They will offer moral support, but honestly, it might be better if they offered you nothing at all because then it might light a fire under your ass instead of you holding out assuming you will be helped by others and just let the situation get worse and worse.

You have to assume there is a real chance that either his or her parents will kick them out, or disown them. That isn't gloom and doom, it is how the real fucking world works. And guess what? Shit just got real for this kid 24 hours ago.

Do not fuck this guy by continuously feeding him unrealistic hope. The only person he can count on for sure is himself, and possibly his girlfriend, for what that is worth. Most of the people he knows are going to be just as useful to him as the people on these forums. A word of encouragement, a quick "keep at it!" and then forgotten. Who is going to remember this thread next month after the holidays? Give the man some advice he can actually use.

I am not going to tell the OP what decision he should make, but he needs to be realistic when he makes the decision with his girlfriend. Even suggesting he make this decision before he tells both sets of parents is insane, because the parents will likely be the only hope this couple ever has of keeping the child, assuming they don't either get an abortion, or give the kid up for adoption. The fact that the OP is scared of bringing it up to them shows he is afraid of the consequences (and there are going to be real consequences), or desperately tied to his parents finances.

Go to the doctor. Find out if the pregnancy is real. Assuming it is, tell all the parents, and once you see what their response is, take some time, and make a responsible choice. Your friends opinions don't mean shit.

[Byrthnoth]

I have to take a moment to address something Ksandra said earlier in this thread.

She made mention about the fact that baby showers do not generally include the men in the whole situation and that the friends and family of the mother attending will always give an acceptable level of good and useful gifts to the mother-to-be.

My step sister had a baby last year. She and the boyfriend were in a similar situation in that neither of them had a real job, they were both broke, and they assumed that 3rd parties would pick up the slack for them. They too thought that they would get tons of gifts from their baby shower and invited all of their broke friends and relatives who mostly do not have stable jobs and can barely support themselves.

Guess what? They barely got anything aside from their parents (specifically a crib and a car seat). Oh boy! A few clothes, useless crap like cute little "It's a boy!" shit, and some diapers. The real gift they got? The parents watch the kid for them occasionally (because they threw both their asses out of both houses since it wasn't the grandparents responsibility to raise this child) so they can both work terrible jobs to barely get by. They live paycheck to paycheck and it will be a solid 10+ years until their finances are solid enough for them to do anything beyond survive. That isn't even an option here since I doubt the OPs girlfriend can work.

It's all well and good to assume that the altruism of your friends and family will help you out, but if most of the people you know are fucking broke (and guess what, this economy is making that a reality for many people, and the OP even said he came from the most wealthy family he knows) they are not going to shower you with gifts. They will offer moral support, but honestly, it might be better if they offered you nothing at all because then it might light a fire under your ass instead of you holding out assuming you will be helped by others and just let the situation get worse and worse.

You have to assume there is a real chance that either his or her parents will kick them out, or disown them. That isn't gloom and doom, it is how the real fucking world works. And guess what? Shit just got real for this kid 24 hours ago.

Do not fuck this guy by continuously feeding him unrealistic hope. The only person he can count on for sure is himself, and possibly his girlfriend, for what that is worth. Most of the people he knows are going to be just as useful to him as the people on these forums. A word of encouragement, a quick "keep at it!" and then forgotten. Who is going to remember this thread next month after the holidays? Give the man some advice he can actually use.

I am not going to tell the OP what decision he should make, but he needs to be realistic when he makes the decision with his girlfriend. Even suggesting he make this decision before he tells both sets of parents is insane, because the parents will likely be the only hope this couple ever has of keeping the child, assuming they don't either get an abortion, or give the kid up for adoption. The fact that the OP is scared of bringing it up to them shows he is afraid of the consequences (and there are going to be real consequences), or desperately tied to his parents finances.

Go to the doctor. Find out if the pregnancy is real. Assuming it is, tell all the parents, and once you see what their response is, take some time, and make a responsible choice. Your friends opinions don't mean shit.

My bullshit meter is silent when directed at this post. Consider it carefully, because this is how shit works.