BG Real Life advice

[Eaglestrike]

Where did I ever say I was afraid to tell my family? My mother was told as soon as I had it confirmed by a doctor.

[Ksandra]

Where did I ever say I was afraid to tell my family? My mother was told as soon as I had it confirmed by a doctor.

Because they want to berate you into the ground in any way they can without taking a breather.


Again I am not trying to give the OP "false hope" or some shit, I just think you guys are going over the top and it makes your credibility way lower. If the op and gf decide to keep it, that's their decision not yours. It's good to show him the reality of the situation, but that doesn't mean you can't offer help/advice afterward even if he doesn't make the decision you wanted. Don't forget, as some mentioned this is not solely the OPs choice, and from what I can see his gf doesn't post here so she has no reason to listen to you guys.

As to the baby clothes, it's just clothes, no need to get upset if I've had different experiences with the situation that are "positive". It doesn't resolve everything else he has to pay for it, but god damn have you people never been to a yard sale before?

My family was never poor, but my parents are obsessed with getting "good buys" on shit (think because my dad will forever be stuck in Egypt in his head), Every weekend we used to go yard saling and it was fairly often we went to ones that had tons of baby shit that people were trying to get rid of.

If you end up keeping it, definitely start doing this on saturdays (you'll probably have to wait until the winter is over though, they tend to be much more popular in the spring/summer.) Don't be afraid/embarrassed/whatever to find used shit out there because lets face it, whatever baby wore it probably wore it 2/3 times max. You can also end up finding cribs n' shit for cheap too. Just bring cash and remember you can haggle like a mother fucker.

[Seraph]

Because they want to berate you into the ground in any way they can without taking a breather.


Again I am not trying to give the OP "false hope" or some shit, I just think you guys are going over the top and it makes your credibility way lower. If the op and gf decide to keep it, that's their decision not yours. It's good to show him the reality of the situation, but that doesn't mean you can't offer help/advice afterward even if he doesn't make the decision you wanted. Don't forget, as some mentioned this is not solely the OPs choice, and from what I can see his gf doesn't post here so she has no reason to listen to you guys.

As to the baby clothes, it's just clothes, no need to get upset if I've had different experiences with the situation that are "positive". It doesn't resolve everything else he has to pay for it, but god damn have you people never been to a yard sale before?

My family was never poor, but my parents are obsessed with getting "good buys" on shit (think because my dad will forever be stuck in Egypt in his head), Every weekend we used to go yard saling and it was fairly often we went to ones that had tons of baby shit that people were trying to get rid of.

If you end up keeping it, definitely start doing this on saturdays (you'll probably have to wait until the winter is over though, they tend to be much more popular in the spring/summer.) Don't be afraid/embarrassed/whatever to find used shit out there because lets face it, whatever baby wore it probably wore it 2/3 times max. You can also end up finding cribs n' shit for cheap too. Just bring cash and remember you can haggle like a mother fucker.

I've seen it happen first hand, so I generally wouldn't question my creditability on the subject. Also, he is going to have tons of time to pick through garbage let alone yard sales during the day given the hours he is going to need to be working to support a baby, and all that extra money to burn on gas too. Do they even have a car? Does he even have money for gas? Part of this whole problem is because he didn't have money for condoms. Don't assume he has the money to even buy second hand clothes at this point. I assume he has some form of transportation even if it is not his own given that they were able to get to the doctors office, but the levels of in this thread is somewhat depressing and honestly somewhat frustrating. It is so hard to recover financially when you are at the bottom, and I am not talking about government handouts either.

You have to stop giving him the impression that shit will definitely be alright. I know you want to comfort the guy, but I saw so many people do this to my step sister and have it just make her drag her ass because it gives the impression you are going to help them when you are going to do nothing. Giving him the "positive mental attitude" speech only does so much unless he actually takes action. That no-show baby shower was the best thing to happen to my step sister, because she realized she had to take charge (and her boyfriend realized it too).

Mind you, your advice is not bad advice, I just think is is foolish to dismiss those who are giving far more cautious advice. Call it berating if you want to, it is quite dismissive of people who have lived a similar situation and/or watched family go through it. With that said, it seems like the OP has some hope since he is beginning to man up apparently. He doesn't have to go buy a bullet and rent a gun because he gets so depressed reading my realistic advice. I would rather he start planning for the worst and be pleasantly surprised if things do happen to go his way. First thing is first though, he has to get a job well before he is picking through yard sales. Baby steps, so to speak.

[Ksandra]

You have to stop giving him the impression that shit will definitely be alright.

holy crap read the whole thread dude, I've not been nice to him the whole thread, I just think at this point (12 pages later) no amount of bitching is going to change anything at this point.

THE ONLY positive thing I've talked about is the clothes, that's it. I've been trying to get him to join the military if he decides to keep it, but even I understand that's not my decision to make for them.

[Eaglestrike]

You're absolutely right Ksandra, I'm ignoring all the people going "Just kill the damn thing you retarded leech!" and not offering anything more than that. I have an idea of what things are going to be like, and nothing you say will really help me see the reality of the situation unless you've been there (because only then is your opinion actually credible). I am listening to the thoughtful opinions and advice people are giving me, and let me thank everyone for that. And no, I'm not surprised by the negative responses, I've been here a while, I knew what to expect. And I have gotten some positive responses that have made the post more than worth making.

As for the military, it is something I should consider. Being deployed would be terrible for my situation, though. And especially because I have a friend who is a veteran and has some terrible, terrible stories he'll very rarely tell about it (ex: Platoon gets to a mine field, leader goes "Ok, who doesn't have any family? You're going first.") If other things don't pan out decently, I'll have to go with that.

For the most part though, there's a 95% chance my mother will allow me to stay here and help take care of us financially if I'm at least putting forth some effort and working. She's fine on money and as long as I stay in her good graces, I'll get some support from her. But I need to be doing work on my own, and I don't want to feel like a leech while raising a kid, I wouldn't feel right doing that. Hence why I'm attempting to get a job and help support the child. My father also retires in a couple years and he and I may go around flipping houses for some extra money once he's done, so there's extra income potential down the road. And he's also fine on money himself.

The post is MOSTLY about finding a job so I don't feel like such a leech. I'd PREFER to not have to use WIC or the government at all, that's also against my morals. And so I am hoping to not have to go with that option and be able to afford things on my own, both for the kid and also myself/girlfriend. I've spent a few years being depressed about being a leech/failure, and it does me no good to think only about that, which is why I ignore people who talk like that. You're not helpful, I'm looking to do more with my life, and kicking someone while they're attempting to move up isn't going to help them.

Also, another good idea Ksandra, there should be tons of yard sales around my area as Frederick is basically a residential city for people that commute to DC/Baltimore, so shitton of people here, bet there's a ton of that to take advantage of.

Edit: And I have my own car, paid off. In good condition. I have a few hundred dollars in the bank, but that's it.

[archibaldcrane]

Thing is, you aren't attempting to move up. You think you are, but going from jobless and unattached to having an entry-level job (and even that is an "if"), a newborn baby, an 18+ year attachment to a disabled girlfriend, and financial dependence on your parents for the indefinite future is NOT a "move up".

Look, if you said "I'm banging my girl 5 times a day without protection" - that would be dumb.

Saying "we've only been together a few months, she's pregnant and we're keeping it" is dumber just in a strict "you don't know her well enough and your relationship hasn't stood the test of time" way.

Then saying "btw I'm unemployed and have limited job prospects" makes it even dumber.

And saying "and my pregnant girlfriend is also unemployed and unemployable because of a debilitating illness that will even limit her ability to participate in raising the baby" and this becomes the dumbest situation of all.

You need a do-over, and you've got about 45 days to get another shot at this.

If you don't, you'll be taking a monumental step backwards.

And the sad but unsurprising thing is, you don't even realize it.

[aurik]

See, the appropriate response here would be to say "yes we're going to get an abortion/adoption". Because that's the rational thing to do in your position. Anything else is WRONG.

Also I'd be hesitant to go the adoption route because honestly this girl has your balls in a total vice grip for the next 20 years if she changes her mind. (Well, she does already have that power over you, you might have just gotten yourself stuck supporting a charity case, gj2u!)

[Melena]

In some cases, you may have to swallow your pride or go against your morals. Once that baby pops out, it's all about him/her, not you or your wife. Too many times i've seen people who were eligible for wic/foodstamps to help with the child and refused to and caused the baby to suffer in the process. Also the military can take a bit of time to get in, set a cut off date where you absolutely must be married by and begin the process so you can begin basic shortly after the child is born. As people stated, you will have to be married before you can join since you have a child. If need be go to the county court's/civil office and pay the $100 dollars and have two friends come as witnesses just to make sure it's done.

[nyaraa]

I have an idea of what things are going to be like, and nothing you say will really help me see the reality of the situation unless you've been there (because only then is your opinion actually credible).

Is anyone else really bothered by that statement? I mean, you do have to be careful of anecdotal evidence, telephone game/erodes over time/ppl exaggerating to make a point/etc, especially if its the whole, friend of a friend story. But really, ppl cant look at their close friends/family/extended family, see what happened to them and make an intelligent, informed opinion based on that experience?

People cant take stock of the current economy and their own hardships finding a job to make an reasonable prediction that the op will most likely have trouble finding a decent paying job that could support a family (and thus warn him of the very real possibility that finding a job is hard and can take forever)?

OK guys, i guess we can stop posting in this thread now. Because if you haven't personally be jobless with a preggo gf that can't work (and potentially cant take care of the kid), then your opinion on the matter isn't credible and therefore worthless. Learning from other ppls mistakes is a myth~

[Ksandra]

Is anyone else really bothered by that statement? I mean, you do have to be careful of anecdotal evidence, telephone game/erodes over time/ppl exaggerating to make a point/etc, especially if its the whole, friend of a friend story. But really, ppl cant look at their close friends/family/extended family, see what happened to them and make an intelligent, informed opinion based on that experience?

While I see what you're saying, when it comes to people on the internet he's kinda right. He doesn't know any of us at all, so I would think it's smart to take everything with a grain of salt.

Not to say he shouldn't listen, but he has a right to be more critical here of advice than perhaps someone he's know for 10+ years. Having someone that's actually been through it at least gives him some common ground when it comes to anonymity.


As to stop posting in the thread, this thread has been offtopic essentially from the start because he never asked for advice about what to do with the kid, but how to get a job.

[BerenTebogo]

OK guys, i guess we can stop posting in this thread now. Because if you haven't personally be jobless with a preggo gf that can't work (and potentially cant take care of the kid), then your opinion on the matter isn't credible and therefore worthless. Learning from other ppls mistakes is a myth~

Honestly, my rage has slowly shifted to anticipation and glee. I'm now eagerly awaiting (although we'll never get any confirmation of it since nobody comes back in public and says "oh my god you guys were right, my life is horrible! KILL ME!") the slow disintegration and total ruination of this jackasses life.

I mean, as aurik said, anything but abortion/adoption is just wrong, and means that his life as he knows it is over and, hopefully, will end up drinking himself to death within a decade.

Darwinism is overused around here, but when this faggot fails to achieve anything in the amount of time he manages to survive in this world, when he drags down the lives of those not intelligent enough to cut ties for him, and dooms the girl and the kid to a life of misery, we may not be able to directly say, "I told you so," but we'll have a damn funny anecdote to tell people who fuck up and WILL listen.

Thanks for being the bottom of the barrel, guy. Now I can point to your example and say, "see this? Don't do this, it's fucking retarded." for almost any dumb decision my friends may make.

[Ksandra]

Thanks for being the bottom of the barrel, guy.

come on now lets be serious. There are plenty of altwight threads out there, OP cannot be the bottom of the barrel.

[Callisto]

I don't want to be the guy who comes out and says all of GD is the bottom of the barrel, but, well...

edit: Except the hockey thread, of course.

[BerenTebogo]

come on now lets be serious. There are plenty of altwight threads out there, OP cannot be the bottom of the barrel.

He is until altwight reproduces.

[Jefe]

Well if you decide to keep the baby, know there are government services to help you out. For example, there's EOPS (Extended Opportunity Program & Services) if you want to still get an education. You are the type of folks I helped when I worked for the LACCD. If your lady can't take care of the kid, the government offers child development centres. They take care of them while you guys get shit done, assuming your lady can do anything. If not you're gonna have to step up and do most of all the shit that needs to be done.

What I'd recommend is to get into one of those programs (there are many) and try to get an AA/AS degree, a trade, so you can get a job in 2 years or less. The government backs you up while you do this. Last, colleges have employment centres too, they help you find jobs. This is hardly the end of the world for this guy lol. Yeah sure, the hand you were dealt is a shitty one but fuck it, at least give it a try. This guy ain't well informed.

Edit: I think the biggest success I've seen is this chick w/ 2 kids got her act together. Transfered to SC, graduated, and now is studying law @ Loyola... all by herself. I'm not saying this guy is gonna do all that, but most people from the program accomplished their shit, graduated, found jobs, etc.

[quannum]

As to stop posting in the thread, this thread has been offtopic essentially from the start because he never asked for advice about what to do with the kid, but how to get a job.

title of the thread is BG Real Life Advice, in which the OP says "hey whats the best way to ruin my life for the foreseeable future?"

everyone "don't ruin your life do X instead"

OP "save the doom and gloom posts, just tell me how to ruin my life"

[Valisk]

OP has 3 logical options.

1. Get an abortion.
2. Give the baby up for adoption.
3. Let Ksandra take care of it.

In all seriousness, depending on you, your girlfriend's and your family's "attachment" level, you could have the baby and assess how things go from now until it is 6 months to a year old. If it is too much to bare, give it up for adoption while it's still young enough for people to want to adopt. That can be super tough thought because people get attached to babies very easily and if you don't give it away as soon as you have it, you/your gf/your family may have an emotional attachment that will be near impossible to break. But it can do more harm to everyone involved if you try to take on a responsibilty that you aren't ready for, leading to a life of drugs, crime, abuse, and prostitution.

[Obev]

Edit: I think the biggest success I've seen is this chick w/ 2 kids got her act together. Transfered to SC, graduated, and now is studying law @ Loyola... all by herself. I'm not saying this guy is gonna do all that, but most people from the program accomplished their shit, graduated, found jobs, etc.

Stop encouraging him with the best case scenario. You have to plan for the worst. If this irresponsible waste of genetic material comes back and reads that he'll think "Sweet, get one kid and I sort my life out. Having another kid will make me a lawyer." Seriously, adopt or abort. Expect the worst.

[Cream Soda]

This is why you all should listen to the BossMack Topsoil

"If a bitch don't drink da babies, then she has GOT to go."

[tyven]

hey this thread is real long, i read the first page and i am anxious to know whether he has decided to kill the baby or join the military. can someone cliffs me plz?