BG Real Life advice

[gandorf]

I got a few questions for the op.

How old are you?

Do you still live at home?

Do you think your parents and her parents would help take care of the child?

Do you see a future with this girl and do you think she would be a good mother?

[BerenTebogo]

You make it sound like having a child is always a bad thing. It can be a good opportunity to mature and move on with your life.

That's not my intention, I am, however, implying that "man we didn't use birth control but we weren't trying to have a kid!" attitude is horrendously ignorant.

Not to mention that banking the advent of maturity and rationality on the conception of another human being isn't really fair towards the life that may get completely fucked up as a result, as has been said many times already. World is full of kids who are irreparably fucked up because people didn't rise to the occasion when shit hit the fan.

[brisk]

Sath just gave me a good-hearted laugh in the university library with half the room peering at me. Shits true and real.

[Kazen]

Get a CDL and apply at gas stations, etc; that's what my dad did when he lost his factory job due to the place closing down. Gas stations usually offer 50k/year because of Hazmat pay, and you'll be home every day.

[Fodder]

Adoption?

[Franzer]

well this thread really took a fuck turn from when i posted before lunch

[Kaylia]

That's not my intention, I am, however, implying that "man we didn't use birth control but we weren't trying to have a kid!" attitude is horrendously ignorant.

Not to mention that banking the advent of maturity and rationality on the conception of another human being isn't really fair towards the life that may get completely fucked up as a result, as has been said many times already. World is full of kids who are irreparably fucked up because people didn't rise to the occasion when shit hit the fan.

It's only ignorant if you are not planning to assume the consequence of your act. You really don't need much to raise a kid properly, especially if you're willing to make a few sacrifices yourself. Sure, he won't have two ps3 every christmas, he won't have the best clothes in his class, but to say his life will be completely fucked up because you don't have much money is not true.

My parent were pretty young when they had me (17 years old), and we had no money. Fast forward 27 years, and all of us are completing (or have) master degree or phd, make lot of money (except me!), and we are all doing fine in life. I'm giving my family as an example because what might look grim to you is really not that bad....as long parents make an effort of course.


Eaglestrike knew there was a risk, but that risk is still not entirely bad. I see it more as a leap of faith toward something that might be unpleasant at first, but could lead to something rewarding in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years.

[BerenTebogo]

It's only ignorant if you are not planning to assume the consequence of your act. You really don't need much to raise a kid properly, especially if you're willing to make a few sacrifices yourself. Sure, he won't have two ps3 every christmas, he won't have the best clothes in his class, but to say his life will be completely fucked up because you don't have much money is not true.

My parent were pretty young when they had me (17 years old), and we had no money. Fast forward 27 years, and all of us are completing (or have) master degree or phd, make lot of money (except me!), and we are all doing fine in life. I'm giving my family as an example because what might look grim to you is really not that bad....as long parents make an effort of course.


Eaglestrike knew there was a risk, but that risk is still not entirely bad. I see it more as a leap of faith toward something that might be unpleasant at first, but could lead to something rewarding in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years.

I can assure you, almost 100%, that if we start pulling out childhood stories on this board your happy tale will be in the VAST minority amongst similar circumstances.

Basically, what you're saying is that because your parents stepped up, the tens of millions of parents in the United States in literally identical situations who HAVEN'T stepped up are completely inconsequential. Yes, it can be a really good opportunity, but it's not fair to the potential kid for parents to bet against the house.

That's the textbook definition of irresponsibility.

[Ksandra]

Have to side with sath on this one, but not as viscous.


There are too many kids out there who's parents got preggo on accident, and even with good intentions couldn't give a good decent life to the kid.


Simply put, if you don't want/aren't prepared for kids then you need to take all precautions that are possible. I hate the pull out method for 2 reasons, 1 obviously it doesn't work 2 it just seems irresponsible that the couple couldn't be bothered with a condom/pill.

[BerenTebogo]

Have to side with sath on this one, but not as viscous.


There are too many kids out there who's parents got preggo on accident, and even with good intentions couldn't give a good decent life to the kid.


Simply put, if you don't want/aren't prepared for kids then you need to take all precautions that are possible. I hate the pull out method for 2 reasons, 1 obviously it doesn't work 2 it just seems irresponsible that the couple couldn't be bothered with a condom/pill.

vis·cous/ˈviskəs/
Adjective: Having a thick, sticky consistency between solid and liquid; having a high viscosity

Best thread-appropriate Freudian slip ever.

[Max™]

Wow, yeah, that is a pretty fantastic coincidence.

I was about to mention the main upside of pulling out: trying to score points, navel is 1, nipples are 3, eyes are 5, nose is 8, mouth is 10.

[Kaylia]

I can assure you, almost 100%, that if we start pulling out childhood stories on this board your happy tale will be in the VAST minority amongst similar circumstances.

Basically, what you're saying is that because your parents stepped up, the tens of millions of parents in the United States in literally identical situations who HAVEN'T stepped up are completely inconsequential. Yes, it can be a really good opportunity, but it's not fair to the potential kid for parents to bet against the house.

That's the textbook definition of irresponsibility.

A vast majority of the population are ignorant selfish fuck, I will give you that. However, the odd of this happening isn't small if the parents are actually trying.

I don't have to look far to find more example of family that might have appeared to be dysfunctional at first, but ended up producing decents kids. It's way more common than you imply.

[edit]
Not to mention all the rich family that produced terrible kids. Just because you're set financially doesn't mean you will give your kid a proper environment.

There are too many kids out there who's parents got preggo on accident, and even with good intentions couldn't give a good decent life to the kid.

Define "decent life"?

What people call "decent life" these days is a life of luxury. Getting your kid 3 meals a day, and a proper education until they are old enough to take care of themselves isn't a feat.

[archibaldcrane]

Eaglestrike, c'mon man.

You've gotta go with either abortion or adoption here (and you'd better really fucking trust your girlfriend if you're going to try adoption...ugh - although is fibromyalgia hereditary at all?)

Don't use a living, breathing baby as your wake-up call. Use this "oh shit wow I'm retarded and I'd better get my shit together both in sex practices and my dead-end life, I mean fuck I just had to take my girlfriend to get an abortion" as your wake-up call.

Kill this fetus, get your shit together, and if your relationship survives and a few years from now you want to get married, have kids, and you're financially in a good position to do so, then rock on.

[Eaglestrike]

Fibro increases chances of family members to get it, but isn't a sure thing. My family has no fibro backround so maybe that gene would not get passed on.

I'm heavily leaning towards adoption at the moment, she seems to be rethinking to abortion though, so those certainly seem to be the direction of things.

[archibaldcrane]

Even if you are both white (confirmed?) your white newborn baby on the open market with Fibro genes isn't exactly a slam dunk for a great home.

It sucks to have to get an abortion...but this is a pretty damn good reason to do it.

[Eaglestrike]

That's true, but looking at parentprofiles.com and there's a couple that seems to be fairly open/kinda desperate for a kid. They're rich and everything to support it. They look perfect, which is why I'm kinda into that. And Fibro doesn't typically hit until 20's/30's. Reasonable there's a cure/better fix for it by then.

[Cream Soda]

Reasonable there's a cure/better fix for it by then.

Whatever you have to say to make yourself feel better, I guess.

The fact is regardless, it has a chance to be passed on

[archibaldcrane]

That's true, but looking at parentprofiles.com and there's a couple that seems to be fairly open/kinda desperate for a kid. They're rich and everything to support it. They look perfect, which is why I'm kinda into that. And Fibro doesn't typically hit until 20's/30's. Reasonable there's a cure/better fix for it by then.

It's just a ton of risk.

Biggest risk is that your girlfriend will back out of her decision to put the baby up for adoption either after abortion isn't an option or right after it's born. Then beyond that there's the risk of not finding a good family because of fibro, etc. etc.

If she's leaning abortion...just don't get in her way. Support her, be there for her in this tough decision, but don't get in her way.

Are you both white?

[Miragemaiden]

but sath is right. you're fucking stupid for not having birth control if you are having sex and dont want kids.

To be fair, the OP never actually said he didn't want kids. As was clarified earlier, he's looking for financial advice.

Employment opportunities are still in the low, but if you keep chuggin' along you're sure to find something in the blue collar field. Try stating to the employer your ambition to move up in the company (or in general)--might show more enthusiasm for the position, giving you a one-up over the rest.

[nyaraa]

Omg, she has fibromyalgia.... I would seriously talk to her about getting it aborted. I have fibromyalgia, have had it for about 5 years...Not only is it expensive as fuck, adding the cost of a kid will put a lot of stress on you, especially if she cant work. And fibro has a nasty habit of getting a lot worse before it starts to get(slowly) better. After 5 years I'm finally able to start looking for a easy, low stress, lowkey job (and good luck finding one of those -.-).

A good way to describe fibro is it feels like I'm as sensitive or more sensitive then a pregnant women plus adding pain to the equation( never have been, only going on stories) I would hate to think about how being pregnant would make the fibro worse...Most of the ppl with fibro i know have gotten it after they have had their kids, so i have no knowledge on how it would effect a pregnancy, but i cant image it would be good.

and another thing, if fibro is hereditary... would you really want to risk passing it down to a child? Not only is it a horrible condition, its a condition that some doctors don't even think it exists ( we are just whiners blah blah blah) and the market is just beginning ( in the last few years) to put out medication for it ( new med's are uber expensive). And unlike alot of other life ruining conditions... with fibro, ppl cant understand why you cant do what normal ppl can do. They see a normal person, totally forget or cant even imagine what its like to have full body pain, for every minute of every day of every year. Cant understand why you cant pick up and carry 10~20 lbs of whatever, why you need help with so many basic everyday things, why you don't have the stamina that a normal fat couch potato has. I don't even remember whats it like to have a normal life, I'm living a life of limitations now. Constantly thinking "can i do this? will it be too much?". Oh and It's nearly impossible to get disability with fibro too.

If she wont go with abortion, then seriously push for putting the kid up for adoption. And pray to whatever god you believe in that the pregnancy doesn't make her fibro worse. If your really serious about staying with her, regardless if you keep the kid or not, you will still have to get a job and provide for her because it will be years before she might be able to do it herself. And i don't recall reading if she has insurance or not. If she doesn't she will need to get it, pregnancy or no pregnancy, its important. If i would of gotten insurance right away, i might of knocked off a year of being totally helpless. As it stands now, I'm able to do what a arthritic 65 year old grandma that uses a foot brace and had back surgery recently is capable of doing. And that is with biweekly aqua aerobics, monthly chiropractic and massage, and being constantly drugged up.

Oh and the whole fibro and sex thing, it was a good 2-3 years before i could actually enjoy sex, the pain was too distracting for me. nowadays i have to be really horny to be able to ignore the pain enough to have sex... it sucks.