BG Real Life advice

[Alvein]

Putting the baby up for adoption is another option.

[kuronosan]

You haven't even told your parents yet have you?

That's probably the first fucking step right there. The second is definitely considering abortion.

People need to realize that you can't just have a kid if you fuck up if you're not ready for it. Kids should be planned, always. Not, I fucked up, I'll have it anyway. Kids life gonna suck, yours is gonna suck.

I'm not trying to be mean like other posters, but *seriously* consider it. Even married people who don't plan for kids still have troubles, and you guys are nowhere even near that level yet, as you make it seem.

Blanket statements like your 3rd mini-paragraph there are just fucking retarded. Not every kid's life was ruined by unplanned pregnancy. I wasn't planned, and neither were a number of good people I know. We turned out fine.

If you want to give good advice, quit making him feel like he's making a mistake keeping it around and not being ready for this or that. Most people who are parents weren't fucking ready to be parents. My brother was born when my mother was 17 and he has two master's degrees and a steady, very good job.

This nature vs. nurture shit is getting real annoying.

[Airenn]

Aight, I won't say "suck"

It's going to be hard. Fucking bitch hard. Your mental state isn't there. Kids not going to have what you could provide -- You're not going to have what you normally have any more.

Don't get me wrong-- By what I am saying I shoulda been aborted. Mom 17, etc. But had I been planned like my sister was once my mom settled down, real job, married with an actual man? My life growing up probably would have been better.

And my mom's would have been a ton easier. Her stories is what kept me away from having a kid so early.

No, not every unplanned kid is this way, no, but from OPs posts alone "outlook not good" The girl has physical conditions? Mental? (I missed what it was) He has no "drive" for work, not much background, steadiness, no insurance on either parts (if I read that right), I don't even know how young they are, how long they've been together, I don't even think the family knows-- He came to a video game forum FIRST...

Not trying to make him feel bad, trying to make him THINK. Even going through the pregnancy alone (if they decided to give it up for adoption as an alternative) is going to be hell. Expensive. Possibly problematic (if she has some condition or whatever.)

As a note: If you do consider the adoption route-- I think whomever is getting the kids pays the fees? I am not sure on that. All I saw was that movie Juno>.>

[aduidarnenye]

How old is the OP? Is he a screw up 17 year old kid with very few options, or is he a screw up 27 year old who has basically lives a slacker lifestyle but could straighten himself out if he tried?

If he's only 17 I would also advocate abortion for the girlfriend. But if he's closer to 27 and they both want the baby and are willing to accept responsibility and actually work to turn their lives around then I would support them keeping the baby.

He came to a video game forum FIRST...

I hate to say it, but when I come across an interesting or perplexing issue in real life my first thoughts are often "I should ask BG" This is a nice place to anonymously toss out shit to relatively intelligent individuals who have enough of a scope of interests and experience to come up with a decent reply.

[Dantrag]

So it seems some of my closer friends are supporting a "keep it" option, saying you can get lots of support for the baby to get clothes/food and you'll feel bad with abortion or adoption in the long run (which I know we would on some level).

Your friends are idiots. Are they going to be there to support the baby? Their opinion means jack shit in this situation. There isn't enough support to give a kid a happy life without being somewhat financially stable, which you are not. From reading all your post in this thread it sounds like you're not willing to step up and do the right thing if you do end up keeping the baby. You'll regret keeping the kid more than not if you don't have the money. If you keep it, again, get a real job. I've said it a million times now, military is going to be the best option for the situation you're in.

[kuronosan]

Eagle it's still lingering in all of our minds... how old are you and your girlfriend? Everyone is kind of right that this is pretty important to know.

[NiggaFromHarlem]

So it seems some of my closer friends are supporting a "keep it" option.

I think it would be a selfish decision to "keep it" only for the sake of soothing your future conscience. If you actually care about the future child, take a moment to think of the years of hardship which it could possibly endure because of your decision to "keep it."

It may be tough to hear, but it might be the case that not existing is better for the child than being raised in poverty and hardship by you and your girlfriend.

Why do you think abortion is morally wrong?

[kuronosan]

I think it would be a selfish decision to "keep it" only for the sake of soothing your future conscience. If you actually care about the future child, take a moment to think of the years of hardship which it could possibly endure because of your decision to "keep it."

It may be tough to hear, but it might be the case that not existing is better for the child than being raised in poverty and hardship by you and your girlfriend.

Why do you think abortion is morally wrong?

I agree with your first statement, but there are plenty of families who grow up in poverty that churn out fantastic people. It's more about the parents and less about how much you can turn out in weekly income. Poverty is subjective, unless we're talking "No food and water and baby reuses diapers" poor.

I'm not sure about the OP, but I only consider abortion morally wrong because it shuns responsibility for one's actions and often results in one of two outcomes - complete deterrence from ever doing something so stupid again, or, shunning of responsibility because you can "always just get an abortion".

Abortion should not be a crutch. It should be a last resort. There are plenty of people who can't have children at all and want them, and are prime candidates for adoption. Having an abortion in cases where the mother is perfectly healthy and can carry the child to term is just flat out selfish.

[NiggaFromHarlem]

I agree with your first statement, but there are plenty of families who grow up in poverty that churn out fantastic people. It's more about the parents and less about how much you can turn out in weekly income. Poverty is subjective, unless we're talking "No food and water and baby reuses diapers" poor.

I'm not sure about the OP, but I only consider abortion morally wrong because it shuns responsibility for one's actions and often results in one of two outcomes - complete deterrence from ever doing something so stupid again, or, shunning of responsibility because you can "always just get an abortion".

Abortion should not be a crutch. It should be a last resort. There are plenty of people who can't have children at all and want them, and are prime candidates for adoption. Having an abortion in cases where the mother is perfectly healthy and can carry the child to term is just flat out selfish.

There certainly are poor families who can churn out some great people, but it's simply a lot harder to do because of the circumstances. Consider the fact that the OP plans on being the main caretaker (and will presumably be working as well, if he can actually find a decent enough job), has no education, bad work history, and his only demonstrated skill seems to be playing MMOs. The idea that the OP could even possibly consider keeping the child reminds me of Octomom (in the sense that she's dangerously selfish).

http://freshtildeathonline.com/wp-co...m-pregnant.jpg

As for adoption, it's not a horrible idea. The problem is that often the result is a roll of the dice (just watch Juno, etc.)-- you never know exactly what could be the end result.

[eunhye]

OP sounds very childish. I hate supporting people like this who are irresponsible.

[Meresgi]

You make it sound like having a child is always a bad thing. It can be a good opportunity to mature and move on with your life.

Not if you don't have a job, no education and can't provide for the child at all. That's like all the trailer trash pumping out kids to up their welfare scorecards. It does nothing but fill the world with more bodies that provide nothing.


If you're honestly looking to mature through the birth of a child, you are stupid as all hell. That's a huge responsibility and if you have not matured before hand why the hell do you think you will suddenly now.

[Amelya]

It says in his profile that he's 25.

Honestly by this age if you've never worked a solid job and have no higher education to speak of, bringing a baby into the equation isn't a very smart idea. Have you ever lived on your own or even lived with your girlfriend? Payed for your own bills, rent, clothing, food, gas, car payment? I'm guessing not.

Things may seem perfect right now with your girl, but I can pretty much guarantee things are going to get ugly at some point. You really think you're going to get up multiple times in the night to feed/change the baby, get up early and work all day, then come home and do it all over again while your girl sits on the couch playing games? Are you going to pay for daycare too if she can't take care of the baby? You did say you would be the primary caretaker.

And you do realize this "support" your friends are talking about is welfare.

Of course you'll feel bad about abortion or adoption, but this isn't about your feelings, it's about a life that you're responsible for.

[Ksandra]

There certainly are poor families who can churn out some great people, but it's simply a lot harder to do because of the circumstances. Consider the fact that the OP plans on being the main caretaker (and will presumably be working as well, if he can actually find a decent enough job), has no education, bad work history, and his only demonstrated skill seems to be playing MMOs. The idea that the OP could even possibly consider keeping the child reminds me of Octomom (in the sense that she's dangerously selfish).

http://freshtildeathonline.com/wp-co...m-pregnant.jpg

As for adoption, it's not a horrible idea. The problem is that often the result is a roll of the dice (just watch Juno, etc.)-- you never know exactly what could be the end result.

The Op's situation is absolutely nothing like the octomom's situation. If anything mentioning her just shows even planned pregnancies can be just as fucked up as unplanned ones.

I'll go ahead and repeat how others are repeating. If you don't want to abort, that's fine, if you end up wanting to keep it join. the. military.

On one hand, you say you want to provide for the kid, but when it's brought up you don't want to do it. Joining the military will be the best bet for both the child and your girlfriend if you decide to keep it.

All the people complaining the child will have a terrible life, probably won't happen if you join. You will end up with a steady job, be able to go to college, have health insurance, have housing, etc. It's not all bells and whistles, obviously, but it is a great option.

[Eaglestrike]

I'm 25 yes, she's 28. I've worked a few jobs before, but none at a pay rate to really work. I can do the work, but since it's been a while, my work history is crap (aside from a few temp jobs it's been nothing for a few years and I'm not sure how good temp jobs look). I've done office work to construction to retail, I can do the work, the issue is finding and landing the job, which is what this post was originally about.

I only came here "first" because I needed to go to the doctors to confirm the pregnancy first. I can always come back to a forum and go "lulz, wasn't actually pregnant" with no issue, can't exactly tell parents/friends/etc. and then later on just laugh it off. Ok, I guess I could, but they wouldn't like it so much.

I am amazed at all the people that think money is the key to having a good child though. I'm pretty much from the richest family of all my friends, and my girlfriends friends, and arguably had the worst childhood. My ex-fiancee had an amazing life and they had severe money issues, it was 2002 and their only vehicles were from the 80's, 200-300k miles each, breaking down all the time, etc. and she had damn near the most perfect home life I've ever heard/seen. I was intimidated by how well their entire family got along and cared for each other, because that for damn sure wasn't what my family life was like. It seems fairly easy for people to forget that you need to love your child too if you can throw gifts at them. If you're poor, all you can do is smother a child with love, so they get something from that.

I'm a plenty capable human being, I'm genius levels of intelligence, but I had my work ethic broken during middle school, so I've been wasted potential ever since then. But over the last few months my work ethic has been improving and my desire to work has increased dramatically, even moreso with this recent turn of events. The issue is that I have the lazy slacker backround and nothing to show for it and need to get things in line pronto.

And yeah about the whole "genuis but didn't use birth control?" we used condoms for a while, but once you get to doing it 5x a day, condoms are expensive. We were going to head to get her on the pill but some 3rd party drama happened and we didn't end up going just yet. Then this came along. I'm not saying I'm not at fault or anything, it was totally my fault, but I didn't completely ignore things.

[aurik]

u dum.

To think, my tax dollars go to support people like you.

[aduidarnenye]

I'm 25 yes, she's 28. I've worked a few jobs before, but none at a pay rate to really work. I can do the work, but since it's been a while, my work history is crap (aside from a few temp jobs it's been nothing for a few years and I'm not sure how good temp jobs look). I've done office work to construction to retail, I can do the work, the issue is finding and landing the job, which is what this post was originally about.

I only came here "first" because I needed to go to the doctors to confirm the pregnancy first. I can always come back to a forum and go "lulz, wasn't actually pregnant" with no issue, can't exactly tell parents/friends/etc. and then later on just laugh it off. Ok, I guess I could, but they wouldn't like it so much.

I am amazed at all the people that think money is the key to having a good child though. I'm pretty much from the richest family of all my friends, and my girlfriends friends, and arguably had the worst childhood. My ex-fiancee had an amazing life and they had severe money issues, it was 2002 and their only vehicles were from the 80's, 200-300k miles each, breaking down all the time, etc. and she had damn near the most perfect home life I've ever heard/seen. I was intimidated by how well their entire family got along and cared for each other, because that for damn sure wasn't what my family life was like. It seems fairly easy for people to forget that you need to love your child too if you can throw gifts at them. If you're poor, all you can do is smother a child with love, so they get something from that.

I'm a plenty capable human being, I'm genius levels of intelligence, but I had my work ethic broken during middle school, so I've been wasted potential ever since then. But over the last few months my work ethic has been improving and my desire to work has increased dramatically, even moreso with this recent turn of events. The issue is that I have the lazy slacker backround and nothing to show for it and need to get things in line pronto.

And yeah about the whole "genuis but didn't use birth control?" we used condoms for a while, but once you get to doing it 5x a day, condoms are expensive. We were going to head to get her on the pill but some 3rd party drama happened and we didn't end up going just yet. Then this came along. I'm not saying I'm not at fault or anything, it was totally my fault, but I didn't completely ignore things.

I think you should probably seriously consider looking into getting an abortion. You're a total mess, dude.

[Moss]

fibromyalgiafuck 5x a day and doesnt afraid of anything

[kuronosan]

I'm 25 yes, she's 28. I've worked a few jobs before, but none at a pay rate to really work. I can do the work, but since it's been a while, my work history is crap (aside from a few temp jobs it's been nothing for a few years and I'm not sure how good temp jobs look). I've done office work to construction to retail, I can do the work, the issue is finding and landing the job, which is what this post was originally about.

You really need to get your act together dude.

I am amazed at all the people that think money is the key to having a good child though. I'm pretty much from the richest family of all my friends, and my girlfriends friends, and arguably had the worst childhood. My ex-fiancee had an amazing life and they had severe money issues, it was 2002 and their only vehicles were from the 80's, 200-300k miles each, breaking down all the time, etc. and she had damn near the most perfect home life I've ever heard/seen. I was intimidated by how well their entire family got along and cared for each other, because that for damn sure wasn't what my family life was like. It seems fairly easy for people to forget that you need to love your child too if you can throw gifts at them. If you're poor, all you can do is smother a child with love, so they get something from that.

Money really isn't the key to having a child. Money is the key to keeping a roof over your head and food in their mouth. If you can't provide either, you shouldn't be keeping a child around; abortion or adoption are the most attractive option.

I'm a plenty capable human being, I'm genius levels of intelligence, but I had my work ethic broken during middle school, so I've been wasted potential ever since then. But over the last few months my work ethic has been improving and my desire to work has increased dramatically, even moreso with this recent turn of events. The issue is that I have the lazy slacker backround and nothing to show for it and need to get things in line pronto.

You're 25 and your work ethic was broken in middle school? Dude, that was like 12 years ago. Come on now. This should be your wake-up call, whether you have the child or not, that you need to get moving with your life. Especially so, as your girl is 28.

And yeah about the whole "genuis but didn't use birth control?" we used condoms for a while, but once you get to doing it 5x a day, condoms are expensive. We were going to head to get her on the pill but some 3rd party drama happened and we didn't end up going just yet. Then this came along. I'm not saying I'm not at fault or anything, it was totally my fault, but I didn't completely ignore things.

People do stupid things, and honestly saying condoms are expensive is a poor excuse for not using them. Durex costs $12 for a box of 24, and if you're doing it 5x a day you're either full of crap or you need to cut back on that lifestyle and have some self-control. You have nobody to blame but yourself, and you already know this to be true.

I mean, come on. She has fibromyalgia and she's 28. 5x a day, man? Is she on morphine or does she just grit it to get some cock? You guys are both textbook irresponsible adults, and I hate to say that because you really seem like you're trying to rise to the occasion here.

You cannot continue with irresponsible behavior and neglecting priorities in favor of personal desires if you're going to raise a child.

After reading this, your best option is to man up within 5-6 months or put the baby up for adoption (if you're not aborting, which given her age and condition may do more harm than good unless you do it soon).

You should not be 25 years old with an older woman and not be capable of taking care of a child or making critical decisions. My idea goes with those who say join the military. You're young enough to get back in shape and pass a physical.

[Vandole]

And yeah about the whole "genuis but didn't use birth control?" we used condoms for a while, but once you get to doing it 5x a day, condoms are expensive. We were going to head to get her on the pill but some 3rd party drama happened and we didn't end up going just yet. Then this came along. I'm not saying I'm not at fault or anything, it was totally my fault, but I didn't completely ignore things.

Fuck off. condoms dont seem expensive compared to this MASSIVE fuck up you have achieved.

Spoiler: show

condoms are retarded cheap online, and free at planned parenthood.

Spoiler: show

darwinism

[Meresgi]

And yeah about the whole "genuis but didn't use birth control?" we used condoms for a while, but once you get to doing it 5x a day, condoms are expensive.

Maybe you should have had a job, they arnt expensive at all. How much is a kid going to cost you? You can stop fucking for a few days till you can safely do it, you're just an idiot.

Also 5 times a day? I call bullshit on that. and planned parenthood gives condoms out for free last time I checked.