Opinions on a lady situation

[takethistoyourgrave]

This one is pretty obvious.

Hit it.
Take pics.
Drop it like it's hot.
Pics to BG.

Win.

[Denchi]

Ha, yeah I hear you. I think the problem is that I generally don't get involved or "entangled" with people like this. I tend to surround myself with reasonable people and things like this don't come up, or if there is a problem, it's easy to talk about. This caught me by surprise because she really has no reason to like me, or any reason to want to spend all her time with me. But, for some reason, here she is. I'm being weary about it because yeah, part of me is a bitch and I hate confrontation, and the other part is she's just so fucking awkward I don't know how I would bring it up. That why I feel like an email would be best.

@Moss: She's cute, I thought maybe I'd get my dick wet. My male parts were taking over thought processes for a little while.

[Callisto]

That why I feel like an email would be best.

There is pretty much not a single universe in any dimension of existence where this would be a correct statement. Enjoy your future stalker, lol.

[Denchi]

There is pretty much not a single universe in any dimension of existence where this would be a correct statement. Enjoy your future stalker, lol.

God dammit!

Fine fine, I get it. I'm a bitch, I put myself in this situation, I'll get myself out of it. Thanks for all the replies, guess there's not a "nice guy" solution to everything.

Although.......anyone interested in a cute girl who's a little awkward but smart? $50 to take her off my hands. Lives in Minnesota, willing to move, no checks.

[aurik]

Good god, I don't understand this at all.

If you didn't like her, wasn't particularly interested in spending time with her, and had no chemistry, why the ever-loving fuck were you spending time with her?


How the fuck is lying being nice? I want to punch every passive beta-male bitch in the face, I cannot fucking stand this shit. And now you want advice on how to disentangle yourself from the situation you've pretty much okayed all the way through by giving her the time of day?

You've mentioned this isn't a hugely emotional situation, which is good, but it illustrates a pattern of thinking and behavior which is frankly disgusting. You do no one, most especially yourself, any service by being dishonest. Your entire post is one big "I think not telling the truth is nice", when it isn't. You've known the entire time what you felt, just like you've known how to deal with the situation ("Word, looks like I do have to draw the line"), which tells me that you're not only lazy, you're a coward.

And yes, I'm using punchy words to make a point, but that point is that you need to seriously, seriously look at how you're approaching situations.

http://www.bluegartr.com/customavata...ar33606_11.gif

This is the correct answer.

[Gekii]

what a silly topic, you big silly

[Moss]

@Moss: She's cute, I thought maybe I'd get my dick wet. My male parts were taking over thought processes for a little while.

Yeah I understand that, just struck me as odd that you guys kissed but didn't make out if you were only interested in her physically.

[kuronosan]

God dammit!

Fine fine, I get it. I'm a bitch, I put myself in this situation, I'll get myself out of it. Thanks for all the replies, guess there's not a "nice guy" solution to everything.

Although.......anyone interested in a cute girl who's a little awkward but smart? $50 to take her off my hands. Lives in Minnesota, willing to move, no checks.

Dude, you're a fucking dirtbag. I changed my mind and you lose your man card. Fuck her and enjoy the clinginess, you deserve what you get.

Stand the fuck up and tell her you're not interested and that you feel no chemistry. Be a fucking man and don't ever do this shit to someone else again. Whether she's psycho or not she deserves better than to be strung along by someone because they're too much of a coward to tell her what's real.

[Silviya]

This sounds eerily similar to a situation I was in during High School. As stated, she is an attention whore. She needs to feel connected to someone in order to feel happy. She'll try to slowly make you dependent on her the same way she is already dependent on you. It seems like you've already talked about your "relationship", but look at how that worked out. You said you wanted to be just friends and she suggested friends+. Then you kissed, now in her mind she's convinced you two are friends+. If you continue down to hang out with her and if you eventually sleep with her (which is her plan) she'll try to elevate the relationship into boyfriend/girlfriend.

Here is how you deal with it. Become very busy. Every time she calls you should already have something you were going to do. Work function, working out, guys night out, date, ect. This way you're not lying to her, you really do have something else going on.

She might try to invite herself along, or there will probably be group functions you want to attend. Be prepared for that. Sit at the other end of the table. Converse with the other people there on a topic she isn't familiar with (from your information this shouldn't be hard to do). It's passive aggressive, but so is what she's doing. If you're lucky she'll take the hint after a while (unlikely) or she'll get frustrated and attempt to set a up a "date" for sometime in the future. This is where you need to step up and tell her you're not interested in dating her. She'll say "it's not a date, I just want to see you" bla bla bla. Don't fall for it. If you meet up with her you're just prolonging it and giving her hope.

Basically, you're doing exactly what she was trying to do but in reverse. You're slowly detaching yourself from her. Of course, I only recommend this technique because you said you wanted to let her down slowly. As the others have stated the alternative is to just cut her lose. Like ripping off a band-aid.

The only other advise I have for you, is make sure your friends know the situation for what it truly is. If you've been hanging out with her a lot some of your friends (specifically the other girls in your circle of friends) might have preconceived ideas of what your relationship with her is/was. You're male friends should get it and will probably be willing to help you out (aka guys nights), but women tend to flock together when the feel like a man is intentionally hurting one of their own.

Good luck,

[aurik]

Just man up, tell her it's over, stop talking to her, don't take her calls. Anything else is doing everyone a disservice. If she really is attached, she needs to go through the detachment process (denial anger bargaining depression acceptance), best to get that started right away.

[Valisk]

You led her on pretty hard for you not to be interested. Woman are super emotional creatures by nature and even if there is no chemistry there, they will eventually start to develop feelings if you hang out as much as you described, especially 1 on 1. I have a friend who recently went through the same thing. Claiming he wasn't interested and him and this chick are just "workout partners" who occasionally hang out. I warned him that if you continue to give her attention, she's going to think there's more than meets the eye or she's going to get in in her head that "I can change his mind into dating me."

You, like my friend, brought any stalker/crazy/jealousy upon yourselves. If you're not interested in a chick then stop dedicating so much of your time to them. You're giving them a false sense of hope. If you're just trying to get your dick wet then fuckin do it. It's clear that she's into you and she already agreed that she doesn't want to date you although that is compromising chip that she plans to eliminate later on down the line. She's just trying to hook you first before she reels you in. So either cut ties with her and only hang out in a group setting or give her a "friends with benefits" option and knock her down.

[Darkdreamer]

What is with all the topics about grown ass men that can't act like a damn man. Grow a damn pair and tell her to fuck off. She's a damn nut job that probably has some daddy issues and will turn your bones into windchimes and shit. I get really tired of so many guys that want to play Mr. Nice Guy with random girls cause they don't want to hurt their feelings. Women want equality so give it to them. Guys don't do the nice guy crap with other guys don't do it with her. This girl obviously has issues by the way you're describing her and you're encouraging her crap with your actions. If she doesn't get a clue go find some random girl, sleep with her, video tape it, and send crazy ass the video. Bonus points if after you're done you go up to the camera and say "That was for you "crazy bitch's name", now leave me alone".

[isladar]

This girl obviously has issues by the way you're describing her

What issues? Her actions are perfectly fucking logical given the OPs. Oh wow, this guy seems really cool, we're hanging out a lot, going to movies, hey, we kissed! CLEARLY HE IS INTERESTED, BECAUSE HE'S GIVEN ME NO FUCKING INDICATION BY HIS ACTIONS THAT HE IS IN FACT, NOT INTERESTED IN ME AT ALL.

This girl may well be crazy, but that doesn't mean anything in the face of the OP being a fucking liar.

[edit] As per Valisk's "Woman are super emotional creatures by nature", that's cute, sweetheart. Looks to me as if the OP is being far more of a teenage girl than this chick is.

[Darkdreamer]

Constantly calling, getting pissed when she's not part of something he's doing, inviting herself to anything he's involved with that she wasn't originally planned for, bouncing from guy to guy in a circle of people.

All those send off red flags. Crazy bitch that will go all Fatal Attraction on your ass, maybe not, that may be slightly excessive in this case.

If there was ever a conversation of "hey we're dating now right?" then you're acknowledging the crazy actions as acceptable. But the only conversation I read was "let's be friends with benefits", which apparently only meant a kiss. Which of course again is him leading her on and accepting any and all crazy actions.

And yeah the OP has his own issues no doubt which goes back to the first 2 sentences of my post.

[Acturus]

What issues? Her actions are perfectly fucking logical given the OPs. Oh wow, this guy seems really cool, we're hanging out a lot, going to movies, hey, we kissed! CLEARLY HE IS INTERESTED, BECAUSE HE'S GIVEN ME NO FUCKING INDICATION BY HIS ACTIONS THAT HE IS IN FACT, NOT INTERESTED IN ME AT ALL.

This girl may well be crazy, but that doesn't mean anything in the face of the OP being a fucking liar.

[edit] As per Valisk's "Woman are super emotional creatures by nature", that's cute, sweetheart. Looks to me as if the OP is being far more of a teenage girl than this chick is.

Would it have been more appropriate if Valisk had said "women tend to qualify their relationships based on emotional and other indirect cues than by overt gestures and communication"?

I refer again to God's Debris:

Spoiler: show

“Hey, if you can teach me to get along with women, I
could sure use that.”
“I can tell you some things.”
“I’ll take whatever help I can get.”
“Women believe that men are, in a sense, defective versions
of women,” he began. “Men believe that women are
defective versions of men. Both genders are trapped in a
delusion that their personal viewpoints are universal. That
viewpoint—that each gender is a defective version of the
other—is the root of all misunderstandings.”
“How does that help me?” I asked.
“Women define themselves by their relationships and
men define themselves by whom they are helping. Women
believe value is created by sacrifice. If you are willing to give
up your favorite activities to be with her, she will trust you.
If being with her is too easy for you, she will not trust you.
You can accomplish your sacrifices symbolically at first, by
leaving work early to buy flowers, canceling your softball
game to make a date, that sort of thing.”
“Why does it seem like the rich and famous guys get all
the women?” I asked.
“Partly because the rich and famous are capable of making
larger sacrifices. The average man might be sacrificing a
night of television to be with a woman. The rich and famous
man could be sacrificing a week in Tahiti. There is much to
be said about the attraction of power and confidence exuded
by a rich and powerful man, but capacity for sacrifice is the
most important thing.”
“What do men value?” I asked.
“Men believe value is created by accomplishment, and
they have objectives for the women in their lives. If a
woman meets the objectives, he assumes she loves him. If
she fails to meet the objectives, he will assume she does not
love him. The man assumes that if the woman loved him she
would have tried harder and he always believes his objectives
for her are reasonable.”
“What objectives?”
“The objectives are different for each man. Men rarely
share these objectives because doing so is a recipe for disaster.
No woman would tolerate being given a set of goals.”
“So what should a guy do if the woman in his life
doesn’t meet these secret objectives? How can he get her to
change?”
“He can’t,” he replied. “People don’t change to meet
the objectives of other people. Men can be molded in small
ways—clothing and haircuts and manners—because those
things are not important to most men. Women can’t be
changed at all.”
“I’m not hearing anything helpful here.”
“The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find
someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is
futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone
who is capable of significant change; that sort of person
exists only in our imaginations.”

[isladar]

Would it have been more appropriate if Valisk had said "women tend to qualify their relationships based on emotional and other indirect cues than by overt gestures and communication"?

I think most men and women are equality inept at behaving like human beings, and that if you replaced "women" with "people" the statement would be accurate.

[Acturus]

I think most men and women are equality inept at behaving like human beings, and that if you replaced "women" with "people" the statement would be accurate.

Speaking as a people with a penis, I believe a people with a vagina is more inept than I am. It's because of their lack of a penis.

[Valisk]

I think most men and women are equality inept at behaving like human beings, and that if you replaced "women" with "people" the statement would be accurate.

Calm down woman! You're ovary-acting.

[BadKarma]

What issues? Her actions are perfectly fucking logical given the OPs. Oh wow, this guy seems really cool, we're hanging out a lot, going to movies, hey, we kissed! CLEARLY HE IS INTERESTED, BECAUSE HE'S GIVEN ME NO FUCKING INDICATION BY HIS ACTIONS THAT HE IS IN FACT, NOT INTERESTED IN ME AT ALL.

This girl may well be crazy, but that doesn't mean anything in the face of the OP being a fucking liar.

[edit] As per Valisk's "Woman are super emotional creatures by nature", that's cute, sweetheart. Looks to me as if the OP is being far more of a teenage girl than this chick is.

Ily Isladar.

[isladar]

Calm down woman! You're ovary-acting.

AUDREY KEEPS MAKING EMOTIONAL DECISIONS WITH HER EMOTIONAL LADY-PARTS, EMOTIONALLY

AM I ANGRY BECAUSE OF MY VAGINA, OR BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING RETARDED?

u moshunal

TRY ME, MOTHERFUCKERS