Opinions on a lady situation

[isladar]

There are definitely friends of mine, "Alpha Males," who would have handled it different, and some that did, which left this girl pretty hurt. That's not the only way to deal with it either, and maybe this girl is more messed up since guys keep throwing her to the side and being mean to her.

Just to clarify, the reason why I'm calling you a pussy bitch is because you somehow think you're "not being mean", when you are lying to her.

Why am I harping on this? Because liars and cowards fucking disgust me. You're looking for a nice, easy way to get out this situation and not 'be mean to her', when the reality is you're not trying to be nice, you're trying to weasel out of treating someone like a human being because you're too much of a coward to own up to how fucking weak you are. You want out of this situation? Tell her, in fucking detail, how much of a bitch you are, and how you didn't have the balls to be honest with her.

I really think shit like this is what can make interacting with people fucking poison. It's all these tiny, supposedly trivial little lies that come to define people.

You're not the nice guy, kiddo. You're the worst asshole of them all.

[isladar]

Not necessarily being an asshole.

But for discussion sake, what's so different that you, an alpha male, would do? Keep in mind hindsight is 20/20.

also, for clarification, I'm not calling you out hoping to catch you in a trap. I'm actually just curious what you're thinking of.

Sorry, didn't see this before I kept writing!

The misconception is that assertion and aggression mean the same thing, when they do not. A dominant personality (male or female) can be an asshole, but being an asshole does not equate to having a dominant personality. You're being an asshole by being passive.

As far as dominance/alpha personality in a masculine sense: Assertive, honest, kind, courteous, firm, principled. To be fair, I would say there's really no need to distinguish between a male or female in this regard. You've shown none of these characteristics.

[edit] also, lol at calling me an alpha male. But what would a quote-unquote alpha male done in a situation such as this? Honesty would have nipped it in the bud right way. Assertiveness would have made the situation perfectly clear. Kindness and courtesy would have made it gentle. Firmness would have allowed no question, no maybe, no kiss and we'll see. And principles would have made this never been an issue.

[Cyn]

Damn Isla, you got a story you wanna share with us or something?

[Seraph]

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=...1t:429,r:0,s:0"What we have here, is failure to communicate."

http://www.made2mentor.com/Images/CoolHandLuke.jpghttp://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=...1t:429,r:0,s:0

[isladar]

Damn Isla, you got a story you wanna share with us or something?

No, the circumstances as far as the OP are really irrelevant, it just infuriates me that literally every issue that I hear about either through friends for from here, comes down to peoples inability to be decent enough human beings to stand up for themselves; this kind of passive-aggressive behavior comes up in almost every situation, and it makes my fucking teeth itch.

[Callisto]

Damn Isla, you got a story you wanna share with us or something?

No, but there's at least 14 guys in the western Chicago suburbs who now attend the same support group for men who have been in an abusive relationship involving large boots to various parts of their bodies who might.

[oldoldman]

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._7779481_n.jpg
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._5109561_n.jpg

http://www.appliedhf.com/images/nike-swoosh.gif
Just do it.

[Denchi]

I don't disagree with you Isla. I got myself into a bad situation because I pretty much compromised on some of those things in hopes of having a fuck buddy. Even though I wasn't infatuated with this girl, I thought "Hey, my penis likes you, maybe you two can meet." I didn't think of being more clear with her because in my mind, we don't have much chemistry, so I thought the situation was pretty clear itself. Apparently standing around and making awkward conversation gets her juices flowing. She never showed much interest in me which is why that shit never came up. She eventually said she liked me, I told her no, I was clear.

But, you're right, there's definitely more I could have done as time progressed to resolve the issue, but the shallow part of me kept hoping to get some action. Now I'm here, and I only have myself to blame. You happy? I really doubt this girl is in love with me, I don't feel like I've blatantly lied to her about our situation, I think she just has unrealistic expectations that have only very recently become an issue. I agree with you and other people that I need to have a conversation, be clear, and put this behind me.


Edit: MobileMe is awesome

[isladar]

There's no such thing as "kind of lying", but whatever.

Do work, son.

[Cyn]

No, the circumstances as far as the OP are really irrelevant, it just infuriates me that literally every issue that I hear about either through friends for from here, comes down to peoples inability to be decent enough human beings to stand up for themselves; this kind of passive-aggressive behavior comes up in almost every situation, and it makes my fucking teeth itch.

So why are you just blindly raging on him though? The chick is doing the exact same shit he is. If they had a talk about it and he told her he was not interested in her romantically, and she agreed, then why is it so unreasonable for him to hang out with her having no intention of dating? I mean, clearly he should have put his foot down immediately when she told him she's interested in him, but it honestly sounds like she was just hanging out with him to pass the time and eventually decided to settle for him. Some of the things the OP has said make it sound like that's the conclusion he's come to as well.

And since when does hanging out with someone automatically mean that you're interested in dating them? I have female friends that are not very attractive but are great people and really fun to be around. Am I being an asshole if I go catch a movie or grab some dinner with them even if I've never shown any interest in them sexually? Come on.

[oldoldman]

There is no doubt that you could have gotten a lot more out of this situation. After you have your wonderful talk you should go see if a plastic surgeon can can get you some of those prosthetic testicles, yours appear to be missing.

[isladar]

So why are you just blindly raging on him though? The chick is doing the exact same shit he is. If they had a talk about it and he told her he was not interested in her romantically, and she agreed, then why is it so unreasonable for him to hang out with her having no intention of dating? I mean, clearly he should have put his foot down immediately when she told him she's interested in him, but it honestly sounds like she was just hanging out with him to pass the time and eventually decided to settle for him. Some of the things the OP has said make it sound like that's the conclusion he's come to as well.

Chick isn't posting here. Don't for a second think that I don't consider her a fucking retard as well. The OP posted, and given the information presented, I responded with lots of cussing, as that's my go-to response when presented with dumb. I think the chick is just as abominable, but the OP gave some indication of having a brain; I can't tell the chick personally all the fucking stupid that she's putting forth, but I could tell the OP. He sounds like he's going to be honest with himself / others now, and really, that's all he can be responsible for.

[aurik]

So why are you just blindly raging on him though? The chick is doing the exact same shit he is. If they had a talk about it and he told her he was not interested in her romantically, and she agreed, then why is it so unreasonable for him to hang out with her having no intention of dating? I mean, clearly he should have put his foot down immediately when she told him she's interested in him

I'm going to end the quote here because this makes the situation and any further fallout completely his fault.

"Gee this girl is interested in me and I didn't shoot her down and now she wants to hang out with me all the time and be friends+. That seems totally legit."

[Cyn]

Chick isn't posting here. Don't for a second think that I don't consider her a fucking retard as well. The OP posted, and given the information presented, I responded with lots of cussing, as that's my go-to response when presented with dumb. I think the chick is just as abominable, but the OP gave some indication of having a brain; I can't tell the chick personally all the fucking stupid that she's putting forth, but I could tell the OP. He sounds like he's going to be honest with himself / others now, and really, that's all he can be responsible for.

True enough.

[Callisto]

Chick isn't posting here. Don't for a second think that I don't consider her a fucking retard as well. The OP posted, and given the information presented, I responded with lots of cussing, as that's my go-to response when presented with dumb. I think the chick is just as abominable, but the OP gave some indication of having a brain; I can't tell the chick personally all the fucking stupid that she's putting forth, but I could tell the OP. He sounds like he's going to be honest with himself / others now, and really, that's all he can be responsible for.

I was kind of hoping she'd make an account and post here just so I could get Sath to come in and call her fat and complete the General thread checklist.

[isladar]

Shut up, shut up, now it won't happen

[Ikarys]

Both OP and this girl are lucky to have one another. It really says something about how much you appreciate this chick, to brag to BG about how much she likes you. Given the circumstances in your first post, you identify a real kernel of truth - that you tried hooking it up with other girls, went on with your life, but you still have time for her and she's willing to be patient with your problems committing. That kind of dedication is adorable, and I think this is the start of a good relationship. I wish you the best of luck.

[aurik]

^ gold

[Cyn]

Oh wow.

[Lucienne]

As far as dominance/alpha personality in a masculine sense: Assertive, honest, kind, courteous, firm, principled. To be fair, I would say there's really no need to distinguish between a male or female in this regard. You've shown none of these characteristics.

[edit] also, lol at calling me an alpha male. But what would a quote-unquote alpha male done in a situation such as this? Honesty would have nipped it in the bud right way. Assertiveness would have made the situation perfectly clear. Kindness and courtesy would have made it gentle. Firmness would have allowed no question, no maybe, no kiss and we'll see. And principles would have made this never been an issue.

I'm not sure what kind of fairytales your mother read for you when you were a kid, but you shouldn't repeat her mistakes if you ever happen to have a daughter, because they might end up believing men like that actually exist.

Not saying the OP isn't a piece of shit.