Cold Feet

[dejet]

9 years

cold feet

thats all that needs to be said. Move the hell on man, and dont look back. Your going to want to be with her after spending so much time with her(as is she). After the break up shes going to call you, your going to want to call her. Do not do it. End it if you cant work it out in like the week and get things back on track.

Edit: After you end it. dont stay friends. sounds harsh to lose a friend of such a long time. Its only going to get in the way.

[bigrougabagel]

Really though. The "wanting to work on things" seems to be the kicker there. The tendency for a long term relationship, even one that has seen as many breaks as yours, is that they tend to get stagnant. You get used to, and possibly annoyed as fuck at, mannerisms, thoughts, beliefs, and your interactions. So the wedding day is coming up and all she can think about is, "I want to stab him in the eye with a felt pen every time that fuck brushes his teeth and it makes that squeeky fucking sound" or whatever it is that she hates at that particular moment, likely something more serious, but it in her head it may get to the point where everything is needles on a chalk board. There are obviously things about the relationship she doesnt want, or cant stand to think of compromising on in order to make a marriage work. Sure you can work on things, if you even know what they are, because 9 years is a lot to walk away from. But like they've said, your decision has been made whether you know it or not. Keep reading though and talking with friends and family, something will give your id the spark it needs to decide.

[dejet]

She must have done something to bring this on as well. Overnight she is not going to change her mind. She cheat, found out you cheated, found a man she likes that makes her question you.

Something changed.

[Milkster]

You've been with her 9 years and she wants to postpone the wedding even longer. She doesn't want you anymore.

[Salodin]

Swamp I got a question, is this Jabuhda? It's been awhile so the spelling might be off, but it's pronounced that way any ways.

[dejet]

also is there a place i can get the saying

ha mais mares do que marinheiros

said phonetically? lol I so want to use that on a friend of mine.

[Rhinox]

Sorry to hear this swampy

[quannum]

my sympathies swamp, tough spot to be in i imagine. pretty sure you know the logical action to take, but damn thats rough.

brace for psychological warfare.

[Skyylya]

If she's going to go cold feet on you now with something so simple as a wedding...you don't want to be in a situation where you're really needing her and she isn't there for you. This is just a precurser to what the rest of your life will be. End it now and find someone better suited for you.

I don't want to see the thread in 4 years asking what you ought to do with the woman that won't do xyz when you had this kind of warning.

if she's not on board, you should get off board plain and simple.

[Salodin]

Something so simple as a wedding? lol...

[Woozie]

Wow, this sounds like such a rough situation. I hope things workout somehow.

I agree with people who say that if she suddenly feels the need to postpone after 9 years, you should end it. After hearing a bit of the story, I still think so.

On the other hand, I couldn't imagine breaking off with someone I've been with for 9 years. That's a lot of time to just throw away. And since you proposed to her, you clearly felt that she's someone worth spending the rest of your life with. I'd imagine that during any marriage, there will be some incredibly rough spots that you're going to have to work through. You know this too, yet you proposed to hear. That indicated that you're willing to work through rough times and you think she's worth it. So she may be worth working through this as well.

I voted "End it" and I'm still leaning towards end it. But obviously, you and your friends know your situation better, so you should keep talking with your best men and give their opinions more weight than you give ours. But I'm sure you already knew to do that.

[Skyylya]

Something so simple as a wedding? lol...

yeah, get together and say your vows to each other and begin that stage of your life. Just because people overcomplicate weddings doesn't mean it isn't a simple premise.

I mean honestly, by the time you are getting married you should be already. The wedding itself is merely a formality so if someone is going to get cold feet, or scared about what comes next they clearly aren't ready or on the same page of the relationship as you. And, if you've been together long enough to be engaged and at the wedding, it's unlikely they will be any time soon.

[Tyche]

ages?

[Ksandra]

You've been with her 9 years and she wants to postpone the wedding even longer. She doesn't want you anymore.

sadly this might be the case I hate to say it. Women follow emotion a lot of the times and mroe than likely she's trying to hold onto the feeling she had when you guys were 17, and doesn't want to feel like those 9 years were for nothing. It sounds like she's really conflicted on this and sad to say if after 9 years she's still not sure it's probably time to move on. you're lucky though that you're still young. ^^

[dejet]

yeah, get together and say your vows to each other and begin that stage of your life. Just because people overcomplicate weddings doesn't mean it isn't a simple premise.

I mean honestly, by the time you are getting married you should be already. The wedding itself is merely a formality so if someone is going to get cold feet, or scared about what comes next they clearly aren't ready or on the same page of the relationship as you. And, if you've been together long enough to be engaged and at the wedding, it's unlikely they will be any time soon.

The time before the wedding is as important as the time that occurs after. Its a test as much as anything else. Trying to simplify it is just nuts. Its full of stress and you being the center of the world.... I cant even think about it myself.

[Tyche]

As someone who's 26, married, and been with his wife for the greater part of 10 years, I feel I can safely say...

end it.

[Necronus]

If she can't deal being engaged then imagine how it'll be if you get married.

I'm not married nor ever have been so it's possible my opinion is completely invalid, but I've always been of the opinion that you're actually married the day you get engaged, and anyone who believes otherwise is either destined for a divorce or not truly ready to get married. I mean, I do realize that heat of the moment and the sheer taboo of saying no right then and there tend to lead to more yes answers, but if one person can honestly get on one knee and ask another to spend the rest of their life with them and the other can legitimately say yes, then the whole period of "engagement" is just a word describing that you haven't done the actual religious ritual or driven to a courthouse (whatever method you'd have chosen)

Someone getting cold feet during an engagement period is akin to a divorce in my eyes, its over. End it now and potentially retain a friendship or something instead of somewhere down the road possibly hating each other or just simply becoming distant memories of each other.

(The above is also a tad simplified for a shorter response, but you get my drift)

[Cadsuane]

also is there a place i can get the saying

ha mais mares do que marinheiros

said phonetically? lol I so want to use that on a friend of mine.

In a continental accent:

ah maij ma-rehj thu keh ma-reeng-yae-rooj

... sort of.

http://translate.google.com/#pt|pt|h...%20marinheiros

[Tyche]

I'm not married nor ever have been so it's possible my opinion is completely invalid, but I've always been of the opinion that you're actually married the day you get engaged, and anyone who believes otherwise is either destined for a divorce or not truly ready to get married. I mean, I do realize that heat of the moment and the sheer taboo of saying no right then and there tend to lead to more yes answers, but if one person can honestly get on one knee and ask another to spend the rest of their life with them and the other can legitimately say yes, then the whole period of "engagement" is just a word describing that you haven't done the actual religious ritual or driven to a courthouse (whatever method you'd have chosen)

Someone getting cold feet during an engagement period is akin to a divorce in my eyes, its over. End it now and potentially retain a friendship or something instead of somewhere down the road possibly hating each other or just simply becoming distant memories of each other.

(The above is also a tad simplified for a shorter response, but you get my drift)

Can be true, can be false. If you haven't lived together prior to getting engaged, then no. Then again, I'd argue if you haven't lived with someone, then you're probably not ready to get engaged. Shit changes when you get married, whether you've been together or engaged for 12 months or 12 years. The "I Do" changes shit. It's inexplicable.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

Best man wants to help you dump her? They're fucking.