Walking in

[Qalbert]

Wait, rule of thumb? In the early 1900s it was legal for men to beat their wives, as long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb.
Can't do much damage with that then, can we? Perhaps it should have been a rule of wrist?

[Cadsuane]

This seems like a problem between your girl and her mother. As far as fucking your girlfriend goes, of course you're in the right that's what couples fucking do. Why are you fretting over this shit? Are you concerned that some social engineering is required of you here, like asking the mother's permission, repairing the damaged maternal relationship? You can either proceed with the relationship normally or decide to act as some sort of interlocutor between your girlfriend and her mother as they both come to terms with her sexual activity, but the latter sounds much more conducive to you being a meddlesome and condescending prick. You're not married; beyond offering your girlfriend some supportive pillow talk, that shit's none of your business. Word to the wise; dudes who think the best way to go in a relationship is to make themselves into sir fucking Gallahad in shining armour do not tend to do well in their love lives.

[Melchiah]

No, you're not in the wrong. No, you don't owe her mother any explanations. No, you don't need her mother's permission. Any civilized person knocks before entering a bedroom.

I assume she could see both yours and your girlfriend's cars outside when she came in. Therefore, she knew you were both there. Before she opened the bedroom door. The fact that she barged in indicates she was trying to catch you. Also, she could probably hear you before she opened the door.

Long story short, none of her business, adults being adults, you're in the clear.

As for the relationship between you and the mother, that's out of my depth.

[archibaldcrane]

Her house, her rules. She's in her right to say to her presumably not-rent-paying daughter: "Don't fuck in my house." That being said, it's more your girlfriend's issue than yours, if she wants to keep banging in momma's house, well, she'll have to bear the brunt of the consequences. If you want to participate in that, go for it.

I'm not saying you were wrong in fucking her there in the first place, but now that you know...well...there's no more plausible deniability.

[TT]

I only read the first post but don't marry any girl you haven't lived with. It's a whole new relationship.

[Ksandra]

To answer your questions we've been together for almost 3 years and her mother and I have a good relationship. She's remarried (and far from zealous, although I'm sure like my father she pretends to hold the high ground) and she came in while I was pretty much on top of her daughter.

She wants me to be the one to marry her daughter, she really likes me and enjoys having me around (I spend a good deal of time over there), and it's not like she screamed at me. I think she just has this old school impression of what her daughter was and wasn't doing and as most of you said... imagining your daughter is getting busy is not the same thing as seeing it.

For myself, I think at this point most of it is just worry that I'm going to be a 29-year old man being lectured about having sex with his future intended. It's my business, yea? It's her daughter's choice. From what I remember she already yelled at my girlfriend, telling her it's a bad example for her younger sisters (who are never even home when we do anything, and 9/10 times we're at my house when we do).

Last night I just went over and acted like nothing happened and watched a movie with my girlfriend in her room. I guess after I left she ended up talking with her mom, who acted out about it.

There isn't really a danger in me disrespecting her mother as I never have done it even when I disagree with her.

Also, my girlfriend acts nothing like her and, like me, is not a practicing Christian. Church, to us, is more of a tradition and less of a necessity. We don't even plan on taking our kids to church.

I think her mother is just obsessed with raising the two remaining girls as innocent pure women and is completely ignorant to reality. That's just how I feel about it. My girlfriend's the one who's been doing most of the raising lately.

There's plenty of other factors I could get into but that should give you enough of an idea for the situation I am in. I don't feel awkward because I feel awkward. The embarrassment has already subsided and my girlfriend and I are already laughing about the fact that we were walked in on. The awkwardness comes from feeling like I can't touch my girlfriend without her mom coming in and being like "don't touch her like this" or "you guys better not be doing anything". Hell, I even feel like kissing her will get some kind of look or reaction.



Yea, usually we do. This time I think we were just destined to let her mom know that my girlfriend is in love with the size of my dick.

I dunno if this sounds contradictory but she isn't overreacting because that's normal for a woman to be upset over something like that, she isn't wrong to act that way, but you are not wrong either. (if that makes sense).

Your gf maybe the legal age of an adult but that's what a gov't says. As a parent if your kid is still living under your roof for free, eating the food you get, sleeping/using the furniture you paid for, then they are still a kid. They are not financially independent and the parent is still going to want to guide them. There is nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing for you to be angry about, nor should you pin this all on her mom either. Don't make an issue out of it, if she brings it up, apologize even if you think there's nothing to apologize for. Her house, her rules. If you want to be in a situation where you both can act like adults then you need to act like adults (move out), if you can't do it financially then learn to pick your battles because while one of you is living under their parents roof then you are not off the hook yet.

[AoE]

I've been in a similar situation with my mom and my ex. My mom pretty much raised me and my youngest brother by herself but she never really had any "talks" with me about much of anything. Not to mention she became a born-again Christian and having an authoritarian view of raising kids, there was no arguing with her about anything. I couldn't even fucking close my door when my g/f was there and most of the time the door was closed, we weren't even doing anything. I thought it was ridiculous that despite the fact that I was 24 busting my ass with no help to finish school while working that I was being treated like a child. So I got tired, saved some money and ended up moving out.

Don't get me wrong though, as much as thought some of my mom's expectations were ridiculous, I still acknowledged that it was her house and thus respected most of those expectations.

From our arguments about me closing the door while my ex was there among other things, I came to the conclusions that:
1. My mom's just not ready to deal with the fact that her sons are having sex even though the closest she ever walked in on me was like around the first month my ex and I started dating. After that, never got caught.
2. My mom's one of those female blacks that have a chip on their shoulder about black men dating white women and she was purposely being a bitch despite the fact that my g/f was nothing but respectful to her all the time yet somehow the amount of respect she showed wasn't good enough.

Anyway I wrote all this to say pretty much that even if your girl's mom reacted the way she did, and even though technically it's not "her" house, because she's with the step-dad, the step-dad is probably gonna take her side on most things thus most things she's probably gonna disapprove of is something you still have to take consideration of and abide by. Shit's probably gonna be awkward for a bit but if she's reasonable, she'll get over it. You don't have to race to make amends but don't sit there and not make an attempt either because she'll remember that.

[Amelya]

Her house, her rules. If you want to be in a situation where you both can act like adults then you need to act like adults (move out), if you can't do it financially then learn to pick your battles because while one of you is living under their parents roof then you are not off the hook yet.

This ^. If she's still living with her parents for whatever reason then you should respect their rules, IMO. I don't think anyone wants to think about or walk in on their kid fucking someone, regardless of age.

[shaddix]

House rules that dictate personal behavior(fucking, curfew, etc) of legal adults do not make sense. If it is affecting someone else in the house or the house itself such as smoking then it is valid. I think a person who essentially pays rent by continuing to behave like a child when they are not is a pussy.

And OP never said there was a no fucking rule, it isn't even the mom's house.

[Ksandra]

House rules that dictate personal behavior(fucking, curfew, etc) of legal adults do not make sense. If it is affecting someone else in the house or the house itself such as smoking then it is valid. I think a person who essentially pays rent by continuing to behave like a child when they are not is a pussy.

And OP never said there was a no fucking rule, it isn't even the mom's house.

said it was the step-dads house but I doubt that's how the parents look at it. and as far as I see it she's only an adult in the eyes of the law. Again, to a parent if they are feeding her, clothing her, putting a roof over her head she is not an adult. I mean most of the people here are guys try to picture how you'd react if you walked in on your daughter in your own home, I doubt you'd be cheering her on even if she was legally an adult.

[oldoldman]

This is what you get for having sex in a war zone.

[Meresgi]

So ... long story short - girl and I were getting busy today at her house and her mom walks in after we finish. Now I feel extremely awkward because her mother said something like "I trusted you" and it's making me feel extremely uncomfortable going over her house.

.

LOL @ Parents who think their kids don't fuck and are pure and innocent. She should have walked in on you doing lines of coke off her breasts while 2 illegal immigrants watched, handcuffed and gagged in the corner.

It's a normal part of life, don't let it get to you. If her mom can't deal, fuck it. Not like her mom wasnt doing the SAME EXACT SHIT at her age with her boyfriends.

. I don't think anyone wants to think about or walk in on their kid fucking someone, regardless of age.

If your daughter and her boyfriend are in her room, alone together, with the door shut....

What the fuck do you think is going on?

Unless they are 6 yrs old, they arn't playing pattycake and house in there.


Here's an idea. Instead of flipping out about the whole sex thing, sit down with Kuro and his gf and talk to them to make sure they are having safe sex, in fear of your daughter not getting knocked out. That's the most you can do with any child, talk to them about it and then send them on their way, because they are going to fuck like rabbits no matter what.

[kuronosan]

Well, that's what my girlfriend tried to tell her. That she doesn't need to worry, etc etc, but her mother just keeps being stubborn and insisting she's setting a bad example and she's silly...

Her mother is sort of a controlling-type person... and the stepfather is pretty much just there to pay bills. The only thing her mother does is cook and clean (for the most part).

I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the girlfriend actually contributes more to the house than everyone else, save for the stepfather. She buys all the woman supplies, bathroom things, and takes care of her sisters while the mom goes out at her leisure and expects her to take care of everything because "it's her duty as the daughter".

At one point she even mentioned that she needs to take care of the family when she gets out and gets a good job and needs to get a nice high paying job.

This is why it's so frustrating.

I mean, I could go on and on and on, and I'm all for respecting house rules and such, but every inch of me in this situation is screaming "put this shit in its place" but doing that would put unnecessary strain on my relationship.

But pretty much what everyone else said... we're going to have sex no matter what, and her daughter and I are planning on getting married, the only result in this should be a parent swallowing their pride and saying "Look, I don't like it, don't do it here, don't talk about it". Instead, we get somebody who seriously thinks that people must be terrible if they do stuff before marriage that she probably did when she was our age.

[Apelila]

The more I hear of the mother the easier it is to see her as a "Do as I say not as I do" sort of person.

It sounds like she wants respect to the extent that no one questions her judgement, which she isn't going to get forcing other people to pick up the slack for her. Your better off leaving her alone and just not antagonizing her to keep her off your girlfriends back. The more you push on it the more she'll take it out on your girlfriend when you are not around. If your girlfriends of the same opinions, that "this woman is being stupid" then thats all you should be concerned with. Don't take a stand until after your girlfriend is out and only then if she really does expect her to help out financially with the household that she no longer lives in.

[kuronosan]

The more I hear of the mother the easier it is to see her as a "Do as I say not as I do" sort of person.

It sounds like she wants respect to the extent that no one questions her judgement, which she isn't going to get forcing other people to pick up the slack for her. Your better off leaving her alone and just not antagonizing her to keep her off your girlfriends back. The more you push on it the more she'll take it out on your girlfriend when you are not around. If your girlfriends of the same opinions, that "this woman is being stupid" then thats all you should be concerned with. Don't take a stand until after your girlfriend is out and only then if she really does expect her to help out financially with the household that she no longer lives in.

You're pretty much spot on. The discussion she had started with "Why are you doing this" followed by "Well because I'm an adult I don't see why it's wrong" answered with "Because I said so".

My girlfriend loves her mother, she just hates her incredibly flawed logic followed by "because I said so, think of your sisters" and "do what i want you to do with your life".

I try to stay out of it, and there are times I've posted here on BG asking for advice because her mother tries to drag me in the middle all the time when they get into it. "Oh you're the older one you're more sensible tell her I'm right" sort of thing. It makes me feel awkward because I not only disagree with her completely, I don't think it right to drag me in the middle of this shit. Hell, when I have disagreed in the past, she pretty much said I was clueless but then continues to ask me for help.

Never had to deal with overconcerned controlling parents before (from my side of the fence), so I always remain confused as to the best way to proceed. Most everything you guys have said has definitely helped.

[Moss]

"Tell them what they want to hear" is usually the answer.

[Blarg]

what if you told the mom it's anal sex so it's ok

[Akiyama]

Snip.

Dealing with overconcerned, controlling parents is a doozy. Take it from a guy with a dad in the military and a mom who felt the need to keep me in when it got dark until I was like..13.. yeah. Shit's retarded. My best advice is to not fuck in the mom's house. That way, you're respecting your possible future-in-law mother's wishes. In the long run, it'll work out. You want to be on her good side all the time. Trust me.

Does your gf argue with her mom in front of you a lot, forcing you into an awkward situation where you want to stand up for her and help, but afraid that you'll step on some toes and piss her off? If so, I know how you feel. Best I can say is nod, agree, and just take the 'doin the business' elsewhere. You'll never win a fight with the mother, especially if she's a big church goer with this holier than thou sort of view on things.

[Uzor]

I dunno if this sounds contradictory but she isn't overreacting because that's normal for a woman to be upset over something like that, she isn't wrong to act that way, but you are not wrong either. (if that makes sense).

Your gf maybe the legal age of an adult but that's what a gov't says. As a parent if your kid is still living under your roof for free, eating the food you get, sleeping/using the furniture you paid for, then they are still a kid. They are not financially independent and the parent is still going to want to guide them. There is nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing for you to be angry about, nor should you pin this all on her mom either. Don't make an issue out of it, if she brings it up, apologize even if you think there's nothing to apologize for. Her house, her rules. If you want to be in a situation where you both can act like adults then you need to act like adults (move out), if you can't do it financially then learn to pick your battles because while one of you is living under their parents roof then you are not off the hook yet.

It isn't normal, not by a longshot. Sure, it is normal for parents to worry about their kids, but it isn't their job to make sure their kids don't have sex.

I don't know a single mom who goes "I trusted you" when they find out they had sex. Hell, the mothers I know are all cool about their daughters having sex. My mother knows my sister has had (and is having with her current boyfriend) and don't give a shit about it. One of my childhood friend's mother knows and encourages her, as do a lot of other mothers I know. Hell, my cousin's mother walked in when her 14 year-old daughter had sex with her 16-year old boyfriend, and she didn't care other than making sure they used a condom afterwards.

Either way, about the OP's situation, you don't have to talk to the mother about it, imo it would be better to talk to your girlfriend to see how she feels about it. She's the one that matters in the situation to you, not her mother. As you say she talked to her mother about it later, it sounds like you did just that. If her mother is against the two of you having sex before marriage, there won't be a conversation you have with her mother that will end well, it's a conversation your girlfriend needs to have with her own mother, as your girlfriend will most likely support you in that conversation - even if you're not there. Your girlfriend will not appreciate you talking bad of her mother, so if you have that conversation with your girlfriend, just say you feel awkward and/or bad about the situation. She won't like you fighting with her mother either.

Neither of you have to excuse yourselves to her mother for having sex. Sex isn't something the devil created in any religion. All says it is a gift from God (or Gods if multiple).

[Ansems]

devil made you do it

this
She will totally forget about and just go to church one sunday with her