The Repercussions of Self-Esteem

[Acturus]

For College Students, Praise May Trump Sex and Money
Movement to make everyone a winner created 'damaging' sense of entitlement, research suggests
Posted: January 11, 2011

http://health.usnews.com/health-news...sex--and-money

By Maureen Salamon
HealthDay Reporter

TUESDAY, Jan. 11 (HealthDay News) -- After a lifetime of being told that they're "winners" who are "special," today's young people crave these boosts to their self-esteem more than sex, drinking, money or food, new research suggests.

The self-esteem movement of recent decades may have backfired by creating individuals who expect success and praise in a world that won't necessarily cooperate long-term, said study co-author Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University.

Bushman and his colleagues conducted two experiments on 282 college students, asking them to rate how much they wanted and liked various pleasurable activities such as receiving a paycheck, seeing a best friend, eating a favorite food or engaging in a sexual activity.

The list of items to choose from included receiving a compliment or getting a good grade.

The students valued boosts to their self-esteem such as receiving good grades or compliments more than any of the other experiences.

"We were shocked because we tried to think of everything college students love," Bushman said. "We were really surprised college students would rather be praised. I don't think it should trump those and I don't think it's such a basic need. Social stimulation is important . . . but I think that's very different from the need to be praised."

In a laboratory setting, students took a test that supposedly measured their intellectual ability and were told afterward that if they waited another 10 minutes they could have their test re-scored using a new scoring algorithm that usually produces higher results.

The study, reported online in advance of publication in an upcoming print issue of the Journal of Personality, said those who highly valued self-esteem were more likely to take the time to wait for the new scores.

Participants, who also completed a Narcissistic Personality Inventory, were asked to rank both how much they liked and wanted a certain pleasant activity, because addiction research suggests that addicts tend to report that they want the object of their addiction more than they actually like it, according to Bushman.

While it would be incorrect to say the students were addicted to self-esteem, Bushman said, they were closer to being addicted to self-esteem than they were to being addicted to any other activity in the study.

Participants with a strong sense of entitlement -- indicated by being more likely to agree with statements such as "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place" rather than "The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me" -- were most likely to "want" self-esteem boosts than to actually "like" them.

"It's a big problem and I think that [a] sense of entitlement is damaging to society," Bushman said. "When you believe you're more deserving than others, that you're better than they are, and you don't get what you think you deserve, you become angry."

Jean Twenge, who authored a book on young people's self-views called Generation Me, said the study shows the downsides of self-esteem, which until recently was widely believed to be only positive. Research has shown that levels of self-esteem have been increasing, particularly among college students, since the mid-1960s.

"It's pretty scary that it's now to the point where these American students feel their self-esteem is more important than those other rewards," said Twenge, also a professor of psychology at San Diego State University.

"What you really see is . . . it's this kind of empty self-esteem where you're supposed to feel special just for being you, that everyone's a winner and we should all feel good about ourselves all the time," she said. "Which kind of ignores that self-esteem is usually based on something."

Bushman related the story of his son's first day of kindergarten when the then 5-year-old came home wearing a sticker that said, "I'm a winner!" and said that his teacher had given one to all of his classmates. A little later he told his parents, "I know what happened -- every kid got a sticker, but mine was the only one that said 'I'm a winner!' All the other ones said, 'I'm a loser!'"

"Even this 5-year-old boy knew everyone can't be the best. He knew there was a discrepancy," Bushman said. "I think we need to wait until they behave well before we pat them on the back."

More information

For more information on college students and self-esteem, visit the archives of the American Psychological Association.

[tyven]

money, power, respect. its the key to life

[rog]

Bushman related the story of his son's first day of kindergarten when the then 5-year-old came home wearing a sticker that said, "I'm a winner!" and said that his teacher had given one to all of his classmates. A little later he told his parents, "I know what happened -- every kid got a sticker, but mine was the only one that said 'I'm a winner!' All the other ones said, 'I'm a loser!'"

That's awesome.

[Mizango]

money, power, respect. its the key to life

My nigga.

[Ragnell]

money, power, respect. its the key to life

^

[Senoska]

money, power, respect. its the key to life

And vaginas everywhere....

[rog]

So we're supposed to treat everyone like miserable piles of shit then?

That's what i got from the article. Seems i've been doinitrite.

[Silenka]

They're just now figuring this out? D:

Giving praise all the time for every little thing from a young age should have made the praise mundane, but since it comes from another rationalizing person, it feels good every time. The problem is, kids being told they did a good job for wiping their ass devalues the point of praise and compliments, and even though the kids realize the people praising them are rationalizing human beings, they develop a subconscious idea that, like the article says, they are special snowflakes who can do no wrong and deserve more than other people.

It's not that those kids have to be treated like shit, they just have to start being treated realistically again, with a balanced system of reward/punishment for young kids instead of telling them they're the amazing sunshine shooting out God's ass. I remember when I was raised I would get my ass beat when I did something wrong but I would get special privileges if I did something right, none of this soft coddling parents do now. That might work on a few sensitive kids, but it certainly doesn't work for rest of the millions of kids being raised that way.

[Silenka]

Wait, sorry, let me try again:

Fucking hippies trying to brainwash our children.

[Correction]

This is all the evidence I need that liberals are ruining this country.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tu...l-medal-racket

[kareface]

So we're supposed to treat everyone like miserable piles of shit then?

I'm way ahead of the game.

[Hyan]

Giving praise all the time for every little thing from a young age should have made the praise mundane, but since it comes from another rationalizing person, it feels good every time.

I dunno, I figured out pretty early on that my parents would praise me for everything I did (although I got my fair share of verbal beating as well), and in the end it just started pissing me off because it felt so fake. Seems like an easy thing to figure out by the time you've grown up.

[Ksandra]

I don't necessarily think it's wrong to praise kindergardeners, I didn't take much child pysch but I did have to take one class, and I'd say that age is too young, but maybe by 4th and 5th grade is when you should be weening them off of praising them for everything.

Other than that I agree that many kids have an unnecessary sense of self entitlement, but that's nothing new, and is I'd say more of a growing up issue than a praising issue.

[tyven]

I have a strong sense of self entitlement

I hate people with a strong sense of entitlement

This situation drives me crazy

[Zoolander]

I wouldn't lay it solely at the feet of parents and teachers praising (although obviously it is a piece of it), its part of the entire culture of the US really. This practice of lowering the bar instead of raising it, never tempering the expectations of kids (and even of adults), the whole notion that anyone can make it here (which made the US so appealing for a long time). We have the widespread belief (or at least practice, like No Child Left Behind) that everyone is created equal when reality is obviously far from that.

[Correction]

I wouldn't lay it solely at the feet of parents and teachers praising (although obviously it is a piece of it), its part of the entire culture of the US really. This practice of lowering the bar instead of raising it, never tempering the expectations of kids (and even of adults), the whole notion that anyone can make it here (which made the US so appealing for a long time). We have the widespread belief (or at least practice, like No Child Left Behind) that everyone is created equal when reality is obviously far from that.

http://i54.tinypic.com/e8ph21.jpg

[Ksandra]

I wouldn't lay it solely at the feet of parents and teachers praising (although obviously it is a piece of it), its part of the entire culture of the US really. This practice of lowering the bar instead of raising it, never tempering the expectations of kids (and even of adults), the whole notion that anyone can make it here (which made the US so appealing for a long time). We have the widespread belief (or at least practice, like No Child Left Behind) that everyone is created equal when reality is obviously far from that.

I agree 100%, on top of that growing up issue. I think even kids not receiving constant praise has a desire for it, because it gives them the sense they are doing something right (obviously), all kids have this sense of wanting to act "above their age" (ie. teenagers wanting to be treated as adults, preteens wanting to be treated as teens etc. etc.), praise just helps them believe they are at those levels. And I think that a lot of that isn't just society, but a natural need to be ahead.

All in all, there are too many factors to pin it on 1. but I do agree that over praising past certain ages is bad in general.

[drwaffles]

'Balance' is a fantastic word, it can be used as the answer to 99% of developmental or lifestyle issues. Too bad no one ever gives a concise response to this kind of thing, but I guess if they did then large portions of the television and magazine industries would be kind of fucked.

[quannum]

constructive self-criticism would be the best thing to teach kids as far as esteem goes.

98% on a test? "whats the 2% i missed?" vs "sweet, i rock"

the first is an attitude of self-improvement and is better in the long-term, the second "feels" better in the short-term but glosses over errors.

[Cesaria]

I don't necessarily think it's wrong to praise kindergardeners, I didn't take much child pysch but I did have to take one class, and I'd say that age is too young, but maybe by 4th and 5th grade is when you should be weening them off of praising them for everything.

Other than that I agree that many kids have an unnecessary sense of self entitlement, but that's nothing new, and is I'd say more of a growing up issue than a praising issue.

The bit that always amuses me (and when I teach I tend to teach the early years - what you'd term kindergarten over there up to about age 8-9) is that, however you try to couch things in terms of all participating and trying your best - the kids always bloody compare where they've come versus everyone else anyway!

There's a lovely mindset over here about non-competitive sports days. Now I was, and always will be, pathologically shit at sports - I was always the kid running over the finish line last - so I should be alllllll for this bullshit where we all queue up to throw our beanbag, we all get applauded and we all get a sticker for taking part. It's bollocks - the kids fucking hate it and all stand there comparing if they did better/worse than Johnny in class 3b, the parents fucking hate it because it's boring as shite to watch, and the teachers fucking hate it because they KNOW it's a bloody fob-off (apart from the prat in school management who's been on the latest course and has decided it's a good idea). Now, while we DO have to rein in things like allegations of parental cheating in the mums and dads welly-wanging competition (you throw a welly the furthest for those who've been deprived of such things) and the antics that I've seen pulled in terms of fouls and cheating in mums and dads sack races would put the average premiership footballer to shame in terms of dives, dodgy tackles and the like - some people are good at sports, some people are shit at sports - that's life and the kids know that from a very early age.

They also figure out very very early on, however careful you are to never ever label groups as top/middle/bottom, where they stand in the ability order in the class - the number of times you go into a school to be told quite happily by the kids that the bicycles/Slytherin/purple table or whatever are the top is marked. They compare reading books, they compare test scores if you give them on a sealed bit of paper... the same way kids always have.

I'm a tight bastard when it comes to praise - you earn it, rather than me showering it liberally. I'm known as quite a toughie - but the kids have always respected that, because I praise improvement and effort relative to the child themselves... it's actually as much of an excitement for a kid who normally writes a stream of letters to space that into words, as it is for a kid to write five pages of an incredibly narrated story - in that case they're both equal lightbulb moments... that's not an "everyone's got a pencil in their hands - aren't we all fabulous" kind of fob off that kids KNOW is bullshit - it's genuine "I liked it when you did..." that kids do value. If it's overused and insincere - kids smell bullshit praise a mile off - they're not stupid and I've seen some incredibly drippy heads that are like that who the kids have naff all respect for whatsoever.

The one that really fucking gets my goat is praising kids excessively for what should be normal acceptable behaviour anyway. You can tell the little sod in the class in so many classrooms, without the kids being in the room - look at the merit chart, and they're the one with 50 million stars or whatever compared to everyone else being on like 3... because they're given them for bullshit reasons like "you haven't kicked Fred in the shins for a second - have a merit", "if you sit quietly for 20 seconds you can have five stickers" - I get sick to death of seeing these kids showered with praise (and taking the piss with it) while those kids that I refer to as the "always kids" (they're always trying hard, always doing the right thing) get fuck all consistently.

I don't bash kids, I don't do the bullshit my mother would do where 99% on a test would be a cause for criticism - before anyone has it in their heads I'm a heartless cow... I just privately think (and admitting this in UK education is tantamount to standing there declaring you eat babies or something in terms of the horror it would provoke from certain colleagues) that the pendulum's gone too far... and that's before you get me onto the "rights but bugger all responsibilities" shite ("you can't give me a detention - I got rights"... yeah and you've got the responsibility not to act like a feral little shite and terrorize the rest of your classmates... nah).