Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Nephlite]

I have family down in Silver Springs. I've made the trip more times than I can count. Drivers in MD are BATSHIT INSANE. If you're not going 25 over the limit and tailgating the guy in front of you while swerving between two lanes playing on your cellphone you just don't fit in. Luckily I don't even come close to sniffing 95. I take 70->270->370->200 if memory serves. And even that shit gets chaotic. I don't even bother leaving if it gets me down there in rush hour. Fuck that noise.

I try to avoid Maryland like the plague. There was a time when we lived out in Bowie and the commute was god-awful getting in to D.C. Taking 50 in to the city at any time of the day is like a dice roll D&D style. 4 and a 10? Just watched opposing lane shift as an SUV tries to skirt around a car, gets bumped and hits the median sending it flying. Or another roll means random pedestrian on the side of the highway throwing rocks at passing cars. It's a dream living in D.C. since my commute's been cut from 30-45 minutes to less than 15 depending if I wanna metro or not.

A lot of the Maryland drivers do boss it up but you throw in that wild-card element of random D.C. jackasses going through Maryland to get to wherever and you have a circus. I equate Maryland Drivers to "High Speed Don't Give a Fuck" types and D.C. drivers are the "Low Speed Don't Give a Fuck" types. Take D.C. drivers out of their element (speeds no better than 45 mph) with random pedestrians darting out in front of you, Taxi's (god I fucking hate Taxi's), and everyone else trying to park, slam on brakes, flip people off, "Oh Shit It's a Motorcade! I should stop in the middle of Constitution and watch! Who cares about people behind me, to the left and right, and fuck those people trying to cross the street even though I have a Red Light I'm blowin' it!", and stick those people in to a setting where rotten drivers hit speeds of 75-90 mph and you have a great time!

I swear we're moving to Virginia. While rich people in Arlington certainly don't give a shit about anyone, at least some of them know how to drive.

[Cail]

Convenience-store owners in Maine are concerned that the state lottery wants to rebrand its scratch-off lottery tickets as "Kwikies."

“That’s going to be real uncomfortable for my girls behind the register to have guys come in and say, ‘Hey, give me a Kwikie,’” David Welch, owner of Village Market in Fairfield, Me., told the Bangor Daily News after receiving a letter from the Maine State Lottery informing him of the plan.

“It’s highly inappropriate,” Kaylee Constable, one of Welch's employees, added. “[Customers] come in and joke around with me and say, ‘Can I get a Kwikie?’ I’m only 19 years old, and I have 40- and 50-year-old men saying sexual remarks to me.”

The newspaper provided some helpful context: "In slang terms, a quickie is a short sexual encounter."

But state lottery officials say the origin of the new name has nothing to do with sex.

“The benefit of buying this ticket is that it’s quick, easy and fun,” Gerry Reid, director of the Maine Bureau of Alcoholic Beverages and Lottery Operations, told the paper. “That’s what an instant ticket is.”

The state lottery sells the instant tickets—priced between $1 and $20—at about 1,300 retail stores, generating about $30 million a year for the state's general fund.

The newspaper interviewed a cashier who said he tested the new name by asking customers if they would like a Kwikie.

“I tried that on a couple of women," Tom Borden, a cashier at Fox Brook Variety in Dover-Foxcroft, said. "It didn’t go over very well."

[Fievel]

That's actually pretty fucking hilarious.

[Aristio]

That's almost as funny as feminist getting all upset over Dike Cutters.

[Gokulo]

Big deal. In Polish the word 'ice-cream' is used as slang for blowjob and anyone that works at ice-cream shops need to deal with that stuff everyday

[Kerberoz]

http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/20...ime-doesnt-it/

http://www.wtsp.com/news/article/308...jays-suspended

April Fools' prank about 'dihydrogen monoxide' in water gets Gator Country 101.9 deejays suspended

Fort Myers, Florida (News-Press) -- Two long-time deejays at Gator Country 101.9 FM who perpetrated a hoax on Monday morning involving Lee County water quality have been suspended indefinitely, a station official said.

dontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.jpg

[Byrthnoth]

I blame Florida

and idiots.

[Asai]

I'll just leave this here...

http://www.upi.com/blog/2013/04/05/T...t=mps&or=1

[Tyrath]

Shocking Photos: PETA's Secret Slaughter of Kittens, Puppies

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nathan...b_2979220.html

Some really disheartening pics, animal lovers beware.

I never really liked PETA, but was not aware of their complete lack of animal adoptions and large kill rates. This is really fucked up.

[Kerberoz]

Well-known for a while, along with them being a front for terrorists, among other things.

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/PETA

[Tyrath]

Well shit, apparently I've been out of the loop. Shocks me that an organization like this manages to stay afloat. I guess a lot of people don't know about it just as I didn't.

[noblemountain]

Most people just keep giving them money cause they have no idea...along with idiot celebs that "love animals" and blindly give. They tried to associate themselves with the sanctuary I worked at and we told them to gtfo.

[Guitarman]

Spoiler: show

http://media.npr.org/assets/img/2013...ce9b4d-s40.jpg

I Liked It,' Putin Says Of Protest By Topless Women

At a trade fair in Hanover, Germany, on Monday, three women protesters got quite close to Russian President Vladimir Putin before stripping off their blouses and shouting expletives at the Russian leader.
Putin, who was joined at the fair by German Chancellor Angela Merkel, later sarcastically thanked the women for calling the news media's attention to the gathering.

From the NPR Newscast: Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson on the protest in Hanover

"As to this action, I liked it," Putin said, according to a German translator. The Russian leader added that the protesters were "pretty girls" and said he couldn't hear what they were screaming.
Well, their words weren't polite. F-bombs were tossed Putin's way. It's believed the protesters belong to a women's rights group, "Femen," which objects to how members of the feminist punk band Pussy Riot were
Putin told reporters he "couldn't see if they were blond or brunettes. ... I don't see anything horrifying in what they did." He also quipped that while it's better to keep one's clothes on during protests, "it's not so cold out — so they can also do it this way."
The president's seeming nonchalance doesn't extend to his aides, however. They want the women, who were grabbed and led away by security staff, to be punished. "This is ordinary hooliganism and unfortunately it happens all over the world, in any city. One needs to punish [them]," said Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, .

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/...-topless-women

dat face lol. That's going to be a meme for sure.

[Hatedregret]

I sure do love that man.

[Fievel]

Yeah that guy is pretty damn awesome, lol.

[myreality]

Interesting video on comparing how much certain people make in a minute.

http://money.cnn.com/interactive/eco...nds-of-salary/

[Cail]

This is pretty funny/awesome

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com...ert/?hpt=hp_t2

[Necronus]

http://news.yahoo.com/video/millions...210840472.html

[Qalbert]

nuke it from orbit

[Mazmaz]

More and twitter responses in link
http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity...ine-story.html

Iranian news publishes, erases, denies 'time machine' story

Iranian state media ran a story this week about a scientist who claimed to have invented a "time travelling machine." Then, it pulled the story. Then it ran a story dismissing its own "time machine" story. Western media followed the story at every step, and Doctor Who and Doc Brown references were flying.

Fars News Agency, a semi-official news organization with ties to the Iranian government, posted a story Sunday in which Ali Razeghi, a 27-year-old scientist in Tehran, claimed he had invented and registered the "Aryayek Time Travelling Machine."