Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Moss]

Twerking made illegal in DeQuincy, LA. 30 days in jail for first offense

DeQuincy, LA — The dance craze twerking has become such a problem in the small town of DeQuincy, Louisiana that city officials have made it illegal.
Maynard Wilkens who is the Mayor of DeQuincy spoke to CNN about the ban on twerking that takes effect at midnight. “Twerking is a defiant act against Jesus and his teachings. The rest of the country can keep their heads in the sand about this sexual act before marriage, but not the great city of DeQuincy,” Wilkens said. “We will still allow dancing in DeQuincy, just no jigglin’, shakin’ and ‘dry humping’ anywhere in our city limits.”
Bobby Joe Williams who is the sheriff in the town told reporters about the penalties for those caught twerking. “First time offenders will receive a mandatory 30 days in the county jail. After that it will be a much harsher punishment,” Williams said. “We are not taking this matter lightly. There ain’t gonna be no twerkin’ in my city, not no more.”

24-year-old DeQuincy resident Brandon Adams told reporters he does not agree with the new law. “There is nothing to do in this town, seriously. Twerking is all us kids had left and now they’re taking it away from us,” Adams said. “I don’t see what the big deal is. At least we weren’t out causing trouble, sniffing glue and breaking stuff. I guess we’ll now have to go back to doing that.”
Twerking is a type of dancing in which the dancer, usually a woman, shakes her hips up-and-down in a bouncing motion, causing the dancer’s buttocks to shake, ‘wobble’ and ‘jiggle’ in a sexually provocative manner. The origins of twerking are unknown but were recently made popular by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke‘s performance at the MTV VMAs last month.
The town of DeQuincy has a population of 3,398 as of the 2000 census. DeQuincy is part of the Lake Charles Metropolitan Statistical Area. So far state officials in Louisiana have yet to make a formal statement concerning the ban on twerking in DeQuincy. - See more at: http://nationalreport.net/city-louis....uFK4yn5S.dpuf

[ronin sparthos]

At least we weren’t out causing trouble, sniffing glue and breaking stuff.

A 24 year old said this? lol

[Blubbartron]

nationalreport is like the onion...

[BaneTheBrawler]

The origins of twerking are unknown but were recently made popular by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke‘s performance at the MTV VMAs last month.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLD PEOPLE

[archibaldcrane]

Jesus you people are so trollable.

[Ksandra]

oh my god the comments.

You would think they would have at least figured it out scrolling past the author's notes...

[BaneTheBrawler]

Jesus you people are so trollable.

god damn it. I COME IN HERE WITH AN EXPECTATION OF CURSORY VETTING


fuck you Moss

[Zeb]

Porn Star Breaks His Penis and Asks Fans to Pay Medical Bills

What must a day in the life of an adult movie star be like? Surely, it requires certain traits that not everyone can or is willing to exhibit. Having the ability to endure a pen!s break, as well as having the audacity to publicly solicit donations to pay to fix it, for example, are probably a couple of those traits.

Adult Entertainer, Prince Yahshua has broken his pen!s for the second time, and now he is seeking donations to pay for his medical bills, which total $32,000. The first break occurred three years ago during a shoot, as reported by blackamerica.com. Two weeks ago, Yahshua had to go to the doctor after aggravating the injury. The doctor told Yahshua that he had broken his pen!s for the second time, and would have to undergo surgery and the subsequent rehabilitation.

Refusing to go out without a fight, Yahshua’s representatives have begun a fundraising campaign on GiveForward.com in order to help raise the $32,000.

In a statement to AVN.com, Yahshua wrote,

“Blown away is what I feel right now. I’m saddened to tell the industry and my diehard fans around the world that the injury that sidelined me three years ago has come back to bite me in a big way. After seeing and talking to my doctor on Friday, I was informed once again that I must go under the knife to repair bad tissue damage asap. Today, my heart is a lot happier after seeing what Sandra [McCarthy] and OCM has done for me by starting this fundraiser—I’m speechless! I’d like to thank Sandra, OCM and the fans and companies that have made me who I am today.”

The owner of the agency that Prince Yahshua is represented by added,

“When Prince contacted me with the devastating news, I was at a loss for words … tears were rolling down my cheeks. I knew I needed to help him emotionally and financially, so I started this fundraiser to help ease the pressure of the huge expenses that were on the way. Healthcare is unaffordable, and Prince doesn’t have a plan due to his pre-existing condition, so he’ll have to pay for the entire surgery out-of-pocket. Lately, the industry seems to have been taking hit after hit, but we all need to stick together and unite as one so we can get through whatever life throws at us.”

[Salodin]

Is porn a strictly freelance occupation, or do some porn companies keep whores on payroll?

I wonder if theres a market for porn star healthcare lol.

[Vuitton]

Why isn't his insurance covering this? Why does he have to pay upfront for this procedure? A broken penis isn't cosmetic.

[Blubbartron]

Said pretty directly he has a preexisting condition for broken penis-ness, and doesn't have insurance. Granted, I thought Obamacare fixed that? Or has that part of it not gone into effect?

[Callisto]

I wonder what post-surgery penis rehabilitation entails...

[Kuishen]

"I feel blown away right now"

[BaneTheBrawler]

I like how the article says he has the "audacity" to ask his fans to "pay for his medical bills" like he's fucking going around to people saying "HEY DID YOU JUST LOOK AT MY DICK?! THAT'S $100 MAN I GOT BILLS TO PAY"

[Kerberoz]

There's a surgical procedure that male porn stars often have done, that lengthens the penis by snipping a bunch a tendons connecting it to the pelvic bone. This causes a few extra inches to slide out of the body, at the cost of making it floppier and drastically increasing the risk of broken penis.

He probably brought it on himself.

[archibaldcrane]

Said pretty directly he has a preexisting condition for broken penis-ness, and doesn't have insurance. Granted, I thought Obamacare fixed that? Or has that part of it not gone into effect?

The individual mandate to maintain insurance coverage doesn’t begin until Jan 1st 2014, and even then people still have to get it.

[Blubbartron]

The individual mandate to maintain insurance coverage doesn’t begin until Jan 1st 2014, and even then people still have to get it.

I meant the article implied he doesn't have insurance because he can't get it with a preexisting condition. I was pretty sure that was already made illegal with Obamacare.

[Kuya]

I meant the article implied he doesn't have insurance because he can't get it with a preexisting condition. I was pretty sure that was already made illegal with Obamacare.

That goes into effect on January 2014.

[Skjie]

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/nzy2/prince No one even linked the damn fundraiser!

Barbara$25.00

“You don't know me but I LOVE your movies! I'm sorry to hear about your injury. I'm so shocked more people haven't helped out. Well hope this helps.”

This shit is good.

[Mazmaz]

Black then?