Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[notorious bum]

That dude that got chewed-up and shat out of satan's ass just had the best week ever; thanks, Jesus. I've never heard of anyone going completely through one of those machines, only "stuck" in them. Was the chipper just an intentionally-designed model that was made so that you have a greater chance of surviving disaster? I'm just trying to wrap my head around being exposed completely to a rapidly spinning vortex of hell with no escape but the other end of more blades...

[Necronus]

Escalator Death

NSFL?

Spoiler: show

[Pirian]

That dude that got chewed-up and shat out of satan's ass just had the best week ever; thanks, Jesus. I've never heard of anyone going completely through one of those machines, only "stuck" in them. Was the chipper just an intentionally-designed model that was made so that you have a greater chance of surviving disaster? I'm just trying to wrap my head around being exposed completely to a rapidly spinning vortex of hell with no escape but the other end of more blades...

It isn't a chipper, it is a bark stripper. They do mention that later in the article, but the title is misleading. There is no way you would survive going through an actual chipper. He survived because he was lucky, skinny, and had a helmet.

[notorious bum]

Well, that makes a hell of a lot more sense. lol

[SamanosukeShiva]

[Ksandra]

It isn't a chipper, it is a bark stripper. They do mention that later in the article, but the title is misleading. There is no way you would survive going through an actual chipper. He survived because he was lucky, skinny, and had a helmet.

Ya, still though: FUCK

[Acevalefor]

It isn't a chipper, it is a bark stripper. They do mention that later in the article, but the title is misleading. There is no way you would survive going through an actual chipper. He survived because he was lucky, skinny, and had a helmet.

This. A bark stripper basically has 6-12" long chain links and/or round steel bars on a swiveling shaft that are driven by centrifugal force. It basically beats the bark off of the tree as it goes through. The fact that he was smaller than most tree trunks is what saved him.

Also, wtf is happening in that escalator gif?

[Ksandra]

Updated article on scarf incident:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...escalator.html

Rharouity was at Fabre metro Thursday morning when the accident happened. It appears that she was traveling down an escalator when she fell. An item of clothing became stuck in the mechanism and tightened around her neck, strangling her.

Rharouity was the mother of two young boys aged eight and five.

Her family called the death a 'horrific accident.'

According to CTV, her husband had just left for Morocco to make arrangements after his mother died.

The coroner's office is seeking to determine what led to Rharouity's death.

She was wearing a hijab at the time of her death, but it is unclear which item of her clothing became stuck.

'The investigators looked at the different views of the cameras of the STM and they weren't able to determine exactly the sequence of events that led to the death of the woman,' Constable Daniel Lacoursiere told CTV.

Witnesses told police they saw the unnamed victim struggling to free her scarf after it got lodged in the teeth of an escalator on her way down to the subway platform.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/...39_306x252.jpg

[Pirian]

This is why I wear only tear-away clothing, btw.

[bluefan]

And that's why I don't tie my scarf up until I'm actually right at the entrance/exit.

[Anoat]

http://fox17.com/news/features/top-s...l#.Uu3YZGt5mK0

Biker Rides To Heaven On Harley

Updated: Saturday, February 1 2014, 11:25 PM CST
>
> MECHANICSBURG, Ohio --An Ohio man's family has fulfilled his dying wish — to be buried astride his beloved Harley-Davidson motorcycle encased in a see-through casket.
>
> But it wasn't easy. The project required an extra-large cemetery plot to accommodate a Plexiglas casket for Billy Standley and his hulking custom-painted 1967 Electra Glide cruiser. Five embalmers worked to prepare his body with a metal back brace and straps to ensure he'll never lose his seat.
>
> Standley's family said he'd been talking about it for years and liked to take people to the garage to show off the unusual casket his two sons had built for him. He told people he didn't just want to ride off to heaven, he wanted the world to see him do it in the big see-through box.
>
> "He was a quirky man," daughter Dorothy Brown said. "But when it comes to us kids, he loved us, he raised us well and, of course, we wanted to help him."
>
> Newspaper photos of the prepared casket showed Standley with his eyes closed astride the big bike. He was dressed in black leathers, a white helmet and glasses, his gloved hands grasping the handlebars.
>
> Standley told his family his motorcycle helped him retain his sense of adventure after he settled down to raise four children, which was quite a compromise for the man who made his start at 13 as ranch hand and rodeo rider.
>
> He started the project himself, buying three extra burial plots next to his wife, Lorna. His sons, Pete and Roy, fashioned the casket out of Plexiglas, reinforcing the bottom with wood and steel rods to handle the extra weight.
>
> Enlisting the help of Vernon Funeral Homes, Standley ensured his funeral would be held outside, so all his biker friends could watch his final ride.
>
> His family agreed the processional to the cemetery might be considered a little bizarre, even shocking.
>
> "He'd done right by us all these years, and at least we could see he goes out the way he wanted to," Pete Standley said.

[Krazy]

They should have kept his eyes open. Now people will think he died falling asleep at the wheel.

[bluefan]

http://www.winnipegsun.com/2014/02/0...sbands-iv-line

An Arizona woman has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly putting feces into her hospitalized husband's IV.

Rose Mary Vogel, 65, was in a Chandler, Ariz., hospital where her 66-year-old husband was recovering from heart surgery, CBS5 Arizona reported.

Police said two nurses walked in on Vogel holding the IV and she told the nurses the line needed to be flushed, the station reported.

Another nurse said there was a brown substance in the IV line and a fecal odour, so the nurse plugged the IV and went for help. When the nurse returned, Vogel was allegedly trying to empty the IV bag into the trash.

Police said Vogel's purse contained three syringes — two containing fluid and the third with feces.

"This isn't just gross, this would definitely be malicious intent," Dr. Jerry Ellen Owensby said. "It could cause permanent (organ) damage even if they survive."

[SamanosukeShiva]

Pretty goddamn disturbing

[Ksandra]

Jeebus

[Brill Weave]

That is fucking disgusting.

[wipers]

That is fucking disgusting.

The fact they are married. I know it grosses me out.

[SamanosukeShiva]

who?

[Faundrant]

http://news.msn.com/us/maine-girls-p...-in-her-pocket

A school principal in Maine says an eighth-grade student heard a popping sound before her pants caught fire from the phone in her pocket.

KENNEBUNK, Maine — The "stop, drop and roll" mantra came in handy for a Maine eighth-grader when her phone caught fire in her pocket at school.

Kennebunk Middle School Principal Jeff Rodman tells The Portland Press Herald that the girl heard a popping sound Friday morning and smoke started billowing around her.

Boys were herded from the room so the 14-year-old girl could shed her flaming pants. She also did the "stop, drop and roll" move to help put out the fire. She was treated at a hospital.

Her mother had given her the Apple iPhone 5C two months earlier.

Shouldn't be texting in a school zone I guess.

[Pirian]

Boys were herded from the room so the 14-year-old girl could shed her flaming pants. She also did the "stop, drop and roll" move to help put out the fire. She was treated at a hospital.

"I can't take of my flaming pants, there are BOYS!"