Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[wop]

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/875317-...ing-beauty-spa

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2011/09...75_304x456.jpg

Zhang Nan was bathing with live eels to cleanse his skin when one rogue serpent took a liking to his manhood.
The eel treatment in question is a similar concept to the popular London spas that offer fish pedicures.
Thinking that the eels would make him look ten years younger, Nan dived into the water and let them feast upon layers of dead skin.
But after laying in the spa bath, Nan felt a sharp pain and realised a small eel was working its way up his urethra and into his bladder.
'I climbed into the bath and I could feel the eels nibbling my body. But then suddenly I felt a severe pain and realised a small eel had gone into the end of my penis,' the 56-year-old from Honghu, Hubei province said.
'I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and it disappeared up my penis.'
(OK, that's enough cringing now... it's horrible, though, we know...)
Rushing himself to hospital, the man underwent a three-hour operation to remove the six-inch eel which was dead by the time doctors found it.
Surgeon Jin Wang said that, because of the eel's slippery nature, it was able to make a smooth entry into the genitals of Nan.
'The diameter of the urethra in a man's penis is just a little narrower, but because eels are quite slippery, its body worked as a lubricant and so it got into the penis smoothly,' he said.
(Really - stop cringing - we can see you...)
Believe it or not, Nan's case follows a similar incident when a 14-year-old boy in India had to undergo emergency surgery.
In a case study published by urologists Dr G Vezhaventhan and R Jeyaraman, they described how they removed a 2cm-long fish from the boy's bladder.
The teenager said that while holding the fish he had gone to the toilet and, while urinating, the fish had 'slipped from his hand and entered his urethra'.
Hmmm...

[solanis]

NO

[wop]

I bet you were cringing while reading that piece of news!

[Cail]

oh dear god no...

[Melena]

I bet you were cringing while reading that piece of news!

I was. Bleh. Worse then fucking spiders imo.

[Cream Soda]

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20110912/D9PMU9JG0.html

SpongeBob in hot water from study of 4-year-olds

I like how they compare an educational program to a program made purely for entertainment.

[Kuya]

I need to protect my penis from everything

[Rhinox]

No different then having a Kidney Stent removed.

[Vales]

Dwarf porn star who looks like Chef Gordon Ramsay found dead in badger den: http://huff.to/ou8Vvv

[Hyan]

Bestiality, aliens, eating feces since 1976!

Billy Joe Harris testified for about five hours Monday, weaving tales of bestiality, aliens, transvestites and combat heroism.

Harris, the suspected Twilight Rapist, is on trial in Jackson County for sexual assault of a disabled person and has been linked to several other assaults and burglaries in Central and South Texas.

He has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity because he suffers from multiple personality disorder.

MORNING TESTIMONY


During morning testimony, Harris said he has four other personalities and it was one of them, David the dog, that had consensual sex with the woman here in January.

During questioning by defense attorney Alan Cohen, Harris said he was made to put on a dress and makeup at age 13 and take part in a threesome with his music teacher and a dog while her husband took photographs.

The bestiality continued after that as Harris claims he killed chickens while masturbating, had sex with a female Shetland pony and had two canine lovers - Fina, a doberman pincher and Lady, a rottweiler.

When Harris and his wife of more than 20 years divorced, he testified that he told her she couldn't have Fina.

"I loved her more than I loved my wife," he said. "I was having more sex with the dog than with my wife."

Harris later said he built an air-conditioned dog house for Lady.

Harris at times would lower his head as if sleeping for a moment, then suddenly raise it. He also twitched and shook during his time on the stand.

During his testimony, Harris also claimed extra-terrestrials removed one of his testicles because they wanted his sperm.

He also said many of the items found in his home by Texas Rangers that connect him to the break-ins were bought by the personality Bobby from a crack-addicted transvestite at a store near Crockett.

The 54-year-old Missouri City man also said the personality Thomas Simpson was learning to build bombs so he could blow up a building.

"I stopped him," Harris said. "He doesn't know how to make the bombs yet. When he does, I'll have to change my religion from Southern Baptist to Muslim, and I will be the leader of all leaders."

"Dr. Ross got him to come out," he said. "I didn't know about him."

Dr. Colin Ross is one of the expert witnesses Cohen plans to call to testify on Tuesday.

Harris also claims he ate his own feces before a visit from the state's psychiatrist on Sunday. Harris said he had been eating feces since 1976.

Harris, who worked in food service for the Texas Department of Corrections at the time of his arrest and worked in the same field in the military, said he killed thousands of Iraqi soldiers during Operation Desert Storm.

He also claimed to have thrown a grenade in a prisoner of war barbed wire compound while in Iraq.

"They were a waste of time," he said.

The proceedings were interrupted briefly during Harris' morning testimony when his attorney asked him to remove the ear plugs he was wearing.

Harris bolted upright from his seat, but was quickly restrained by the two deputies at his side.

Cohen had said last week that the earplugs were to keep Harris from hearing voices.

District Attorney Bobby Bell asked Judge Skipper Koetter to call a recess after the outburst by Harris.

"You knew that was going to happen," Bell chastised Cohen.

"I had no idea how the defendant was going to respond. End of story. I resent the comment made by the DA that it was planned," Cohen said.

Bell wasn't buying any of Harris' testimony.

During cross examination, Bell told Harris to admit to the jury that his actions and story were all an act.

"Just tell them you're making this up," Bell said.

The district attorney got Harris to admit that until his arrest, he had never told any family member or co-worker about the multiple personalities.

Under cross examination, Harris gave answers about his arrest that conflicted with the testimony given by Edna police officers who arrested him on Jan. 8. He claimed to have been shot by one of the officers.

Edna police officer Michael Yaws testified that he used a stun gun on Harris.

Bell also put Harris' military record into evidence showing he was in Saudi Arabia and never in Iraq.

http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/news..._152557/?print

[hey]

http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/25/us/cal...?iref=obinsite

Campus Republicans at the University of California Berkeley have cooked up a storm of controversy with their plans for a bake sale.

But it's not your everyday collegiate fundraiser they've got in mind. They've developed a sliding scale where the price of the cookie or brownie depends on your gender and the color of your skin.

During the sale, scheduled for Tuesday, baked goods will be sold to white men for $2.00, Asian men for $1.50, Latino men for $1.00, black men for $0.75 and Native American men for $0.25. All women will get $0.25 off those prices.

"The pricing structure is there to bring attention, to cause people to get a little upset," Campus Republican President Shawn Lewis, who planned the event, told CNN-affiliate KGO. "But it's really there to cause people to think more critically about what this kind of policy would do in university admissions."

Anyone know any native american females?

[bigrougabagel]

Obligatory aryan honkey bitch raising her hand "I'm like totally part cherokee!"

[hey]

Obligatory aryan honkey bitch raising her hand "I'm like totally part cherokee!"

I'm part native american on both sides actually (Lenni-Lenape on my dad's side, and some unknown on my mom's), but somehow i doubt they would care since i'm casper white, those racists

[Kerberoz]

1. Be Native American female
2. "Buy" entire stock
3. Resell to everyone for $0.25ea

If they complain, call them commies for trying to restrict the free market.

[wop]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...-new-home.html

In an act of appalling cruelty, a depraved young man hurls a defenceless, unwanted puppy into the sea.
The dazed puppy made it back to the shore whereupon the man threw it back in the water in Xiamen, in southern China's Fujian Province.
The sickening scene was captured by a passer-by strolling along the beach.

As the puppy kept coming back, the man, believed to be in his 20s, repeatedly hurled it back into the water.
Other people on the beach screamed at him to stop, but he ignored their pleas.
Eventually the puppy, by now exhausted, lost the strength to make it back to the beach and struglled on to a rock.

The man left the beach and the puppy was rescued by a swimmer.
He gave it a young woman who witnesses the sickening abuse.
One witness, Mr Wang, said: 'I thought the man had come to the beach for a walk with his pet dog, but what he did next surprised all of us.
'He held the little dog, leaned backward and threw the puppy out into the sea.

'The puppy was very small, it was around eight inches long.
'It landed about 20-30 yards away in the water.'
Mr Wang said he was stunned as the man threw the puppy into the sea five times, ignoring attempts by people around him to make him stop.
'That man was very cruel. He kept throwing the puppy into the water.'
The puppy's new owner promised to give the helpless animal a good home.
Sadly, the man who carried out the cruelty will probably go unpunished.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/...14_634x348.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/...06_634x390.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/...59_634x388.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/...80_634x402.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/...67_634x406.jpg

[jinkazama]

Hate douches like that... so sad to think no matter what we do to a dog,it is so loyal to its owner that it will keep coming back for more punishment.

[miokomioko]

And for the rest of its life, it will cower and piss on itself whenever it sees sand, water, hears the ocean, etc.

[Fievel]

How people could just stand by and yell at him while he was throwing an adorable puppy like that is beyond me.

I don't get why somebody didn't just walk up and forcefully stop him.

[Drex]

How people could just stand by and yell at him while he was throwing an adorable puppy like that is beyond me.

I don't get why somebody didn't just walk up and forcefully stop him.

Because people are pussies who think that standing around and complaining solves problems. Or they all expect "someone else" to do the hard part.

[bigrougabagel]

I am not a violent man but would have briefly altered that aspect of myself for that fuckwad. Hope he gets raped by a shark.