Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Tricen]

[Draylo]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/fbi-woman...224157972.html

FBI: Woman robbed Wyoming bank to return to prison
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) — A woman who was recently released from prison in Oregon robbed a bank in Wyoming only to throw the cash up in the air outside the building and sit down to wait for police, authorities said Friday.

[NynJa]

If she has a rough life, prison offers her a gym, a roof over her head, 3 meals a day...

[Melena]

It's pretty common. During the winter months it's common to see an inmate get released from the jail I worked at walk out to the parking lot, bust a window and wait to be brought back in cause they are homeless

[myreality]

I read those comments in Morgan Freemans voice.

[Rooney]

It's pretty common. During the winter months it's common to see an inmate get released from the jail I worked at walk out to the parking lot, bust a window and wait to be brought back in cause they are homeless

This is why my hometown keeps a vagrancy law on the books. They arrest the 1-2 homeless people for that in late fall, then release them in the spring when it's warm enough outside.

[Xno Kappa]

There's stories of people robbing banks and stores for pennies just to go back to jail and receive health care.

[notorious bum]

In Capitalist America: Freedom imprisons you!

[Eticket]

Dear fellas,

I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid, but now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called "The Brewer" and a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work, I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might just show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doin' okay and makin' new friends.

I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense any more. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.

P.S: Tell Heywood I'm sorry I put a knife to his throat. No hard feelings.

Brooks.

[Ksandra]

Dear fellas,

I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid, but now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called "The Brewer" and a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work, I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might just show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doin' okay and makin' new friends.

I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense any more. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.

P.S: Tell Heywood I'm sorry I put a knife to his throat. No hard feelings.

Brooks.

FU!

[thetruepandagod]

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-en...-a7170266.html

The past couple of years have seen smoothie bars with live owls and a naked restaurant, but London's next novelty opening is set to be the most surreal, controversial and inevitably popular yet, a café where customers get a bl*w job with their latte.

You may remember reports on the plans to open the first Fellatio Café in Geneva circulating earlier in the year, and this has now been locked in for a 5 December, 2016 launch.

Following this, founder Bradley Charvet told the Independent that he intends to open a second coffee shop in Paddington, London.

The Baroque-themed, 150m2 café will serve coffee and a few pastries, with customers being given an iPad on which to choose an escort from a list of thumbnails to perform oral sex on them. £50 will be the base charge (billed as 'the most expensive coffee in the UK') with £10 added for every extra 15 minutes.

[Ksandra]

London trying to beat the US to be Japan 2.0

[TheDirtyHobo]

Well they've got the teeth for it.

[dasva]

http://time.com/4436714/man-arrested...lflow_facebook

A man wanted just two slices of cheese on his sandwich, so when his wife used three slices in his grilled cheese sandwich, he became irate.

Angered at the sight of all the extra cheesiness, James DePaola became agitated and violent, yelling at the woman

[Xantavia]

Idiocracy was supposed to be a warning, not a roadmap.

[The Stig]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...omplained.html

Furious mother 'squirted her boob' at a woman who told her to move while she was breastfeeding because it was distracting her husband

Storm in Kentish town after woman accuses of another of 'squirting her'
She posted a message on a local Facebook forum, sparking furious debate
Many have defended the breastfeeding woman over the alleged incident

[FNH]

gdamn not another thing fanatical breastfeeders will latch on to.

[shidobu]

gdamn not another thing fanatical breastfeeders will latch on to.

babys gotta eat yo

[thetruepandagod]

Page loaded weirdly slow and mashed this together and I had no idea what was happening.

Furious mother 'squirted her boob' at a woman who told her to move while she was breastfeeding because it was distracting her husband
Angered at the sight of all the extra cheesiness, James DePaola became agitated and violent, yelling at the woman

[notorious bum]

I hope she screamed "HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS MONEY SHOT, BITCH!"

I love how this is still a problem in 2016. Fuckin depraved morons.