Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Ksandra]

all of my wtf

[BaneTheBrawler]

what's the number for 911? whats the number for 911?

[Melena]

I just linked that article to a friend of mine who is a 911 dispatcher in San Francisco. I can't wait to hear the crying as he gets all sorts of crazy ass calls.

[Howie Roary]

Marcy: I don't even know no loud crash!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt...xo1_r1_500.jpg

Officer: Marcy, what's this body doing here in the closet?
Marcy (pictured above): That ain't mine!

[Kerberoz]

Woman calls 911, wants $300K to pull over for officer

These idiots are surprisingly common.

[Guitarman]

What the actual fuck...

Texas man accused of carving pentagram into son

RICHLAND HILLS, Texas (AP) — A North Texas man carved a large pentagram into his 6-year-old son's back Wednesday, telling a 911 dispatcher that he did it because "it's a holy day," police said.
In a matter-of-fact tone, Brent Troy Bartel told a dispatcher, "I shed some innocent blood," according to a copy of the recording of his early Wednesday morning 911 call released by Richland Hills police. After the dispatcher said, "I'm sorry?" he repeated those words, then said he inscribed a pentagram on his son. When the dispatcher asked why, Bartel said, "because it's a holy day" before hanging up.
At the family's modest one-story home in the Fort Worth suburb, some neighbors said they were shocked that Bartel was accused of injuring his son but that they didn't know the private family well. Smeared blood could be seen on the front door frame, put there by Bartel, Richland Hills police said.
It's unclear what Bartel meant about the day or why he used a pentagram, a five-sided star that's a symbol for many pagan groups.
Wednesday's date is 12-12-12, a once-in-a-century event. The Mayan calendar's end is Dec. 21, 2012, or 12-21-12, said to portend the end of the world, but some have interpreted that as 12-12-12. Also, Catholics celebrate Our Lady of Guadalupe on Dec. 12.
Bartel, 39, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and was jailed in lieu of $500,000 bond. He did not yet have an attorney, police Sgt. Nathan Stringer said.
Richland Hills officers found the child with his back almost entirely covered with a large pentagram. The wounds bled a lot but were not deep enough to require stitches, Stringer said. The boy was taken to a hospital, where he was listed in stable condition.
Police also recovered a box cutter they believe was used to cut the boy, he said.
Police plan to order a mental evaluation for Bartel, which will not affect the charges against him but will determine if he should be placed in a mental health unit in jail.
His mother, Lori Ponce, told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram that her son does not have a history of mental illness but has recently been under a lot of stress.
"Brent is not a demon. ... He loves that boy," Ponce said. "Something happened. Don't paint him as some crazy man. No, that's not him."
His stepfather told the newspaper that Bartel was "deep into the Old Testament" and may have convoluted some biblical references about Passover, a weeklong Jewish commemoration of the deliverance of the ancient Hebrews from slavery in Egypt that occurs in March or April.
"If you know about the Old Testament, there's the Passover marks on the door frame (that) were done with a sacrificial lamb, definitely not sacrificial children," John Ponce said.
As officers were headed to the scene after Bartel's chilling call, a neighbor also called 911, saying a woman was outside her door and telling her something was going on at her house. The child's mother could be heard on the recording saying, "He's trying to hurt my 6-year-old" and "Please hurry! Oh, God!"
When the dispatcher talked to the boy's mother directly and asked whether her husband had weapons, she said she had taken one knife but there were a lot of knives in the house.
Richland Hills police have responded to a few domestic calls involving verbal arguments at the home in the past four or five years, Stringer said.

http://www.kgw.com/news/national/183220091.html

[hey]

http://www.lcsun-news.com/ci_2217943...ce=most_viewed

LAS CRUCES — Tired of being a "nobody" and fed up with all the unrequited fan mail he had sent to singer Justin Bieber, a convicted murderer convinced another convict to exectute a plot to kill the pop artist and three other people while the pair was incarcerated together at the Southern New Mexico Correctional Facility, according to court documents.

Martin said he was infatuated with Bieber — he even had a tattoo of the young singer on his leg.

According to the criminal complaint, Staake wanted his 23-year-old nephew Tanner Ruane, also of Albuquerque, to participate in the killings because Ruane is Staake's "right-hand man."
Staake and Ruane left for Vermont for the first two murders in mid-November — planning them so they could be in New England near a Bieber concert scheduled in New York City. But the bumbling duo never arrived because they missed an exit, resulting in them driving their early 1980s model, blue-gray BMW sedan into Canada. Staake was arrested by U.S. Border Patrol agents for a probation violation, the complaint says.

Martin, for some reason, told prison officials about the plan, initiating the investigation. He's serving two life sentences for his 2000 rape and murder. Martin told investigators that he was able to convince Staake to commit the murders because he is "a very good manipulator."
Part of that manipulation, according to the criminal complaint, included Martin saying he had access to "large amounts of money," ties to a large, historic Vermont home that Staake and Ruane could use as a hideout and connections in a Chinese gang based in New York — as evidenced by the Asian tattoos on his body. Martin told Staake that the Chinese gang sanctioned the murders, which would put Staake and Ruane in good standing with the gang.

What the...

[Day]

Marcy: I don't even know no loud crash!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt...xo1_r1_500.jpg

Officer: Marcy, what's this body doing here in the closet?
Marcy (pictured above): That ain't mine!

I love you. This is one of my favorite movies and my favorite scene from the movie. DON'T YOU LOOK IN MY MOTHERFUCKIN CLOSET.

I probably say "I don't even know no loud crash" once a week lol.

[Odin'sLaw]

A DAD of three collapsed and died at his work Christmas party after dancing to chart smash Gangnam Style.

Eamonn Kilbride, 46, joined pals on stage to perform the fast-paced routine, made famous by Korean singer Psy.

But he complained of feeling unwell and collapsed moments later in Darwen, Lancs.

His shattered widow told last night how he kissed her, said she was beautiful — then walked away and died.

IT worker Eamonn climbed on stage to perform the horse-riding dance routine at his work’s Christmas bash.

But he complained of feeling unwell soon afterwards and suddenly collapsed. It is believed he suffered a heart attack.

Wife Julie, who had been celebrating her 49th birthday, frantically began CPR until paramedics arrived — but Eamonn died later in hospital

Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...#ixzz2Ex3b9NRo

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...mas-party.html if you want to read the whole thing, out of shape people doing slight exercise will kill them it seems

[Fievel]

I can't stop laughing and I feel horrible about it, holy shit.

[Odin'sLaw]

I can't stop laughing and I feel horrible about it, holy shit.

pretty sure everyone has this same weird feeling

[hey]

No video, so i don't care.

[Kerberoz]

pretty sure everyone has this same weird feeling

Yep. Laughing at the dad and feeling horrible that the Bieber plot failed.

[Anoat]

The 40 Most Insane Things That Happened In Florida In 2012 Not gonna quote the whole thing, but yeah, I love my state!!!

[Howie Roary]

I love you. This is one of my favorite movies and my favorite scene from the movie. DON'T YOU LOOK IN MY MOTHERFUCKIN CLOSET.

I probably say "I don't even know no loud crash" once a week lol.

biggest high-five for life, I am glad someone else knows and enjoys this

[Outlaw]

What the actual fuck...

Texas man accused of carving pentagram into son

I think I can top that.

BEIJING — A knife-wielding man injured 22 children and one adult outside a primary school in central China as students were arriving for classes Friday, police said, the latest in a series of periodic rampage attacks at Chinese schools and kindergartens.

The attack in the Henan province village of Chengping happened shortly before 8 a.m., said a police officer from Guangshan county, where the village is located.

The attacker, 36-year-old villager Min Yingjun, is now in police custody, said the officer, who declined to give her name, as is customary among Chinese civil servants.

A Guangshan county hospital administrator said the man first attacked an elderly woman, then students, before being subdued by security guards who have been posted across China following a spate of school attacks in recent years. He said there were no deaths among the nine students admitted, although two badly injured children had been transferred to better-equipped hospitals outside the county.

A doctor at Guangshan’s hospital of traditional Chinese medicine said that seven students had been admitted, but that none were seriously injured.

Neither the hospital administrator nor the doctor would give his name.

It was not clear how old the injured children were, but Chinese primary school pupils are generally 6-11 years old.

A notice posted on the Guangshan county government’s website confirmed the number of injured and said an emergency response team had been set up to investigate the attacks.

No motive was given for the stabbings, which echo a string of similar assaults against schoolchildren in 2010 that killed nearly 20 and wounded more than 50. The most recent such attack took place in August, when a knife-wielding man broke into a middle school in the southern city of Nanchang and stabbed two students before fleeing.

Most of the attackers have been mentally disturbed men involved in personal disputes or unable to adjust to the rapid pace of social change in China, underscoring grave weaknesses in the antiquated Chinese medical system’s ability to diagnose and treat psychiatric illness.

In one of the worst incidents, a man described as an unemployed, middle-aged doctor killed eight children with a knife in March 2010 to vent his anger over a thwarted romantic relationship.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/...b4e_story.html

There have been many incidents just like this in China over the past few years. There's even a damn wikapedia page for it!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_...2%80%932011%29

[myreality]

I think I can top that.

I will up the ante to another level of crazy. Although its not physical harm but equal amount of damage psychologically.

Pa. jury: Mom had sex with young son, dad helped

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) - A couple were convicted Friday of sexually abusing their young son, who testified he had frequent sexual encounters with his mom while his dad offered him instructions or tips on what to do.

The 14-year-old boy told jurors at his parents' sex abuse trial that he began having intercourse with his mom on his eighth birthday, about a year after his dad began showing him pornography.

The northeastern Pennsylvania boy, who was home-schooled, said he didn't know that sex with his mom was wrong until years later, when he was placed in foster care.

The mother and the father took the witness stand in their own defense and denied the allegations.

But a jury in Wilkes-Barre convicted the mother, 45, of rape of a child, corruption of minors, endangering the welfare of children and incest. It convicted the father, 53, of conspiracy to commit rape of a child, corruption of minors, endangering the welfare of children and distributing explicit sexual material to minors.

The father also was convicted in April on 13 charges he sexually abused two underage girls between 2002 and 2005. A judge postponed sentencing in that case until after the conclusion of the case involving the son.

The father will be sentenced in January. The mother will be sentenced in February. It was unclear how much prison time they would face.

Prosecutors said the boy lived in squalor and didn't know how to use eating utensils or tie his shoelaces when removed from his Plymouth, Luzerne County, home in August 2010.

The boy was temporarily put in foster care and then was transferred to live with an aunt and an uncle.

The Associated Press generally does not identify people who claim they are victims of sexual abuse or their family members.

[Manako]

Couldn't find a better place to put this, but had to share (its sfw)

http://news.uk.msn.com/health/squeez...an-stop-cancer

A little squeeze may be all that it takes to prevent malignant breast cells triggering cancer, research has shown.

Laboratory experiments showed that applying physical pressure to the cells guided them back to a normal growth pattern.

Scientists do not envisage fighting breast cancer with a new range of compression bras, but they believe the research provides clues that could lead to new treatments.

"People have known for centuries that physical force can influence our bodies," said Gautham Venugopalan, a leading member of the research team at the University of California in Berkeley, United States.

"When we lift weights our muscles get bigger. The force of gravity is essential to keeping our bones strong. Here we show that physical force can play a role in the growth - and reversion - of cancer cells."

The study involved growing malignant breast epithelial cells within a gel injected into flexible silicone chambers. This allowed the scientists to apply compression during the first stages of cell growth, effectively squashing the cells.

Over time, the squeezed malignant cells began to grow in a more normal and organised way.

Once the breast tissue structure was formed the cells stopped growing, even when the compressive force was removed. Non-compressed cells continued to display the haphazard and uncontrolled growth that leads to cancer.

"Malignant cells have not completely forgotten how to be healthy; they just need the right cues to guide them back to a healthy growth pattern," said Mr Venugopalan, a doctoral student.

The results were presented at the annual meeting of the American Society for Cell Biology in San Francisco.

[Byrthnoth]

Couldn't find a better place to put this, but had to share (its sfw)

http://news.uk.msn.com/health/squeez...an-stop-cancer

This is the first convincing evidence I've seen that the world is going to end in two days.

[Mazmaz]

So like, if I grab women's boobs, I'm helping them prevent breast cancer?