The Official Forums: BG Edition

[Ksandra]

I hate the current state of ffxi and did you guys see the recent post by community dev? Rebuying an entire collection of abyssea adds for the choco beret? That's really not cute. We already bought it and deserve it but we need to rebuy them all for a gimp luxury item? I'll admit its dumb to bitch about since its latent is pre-30 but i feel taken advantage of and insulted. Like could they make anymore obvious they are trying to milk us because they are in a snuff again financially?

uh... we get it without rebuying it

their comment was that if you haven't gotten it yet you can still get it buy buying the new set (ie it's not just for people who already have it).

but as long as you have codes connected to your account, the npc will give you one.


[edit] oh wait nvm, that's the statue. ya that's kinda retarded, but other games do it too, but a little bit more "open" in the process. lol

(by that I mean, a lot of games now are doing the whole "buy this cool item for irl money", this is just retarded because it's a round about way to also "increase" sales of the game)

[Aureus]

I hate the current state of ffxi, and did you guys see the recent post by community dev? Rebuying an entire collection of abyssea adds for the choco beret? That's really not cute. We already bought it and deserve it, but we need to rebuy them all for a gimp luxury item? I'll admit its dumb to bitch about, since its latent is pre-30. But i feel taken advantage of and insulted. Like could they make anymore obvious they are trying to milk us because they are in a snuff again financially?

Have you considered just...not buying it?

[Lovex]

Have you considered just...not buying it?

Oh, I didn't even need to think twice. Doesn't change the fact it's still retarded.

[Khajit]

So... none of you guys have realized that instead of waiting on SE to ban starcade you could report him to the police? It would technically work.

[Cymmina]

Man, if some of you guys are so butthurt about the population now, just imagine if the boards showed up when the game was still around the 500k number. Seriously, stop pretending these guys are eating your babies (Well, Starcade might, I digress) and exercise some self-control if you're so paranoid about getting banned. Otherwise, it's hard to take claims of higher intelligence seriously when you lack personal moderation.

Meanwhile, abusing the forum features like tags, sigs, and stalking post histories just reeks of immaturity. Yeah, yeah, internet, thicker skin, they're retards, blah blah. Not helpin'.

This x100. While you can't fix "stupid", you can prevent stupidity from spreading by being the intelligent opposition. Yes, vocal retards are clogging up the forums, but there are plenty more people that just read it and need to see informed responses.

[aduidarnenye]

I got a three hour suspension some time over night for putting a 'bad idea' tag on the Cuelebre thread, but not ones I put on about Starcade. I've put 'bad idea' on several threads though. The ones with bad ideas.

[Kensagaku]

I think after Rambus's little whining post about tags, the mods were on a serious crackdown to all of the "troll tags" all over.

[Yugl]

Self-promotion: http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxi/th...rage-partition

[Deader2818]

People are so outraged over an item you wont get much use out of for very long.

[Henihhi]

Another gem from hordecore

http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxi/th...o-remove-it-SE

[isladar]

It has come to my august attention that there are souls who cry out in the wilderness; souls who, in desperation and without hope for salvation, stare into the depthless depths of oblivioniness as fear and terror gnaw at the juicy morsels of their soulparts, as mind-stripping dumb rides upon waves of conflagration and apocalypse, as the light of joy and sanity flickers and is almost lost -- these souls have cried out, and thus I say unto you: Isladar is come.

Also it has come to my august attention that I hadn't written anything long-winded and self-aggrandizing in a couple weeks and we were all past due.

But who, you may ask, has called out? Those of the BlueGartr? No, for they already know awesome, like, in a Biblical sense, for they have seen my works, and know them to be pretty rad. Others yet labor in darkness, their eyes glazed over at the onslaught, their heads lodged unnaturally into their desks, their fingers curling helplessly at the keyboard. Who are these souls? Who suffers more than any other?

The moderators and administrators of the Official Forums.

It is for these jerks that I craft sentences littered with made-up words, and it is to them that I offer succor in their unending misery. To these few, these miserable few, I offer a means to learn to shot. I offer salvation.

I PRESENT, TO THE MODS AND ADMINS OF THE OFFICIAL FORUMS:

Yes, dear ones. All this and more.

I was once like you: paralyzed at the unfiltered stupid that presented itself, glistening with the dew of grammatical errors and unabashed mangling of the mother tongue, day after day in horrifying endlessness. I too suffered. But not for long. While I cannot bless others with my unparalleled awesome, my ravishing good looks, or my penchant for overblown narrative, I can still yet make a gift of some few things, perhaps bullet-pointed, maybe with some cool bold formatting and a graph or something, that may yet prove to save you all.

Be on the lookout for Auntie Isladar's Magical Forum Fun-Time Helpful Hints along the way!


POINT THE FIRST, BOLDED: Fear.

There are many kinds of fear. Be that as it may, you must focus on engendering only one kind: the pants-dumping kind of fear than makes your userbase tremble at the mere thought of hitting Post New Topic. The squiggly kind of fear that makes them ask "I wonder if this is a good idea?" isn't enough; you're moderators. You must wield the fury of a thousand moved posts, of hundreds of bannings. They must fear, and with good reason.

I've had a lot of luck with the whole fear and unspeakable horror thing with the prolific use of cussing. If cussing is not available to you, try making up words when you're banning someone. Banning someone for being a scrumblebum has its own special charm!

• POINT THE SECOND, BOLDED AND BULLET'D: "No, you're wrong."

As a moderator, you are above such trifling details as "courtesy" and "common decency". Common decency is for common users. You cannot utilize the techniques of the First Point unless you are prepared to be right all the time. This is actually far easier than it sounds. I'm always right. See how easy that was?



THE THIRD POINT, JUST REGULAR-KIND BOLDED w/o THE BULLET: Dumb.

Once you have fear, and are always right, you are ready to combat the bane of your entire existence: dumb. Though I can say I've found a cure for stupid, I've been told multiple times that bathing in the blood of the entire userbase is not an acceptable option, which is incredibly narrow-minded of certain other parties if I do say so myself. Which I do. This is my Magical Forum Fun-Time, and I'll inflict horror if I wanOkay look. We were talking about dumb, don't distract me.

What constitutes dumb? While it may seem like this is a subjective question, in reality, it isn't at all. If you're always right, dumb is never subjective. Let's play IS THIS DUMB? Note: All examples are actual, for really-real posts, culled from my personal collection from BG.

Post: "So...Do you marginate some jobs like DRK while looking for people to do this BCNM? If so, why? You want "the perfect set up"?"

Answer: marginate. THAT IS NOT EVEN A THING. Ban.

Post: "I complained that the campaign point requirment getting more and more the longer you dont do campaign was stupid because you penalized peopel for going on vacation or doing other new content that may come out in a patch..."

Answer: Things are too hard / give me the easy button / I HAVE A SUGGESTION = Ban. Every time, no exceptions.

Post: "Turban, Byakko, Swift give you 14% overall. If you want to recover 13% slow. Also the slow is only effecting you, you only, no one else, why should you care that it takes someone 2/3rds of a second to hit longer than anyone else, thats their loss, not yours. Also, I could care less if a mage out parsed me, I pay my 13$/month, I play for me, no one else, i play for fun, not as a way of life. So being outparsed means nothing to me."

Answer: For the love of me, ban.

In time, this will become second nature. You won't even have to ask IS THIS DUMB? because you'll know, as soon as you see a new thread, a new reply, or a new user, that it's dumb, and the answer is always ban.

Sometimes people try to hide their stupid behind being overly "nice" or using emoticons like ^_^_^_^ or what have you. Don't be fooled! They're dumb, and you should ban them.

POINT THE FOURTH, or; 4.: How's my driving?

If you've been implementing my fabulous techniques, you will, of course, have noticed that you're now far more attractive, intelligent, and awesome. This is a natural side effect; there is no need to consult your physician. But what about the forums? How do things stand there? Let's take a look at this totally kickin' chart:

Simple!

• POINT THE FIFTH, WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE CONCLUSION:

Moderators and Administrators of the Official Forums, I can only hope that this amazing post gives you some small measure of hope against the tide of horror that you live with each moment. And I know it will -- if you're willing to commit yourself wholeheartedly to the cause; the cause of destroying lives. We walk the narrow path, friends. Remember: if in doubt, ban. Ban them all.

Stay tuned next time, when Auntie unveils Forum Fun-Time Advanced Techniques! Here's a sneak preview:

- Trolling trolls.
- Making people like you even though you're out to get them.
- Great quotes to use when banning idiots.
- I've banned everyone: What now?

Love,
Auntie Isladar

Sent from my Throne of Skulls using Tapaban.

[Fereydoon]

Oh god.

[Ksandra]

this thread official got worth reading. A+++++ isla!

[Lyall]

I love you.

[brisk]

Isla just needs to be a mod everywhere. I'm shocked that hasn't happened yet. Also adding to the shit about being cute or nice to hide the dumb. Its dumb in the first place!

[Kensagaku]

...I am without words to address the sheer awesomeness of that post.

I wonder if we can redirect all the Official Forum mods here? >.> Though I might find myself banned if I don't step away from the forums for a week or so once (and only if) they take this advice. They will be cracking down on my cracking down of stupid. D:

[Cleverness]

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A..._8wqCGAP20&t=1

[Gabai]

I can say this after me and my wife have read this together, my wife wants you isla. I'm totally ok with it too.

No really, you can have her.

[Aurara]

HOLY SHIT Fuck yes

[Henihhi]

That was the best post I think i have seen. Ever.