You're Doin' it Wrong, 7 Basic Things.

[Seanr]

Is this a contest to link Cracked's least funny article?

Stumbled upon it yesterday, somewhat interesting but really doesn't live up to Cracked standards of lulziness.

yea, I love cracked, wish the magazine still came out. They do have some articles on there that often bring me to tears of laughter

[Despain]

Showering part doesn't surprise me at all, and I knew I was doing it right all along.

If you stay at home all day and took a shower the previous night, you don't need to shower at all the following day if you don't get dirty. Funny thing is, this is how I've been living for as long as I can remember and I've never had a problem with body odor.

[aduidarnenye]

#3. Having Babies

Obviously, giving birth to a smaller human might take a lot more effort than breathing. But when you realize that even the idiot deer that tried to jump in front of your car last month has probably managed to produce young, you would hope that we smart modern humans are getting it really right. Not so. Today, the majority of women in America are still directed to give birth in the "lithotomy" position, an odd pose that consists of lying flat on your back with your feet and legs raised, sometimes in stirrups.

In fact, short of actually duct-taping your legs together, this is pretty much the worst position imaginable to give birth in. And that's not the opinion of a bunch of hippies who think that childbirth should involve dolphins and mood lighting: The World Health Organization has called use of the lithotomy position "clearly harmful," and recommended that it be eliminated.

And when you think about it, it's not hard to see their point: With the woman on her back, the baby is actually fighting gravity on its way into the world, and rest assured, that baby is in no hurry whatsoever to escape a world in which breathing and eating are already taken care of. The result: a more difficult labor and an increased rate of severe vaginal tearing.

And as if that image was not utterly horrifying enough, directed pushing (those people who stand around the mother yelling "Push!") has been shown to increase perineal damage and childbirth pain while also decreasing the amount of oxygen that gets to the fetus.

So how the hell are we meant to do it?

Basically, the head-down, legs-in-the-air position has become standard in modern medicine mainly because it gives doctors direct and unrestricted access to your hoo-hoo. The thing is, having babies is a lot like making babies -- there's no one position that suits every situation. The World Health Organization recommends giving women the opportunity to move around during labor and change their position according to what feels right.

But science can tell us that non-lying-down positions reduce tearing and that a squatting labor position usually opens up the pelvis by 10 percent. And as anyone who has ever got their head stuck in a drainpipe knows, a 10 percent increase in space can sometimes mean a lot. Basically, squatting should be given some sort of medal at this point.

I read a book recently that described how Western medicine took birthing away from midwives and into the hands of male doctors. And how the doctors generally screwed it all up and caused a huge rise in the deaths of women and babies. Then refused to allow it to go back to the midwives for such a long time that the art of midwifery is all but lost.

I know so many women who went to have their babies in a hospital, were forced to lie on their back while hooked up to a bunch of machines, and had to eventually have Cesareans because the babies couldn't be born under those conditions and ended up in danger. About 1 in 3 babies are born by Cesarean now, which is major bloody surgery to have to put a woman through because the doctors refuse to use some sense.

[Kerberoz]

What's even the point of natural childbirth in the 21st century? Other than pride.

[Tellahh]

Nice read, only thing I had a misconception about it seems was the brushing. Will try to wait a bit after eatting meals now since I've always been really obsessive about brushing after meals and usually 4~ times a day lol (bad breath and a gamey taste in my mouth bug the fuck out of me><). Although being from a British dentistry source... think I'll take it with a grain of salt haha.

[*Shinzon*]

The bathing and brushing of teeth make sense considering you'd wear both skin and the enamel down if you did it all the time like obsessively. I've always always done abdominal breathing although when doing heavy activity I take shallow chest breaths that I guess now thinking about explain why I could never run long distances without always being gassed lol.

[Caiyuo]

Awesome list otherwise. Shame no matter how many times my dentist tells me to do it, I still suck at remembering to floss, or give a damn about it.

I'm the exact same way, I've tried training myself to do it before but I'm so fucking cumbersome about it that I inevitably stop doing so regularly.

Plus, Fiona Apple is my #1 baby mama.

So what's it like to suddenly stop being a black man

[chiyio]

bathing got me. like a lot of runners I shower 2 times a day at the minimum, usually even 3x a day =/ Secret to a good workout or run is taking a shower right before. then of course you want one afterwards. and I like to take one in the morning as well, so...

[The_OG_Nelta]

?
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y15...nstoilettv.jpg

This is correct.

[Stiker]

(flutes are for pussies).

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MR53bEnnqV.../band-camp.jpg

[Mizango]

So what's it like to suddenly stop being a black man

lol

[aduidarnenye]

What's even the point of natural childbirth in the 21st century? Other than pride.

It's more about strapping women down into uncomfortable harmful positions from which they cannot move and forcing them to have their babies like that, even though it can cause a lot of damage to the baby and force the mother into having a Cesarean. A lot of people believe Cesareans are pretty simple surgeries but they're major abdominal surgeries that can cause a lot of lasting harm, including if the woman wants to have another child and her uterus has closed up/scarred badly. After a Cesarean (and as I said you are sometimes forced into the first one) you are usually required by hospitals to keep having Cesareans if you want to have another baby. The constant cutting and sewing really messes up your stomach, including the muscles and the uterus. Sometimes a pregnancy after having had a Cesarean can cause the uterus to rupture and all kinds of nasty stuff, sometimes resulting in death.

I don't think it's about the traditional idea of "natural childbirth" where you don't take any painkillers and fight your way through. I think it's more about realising that women have been having babies for a really, really long time without doctors intervening and anyone alive today had several grandmothers in their ancestries who survived childbirth just fine.

Think of it like eating at McDonald's. Fast food, all those processed shitty foods from that restaurant, are not good for you. They make you fat and do bad things to your insides. Eating natural foods, organically grown, is much better for your outsides and insides. Sadly most people eat at McDonalds because they perceive that it is faster, easier, and tastier than real food. Having babies has turned hospitals into fast food restaurants where the idea is to push the babies out fast and easy, instead of letting the woman and the baby do the work naturally.

Of course, when it comes to that whole natural childbirth line you've got a lot of quacks out there and hyper-militaristic feminists who muddy up the waters so most people think that the hospital way is normal and any other way is crazy.

[#686578]

Got me on breathing, but not on anything else.

Things like pooping and shit I've always done naturally. While I dont squat because I dont have that kind of place available, I naturally always leaned over etc to make it easier. It just was always easier so I just did it like that and assumed other people did too. Bathing, Sleeping, Tooth Brushing, and Sitting I all do right. Bathing is a halfsies though, I actually do require to bathe and wash my hair every day because I'm naturally more oily than other people, my friends who I've crashed at their places can attest that the next day I look like I need a shower terribly. My sleep patterns are all sorts of fucked up according to the sleep industry. Morning routine is to shower->brush->meal, and I brush at night before going to bed. I've NEVER had "proper" posture when sitting in a chair and I've been accused of trying to pretend to be L sometimes (based on the fact that I refuse to sit properly, not in how I actually sit).

Also I dont give birth to children on an often enough basis for me to have ever done it wrong or ever do it wrong.

[Galkaeater]

is it just me or is shitting easier naked

[Uzor]

Surprisingly, I only do 2 of those things wrong, as my anatomy prevents me from having babies.

The pooping thing I actually do right. After having been to Eastern countries and being forced to poop squatting, I discovered it's actually much better, so that's how I do it while at home as well. Well, not the squatting thing - but leaning forwards with my legs raised a bit.

[Clash Perez]

Just tried shitting while squatting, and it's a no-go. It's half this bathroom's fault, as the air circulation causes a draft right across the rectum in that position, but my preoccupation with not pissing on my shoes/shorts didn't help either. I'll just continue to lean forward with my elbows on my knees like I have for the last twenty-something years.