Girlfriend problems...

[antihero]

http://www2.picturepush.com/photo/a/...mg/5459255.jpg

[BadKarma]

I've been around BG long enough to know that, as a community, we pretty much bat .1000 on predicting relationship outcomes, and always give pretty damned sound advice. Getting the opinion from people who aren't vested in you and couldn't care less about you or your significant other is the most objective viewpoint you can get. I've also been in the OP's girlfriend's position and the OP's position. It doesn't end well either way. Cut your losses kid.

Sincerely,
Someone who isn't a "nerdy virgin" or whatever some dumbass posted earlier.

It would be 1.000, .1000 is infact 10% whichever way you slice it.

[Titanss]

anyone said all bitches cheat yet?

[ikethegreat]

All bitches cheat.

[Titanss]

my nigga

[Pikarya]

Not alpha enough.

[altwight]

stalk her

[chikalin]

you know.. going back through this thread, most (not all!) of you seem like really nice, sweet guys that actually care about relationships! that makes me happy and reinforces my decision to date only gamers. which i would suggest to the guy who posted the thread, but girl gamers are still girls, so we're still crazy.

[foopy]

you know.. going back through this thread, most (not all!) of you seem like really nice, sweet guys that actually care about relationships! that makes me happy and reinforces my decision to date only gamers. which i would suggest to the guy who posted the thread, but girl gamers are still girls, so we're still crazy.

[Ragnell]

Pretty much Foopy's post

[Effluo]

Man the fuck up! Call this chic right now and tell her to hit the road. Two things are gonna happen if you don't; she's gonna dump you first or fuck with you for two weeks then dump you and tell the new boyfriend how much of a pussy you were, and then they'll laugh their ass off while they fuck all night long.. You will become known to her and all her friends as "Mr. Two Weeks" and they will all snicker and laugh every time they see you

[Norellicus]

This. You're getting info and advice from people wholly disconnected from the issue that have been in exact or very similar situations. You are getting the benefit of their hindsight. When you are deep into a problem like this, you will not think it through clearly, it's impossible unless you're a sociopath. Seriously take to heart the bulk of the info in this thread.

To be perfectly fair, hindsight in situations like this can make you jaded and cynical, as many posts in this thread prove; people jumped straight to the conclusion that it was over. While that may be a common occurrence, it's not the obvious or only possibility, and that kind of jaded advice is far from objective; while I am aware that hyperbole reigns supreme on the interwebs, someone who's looking for advice probably isn't the first place you want to be putting it.

Khamsin and Isladar at least were actually helpful and objective about it, as they zeroed in on the problem in its entirety and offered advice on specifically how to deal with it, instead of just falling back on "bitches be crazy" rhetoric.

[Effluo]

It may suck, but it's my first and I couldn't resist.

http://www.sullich.com/pics/girltrouble.png

[richardd]

i went through something very similiar. only the girl i was with was a 2 year relationship on my part and she didnt tell me she was interested in someone else until after she cheated. and i outed the same way OP did too.

im not crewin' and i can give a fuck about mod status, but i could relate with this post more than any other post i ever seen on BG, including old ffxi nin/drk tanking stuff

While it's almost certain the relationship is doomed at this point, and you should let her go, you can't make it easy on her. If you just say "Well, sounds like you love someone else, go get him, tiger" then you'll just be validating her own feelings that she should be with someone else. You'll also be reinforcing that kind of behavior, which is bad enough, let alone also making yourself look like a pansy that deserved to be left.

What you should do is be angry, tell her how you feel and fight for her. Be a man, and tell her it's him or you. If she still leaves you, at least she'll feel like shit and it won't be easy on her. If she decides to stay with you, make sure she's told the other guy she can't be around him anymore and burned some bridges. Then dump her. That way, it'll be awkward for her to try to go back to the other guy, because from his perspective she'll have chosen you and then only gone to him because you dumped her which won't make him feel good at all.

Alternatively, if she really did choose to stay with you and burn her bridges with the other guy, then don't dump her if you feel she's serious and actually committed enough that she won't do it again. Sometimes they like to see a little jealousy, to know you care and to feel desirable. But at that point, only you can gauge the relationship at that point.

Either way, don't simply go "Well, I love you so I'm going to set you free to follow your heart" because then you're just coming off as an uncaring, wimpy, and emotionless doormat. Put her in her place, maybe that's all she's after. Women don't like short leashes, super jealous and controlling boyfriends, but they do like to know there are limits and that you possess the ability to rein them in if needed.

if i read this before hand. my life would be so much easier and my self esteem wouldn't have had to take the hit i had to. i read a book by neil strauss that illustrated this point and it seemed like complete bullshit, until you go out in the field and truly see for yourself how accurate this post truly is. the second you take yourself off the of the pedestal and have her realize that your value is lower than hers is the second she becomes uninterested and starts to see what other options she has available.

the girl i was with for 2 years cheated on me, and her outing was she thought "i cheated on her too". which was false. it was a shitty copout. so shitty that i think it was mostly fake, and just a bait to make me overreact and make her not feel as guilty when i do. luckily, i didnt take it. but i couldnt help but wonder why i lost her. what made it worse was that the guy she cheated on me with was some short, ugly, unfunny kid with nothing to offer compared to me, and offered no sort of originality in personality. so that made it even WORSE. but long distance relationships suck, etc and im glad i got out of it. it was a learning experience and something i continue to pass on.

the advice from isa was great too and something that could've came in handy for me too, but i learned my lesson the hard way. and im sure you will too.

[Silviya]

Only way to get the upper hand back is The Orangutan Plan:

O.K. This is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I’m not talking a monkey or some dancing chimp BS, I mean a damn orangutan. Don’t ask me how you’re gonna get an orangutan that’s not my problem. So the orangutan’s name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don’t know why this is, it’s just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You’re seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. “Did you know the guy with the orangutan?” “You used to date the guy with the orangutan?” “Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?” Next thing you know she’s calling.

“I’m hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?” “Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to a monster truck race tonight. (Orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I’ll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in.” “Oh, well you know my number so don’t be a stra-” “Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde’s making Mojitos’.”

At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind; you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it’s your life. But if you’re a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You’re IM’ng. You’re talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You’re one big Brady Bunch.

[Khamsin]

This can be a double edged sword though. A man shouldn't have to go thru tests and hoops every time a chick somes some reassurance. Relationships are hard as it is to fight to keep them together. You don't need a chick throwing another man into the equation. I'm no war veteran but fighting on two fronts doesn't seem like an ideal strategy.

I don't think women tend to intentionally create tests, though. Well, some do, and those are a different (and annoying) breed, but for the most part, think of the relationship like a natural system... like weather or something.

There are all sorts of forces at play, things happen, other things happen in response to it, and none of it is necessarily conscious or intended, it's just the dynamics of how you interact. She behaves a certain way, and without even thinking about it, you behave a certain way, and the equilibrium in the end (in a successful relationship) is that things remain peaceful and calm. If she strays, or it doesn't work out, things weren't in equilibrium. It wasn't a good match.

Imagine a ball in a bowl. You can shake the bowl, but the ball always settles down to the same spot at the bottom. That's a stable equilibrium, and a solid relationship. Imagine a ball on top of a mound. A little shaking and the ball rolls away, you have to struggle to maintain the balance. That is an unstable equilibrium, and a fragile relationship. Which one do you want?

As long as we're on the analogy path, let's also pretend relationships are a game of basketball! Why not, right? Now, how fun is a game where you just hold onto the ball the whole time? It's not, at all. The ball needs to be passed around. If the ball is always in your court, there's nothing to keep you interested. Conversely, if the ball is always in her court, how long do you think you can keep her interested? Now, some of the things in this thread make it sound like you should just treat women like shit or that they're not worth the effort or that bitches be crazy, but that's not true. Like basketball, good sportsmanship is also important in relationships. You do want to do nice things for her, and impress her, but still keep the game going. Be nice by playing nice, not handing the ball (and your balls) to her and letting her use you however you want. Know the difference between a friendly even match and total domination, but always be respectful.

[Matricide]

People already said what needs to be said here. I just wanted to put in my 2c. I don't believe in that whole 'show her you're pissed' bullshit. I'll be 30 next year, and I've been with my gf for 3 years (marriage inc) whom I treat the best that I can, but I've flat out told her not to expect me to beg her or yell up a storm if she ever decides to leave me or if she's into someone else or whatever. Who the fuck has time for that shit? You want to throw away a good thing that's your call. If you don't think it's good then I bid you well in finding something better, who am I to keep you from being happy.

If you got a girl who likes to play the see if you care / get jealous game, find someone else. That shit's for teenagers.

[arus2001]

you know.. going back through this thread, most (not all!) of you seem like really nice, sweet guys that actually care about relationships! that makes me happy and reinforces my decision to date only gamers. which i would suggest to the guy who posted the thread, but girl gamers are still girls, so we're still crazy.

While my post was more on the sarcastic side, as much as I also feel I'd hit it off better with a female gamer/anime+manga fan, I know it's an uphill battle in the looks department... which is unfortunately important to the equation. Nothing I hate more than thinking I'm hitting it off with a chick only to get a pic and be like, "...what's wrong with her face?!"

/foreveralone

[Haiko]

Where the Fuck is the OP? Are we going to get an answer in 2 weeks too?

[Cephius]

Where the Fuck is the OP? Are we going to get an answer in 2 weeks too?

No, this is the part of the thread where everyone chimes in with their own boring experiences until the OP returns