A true moderate

[Kuya]

For instance, when it comes to fiscal issues, I consider myself to be a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth, right-wing lunatic. But on the social front, I'm a completely out-of-his-mind, wacked-out liberal loon.

Take finances. It is my opinion that all taxes whatsoever should be abolished, and that everything relating to money in any way should be privatized, including the minting of coinage. Thus, each American should have his own system of currency and his own bank named after him to maintain that currency, and anyone whose personal currency system fails in the unfettered free market should be left to die bleeding and penniless in the street, with his family crying helplessly at his side.

For example, when it comes to a social issue like gay rights, my opinion is that gays and lesbians should be afforded extra rights under the law, as I believe they are descended from an immortal race of beings whom we must revere as the ancient Sumerians would have revered their god An. All Americans should spend four hours of every workday erecting elaborate temples in which to worship our omnipotent homosexual overlords, and we all must sacrifice ourselves willingly upon the altar of the gay and lesbian community, everyone of us, including children, who, by the way, I think should be eligible to drink, drive, and vote from age four on up.

And children who can't handle that should be thrown immediately into debtor's prison, performing menial tasks until they have paid back their debt to society and are once again ready to participate in our robust free-market economy. But at the same time, we must make sure that whatever prison they are sent to has plasma-screen TVs and Wi-Fi in every cell, and that the inmates are encouraged, by highly paid professional psychologists, to express their feelings in improv role-playing classes and short-fiction workshops.

And Marxism should be taught in schools. But there should be no public schools. And everyone should be required by law to participate in women's empowerment seminars. But the heavily armed stormtroopers enforcing this law should be independent contractors. Down with the fat cats living high off government subsidies! Hands off my individualized, personal Larry-dollars! And also, hands off my uterus.

Just because I'm a "man" doesn't mean I can't have a uterus. (Everyone knows so-called "normative" gender differentiations are merely a construct of the Oppressor Hegemony.)

So, in conclusion: the African-American community will never receive justice until there is an armed insurrection against Whitey in the streets, Pepsi-Cola should run our government, the elderly are our greatest national resource except for child labor, which I support, slavery should be legalized, as well as rape, and if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen! It's not the government's job to pamper you and hold your hand unless you want funding for a massive public arts project that involves a giant pile of human feces shaped like the American flag, in which case nothing should stand in the way of your First Amendment rights.


I only wish there were more people out there as open-minded as I am.

You and me both brother

[Kuya]

I would just like to correct larry, that it's sex differentiations imposed by the oppresor hegemony, not gender differentiations that are merely a construct of the tyrannical overlords

[Conrad]

I read The Onion too

[Kuya]

Do you also read fox news?

[Kuya]

i've decided that the onion is extreme left and fox news is extreme right, and if you read both you are moderate and very serious

[Kuya]

you are a plow

[Conrad]

i've decided that the onion is extreme left

lol

[Kuya]

what are you laughing about you beckwin

[Conrad]

stop calling me that

[Kuya]

lol

[Kuya]

Now i have the last laugh.

[Conrad]

I will read The Onion now and lol heartily

[Conrad]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gov...id-well,20499/

WASHINGTON—State Department diplomat Nelson Milstrand, who appeared on CNN last week and offered an informed, thoughtful analysis implying that Israel could perhaps exercise more restraint toward Palestinian moderates in disputed territories, was asked to resign Tuesday. “The United States deeply regrets any harm Mr. Milstrand’s careful, even-tempered, and factually accurate remarks may have caused our democratic partner in the Middle East,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said in an unequivocal condemnation of the veteran foreign-service officer’s perfectly reasonable statements. “U.S. policy toward Israel continues to be one of unconditional support and fawning sycophancy.” Milstrand, 63, will reportedly appear at an AIPAC conference to offer a full apology as soon as his trial concludes and his divorce is finalized.

lol

[Kuya]

i heard netanyehu is going to address congress on tuesday

[Kuya]

his dick is gonna be sore later that night

[Conrad]

Maybe if I become a high-ranking elected official in Israel, all the American girls will want to sleep with me then lest they be labeled unpatriotic

[Kuya]

anyone who wouldn't want to suck your dick is a raging anti-semite

[Conrad]

Basically

[Qalbert]

or an anti-semenite

[Kuya]

qalbert, stop