How do you make a girl admit that

[Lucienne]

This bitch fell down the stairs and blames her ex.

What if he pushed me?!

[archibaldcrane]

If this is the first time it happened, I would tell him I expect him to respect my privacy.

You wouldn't try to figure out ...why he did this? You don't take ownership in the idea that trust is something that two people build together and are both responsible for?

You sound like an icy bitch, honestly.

[Day]

What if he pushed you? Are we now trying to say snooping is a relationship ender in the same fashion as domestic abuse and cheating? I don't follow the point. People snoop for a reason, you should try to understand the reasons and work through them if this is happening in your relationship... Not just fucking drop the person. Shits unreasonable and speaks volumes about how much you care about the person you are with if you are able to end shit over principle. In a truly healthy relationship you are so honest and open with one another there should be nothing to hide, and you should be able to work through trust issues regardless of reason.

[Lucienne]

You wouldn't try to figure out ...why he did this? You don't take ownership in the idea that trust is something that two people build together and are both responsible for?

You sound like an icy bitch, honestly.

I generally don't trust people, however, if I decide to trust you, then I will till proved otherwise. This goes for anyone, partners, friends, family. It's increadibly naive, I'm aware, but that's how I am. Besides my first bf, who was increadibly jealous, I have never experienced trust issues the way you desribe them. I guess you could see me as an icy bitch.

[archibaldcrane]

Also, I'll be in Sweden in early August, holla atcha boy

[Lucienne]

Also, I'll be in Sweden in early August, holla atcha boy

Where, when? Wanna get drunk?

What if he pushed you? Are we now trying to say snooping is a relationship ender in the same fashion as domestic abuse and cheating? I don't follow the point. People snoop for a reason, you should try to understand the reasons and work through them if this is happening in your relationship... Not just fucking drop the person. Shits unreasonable and speaks volumes about how much you care about the person you are with if you are able to end shit over principle. In a truly healthy relationship you are so honest and open with one another there should be nothing to hide, and you should be able to work through trust issues regardless of reason.

I love you , Day.
You asked what's worse. A guy would hit me once (unless it was an accident) and he'd be out. If he emptied my bank account buying drinks for an entire pub, I wouldn't give him a second chance either. If he snooked around my stuff, I'd tell him not to do it again.

I guess I don't believe in working around trust issues. It's hard enough to build an intimate and functional relationship even without it. I trust few people in my life, which is maybe why it is so essential to me in a relationship. Without it, I really don't see a point in being together.

[EternityEnd]

If this is the first time it happened, I would tell him I expect him to respect my privacy. I would make sure he knew how I felt. I realise people have different ideas of what you share in a relationship. I didn't open bills adressed to my bf, even if they concerned both of us. If he wasn't home, I would call and ask if it was ok. I expect the same courtesy to be paid to me. If it happened again, there would be no reason in the world that could make me stay.

If I wasn't gay, you would be the woman I'd want to be in a relationship with. High-five. Also, I'm almost surprised how stellar cream soda has been in this thread. lol

I couldn't have said it more eloquently than this:

It's just as much a question of respect as it is one of trust.
To read a conversation someone has with another person doesn't only concern their privacy, but also the other person's privacy. Would you like your friend's partners to read whatever stuff you talked to your friend about? What kind of a fucking soap opera world do you live in?

Nobody is acting like a higher being. I'm pretty sure that at some point, some day, someone will cheat on me if it hasn't happened already. I don't think a solution to that is walking around worrying and suspecting that they might. If that is how anyone feels in their relationship then why the fuck are they still in it? It makes no sense. Essentially, the only person you really have to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. If you want to spend it beign a neurotic wrack, be my guest. If you have your hints, or tips or whatever, why don't you just confront them? If they deny and you no longer believe them, then what on earth makes you think that relationship is worth keeping?

If talking to your partner is too hard and you would rather pretend that you're super-detective, you're probably not mature enough to be in a relationship. Some people value their and their friend's privacy more than their would-be partner's paranoia. If you snoop, it is more indicative of your lack of communication skills than your partner's perfidy. If you and your partner want such a "transparent" relationship, that's okay; just make sure you understand that other people have different opinions on how their relationships should function.

It's quite a testament to each side's current rationality in this thread that one side keeps rebuking the other with derisive insults and argumentum ad hominem.

[archibaldcrane]

August 1st-4th I think, my girlfriend's friend is getting married at Castle Rocklestaad (sp?) and I'll be in Stockholm, Uppsala and there for the 4 days.

Not sure when would be opportune to get a drink (probably on the 4th would be best as the wedding will be over and we'll head to Stockholm to catch a train to Oslo) - I'm letting her do most of the planning. But if we can make it work I'd be up for it - are you in stockholm?

[archibaldcrane]

If you snoop, it is more indicative of your lack of communication skills than your partner's perfidy.

Take the OP. He tried to talk to her about what was going on, she was getting more and more distant, so he got suspicious and took another angle (snooping).

I agree that snooping without attempting to communicate concerns is fucked up, so I'm on the same page as you there. But if you try and fail, and really think something is wrong, I don't blame someone for snooping.

[Lucienne]

I'm near Gothenburg, which is basically on the other side of Sweden, and you more than likely won't be passing through. I do love Stockholm, but the timing is rahter poor for me right now, and I won't have a chance to go there.

[archibaldcrane]

Ah lame. We land first in Copenhagen, spend a few days there, then Stockholm/Uppsala/Rocklestaad, then Oslo.

[EternityEnd]

Take the OP. He tried to talk to her about what was going on, she was getting more and more distant, so he got suspicious and took another angle (snooping).

I agree that snooping without attempting to communicate concerns is fucked up, so I'm on the same page as you there. But if you try and fail, and really think something is wrong, I don't blame someone for snooping.

I agree that it's unfortunate that she was unwilling to talk. Knowing her unwillingness to be open, though . . . why wouldn't you just break up with her? It's clear after that point that the relationship is not going to function in its current state, and that there's no mutual trust or respect. Why do you even have to resort to snooping, with that knowledge, unless you're attempting to incite drama (which the OP was, seeing as he asked BG for help in that regard)? Consequently, if you want drama, like the OP, I think you (not you, mind) should grow up and stop living in a high school mindset.

[archibaldcrane]

Two years is a lot of relationship to throw away just because "she's been distant and uncommunicative lately".

[EternityEnd]

Would you rather throw away more years of your life, only to have her break up with you because she (clearly) doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore?

I suppose it comes down to what you put more value in: your devotion to a relationship because of the quantity of years you've been in it, or your continued happiness.

[Lucienne]

Ah lame. We land first in Copenhagen, spend a few days there, then Stockholm/Uppsala/Rocklestaad, then Oslo.

Sounds like a nice trip. Copenhagen is great! Expensive as hell unfortunatelly.
Sorry for beign completely off topic.

[Day]

Ideals vs reality

Wouldn't it be awesome if relationships didn't require work and communication to be healthy and functional?

You just bail at the first sign of problems?

[EternityEnd]

Derp reading comprehension.

I guess talking is less communicative than reading internet history. You're reading what you want, not what I say.

[Xno Kappa]

Bit late but have you tried fucking her sister in retaliation?

[Lucienne]

Ideals vs reality

Wouldn't it be awesome if relationships didn't require work and communication to be healthy and functional?

You just bail at the first sign of problems?

But Day, if there are people that live in relationships without ever having snooked, then you cannot say that is not reality.

I guess I don't believe in working around trust issues. It's hard enough to build an intimate and functional relationship even without it.

It refered to the issues, not the working. My English fails.

Nobody is bailing at first signs of problems. You have said yourself that snooking is a result of something. Wouldn't this something be those first signs that needed to be worked out? And if they weren't, then the relationship imo cannot be considered healthy.

[archibaldcrane]

Would you rather throw away more years of your life, only to have her break up with you because she (clearly) doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore?

You're implying that a person can't get into a funk and get back out of it. Relationships and communication require work, and sometimes one person is going to have to carry more than their share of the load, unfortunately. Bailing because your partner (for whatever reason) is acting strangely for a limited period of time is irrational. Circumventing their evasiveness with snooping is much less so.

Best case scenario of course is that both people continue to be open and honest with each other regardless of the ups and downs of life - it's just a rare scenario.