Real life pic thread 2: Electric Boogaloo

[Spicyryan]

Easy for me too. If someone else wants to hype up having kids so much, they can have another one, lol

Much like marriage, it can often come down to your partners happiness and not yours.

[Guitarman]

Unless I'm misunderstanding you completely, (which if I am I apologize,)that seems like a shitty outlook on marriage; as long as they're happy it's ok? Nah, that's an old joke and all, but your happiness is equally important. That factor is why my folks are the only ones of all my friends still married after 35 years.

[Cream Soda]

Much like marriage, it can often come down to your partners happiness and not yours.

Nope, not at all.

There are 7 billion people on Earth. Anyone who wants children is simply not compatible w/ me.

The only issue is when people are scared to announce their child free status, get in a relationship, let someone get attached to them and then say they don't want children.

I'll say it up front and if that's something they want, they can say "We're not compatible" right from the start.

Why pick "My happiness vs hers" when I can find someone where we can have "My happiness and your happiness?"

I may be single, but I'm not willing to give up my fundamental values and change who I am as a person just to have someone.

[thetruepandagod]

You can be an uncle to my bastard offspring dont worry.

[Spicyryan]

Nope, not at all.

There are 7 billion people on Earth. Anyone who wants children is simply not compatible w/ me.

The only issue is when people are scared to announce their child free status, get in a relationship, let someone get attached to them and then say they don't want children.

I'll say it up front and if that's something they want, they can say "We're not compatible" right from the start.

Why pick "My happiness vs hers" when I can find someone where we can have "My happiness and your happiness?"

I may be single, but I'm not willing to give up my fundamental values and change who I am as a person just to have someone.

I draw my red lines (the same as you) as a condition of being with someone, but I don't want to let those lines ruin a relationship when push comes to shove.

It doesn't matter how many people there are in the world if you have to go through drama of your own design by letting one or two issues ruin something with someone you have feelings for. There are plenty of great partners that stubbornness and idealism can get between.

Eventually somewhat-sorta-not-really-fuckable women from anime conventions won't cut it or in time you just won't cut it for them. You know, unless they have a "you are old enough to be my dad" fetish. Those are generally unstable women anyway and the cycle repeats.

[Astylla]

I appreciate it. It's not an easy choice to make, i've gotten every single permutation of 'oh you'll change your mind when you meet the right woman" or "you say that but it'll be different when it's yours, or it just happens". I'm like, no. I legitimately get nauseated thinking about having my own little snot factory tied around my ankle. I have a 3 year old nephew who I love him and all but he's infuriating to be around. The family lets him get away with murder and It drives me up a wall. I can't get myself neutered fast enough.

You definitely have my support as a happy childfree woman. I pretty much feel the same way you outlined above and quite frankly more women are also choosing to be childfree. It's no different than choosing to have kids - you have to be honest with yourself! I had his crazy idea when I was as a teenager I'd be married by 25 and have kids by then and the perfect life - yeah none of that shit happened and I still /eye roll when my friends announce their pregnancies. Very few do I actually support because I know they are capable and actually raise their kids well.

Easy for me too. If someone else wants to hype up having kids so much, they can have another one, lol

Exactly this. Just don't expect me to fawn over you at all. I'll say congrats and be done.

Much like marriage, it can often come down to your partners happiness and not yours.

That's a load of bullshit especially when it comes to brining a fucking human being into the picture that doesn't have a say. My dad didn't want me once he found out I was a girl for example. My late brother died a few days after being born and as the rest of us are girls he resented me my entire life yet gave into my moms' desire for more kids. I was emotionally and mentally abused my whole life and while I made peace at the end of his life , constantly questioning my existence for 35+ years was a burden I don't wish on anyone.

Flat out is a compatibility issue and I don't believe this is something that should ever be compromised on.

And I'm fucking drunk off wine so I'm definitely bitchy about this subject I admit lol.

[Cream Soda]

It doesn't matter how many people there are in the world if you have to go through drama of your own design by letting one or two issues ruin something with someone you have feelings for. There are plenty of great partners that stubbornness and idealism can get between.

There's not a person on this planet having a child with is worth.

I am not about that lifestyle. I don't want to commit 18 years of time, dedication, money to a child. I'm too selfish for that.

[Spicyryan]

There's not a person on this planet having a child with is worth.

I am not about that lifestyle. I don't want to commit 18 years of time, dedication, money to a child. I'm too selfish for that.

It is potentially lonely at the top.

[Astylla]

There's not a person on this planet having a child with is worth.

I am not about that lifestyle. I don't want to commit 18 years of time, dedication, money to a child. I'm too selfish for that.

Fuck I wish I would love this a million times.
I couldn't t say it better myself. Being selfish gets a bad rap because it's just as selfish to have a kid imo in this fucked up world and I realize how unpopular an opinion that is but it's true. Either way it's selfish in its own way so to speak but is that really the worst thing in the world we as humans can be ?

[Spicyryan]

Fuck I wish I would love this a million times.
I couldn't t say it better myself. Being selfish gets a bad rap because it's just as selfish to have a kid imo in this fucked up world and I realize how unpopular an opinion that is but it's true. Either way it's selfish in its own way so to speak but is that really the worst thing in the world we as humans can be ?

I don't want kids either. However, the issue for me with this conversation is the brazen selfishness. That basically they are better than any woman on the planet because all that matters is what they want, and no one can be worth more than their desires. It is rather sophomoric overall, and such people are shitty partners.

Curious what happens when the desire for another conflicts with ones selfishness which is basically what I have been getting at.

[Astylla]

I don't want kids either. However, the issue for me with this conversation is the brazen selfishness. That basically they are better than any woman on the planet because all that matters is what they want, and no one can be worth more than their desires. It is rather sophomoric overall, and such people are shitty partners.

Curious what happens when the desire for another conflicts with ones selfishness which is basically what I have been getting at.

That's why discussions about life goals and compatibility are so vital. Not just once but obviously front he getgo too. I just went through this with a friend of mine on compatibility. It wasn't a long relationship if you could call it that but she was so scared to have to balls to actually say "I really need XYZ if we move forward " that it imploded this weekend. I knew from her vaugebook posts and prying some that it was a compatibility issue between personality types and sexual needs.

Basically there's no reason why either side should compromise on THIS. Where to live , what to eat that night , helping each other with finances and goals all require compromise I agree but it's vital to be on the same page and never assume things will change. So many including my own sister try to convince me I'll change my mind. What part of I'm HAPPY BEING CHILDFREE, BITCH DONT YOU GET. My own doctor still tries to convince me I'll "change my mind"- yeah because I'm excited to drop 60k I don't have on fertility treatments that might not work and went through 6 miscarriages in my early 20's already that took an emotional toll as was when I thought I did want kids.
Never mind that said sister doesn't have any relationship with any of her 5 kids from 4 different fathers.

I sacrificed nearly everything in my past for my relationships and it got me absolutely nothing in the end. I learned the hard way compromise only goes so far and it better be somewhat equal.

[Spicyryan]

I sacrificed nearly everything in my past for my relationships and it got me absolutely nothing in the end. I learned the hard way compromise only goes so far and it better be somewhat equal.

There is a big difference between sacrificing it all and riding with a "your way or the highway" mentality.

I also don't think it is so simple. It is common nowadays for younger people into their 30s and 40s to not want kids at all. Say you are happily with someone for 15+ years and then in their early 40s they suddenly decide they want kids after not wanting them forever. Do you throw away a successful relationship over it? "Yeah, I want to be with you, but I can't now because you want kids after all these years". I believe compromise still exists there.

[Cream Soda]

It is potentially lonely at the top.

I'd rather be alone than raise kids.

[Guitarman]

There is a big difference between sacrificing it all and riding with a "your way or the highway" mentality.

I also don't think it is so simple. It is common nowadays for younger people into their 30s and 40s to not want kids at all. Say you are happily with someone for 15+ years and then in their early 40s they suddenly decide they want kids after not wanting them forever. Do you throw away a successful relationship over it? "Yeah, I want to be with you, but I can't now because you want kids after all these years". I believe compromise still exists there.

Compromise absolutely does not exist when a child is involved. If you're with someone for 15 years knowing full well they do not want children, the selfishness is on YOU if you're trying to change the other person. A human life is not a compromise; it's a commitment you need to go into with a willing heart. There is zero wrong with wanting to be child free; I know the consequence of that; dating is now 10x harder. So be it.

[Spicyryan]

Compromise absolutely does not exist when a child is involved. If you're with someone for 15 years knowing full well they do not want children, the selfishness is on YOU if you're trying to change the other person. A human life is not a compromise; it's a commitment you need to go into with a willing heart. There is zero wrong with wanting to be child free; I know the consequence of that; dating is now 10x harder. So be it.

Because feelings never change as people get older?

I don't want kids, but if 20 years from now it is suddenly making or breaking my relationship and I want to keep said relationship. Then I would talk about adoption or something. Rather than be the guy stuck occasionally posting on the internet about partnership as an outlet for a lack of self-actualization.

[Cream Soda]

I don't want kids, but if 20 years from now it is suddenly making or breaking my relationship and I want to keep said relationship.

I'd be upfront from the start. Not only do I not want kids, now, I shouldn't be able to have them (unless I'm on in the 1/4,000 failures). If you want kids or thing you'd want them at any point, you'll know from the start that I am not for you.

I'm not gonna hide my vasectomy because I think it may be off putting. I'm going to be up front, so they can decide then and there if that's the life they want.

[Guitarman]

And for what it's worth, vasectomies are far more easily reversed than a woman's procedure, so there is that consideration. But I'm with CS and Astylla; my decision is firm. One of my requirements for a relationship is a woman on the same page as me on this. There are plenty of women who don't want kids either.

[Cream Soda]

And for what it's worth, vasectomies are far more easily reversed than a woman's procedure, so there is that consideration. But I'm with CS and Astylla; my decision is firm. One of my requirements for a relationship is a woman on the same page as me on this. There are plenty of women who don't want kids either.

To be fair, the childfree reddit is like 70/30 on women to men ratio. I was quite surprised. At least on reddit, more women don't want children than men.

[Guitarman]

That's good to hear. I am glad it's becoming more common otherwise guys like us are fucked.



I want a life like my cousin has; she works with kids all day so she get her "fill" of kid time; she just has her, her husband, and 2 huge dogs in a HUGE house. They both have high paying jobs and travel constantly. Looks like a pretty solid life to me.

[Spicyryan]

I'd be upfront from the start. Not only do I not want kids, now, I shouldn't be able to have them (unless I'm on in the 1/4,000 failures). If you want kids or thing you'd want them at any point, you'll know from the start that I am not for you.

I'm not gonna hide my vasectomy because I think it may be off putting. I'm going to be up front, so they can decide then and there if that's the life they want.

Of course you don't hide it. No one is suggesting that. This started on one topic and is moving to another which is this. Peoples needs change over a lifetime. None of us in this discussion want kids now, but much longer down the road our partner may change their stance. Everyone is acting like it is a premeditated switch or something, and for many it isn't. Frankly, the idea of establishing a decade or more ago that you don't want children as an agreed upon condition of a long term relationship isn't like establishing other ground rules.

For me, I don't want to be married, and I know my partner does. As did my last partner which caused strife, but that is neither here nor there. I am much happier acting married down to the ring than actually being married because I believe marriage is a sham and a hollow institution with a false face. That, and mentally I don't enjoy feeling like I no longer have a choice. Knowing I can leave someone makes me want to stay with them. Now that doesn't mean I will infinitely refuse to bite the bullet because overall it isn't just about me. As much as I enjoy telling off everyone who dare suggest the notion of marriage. There is generally a bigger picture than myself in life. If I want to be so narrow minded then I will just keep upsetting myself in the end.

Now yes a child isn't as simple as marriage and the financial argument of it that is perfectly understandable. On the flip side the "I don't want to be committed to something for 18+ years" (actually a lifetime, but whatever) aspect is just a dick move. Every child and every individual relies on the selflessness of others at some point in their life. For someone to turn around after reaping the benefits and say they don't ever want to be bothered by doing the same is pretty low.

Not having an interest in being a parent is fine. Not having one due to a lack of finance is the right choice. Saying the world sucks why bring children into it is arguable, but still an overall valid reason. However, 'I'm just a dick and I matter more than everyone else' isn't.