My One Year

[Myrrh_Quetz]

I can say this for sure, being told that at 13 has greatly changed my life. If I had not been told that than my teen years would have been extremely different and I could have put off transplant longer.

[kuronosan]

Well, in a sense hey is right.

It's really hard to empathize with somebody when you've told thousands just like them the same thing. You really think a doctor could handle the emotional damage if he cared for every single patient every single time?

Doctors do care. They just don't get attached. They've learned what happens when you do.

[Myrrh_Quetz]

I don't think it's fair or right to tell a child that he won't see 25. Tell me something like that when I'm an adult. What they told me completely changed my life and my outlook on life.

[Byrd]

I don't think it's fair or right to tell a child that he won't see 25. Tell me something like that when I'm an adult. What they told me completely changed my life and my outlook on life.

At what point do you think that would be fair? It's certainly an interesting moral dilemma, and you're the only one who has been in the situation here, I'm genuinely curious your opinion on the matter and how you would have handled it differently had you been the doctor.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and figure out what I would have done differently if I had been given that news at 13, and I just have no idea. I think the normal "go to college after high school" thing kind of goes out the window if you know at 13, for sure. But if you don't find out and put yourself through 4 years of college at 18 for a degree you're not going to have much chance to use because you didn't know your reduced life expectancy, there could be some bitterness, and quite possibly a lot of additional debt you didn't need to put your family through. I don't know, I'm genuinely curious.

[hey]

and quite possibly a lot of additional debt you didn't need to put your family through.

Student loans are discharged when you die.

[Anakron]

Thank you again for posting this. It's always a great read and gives me a lot of perspective in my life.

EDIT: Removed a question I asked, found the answer in your blog.

[Heavencloud]

Another friend who has a rare blood cancer was basically told by her doctor she won't live to see her son graduate from high school. It's all sorts of fucked up.

You have to be real with people. Telling people these things is not about being heartless or not caring... it's about the statistics and giving the people adequate time to make their peace. I agree it's maybe not something you should tell a child of 13, but if you put yourself in the doctor's shoes... Should he/she not tell the person (lie) and tell them that they're going to live a really long and prosperous life despite their condition? I think that would be worse.

[Melena]

It's really all in how you word it., her issue and i apologize for the slight derail here is that the type she has (hell if i can remember the name), 95% of the time it's in women in the mid 50's or later. She was diagnosed 3 years ago or so, and they basically won't do any known treatments on her due to her young age and it's all catered around middle aged to senior women. So between the you have 8-10 years to live and oh by the way were not even going to do anything for you, just check into the ER when your in pain to me is not the best way to explain things. Don't have to be all cheery, but have a bit of empathy.

[Silenka]

In some parts of the world (*coughJapancough*) it's still taboo to tell a terminal patient they are going to die and when. They don't even have the choice of knowing or not knowing, everyone around them just pretends like everything might turn out fine.

Whether that's a better or worse way of doing things is really subjective. I've given it some thought after learning that fact, and decided that if it was me, I'd want to know - simply so I could ragefight against it as long as humanly possible, and try to be someone who doesn't get pinned down by it. Maybe some people would be happier not knowing, but imho if you don't know it, you can't take as many steps to help yourself.

[Zalius]

inner liberation vs. inner ignorance. pick your side & play the game

[Xno Kappa]

I'd want to know. Just so I can go ahead and blow huge amounts of credit, cocaine, and hookers. Might as live like a boss for the last year or two.

[Myrrh_Quetz]

At what point do you think that would be fair? It's certainly an interesting moral dilemma, and you're the only one who has been in the situation here, I'm genuinely curious your opinion on the matter and how you would have handled it differently had you been the doctor.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and figure out what I would have done differently if I had been given that news at 13, and I just have no idea. I think the normal "go to college after high school" thing kind of goes out the window if you know at 13, for sure. But if you don't find out and put yourself through 4 years of college at 18 for a degree you're not going to have much chance to use because you didn't know your reduced life expectancy, there could be some bitterness, and quite possibly a lot of additional debt you didn't need to put your family through. I don't know, I'm genuinely curious.

See, I think it's wrong because when you're a teenager, you look at the world like you're immortal and like anything is possible. When I got told that, I saw the world as a dark piece of shit and decided to fuck it all. I took nothing in life seriously after that. Even when my health first started to go down hill, I didn't give a fuck. I figured why should I? I'm dead no matter what I do. I didn't take school seriously, I didn't take my family/friends seriously, I didn't take relationships seriously. The last 11 years of my life has been a selfish living life for me, fuck the world thing.

Hell, if I wasn't told that, I'm positive I could have pushed off transplant for many more years because I would have taken care of myself.

Mind you, everyone takes everything differently so many another person could handle that better but they could also handle it worse.

Even now, with my new lungs, I may live to be 40 with them, I may live to be 25 with them. I don't know but I know that I will enjoy life this time and not waste this second chance.