Ready for a livejournal post?

[archibaldcrane]

It's a bacteria actually, but yeah.

[zoobernut]

It's a bacteria actually, but yeah.

Sorry you are correct. I mixed it up with Malaria which is a parasite.

[miokomioko]

My best friend's fiance is one of those misfortunates... came down with one of those undiagnosable/vague/random-symptom things that has her in and out of every hospital in the bay area for the last couple years with each doctor taking their random pick out of the lupus/ibs/etc. hat, but luckily finally got into some clinical tests at Stanford. And she's definitely not one of those people who's making it up as an excuse to be a freeloading attention whore slob, because you know some of those exist regardless of how serious and debilitating they legitimately are.

[Byrd]

Wait, she had fibro but got rid of it?

No, I don't believe so. I try not to engage her too actively in conversation as we dated 1996ish, but see her various Facebook posts on the issue. She hasn't complained about the fibromyalgia publicly that I've seen. The Lyme Disease is a frequent topic of conversation, though. And, for whatever reason, she hasn't gotten it successfully treated. It sounds like some doctors don't believe her, but others do, and it's hard to get a cure. I dunno. She's always been a hypochondriac, so I don't know to sort actual truth from believed truth. It's one of the reasons we only dated a year or so, her constant illness wore me down.

[Plow]

fibromyalgia is bullshit and your girlfriend is playing you

[BaneTheBrawler]

My mom has fibromayalgia. My dad has rheumatoid arthritis. I was screwed right out of the gate! I have Crohn's Disease. All three are part of the same family of diseases: Autoimmune. Essentially, something happens to fuck up the body's immune system, and it causes damage to the muscles (Fibromayalgia) joints (RA) and digestive system (Crohn's). It's unclear if it's genetic, environmental, or a combination (My money is on combination).

I can't accurately describe fibromayalgia pain, especially since pain itself is so subjective. I can say, however, that it takes a LOT of energy to deal with pain on a full-time basis. So you're tired all the time too. Plus, chronic illnesses like this often come with a side of mental problems like depression. If you think that's BS, let's see you go through life in constant pain and be unable to do anything about it and see how long it takes you to think to yourself "Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Will it EVER stop?"

I have not been treated for depression, but I've dealt with it now and then over the years. I think my cases have been pretty mild, but I can certainly understand how someone could get into severe. It's a very slippery slope; one I have avoided in no small part thanks to my family and friends.

Anyway, if your gf is unable to work, her fibro is not being adequately treated and she should try something else. Healthier diet can never hurt, though diet control probably won't have as direct an effect as it does for a Crohnie. Exercise is tough when you're in that much pain, and mine isnt even centered in my muscles, so I dunno how bad it would be for her... but if she can tolerate it, working out will help too. The body is a complicated system, when one thing goes wrong it's more likely that other things will go wrong... but conversely, the healthier you make parts of it, the easier it is to keep the rest healthy. But I'm sure she's heard all that crap a million times before. If she'd like a place to vent or chat or share tips and tricks or whatever, have her give this forum a look. I visit the Crohn's section fairly regularly. And actually, relatives and significant others and even just curious people are welcome to sign up and post. So if you've got questions you're afraid to ask your gf, you could run it by the fibro folks at HW.

[archibaldcrane]

No, I don't believe so. I try not to engage her too actively in conversation as we dated 1996ish, but see her various Facebook posts on the issue. She hasn't complained about the fibromyalgia publicly that I've seen. The Lyme Disease is a frequent topic of conversation, though. And, for whatever reason, she hasn't gotten it successfully treated. It sounds like some doctors don't believe her, but others do, and it's hard to get a cure. I dunno. She's always been a hypochondriac, so I don't know to sort actual truth from believed truth. It's one of the reasons we only dated a year or so, her constant illness wore me down.

I'd be inclined to believe she's full of shit, honestly.

Bouncing from fibro to "uncurable lymes"? get the fuck out of here.

[Byrd]

I'd be inclined to believe she's full of shit, honestly.

Bouncing from fibro to "uncurable lymes"? get the fuck out of here.

Tends to be my feeling, too. There's a reason I dumped her 15 years ago. Well, several of them, but that was one.

[Xajii]

Yea that sounds fishy.

My sister first started suffering from fibro symptoms when she was abroad in Iraq. Doctors over there thought it was Lyme's but tested negative for it - she had goten it when she was a little kid, so they thought it might be coming back, but no. She had to get shipped home middle of her term to see doctors here.

[Eaglestrike]

Yeah, she has some depression with it for sure. She does not talk about it, but apparently after she stopped working (5 years after symptoms showed and around the time she was diagnosed from what I gather) her entire family essentially ignored her existence, and they still do not understand her plight.

She does yoga on a daily basis, goes for walks on occasion and does more active exercise (jumping jacks and such) as energy allows. She is not perfect, but she is making a clear effort, she is more on top of doing these things than I am. Getting health care is an issue, and we are in agreement that saving money for a place is more important for the moment. I was looking into it when she was living with me as money was better but did not get into it before my mother went nuts.

So as an update, went with father to get my car, total bill of $1240, my card was declined (too much going out at once, lol) and I forgot the cash at home, so dad and I go to my mothers and they get into an argument (my dad is a bit of a troll so lol) and she agrees to pay for the whole bill, but I still owe rent. I paid for it all, and I am thinking of not paying rent for 2 months. This leaves me at roughly even (lost wages + rent saved is roughly even) and my mother makes about $600. A fair compromise imo, though I am sure she will throw a fit, oh well. Bitch is not throwing me out.

[Seraph]

Didn't bother reading any of the responses.

I gave you good advice last time you posted one of your sob stories here, you seemed to listen to it, and I'm feeling generous, so I'll do it again...

You assume that your mother is going to in some way benefit you when she dies, so you put up with the bullshit in the meantime to keep that fantasy going. You are very likely going to get as much benefit out of her as all of those people who said they would help you in the event you would become a father (nothing). Just because you are the next of kin doesn't mean you get anything. She can will everything away to charity is she wants, so get that fantasy out of your head.

With that in mind, it's going to be hard supporting you and your girlfriend all on your own with a shit paying job if all she does is consume food and electricity and provided little to no benefit to the living situation. If she likes the computer so much, see if there is a way she can make money using it since according to you she is in no physical condition to work. Realize that making it on your own means you will have to make some sacrifices. You like living in the comfortable house with many things taken care of for you. That will not be the situation when you are living somewhere else.

You have come quite a ways from the last post of 'imma be a deadbeat daddy?' but its just a start. Your parents are not going to help you. You cannot keep assuming your future plans depend on them in any way, shape, or form. Find a path in life that leads to personal independence in an environment that is good for you, and if you choose so, your girlfriend. Get your shit together. You seem like a reasonably intelligent person, take some initiative.

[Greatguardian]

Livejournal post gets livejournal response, so bear with me for a moment.

Get out of that relationship.

No, not because this chick's an invalid per se. But what you've got going on isn't a mutually beneficial arrangement - it's parasitic. Your girlfriend is completely dependent on you for damn near everything. She doesn't work, she lives in your basement, and she eats your food. And you know what? That can be a fun place to be. Not gonna lie, I've been there. It's nice to feel needed. It's nice to feel secure knowing that she can't live without you.

Funny thing is, she can. She totally can, and eventually she will. Eventually she is going to leave you, regardless of how dependent she is on you, and she will be fine.

Why?

Think of it from her perspective. Where is her life going right now? What is she making out of herself? Yes, she is living like an invalid. She lives in your basement, sitting on a computer all day, doing absolutely nothing with her life. That is depressing as all fuck. One of these days, she will be fed up with it. She will decide to make a better person out of herself, and the first thing that's going to go when she decides to change her life is you. Why? Because being with you is always going to remind her of how miserable, useless, and utterly dependent on you she was.

You can't save her. She can and will save herself, but you won't be there for it. And you know what? It's only going to feel twice as bad when you eventually resent her for being so ungrateful for all the things you did for her and all the shit you put up with to make her life better.

Don't set yourself up for that shit. Never get in a relationship where you're contributing more than your fair share. Bitches can and will still leave you, and you'll only end up resenting them more for it. You don't need to throw her shit out on the porch and take away her key, but you need to make the first move and make it clear that you two absolutely cannot maintain a parasitic relationship - for both of your sakes. If you two still want to jimmy up after she's able to stand on her own two feet, that's awesome. But she needs to get her head on straight, and you need to stop enabling her.

Edit: For emphasis, after she's standing on her own two feet. No compromises there. No "Well I'll get a job" and then getting back together a week later. I'm talking a few months later minimum when/if she's seriously able to live on her own, support herself both financially and emotionally, and still wants to engage in a real relationship with you.

[SamanosukeShiva]

i lost it at comeatmebromialgia

[BaneTheBrawler]

She does yoga on a daily basis, goes for walks on occasion and does more active exercise (jumping jacks and such) as energy allows. She is not perfect, but she is making a clear effort, she is more on top of doing these things than I am. Getting health care is an issue, and we are in agreement that saving money for a place is more important for the moment. I was looking into it when she was living with me as money was better but did not get into it before my mother went nuts.

Good on her. That's more than I've been able to do. If she's younger than 26 she might be able to get back onto her parents' insurance. Having insurance is important for someone with a chronic illness. I went 5 years without insurance, and had to resort to clinical trials to get treatment. They're better than going untreated, because at least you have a medical professional tracking your condition and overall health, but whether they're effective is often a diceroll. The last trial I was in actually made my disease worse. I lost about 50 lbs in 4 months. Worst part is, I had just gotten my first suit, and it fit very nicely, but now even with the belt as tight as it can go the pants almost slip off my hips. Trying very hard to gain back the weight I lost so I can wear my suit properly!

Anyway, if her insurance isn't sufficient or the available treatments aren't working, clinical trials are worth looking into. I designed my current treatment regimen based on one of the trials I did, and it's doing fairly well right now. Plus there's the whole furthering-modern-science thing, which I enjoyed.

But yeah, good insurance is something you should aim for as soon as possible. I had an MRI recently, with a follow-up visit to discuss the results. Not an uncommon or superfluous treatment. Bill was $18k, of which I am responsible for $60. I think. Hasn't come back yet.

[Eaglestrike]

Good on her. That's more than I've been able to do. If she's younger than 26 she might be able to get back onto her parents' insurance. Having insurance is important for someone with a chronic illness. I went 5 years without insurance, and had to resort to clinical trials to get treatment. They're better than going untreated, because at least you have a medical professional tracking your condition and overall health, but whether they're effective is often a diceroll. The last trial I was in actually made my disease worse. I lost about 50 lbs in 4 months. Worst part is, I had just gotten my first suit, and it fit very nicely, but now even with the belt as tight as it can go the pants almost slip off my hips. Trying very hard to gain back the weight I lost so I can wear my suit properly!

Anyway, if her insurance isn't sufficient or the available treatments aren't working, clinical trials are worth looking into. I designed my current treatment regimen based on one of the trials I did, and it's doing fairly well right now. Plus there's the whole furthering-modern-science thing, which I enjoyed.

But yeah, good insurance is something you should aim for as soon as possible. I had an MRI recently, with a follow-up visit to discuss the results. Not an uncommon or superfluous treatment. Bill was $18k, of which I am responsible for $60. I think. Hasn't come back yet.

She's actually older than me, so no insurance there. She has a Rheumatologist but no primary care doctor, she sees him every 6-12 months for a check up and pays out of pocket (usually her parents pay). I want to look into getting another one as a second consult type thing because this guy, while a nice guy for sure, doesn't seem interested in going out of his way to change/alter things. She's complained about dizziness (which happens to her a LOT, possibly her worse symptom as it stops her from walking often and I think it's closely related to brain fog and such) and all 3 meds she's on cause dizziness, but he didn't change her medication at all. But she says it'd be a few hundred dollars to go to another guy, so it's not worth it yet. Especially with her medical records officially who knows where as her last primary care doctor had his practice shut down through a lawsuit.

@GreatGuardian - You make a good point, I will keep it in mind as I've actually had a girl do this to me. One of my best friends in HS had a mother with cancer. I was the first person she told about it and I was always very close to her for years. We actually dated the summer I came back from college (we always had some feelings for each other but I was taken in HS so yeah) but her mother finally passed away at the end of that summer. She spoke to me only a few times in the year after that, and I haven't heard a single thing from her since. It's been 6 years. I was essentially her cancer friend...

@seraph - A fair point, but my mother couldn't give two shits for charity and neither does my father. Also, my grandma is rich as fuck and like 83 and she has 3 grandkids only, me and my brother being 2 of them and she likes my brother a lot. So yes, I should make plans to survive on my own without any assistance to my family, and I do intend to as necessary, I am also trying to not have to deal with that amount of hardship if I can get around it. One thing I've learned about this ordeal is to keep a batch of money saved up, I'm thinking $5k at least once I get up there, so that if/when shit goes down, I can deal. And I'll do that in any situation that doesn't include me getting my own place and being on my own, because I'm not sure how long it would take me to save up to that much money, lol.

[Brill Weave]

Wait which one is bipolar? The guy or his mom? From reading that I'm not sure.

[BaneTheBrawler]

My parents always say the recommended savings amount is 6 months- That is, save up enough to continue living as you are for an additional 6 months with no income. That way you can stretch it by trimming things like movies and shit if you need to, and have time to find a new job if you need to.

[Brill Weave]

If you learn anything from this thread, let it be this. I cannot stress this enough.

Never get in a relationship where you're contributing more than your fair share.

My wife has crippling fibro. I can't touch anywhere on her back without causing her to cry out. She says it causes dizziness to the point where she must sit down. She tosses and turns all night due to back pain and wakes up constantly. Guess what. She holds a good job, doesn't hole herself up in the bedroom. Hell she's more active than I am. Your girlfriend is choosing to do the things that she does.

[miokomioko]

She's out of the ordinary then. I'm pretty sure most people in the world, when faced with an opportunity to be a freeloading pile of boohoo, will take it.

[Seraph]

@seraph - A fair point, but my mother couldn't give two shits for charity and neither does my father. Also, my grandma is rich as fuck and like 83 and she has 3 grandkids only, me and my brother being 2 of them and she likes my brother a lot. So yes, I should make plans to survive on my own without any assistance to my family, and I do intend to as necessary, I am also trying to not have to deal with that amount of hardship if I can get around it. One thing I've learned about this ordeal is to keep a batch of money saved up, I'm thinking $5k at least once I get up there, so that if/when shit goes down, I can deal. And I'll do that in any situation that doesn't include me getting my own place and being on my own, because I'm not sure how long it would take me to save up to that much money, lol.

It's a good start, but you should do it especially if you get a place on your own. Nothing like being one mistake away from having to move back in with your crazy ass mother. That's no way to live. Milk your current situation now if you have to, but start saving NOW. Also, don't be retarded and tell your mother that you are saving money.