Ready for a livejournal post?

[Ollieyk]

Ok, so why hadn't she applied for any of this support years ago? Have you been with her for an extended period of time and been supporting her financially 100%? What about her family? Is she not able to live at home while you get your finances sorted out? Or are you not able to live with her parents with her until you can afford a down payment?

Apologies if these questions have been answered before, the thread is pretty much tl;dr to get all the details.

Also - How old are you and how old is your gf? if you dont mind me asking...

[Eaglestrike]

Ok, so why hadn't she applied for any of this support years ago? Have you been with her for an extended period of time and been supporting her financially 100%? What about her family? Is she not able to live at home while you get your finances sorted out? Or are you not able to live with her parents with her until you can afford a down payment?

Apologies if these questions have been answered before, the thread is pretty much tl;dr to get all the details.

Also - How old are you and how old is your gf? if you dont mind me asking...

She applied before but was denied, but I'm getting her to focus her efforts on getting to it. It's a hard thing to get disability for fibromyalgia because of the nature of the disease as you can read in this thread "It sounds like a bullshit disease" so it's hard to prove that you're truly worth getting checks for it.

She lived with her family until about a year into our relationship (with essentially extended visits to my place, but no official moving in) when I moved her to a friends house because her brother moved back home and has rage issues and I don't wish for her to get hurt. I moved her into my mothers in October and everything was fine until the end of November when my mother threw a fit (I think I typo'd in OP about the fit being end of October and I never fixed it, oh well). When my mother threw her fit her friend came and picked up her and her stuff and she's living with a friend 2 hours from where I live now. It is less than ideal, but we're both willing to deal with it until finances are sorted out.

Her parents live over an hour away from me, and it would take me about 2 hours to get to work (and because of the nature of the job, I get called in early or on a day off often, but I couldn't do these things if I lived 2 hours away so yeah) if I were to shove myself into the box of a room she has there. So that's not a workable solution. But she does have two places to stay at and can stay at for a while, I just won't see her much.

I'm 26 and she is 29. Her parents and friends help feed her, her friends got her a cell phone (she didn't have one until last Christmas at all) and pay for that and she has no insurance/rent payments of any sort. She doesn't cost me much to take care of, just occasionally she buys groceries with my money, but that's it.

[tyven]

if she was declined then she can prob get a job. you should throw her down some stairs. how come you didnt go to college? you should move into that apartment archie linked to. All the strippers that dance in West VA live in Hagerstown. You could just be crushing hot strippers and delivering pizzas 24/7 with no retard to take care of. DREAM LIFE

[Airenn]

Why are you comparing leglessness to fibromyalgia? Not having legs does not come with any symptoms that would stop you from doing physical activities.

Besides you know, not having legs.

See: Anything that requires legs.

[Melena]

Disability is a fickle thing. Friend of mine is fighting for it right now. Has terminal cancer with all treatments designed for women in there 60's (she's in the 1% of women who get it early, and she's 31 now). Bout once a month she lets me know she's in the hospital for a day or two just so they can get her pain level down to a point where she can actually take care of her son.

[BaneTheBrawler]

if she was declined then she can prob get a job

edit: second Most retarded logic ever. The only time you don't get denied automatically on your first application is if you happen to have one of the few disabilities on the list. Seriously, they have a list, and if you have one of those disabilities, you're in. If you don't you're out. Period. No gray area. Then you need to appeal and dick around with all kinds of retarded bullshit. It takes years. I know this because I started the process a year ago.

[Lucavi]

Your girlfriend had better be compensating with her body, as they say in Japan. That pussy had better be a rent payment. No one rides for free, dammit.

[Airenn]

Well, technically... She does.

[Lucavi]

Then life, for all involved, is good.

[hey]

edit: second Most retarded logic ever. The only time you don't get denied automatically on your first application is if you happen to have one of the few disabilities on the list. Seriously, they have a list, and if you have one of those disabilities, you're in. If you don't you're out. Period. No gray area. Then you need to appeal and dick around with all kinds of retarded bullshit. It takes years. I know this because I started the process a year ago.

This. And in case anyone was wondering, fm is not on that list.

[Secksi]

Sorry I'm not going to read everything but I can relate to a lot of what I read on the first page. Hopefully you've found solutions to some of what I'm going to say.

I got a job stocking groceries overnight at Wal-Mart. Pretty much as soon as I was 18 and got said job my mother required me to start paying rent also. At the time she nor my step-dad were working. My older unemployed brother and my younger sister were living in the house as well. The only income was foodstamps and SSI for my younger sister from my father passing, and my checks.

First things first, you have to decide to gtfo, and really want it. Not just say you want it. You also need to cut ties to fucking everything that is giving you problems. The one thing I wish I had done over the past 10 years(28 now) is be able to let go of anything and everything that makes me unhappy. There is no amount of bullshit or love or anything else that is worth being unhappy for.

Living situation-Do you have any friends with steady job that also might be looking to move out? Yes, rent is going to be higher on a 2 bedroom apartment or whatever you can find to move into, but splitting utilities is usually enough to be cheaper overall. I could afford my first place by myself, but getting a roommate made it actually bearable. Look into this if you can. Bonus if you can move into a 1 bedroom and have your girlfriend contribute, but it didn't seem like that was happening on page 1. You'll also need to seriously learn to budget if you can't already.

Car situation-I read the car is in both of your names, but from what I understand, as it was explained to me when my girlfriend and I bought our last car, the names can be put on the title two ways. Person 1 and Person 2. Person 1 or Person 2. The former would mean that both parties would have to sign the title to sell it or transfer it. The latter means that either person can take the car and get the title transferred to whomever they please and the other person can do nothing about it. If your title is listed as the latter, you can go get it changed whenever you feel like, but it costs money and you have to have your own insurance.

My mother had me going fucking insane on a daily basis with the mind games and guilt trips she would try to pull. Be prepared for a breakdown when/if you tell your mother you plan to leave, don't let anything deter you if you really want to get out.

I really hope you can find solutions to your problems, and CS was right about not kidding yourself, from what I've read your life is fucking terrible.

[Brill Weave]

Upon reading that post, I think i may have inadvertantly called your wife retarded. I did not mean it like that.

I chuckled at it lol.


As to disability regarding Fibromyalgia. Good luck. My wife's mother has it as well(hence the genetic hand me down, thanks bitch.) She JUST got on disability this year after trying for almost ten years. Personally I think disability for fibro is bullshit. My father was dying from cancer and he was rejected for disability the first time he applied.

[Brill Weave]

Eagle, after reading your responses I'm going to be blunt with you. And I'll apologize if this comes across as dickish. Just consider it advice. What you do with it is your call.


First, I genuinely believe that you enjoy feeling needed. Whether it's by your mother or by your girlfriend. I don't know if it makes you feel more important or if you've just been doing this for so long you don't know any different. This is no way to live your life. Relationships are compromise and equal division of responsibility. I'm not telling you to break up with your girlfriend as while she is physically dependent on you, I think you're mentally dependent on her. But you need to begin laying the groundwork for shared responsibilities. If you don't one of the following two things will happen. You will start to see that she is a leech with no desire to change anything and resent her for it. Or she is going to get her shit together without you and see you as the person who enabled her to be useless. Even if she works from home, it's still a job. From what you've said she hangs out on the computer all day anyways. There are plenty of telemarketing jobs that let people work from home. I work for AAA, we outsource part of our call receiving staff to a company called Alpine Access. They take road service calls, it's not even telemarketing. They are always hiring. They work from home. They work when they want to work. Here's the link.

http://www.alpineaccess.com/en/

Second, don't think that your mother owes you anything. From what you're telling me it sounds like she is lashing out at everyone, you particularly. That's not going to change. And if she decides that you aren't doing enough for her, you won't be getting a damn thing. And there will be nothing you can do about it.

You're 26 years old man. You're old enough that you should know this isn't how to live. Nobody is going to give you anything. You've got to start taking steps in your life to secure yourself and your girlfriend if you stay with her. Time to get off the teat.

[BaneTheBrawler]

Personally I think disability for fibro is bullshit. My father was dying from cancer and he was rejected for disability the first time he applied.

What do these two statements have to do with each other? If they weren't supposed to be linked, I'm still curious about the first. Why do you think it's bullshit? Because pain can't be measured?

[Greatguardian]

What do these two statements have to do with each other? If they weren't supposed to be linked, I'm still curious about the first. Why do you think it's bullshit? Because pain can't be measured?

It's more a statement about how broken the US welfare/disability system is than anything. The conditional he's implying is "If you can't even get on disability when you're dying of cancer, then fuck getting it for a disease that many doctors still believe doesn't exist and certainly isn't life-threatening."

[BaneTheBrawler]

Oh. That's still a pretty shaky assertion. I mean, he just said it took his mother-in-law ten years to get disability. I'm sure it only took his dad a few months. Like I said, they have a list, and if your condition isn't on it, you get rejected. Period. They don't examine your case AT ALL on the first application.

[tyven]

I see no reason for him to not be living in a studio slinging pizzas and banging strippers

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk

[Brill Weave]

Oh. That's still a pretty shaky assertion. I mean, he just said it took his mother-in-law ten years to get disability. I'm sure it only took his dad a few months. Like I said, they have a list, and if your condition isn't on it, you get rejected. Period. They don't examine your case AT ALL on the first application.

Sadly Bane it took him a little over a year to finally get approved for disability. He was told when he was diagnosed that he had no more than three months to live. That entire year my father lived under the constant shadow of death without any form of financial stability. With rapidly mounting medical bills and no income, my parents savings, pension, and 401k emptied rather quickly.

I believe that fibro is not a bullshit disease. But I also believe people can and should lead productive lives even if they are diagnosed with it. My mother in law worked the entire time she was trying to get disability. My mother has fibro as well, along with scoliosis. Yet she continues to work a 40 week and help take care of my two nephews. And she's never even considered disability. And then there's my wife. My point is that I firmly believe if you can't live the life you want because of fibro it's because you're not trying.

[BaneTheBrawler]

1 year is still a tenth of the time it took your mother in law. I agree the system is slow and cumbersome, but it makes no sense to arbitrarily say person X can't have disability because it took a long time to get person Y on disability.

My point is that I firmly believe if you can't live the life you want because of fibro it's because you're not trying.

You're wrong. No one can wake up and say "I'm going to feel good today!" or "I'm going to have a lot of energy today!" and make it happen just by saying it. Pain is incredibly subjective. When I was diagnosed, my GI was shocked at the state I was in. She said I should have been on the ground, screaming in agony. I wasn't. Not because I'm particularly manly or tough (Though that probably doesn't hurt :D), but because it simply didn't hurt that much.

It is impossible to accurately assess someone else's pain. Period.

[Brill Weave]

I'm not saying that you're expected to wake up and feel better or have more energy. I'm saying you either choose to go through it and live your life(yes, while in pain) or you choose to wallow in your pain and misery and do what Eagle's gf is doing. I agree that it's impossible to assess someone else's pain. I'm also not doubting the fact that people with fibro are in pain. I know they are. I see it in my wife every day. My view might be skewed because I see how my wife and my mother work and lead normal lives. My mother in law is batshit crazy so we aren't entirely sure if she actually has fibro or just wanted to quit working. She also intentionally dehydrates herself so she goes to the hospital so we all pay attention to her. Take that for what you will.