Uncle Brill Weave vs The Uncumfortable Appointment

[Brill Weave]

Gather round friends. No doubt many sleepless nights have passed since I last regaled you with tales of boldness and bravery. Alas, your wait has not been in vain. Where have I been you ask? Exploring some far off corner of the globe? Working part time as a sherpa on Everest? Nothing so mundane I assure you.

You see, the following is a hard story to tell. There is no end in sight. And as your intrepid narrator I feel compelled to state upfront that there is no happy ending in this story. At least so far.

But I digress. Many of you may remember a tale I spun over a year ago. My beloved wife and I had finally reached an accord on the pending insemination of my seed. Bargained and agreed upon, we put our plan into action naturally assuming that my wife would instantly become heavy with child.

Sadly my friends that was not the case.

After several months of trying, false alarms, and tears falling. Hers not mine, as my tear ducts have long since vanished after years of neglect. Yours truly decided to go to the Urologist. This is no small step. As my wife had already begun going to the fertility clinic, deep down in the bowels of my psyche I knew that I was the problem.

Now I know what you're thinking. How can one so virile as I not be able to instantly impregnate a woman? A not unreasonable question I might add. For I am full of virility.

As I sit in the examination room of the Urologist, I notice several ....uncomfortable looking instruments as well as a large industrial sized can of lube. Before I could investigate further one Dr. Jaffee walked in. A loud, boisterous lout. The man's sloping forehead and close set eyes immediately reminded me of my sherpaing days.

The next few minutes were a blur of fear and shame none of which involved anal lube.

After his examination, the oafish member of the medical community stated that I had a condition known as a varicocele.

How could this be. Am I not the picturesque male? Full of vim and vigor? As I was lost in thought the Doctor rudely interrupted me with a word I had never heard before associated with my name.

Surgery.

I will spare you the gruesome details of the surgery. Or the rampant case of sour stomach I had right before said surgery. Or how my surgery was performed at a women's hospital. Suffice it to say my brain was on a pain killer induced sabbatical for several days.

My friends, this surgery was the greatest thing that could have happened. I could see the results almost immediately as I flooded my wife's nether regions. But try as we may, the end results remained the same.

That is when the uncomfortable appointment was made.

I nervously walked back into the hospital. Heart full of awkwardness. Looking around the waiting room, surrounded by women, I felt shame. All of who looked at me with a sadness I have come to know well. They too have had problems conceiving.

My name was called. The lovely receptionist and data entry girls all staring at me as I had them my script in return for a key and a bag.

A bag you ask? The bag contained a special device that I required.

A cup.

As I opened the door to Private Room A I took note that the nurse's break station was directly across the hall and filled with several large unhappy looking women.

Looking around the sparse room I noticed several old magazines of an unsavory nature laying about. And a small tv. Gentlemen, I can honestly say this was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. As I attempted to fill my cup of shame it seemed as if the manatees in the break room took the opportunity to speak louder and drop several objects outside of my door.

Have you any inkling of the issues one may have attempting to maintain and finish off oneself while listening to several middle aged women discuss their weekend? And of course I was not touching any of said magazines. That left the tv to expedite matters. As I turned it on I was greeted by an extremely old porno. And the tv was at full volume.

My friends it seemed like the gods themselves had conspired against me to make this as awkward as possible. After an intense bout of concentration I was able to soldier on and filleth my cup.

As I opened the door to leave I noticed several pairs of eyes upon me as these large women stared me down, one shaking her head at the racket I had unwittingly unleashed when I turned on the tv. I scampered away as quickly as possible and awaited the results.

When my doctor called the very next day, I knew the results were not good. The surgery had been a minor success, improving my numbers across the board. But not to the extent where it will make a large impact.

My shame continues.









Sperm count is at 4 million per milliliter. Supposed to be at 20 million. Motility and shape are in the average range. Can still knock the wife up but it's extremely difficult and could take years. She has HPV which will need operated on eventually otherwise it will turn into cancer. After the operation it weakens the uterus walls and her chances of carrying a baby to term are greatly reduced. So we don't exactly have a ton of time. Add on top of that a fucking slew of our friends are now expecting. It's starting to get to me a bit. Went to the best urologist in the city who happens to have his office in a women's hospital go figure that one out. Only options left for us are now the turkey baster or invitro. Invitro costs around 10k. Turkey baster costs roughly 1k each time. So we're going to give it a shot.

[Dimmauk]

I hope everything comes out ok.

[Cail]

I hope everything comes out ok.

comes

but for serious, damn that sucks. hope whatever is next works out =/

[Brill Weave]

Thanks Dim lol I needed that.

[Ksandra]

GL Brill! it's ok your sperm while few are the sperm of champions!

[WahiGuard]

Have you two ever considered adoption? The child may not "yours" but I`m pretty sure you can still grow to love the child as if she came from your wife.

[Brill Weave]

The problem with adoption is that when it's all said and done you spend roughly the same amount you would for invitro. We both make decent money but at this point in time we just can't afford it. If we had another year or two it wouldn't be an issue at all. But we recently paid off both cars so our savings had taken a serious hit right before we started trying. We're just now starting to get it back to a level where we feel comfortable again.

[ronin sparthos]

Looking around the sparse room I noticed several old magazines of an unsavory nature laying about. And a small tv. Gentlemen, I can honestly say this was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. As I attempted to fill my cup of shame it seemed as if the manatees in the break room took the opportunity to speak louder and drop several objects outside of my door.

Have you any inkling of the issues one may have attempting to maintain and finish off oneself while listening to several middle aged women discuss their weekend? And of course I was not touching any of said magazines. That left the tv to expedite matters. As I turned it on I was greeted by an extremely old porno. And the tv was at full volume.

My friends it seemed like the gods themselves had conspired against me to make this as awkward as possible. After an intense bout of concentration I was able to soldier on and filleth my cup.

Not gonna lie but I thought the old 'heres some porno, put your sperm in the cup' gag was the stuff of urban legends. I can feel the awkwardness jutting out of my computer screen just reading about it.

Jeez, the least they could do is give you a computer and an internet connection.

[Dimmauk]

Not gonna lie but I thought the old 'heres some porno, put your sperm in the cup' gag was the stuff of urban legends. I can feel the awkwardness jutting out of my computer screen just reading about it.

Jeez, the least they could do is give you a computer and an internet connection.

I would have busted out my smart phone.

[Brill Weave]

Left it in my car. Sadly.

[BaneTheBrawler]

I came expecting a hilarious story. I was disappointed.

Those manatees were unprofessional, but at least they kept their mouths shut about it. Fortunately, the hospitals around here have to compete with the Mayo Clinic, so they're all pretty top-notch as far as I can tell.

Anyway, hope you knock up your wife soon. Intelligent people should reproduce. Though... if it doesn't happen, I wouldn't wait too long for the surgery for your wife's hpv. Cancer is scary, man. Once you have that done, you could consider surrogacy. And there's always adoption. Good luck, regardless.

[Brill Weave]

Yeah, no matter how I tried to spin it I just couldn't make this one very funny. Figured I would just finish it off and post for cathartic reasons anyway.

[Mazmaz]

There's a surgery that boosts your sperm?

[miokomioko]

It was to repair twisted veins in the spermatic cord which usually obstructs bloodflow to the testes.

[Brill Weave]

Varicocele surgery corrects a problem with a varicose vein in the testicle which can raise your sperm count, yes.

[bechyni]

I came, expecting laughs but now I just feel bad. ;(

[Cleverness]

Hopefully it goes ok, you are one of the few people who definitely needs to procreate in this world.

[Jeryhn]

So if you go the invitro route, will you have to visit the marine mammal center again or find some other venue for dispensing with seed?

[WahiGuard]

I do feel bad, as a gay who has no desire to have kids, sad to see decent people cannot become pregnant. :/

[Lucavi]

If only your sperm was as cultured and well-traveled as your speech, this wouldn't be a problem.