Uncle Brill Weave vs The Uncumfortable Appointment

[Seraph]

Sperm count is at 4 million per milliliter. Supposed to be at 20 million.

Five times the normal amount of sex. Everyone wins!

[Abandon]

Brill, I'm sorry. Hell, you can borrow some of mine and just... lie away why the kids are that pretty mixed-baby color. Shoulda beached those fat bitches, nasty hags.

[Vandole]

Spent 20 mins editing title on iphone.it was necessary.

God speed, brill weave.

[Apelila]

Good luck with the baby formin'.

And at least they weren't making you laugh unintentionally. As awkward as that had to have been, now imagine that the situations absurdity hit you full force and you had to walk out after they heard you laughing hysterically. Or something they said made you laugh, and it would have been obvious you where laughing at their comments.

[Bregor]

My friends it seemed like the gods themselves had conspired against me to make this as awkward as possible. After an intense bout of concentration I was able to soldier on and filleth my cup.

Chuckled at that.

Sorry Brill, I too have a slew of friends having babies. I swear there's something in the water, I ask my fiance' every day if she's taken her pill. Also one of my best friends is trying the in vitro schtick, he says he's tried yanking it at the doctor's office, and also doing it at home and just coming back with the cup-in-a-bag. Both are mortifying.

[kuronosan]

Gather round friends. No doubt many sleepless nights have passed since I last regaled you with tales of boldness and bravery. Alas, your wait has not been in vain. Where have I been you ask? Exploring some far off corner of the globe? Working part time as a sherpa on Everest? Nothing so mundane I assure you.

You see, the following is a hard story to tell. There is no end in sight. And as your intrepid narrator I feel compelled to state upfront that there is no happy ending in this story. At least so far.

But I digress. Many of you may remember a tale I spun over a year ago. My beloved wife and I had finally reached an accord on the pending insemination of my seed. Bargained and agreed upon, we put our plan into action naturally assuming that my wife would instantly become heavy with child.

Sadly my friends that was not the case.

After several months of trying, false alarms, and tears falling. Hers not mine, as my tear ducts have long since vanished after years of neglect. Yours truly decided to go to the Urologist. This is no small step. As my wife had already begun going to the fertility clinic, deep down in the bowels of my psyche I knew that I was the problem.

Now I know what you're thinking. How can one so virile as I not be able to instantly impregnate a woman? A not unreasonable question I might add. For I am full of virility.

As I sit in the examination room of the Urologist, I notice several ....uncomfortable looking instruments as well as a large industrial sized can of lube. Before I could investigate further one Dr. Jaffee walked in. A loud, boisterous lout. The man's sloping forehead and close set eyes immediately reminded me of my sherpaing days.

The next few minutes were a blur of fear and shame none of which involved anal lube.

After his examination, the oafish member of the medical community stated that I had a condition known as a varicocele.

How could this be. Am I not the picturesque male? Full of vim and vigor? As I was lost in thought the Doctor rudely interrupted me with a word I had never heard before associated with my name.

Surgery.

I will spare you the gruesome details of the surgery. Or the rampant case of sour stomach I had right before said surgery. Or how my surgery was performed at a women's hospital. Suffice it to say my brain was on a pain killer induced sabbatical for several days.

My friends, this surgery was the greatest thing that could have happened. I could see the results almost immediately as I flooded my wife's nether regions. But try as we may, the end results remained the same.

That is when the uncomfortable appointment was made.

I nervously walked back into the hospital. Heart full of awkwardness. Looking around the waiting room, surrounded by women, I felt shame. All of who looked at me with a sadness I have come to know well. They too have had problems conceiving.

My name was called. The lovely receptionist and data entry girls all staring at me as I had them my script in return for a key and a bag.

A bag you ask? The bag contained a special device that I required.

A cup.

As I opened the door to Private Room A I took note that the nurse's break station was directly across the hall and filled with several large unhappy looking women.

Looking around the sparse room I noticed several old magazines of an unsavory nature laying about. And a small tv. Gentlemen, I can honestly say this was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. As I attempted to fill my cup of shame it seemed as if the manatees in the break room took the opportunity to speak louder and drop several objects outside of my door.

Have you any inkling of the issues one may have attempting to maintain and finish off oneself while listening to several middle aged women discuss their weekend? And of course I was not touching any of said magazines. That left the tv to expedite matters. As I turned it on I was greeted by an extremely old porno. And the tv was at full volume.

My friends it seemed like the gods themselves had conspired against me to make this as awkward as possible. After an intense bout of concentration I was able to soldier on and filleth my cup.

As I opened the door to leave I noticed several pairs of eyes upon me as these large women stared me down, one shaking her head at the racket I had unwittingly unleashed when I turned on the tv. I scampered away as quickly as possible and awaited the results.

When my doctor called the very next day, I knew the results were not good. The surgery had been a minor success, improving my numbers across the board. But not to the extent where it will make a large impact.

My shame continues.









Sperm count is at 4 million per milliliter. Supposed to be at 20 million. Motility and shape are in the average range. Can still knock the wife up but it's extremely difficult and could take years. She has HPV which will need operated on eventually otherwise it will turn into cancer. After the operation it weakens the uterus walls and her chances of carrying a baby to term are greatly reduced. So we don't exactly have a ton of time. Add on top of that a fucking slew of our friends are now expecting. It's starting to get to me a bit. Went to the best urologist in the city who happens to have his office in a women's hospital go figure that one out. Only options left for us are now the turkey baster or invitro. Invitro costs around 10k. Turkey baster costs roughly 1k each time. So we're going to give it a shot.

Not to be that guy, but you could always try jacking off into a sterile cup and freezing it... pooling it together... and putting it in her yourself the "turkey baster" way.

Sperm remains viable for a long while when frozen and if you pool it together yourself you make the counts increase... of course then you would have to keep track of her ovulation cycle yourself.

You would also have to do this quite a few times because it would take a while to pool enough of it.

Another thing you could do is eat greens, such as asparagus, which increase the volume (not quantity) and allow it to survive a little longer.

[Salodin]

He knows who to blame when he has an artard for a child now =(.

[Acturus]

This is the first story where I am uncomfortable by the honorary "Uncle" in the title of the story.

[Spoony Bob]

I liked the one where your wife broke your penis more.

[Melena]

Have you looked into a local adoption versus private Brill? One of my managers recently adopted a child and he said the costs for adopting locally versus going the private adoption route were night and day. I was asking him since me and my wife are in the same boat and he told me the local adoption was about a thousand or so out of pocket, and most of that was to pay for the background check and fingerprinting versus the 10k+ to adopt through a private agency.

[Penthesilea]

Have you looked into a local adoption versus private Brill? One of my managers recently adopted a child and he said the costs for adopting locally versus going the private adoption route were night and day. I was asking him since me and my wife are in the same boat and he told me the local adoption was about a thousand or so out of pocket, and most of that was to pay for the background check and fingerprinting versus the 10k+ to adopt through a private agency.

But then you get the blacks and other undesirables. No thanks.

[BaneTheBrawler]

I always thought adoption would be interesting, because then I could crack jokes like the parents in Easy A. "Because I'm adopted!" "WHAT!?!? WHO TOLD YOU!?"

[Cail]

haha that was great

[Melena]

But then you get the blacks and other undesirables. No thanks.

Ehh not always. My manager got a cute teen Caucasian girl. It's not quite the hey you get this take it or leave it. Only downside is they have to foster for a year before they can adopt.

[Acturus]

I'm adopted, and I'm a whitey! So is my younger brother.

We do exist!

[Xantavia]

Not sure exactly what process they used, but my brother and his wife went through the same things. I know she had to take a bunch of drugs and shots to up the conception rate. Took about 3 years for the first kid, then 4 for the next. (She is now on her 3rd about a year after having the 2nd that they affectionately call BOGO since whatever was in her system can last for sometime even after a pregnancy) He does say he could have bought a really nice car instead of having kids, but the look in his eyes says the emotional pain and discomfort they went through was worth it.

[Lucienne]

I'm really sorry to hear, man. Pregnancy being a health issue for me I can somewhat relate to the frustration you two must feel, even though I have never really longed for kids myself it still makes me feel like I have been unfairly deprived of some basic right. Since you seem to want to have kids of your own, you can always leave adoption as the last option should everything else fail.
Good luck to you two!

[Streak]

I did the uncomfortable appointment myself. Infertility and the stress it caused was one of the primary causes of my divorce. I just remember "the chair". It was a very big, comfortable reclining black leather chair. Hanging off both arms of the chair were holstered a vast collection of porn mags. There was no TV, but I was actually VERY impressed with the mag offerings. Afterwards I couldn't help but wonder whose job it was to clean the chair. I didn't envy them.

I had brought my own lube and toy to speed things up.

[Pirian]

Another thing you could do is eat greens, such as asparagus, which increase the volume (not quantity) and allow it to survive a little longer.

But then you have smelly pee! Gross.


In serious though, GL with the baby-making, and I suggest what someone else said with the x5 sex to make up for the 1/5th count.

[Mazmaz]

I had brought my own lube and toy to speed things up.

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