BG Legal (Illinois) - Crazy ex

[toqabowl]

ehhhhhhhhh wall of text

[Anso]

As other people said step one is get a lawyer.

Step two is to bring this issue/explanation to the leasing office. She may not like it, but if what you're saying is true and he's allowed in, sometimes you can break your lease without penalty as long as there is a situation where you feel extremely unsafe. Depending on the landlords, some a reasonable and don't want a homicide on their hands. Even if they won't do anything, if you can front w/e the money is to break the lease, just do it and move out and get a place somewhere else where he isn't on the lease.

What happened with the first restraining order you said she filed?

Also, she better start fighting for full custody of her kids now if she hasn't already.

It was an emergency order, which expires after a month in IL from what I was told. Planning on telling her she needs to lawyer up and really pushing for her to do it, but she is always apprehensive about it for some stupid reason.

[Aristio]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_doctrine

Get a gun and wait in the house.

[Sera]

Yeah, what happens when two people are on a shared lease and one gets a restraining order from another?

Idk about IL but in VA they can't come near the premises until the Order is lifted/expires. Period.

[Nephlite]

Try not to buy in to the murder route on this. While i'm a supporter of gruesome death and it's nuances, just be aware of how good forensics and good investigative skills are these days. Not to mention there isn't a place in the universe anymore where there aren't any cameras or some nosey punk waiting to become witness of the year. Do yourself a favor and check legal routes for justifiable homicide (intruder in your house works best!) if that's what it comes down to. More importantly, just don't let it get that far and get the fuck out.

[Kohan]

It was an emergency order, which expires after a month in IL from what I was told. Planning on telling her she needs to lawyer up and really pushing for her to do it, but she is always apprehensive about it for some stupid reason.

Probably because she doesn't sound like she's the brightest bulb in the box, either. As you've mentioned, the abuse went both ways, she isn't entirely a victim here; however, since he's the one who took it to a higher level first, you obviously want to take her out of his reach.

I don't know if you're being gentle at all with her, but if you are, stop it. I don't care if you're her brother. Tell her that if she doesn't do this shit, either she may wind up dead, or her entire family—children included—could be. You could be killed, as well. Fear is a good motivator, so his fear of you does not protect you in any way, and I'd venture to say that it only makes him more dangerous.

Furthermore, someone asked as to whether a restraining order can get someone removed from a lease. The answer is "yes," but that's not all. Cases of physical violence with a police report can be used for the same thing. Therefore, even if the restraining order has expired, you should contact the management company and/or landlord and tell them exactly what has happened. If it bothers her because it's her private business, tell her to get the fuck over it. They will likely want copies of the paperwork involved with the case. Provide it.

EDIT: I hadn't mentioned it, but when I stated that you should be able to remove people from a lease, I meant to add that this should extend to your sister. Specifically, she should be able to justifiably terminate the lease and move away. If the management company and/or landlord isn't cooperating, prioritize getting a lawyer familiar with your state's tenant rights to handle this. Having them draft and send a letter to your property's wishy-washy management should get cooperation far faster than any of the more involved things you're going to be doing (e.g., getting a permanent restraining order and eliminating his visitation rights in regards to the children). If you want to be safer and you want that comfort ASAP, cancelling the lease and moving away is the quickest legal thing you can do.

Also, there's no reason not to fortify the apartment for the time being. Things like this will go a long way toward that:

http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1...&storeId=10051

Don't forget to secure the windows as well. If they're sliding windows, you can look into things like cut broom handles to jam in and render them inoperable.

Finally, to give you legal confidence:

http://www.illinoislegalaid.org/inde...contentID=5554

[archibaldcrane]

How much is rent, and how many months are left on the lease?

If it's a lot and too long, just get a new place on the sly, walk away from the current lease (try to talk it out with the rental office, but if not fuck it, make them come after you, not worth staying there if he's going to be around choking bitches), and make sure the psycho ex (he is an ex right? or is your dumbass sister going to get back together with him/try to make things work?) does not know where the new apartment is.

But yeah, she needs to get a longer restraining order against him, and if that requires a lawyer, she needs a lawyer. Period.

[Gokku]

break both of his kneecaps leave his ass crippled for life, and by break i mean fucking destroy them.

also blah blah get a lawyer blah.

[Mojo]

http://singleparents.about.com/od/ch...stody_laws.htm

Here's a start.

I hope I don't come off as too much of a douche, but your sister sounds like one of those people who are good at keeping themselves in retarded situations. Her attitude is likely much of this problem. You're going to have to get the ball rolling for her, get in contact with a lawyer tomorrow. Gather as much information that you can and present it to her. Inform her of exactly what she needs to do, what the consequences of said actions are, and make it convenient for her. If she doesn't go forward with those things, then I don't think that there is much you can do that will rectify the situation. Even if you manage to somehow get rid of this dude, there will be another asshole in due time.

[Kohan]

If it's a lot and too long, just get a new place on the sly, walk away from the current lease (try to talk it out with the rental office, but if not fuck it, make them come after you, not worth staying there if he's going to be around choking bitches)

You don't even have to worry about this. In most of the United States, domestic violence is enough to get a lease terminated. In the state the OP lives in, they only have to give three day's notice. That's enough to move the fuck out and get far away.

Better get some boxes and borrow a truck (if you don't have the money to rent one). Time to get the fuck out.

[Mojo]

That doesn't really work though as there is a child involved. It certainly complicates matters as I think just taking off like that is considered kidnapping (i.e. talk to a lawyer tomorrow.)

[Kohan]

No, it is not. If the court has not ordered any custodial rights, no kidnapping can happen. Kidnapping is not legally defined as a parent taking their children somewhere else. If it was, drunks whose spouses ran away with their children after being beaten could call the cops and have them arrested. That is not how it works.

Also, the management company doesn't give a fuck about that.

[Sera]

Kohan's on the money here. Extend that restraining order anyway, but LEAVE -- and if you have your documentation, there's nothing more they can say, and it isn't kidnapping, lol.

[Kohan]

Additionally, if you want to ensure that your sister is truly safe, have her stay somewhere her ex doesn't know about and don't let her leave. Bring her the things she needs, like food and what not. You've already been willing to do a lot for her, and if you're willing to do more, you can handle moving all of her belongings for her. This will be a personal risk for you, as you will be alone, but if you want to do it, it's the best way to keep her and her children completely out of his reach.

Naturally, this requires you having such an option. If there's no one you can trust to house her with for a while, you can't take this route, but if you can, it will help. Just because she has to give the management a three day notice doesn't mean she needs to be physically in the apartment for those three days.

[archibaldcrane]

Yeah - does she work? If so, it's going to be much more difficult to keep him from finding her since he obviously knows where she works.

[Kohan]

Yes, he said she works for Wal-Mart. Not a job worth keeping over living, obviously. Hopefully, you can work something out with Wal-Mart's management, as this is not something they should give her a hard time about. Tell them she'll need some time off, or if you have an idea of where you're going to run to, try to get a transfer (though this too will be dangerous if anyone there has loose lips, so I'd say don't). Call corporate directly if you don't want to deal with a potential know-nothing store manager.

She has a family to provide for, but better to say "fuck the job" than to possibly wind up with no more family.

EDIT: Yeah, forget the transfer idea entirely. Quit while making it clear she's leaving because of domestic violence. They are not going to be able to fuck with that. Keep corporate in the loop on this, too. Then, if she wants to apply to another Wal-Mart location somewhere else in the United States, call corporate first and make sure the employees of the previous location will have no knowledge of it (basically ensuring that she won't be a "transfer," but basically a "new hire"). If she has a good work history and they need employees there, this sounds like something that should make them cooperative.

Of course, if you want to play it completely safe, never deal with Wal-Mart employment again.

[Mojo]

http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-cu...not-29061.html

First, without a standing court ordered and recorded custody decision, there is no such thing as parental kidnapping. Parents are seen as having equal "rights" to the child and either can go where they want, when they want with that child at any time. If, however, one parent removes the child to a second or unknown location, the purpose of which is to deny the custody or visitation of the other parent, even without a standing custody decision, it is considered parental kidnapping. In such situations, while warrants for the arrest of the absconding parent and the return of the child are being issued, the left behind parent will also be granted emergency custody.

According to this source, unless OP's sister planned to allow the father over whenever he likes to the new place to see his child, then it is considered parental kidnapping. I'm not a lawyer, I doubt you are, but I do have enough common sense to know that no parent is allowed to declare a custody arrangement without consent of the other parent or some court decision. Those extreme circumstances you mentioned are not similar to the situation the OP is describing.

[Kohan]

What that paragraph does state but isn't clear about is this:

If, however, one parent removes the child to a second or unknown location, the purpose of which is to deny the custody or visitation of the other parent, even without a standing custody decision, it is considered parental kidnapping.

This implies that a custody decision will be made, which is essential. The law regarding kidnapping requires there to be court proceedings on the subject for the act to be considered a crime. If a ruling is expected but has not gone through, someone taking a child can be arrested for kidnapping. If there are no rulings of any kind, no, it's not kidnapping.

She can call the police and talk to them about it if she wants, beyond getting a lawyer. Besides, in that very link you've posted, it states that a kidnapping charge—were it valid—can't even be filed right away anyway.

Do not fuck around with this. Leave.

[Mojo]

I can see no way to interpret the actions you're recommending as anything other than parental kidnapping, particularly the excerpt that you've bolded, which implies that there doesn't need to be any standing decisions in order for it to still be considered parental kidnapping. I completely agree that his sister should remove herself from the situation, but the last thing she needs to be doing is committing a crime, particularly one involving the custody of her child. A lawyer should be consulted before any such action is taken, period.

[Kohan]

A lawyer should be consulted before any such action is taken, period.

If you're an idiot who considers possibly dying to be a better option than winding up in court later on, sure. Sounds great.

I would hope they're not idiots.