Random Fail: First World Problems

[Lucki]

ya I still am. I live in too busy an area, and I'd rather be a "bad parent" with a daughter, than a "bad parent" who got her daughter snatched away.

I am trying to find one I like though, as most in-stores only have monkeys.

My mother-in-law used it for my brother-in-law because he was always running around like a cracked-up, ADD, speed freak. She was at a mall one time and a woman came up to her and told her she was a bad parent for using one. She turned to the woman, looked her dead in the eye, gave the leash a tug and said "It keeps him manageable".

Zero fucks given

[NynJa]

reminds me of those 'wonderful' parents whos kids get in a plethora of shit, then go "my babies a sweetie, they'd never do such a horrible thing".

[Kohan]

Hey I'm no parent, but if I were, I wouldn't even go look for advice. Have you seen the general population? Do you want your kid to turn out like that? Fuck that. Raise him/her your own way and give the world another individual instead of another sheep.

Personally, I'd wager that not caring what anyone else thinks is precisely why so many spoiled assholes raise similarly spoiled children. That, and why some people believe it's fine to not vaccinate their children, why sayings like the whole "boys will be boys" phrase remain in use, and so on. Those people don't care about research or the others around them—they just believe in their "instincts," which is a word that you could usually substitute for "garbage."

[Ksandra]

Ya it's such a delicate balance. I imagine most parents have no desire to just "guess" on everything. You want to know what's best for your kids. But, as I said, it gets rather overwhelming, as apparently everything you do is terrible, and everything you don't do is terrible. It's hard sometimes to find the legit advice.

[NynJa]

whast wrong with boys will be boys? is it bad for your kid to go out, scrape their knees and catch a cold?

[Ksandra]

whast wrong with boys will be boys? is it bad for your kid to go out, scrape their knees and catch a cold?

No, but it's used to justify things like bullying and being a complete shithead in class.

[NynJa]

Well when used in that context, that's being a shitty lazy parent

[Ksandra]

Well when used in that context, that's being a shitty lazy parent

I think that was Kohan's point

[NynJa]

well kohan was talking about spoiled brats and vaccinations prior

Cause I know people who go to such lengths to guard their kids from illness, like sanitize every hour type thing, and walking with a mask in public. Its a bit absurd, and I'm pretty certain that will fuck with their immune system in the long run.

[Kohan]

well kohan was talking about spoiled brats and vaccinations prior

Cause I know people who go to such lengths to guard their kids from illness, like sanitize every hour type thing, and walking with a mask in public. Its a bit absurd, and I'm pretty certain that will fuck with their immune system in the long run.

You're correct—it will.

Ksandra is correct, too; in the United States, the aforementioned "boys will be boys" phrase isn't normally used to excuse children being playful, but children being total dicks. Basically, lazy parents fancy the saying, as it's an easy means of waving away their responsibility. They act as if children are these uncontrollable creatures driven solely by whatever gender they were born as, and whatever stereotypical rules they apply to that mindset. It's harmful to boys and girls alike, although the only recent article I've got handy specifically applies to boys. (Then again, it doesn't entirely—it also talks about how misbehaving girls may be ignored because they're expected to be controlled, which is equally bullshit.)

[Ksandra]

To keep going with the parent's pointing fingers bs: article on CNN about young children using iPads. User comments are all about OMG THOSE KIDS SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY. When a. there's nothing to suggest it's bad b. the whole poor eyesight from screens has been debunked forever ago because it only applied to tube tvs of the olden days c. the fuck they know how often these kids are using it d. these kids could (and probably are) be still playing with all the other shit people approve of ontop of it.

Gotta love sensational journalism to bring out all the fuckwits.

[Acevalefor]

Ksandra, I have 5 boys age 8mo to 12yrs. We tried the leash thing with our first because he was about as independent as they come and didn't give a damn where we were. If he wanted to wander somewhere or go check out a random thing on a shelf at a store, he was gone. The leash thing worked for a little while then he figured out he could throw himself on the floor and create a whole other problem and get attention. After that, we found ways to keep him engaged as well as gave him a little brother to entertain them both. By our third one, we had it figured out and no longer had trouble controlling our kids. So, my point; if you need the leash for controlling a curious independent kid with a penchant for bolting, great. It's not something that worked well for my boys. It was easier to distract and redirect than it was to constantly fight the kid's curious wanderings.

I do have to say, regarding the "boys will be boys" adage, it is incredibly fitting but can and should also be applied to girls. Something like "Kids will be kids" is much closer to the truth. We have about 12 kids that come and go from our house and every one of them, including the girls get rough, sword fight, throw pine cones, jump off the top of the monkey bars, pull the dog's tail, tromp through the flower bed, and any other thing you would think a stereotypical boy would do.

[Ksandra]

thanks for the input ace. I don't think my daughter is going to be the "bolt" type, but ya I am more concerned about someone trying to grab her, as well as her doing a random bolt near a street (we live in the city). She does tend to like to stay near us though, so hopefully that means she won't get bothered by the leash

[BaneTheBrawler]

ipads are da debbil bobby

[Blubbartron]

Whatever happened to the good old days of just spanking the hell out of your kids? Young children need to be trained just like animals, because their cognitive function is about on par with a simple trainable animal like a dog. You'll generally get more long term acceptance of training from positive/intermittent reinforcement, but there are absolutely cases where swift and harsh punishment will keep the behavior from happening again until the child develops the reasoning skills to understand why something is bad. A toddler is incapable of understanding why they shouldn't dart into the street, but if you associate the pain from a paddlin' with that behavior in their heads, they won't do it again (assuming you administered the punishment soon enough - much like with a dog shitting on the rug, rubbing their nose in it hours later will yield no results).

[Laugana]

I think over here you'd probably be arrested for spanking a child vigourously.

[jmc]

Whatever happened to the good old days of just spanking the hell out of your kids?

Told a parent this once while working, got suspended for 10 days.

Was worth it, doubt she listened though.

[Ksandra]

I am totally not against spanking (I haven't done it yet because I haven't felt the need to, but trust me when it's needed it'll happen).

However:

A toddler is incapable of understanding why they shouldn't dart into the street, but if you associate the pain from a paddlin' with that behavior in their heads, they won't do it again (assuming you administered the punishment soon enough - much like with a dog shitting on the rug, rubbing their nose in it hours later will yield no results).

Is not a good idea, for me at least. Cause an effect requires her to do it in the first place. The first time she darts out into the street, she is going to get hit. No doubt in my mind. The traffic were we live is non-stop 24/7. I can't afford to have it happen even once.

[NynJa]

Told a parent this once while working, got suspended for 10 days.

Was worth it, doubt she listened though.

For some reason parents are afraid to hit their kids. I said hit, NOT beat them up. And unfortunately, its become labeled being a shitty parent and child abuse. Sad really.

[Blubbartron]

Edit: beaten - added quote for clarity of who I was responding to.

Is not a good idea, for me at least. Cause an effect requires her to do it in the first place. The first time she darts out into the street, she is going to get hit. No doubt in my mind. The traffic were we live is non-stop 24/7. I can't afford to have it happen even once.

Fair enough, and a valid point.