Random Fail: First World Problems

[Brill Weave]

Word is that someone is on the case!

[Cliron]

You're right, there is a lot more to the story. Yes, I don't have the right to say who she can and cannot date. However, I've been in a very unstable state since February. I've had to call the suicide helpline a few times and day dream of ways to off myself. As a man, I feel like a failure. The failure that couldn't keep his family together and couldn't keep them happy. I needed time away from her so I can recover.

Back in March I caught her cybering with her friend and she promised me that she wouldn't speak to him so she can continue living here. Then in April, I found out that she was still talking to this guy and I kicked her out. A week later she had to move back in because she got kicked out of that place as well. I immediately took her in because she had my son but I told her not to fuck with me like that while she's living with me. I wouldn't care one bit of who she slept with if she wasn't basically living off of me like she has been for two years. Maybe I over reacted, but she felt the need to continue lying even when caught even with evidence right in her face that says otherwise. I can't handle her being here right now. I do need time to recover and I'm sick and tired of being taken advantage of. I'm just rambling at this point, so I'm just going back to bed.

Fuck you've certainly had a rough time. Thanks for elaborating further on the story. First things first, I suggest talking to you're primary care physician when you get the chance, we all have that point where our stressors get to be too much and for the sake of yourself and your son talking to your physician may help alot. Im not sure about your usual sleep cycle but with the amount of stress you are under at the moment + a crazy sleep cycle is asking for more trouble, the doc can prescribe maybe a hypnotic or maybe some benzo to help with the stress in the short term. Im not sure of your financial situation, but it seems these issues have been ongoing for long enough that maybe talking to someone might help you make sense of things and to get things sorted. A qualified therapist (make sure to look up credentials...personally if I say psychodynamic or Freud anywhere on a therapists profile I gaze over them. A good clinical psychologist with qualified in CBT can mean mean wonders in a relatively short time).

Secondly, to live your life is of course your choice, but please make provisions for your son. Obviously I know nothing of the situation, but if hes primarily in your care and you are finding it hard to juggle everything at the moment, perhaps you can outreach to say your parents to help in the short term? My sister has been going through a stressful breakup for the last 6 months, and during the harder parts of it my mam takes care of her son (thankfully they live very close to each other which isnt always the case of course).

I want to convey that I don't endorse her actions at all. They are fairly inappropriate and disrespectful (and make me question whether there is more to her as well, e.g. age, substance use, mental health history). What I see as a big problem is the power her actions have on your wellbeing and the somewhat cyclical history of events.

"I caught her" and "I found out" are a vague and can be perceived as either passive or assertive. Were you actively looking for this? Without knowing the details of the devolution of the relationship, had you hopes for getting back with her every time she moved back in? You mentioned still having feelings for her before which leads me to think that of course it would be tremendously difficult to witness her behaviour. I would look deeper at your thoughts and feelings at the times when she moved in. What hopes had you that you can now see with hindsight that may have been problematic? If you could go back and change anything what would you? I would also (although certainly not right now) put some provision for if she needs to move in again (e.g. a limited amount of time [that is adhered to], limited social contact etc).

Her behaviour may have been immoral, but its important to try to understand why she may have lied, possible reasons include: shes a sociopath; compulsive liar; has seen in your past behaviour that lying is necessary for her to continue her own agenda [e.g. she witnessed your reaction to her cybering, and you kicking her out the first time. Of course shes goin to lie so she can stay]. My solution to her lying, on a personal level would be to keep everything on a shallow level. Ask her to not discuss anything personal, keep her shit private and only discuss things that have to be discussed (e.g. son).

Finally, I'll say that you're quality as a father will unlikely be ever judged by one particular event or quality (unless of course you...like sold you child into slavery or something). You'll be judged on the entire journey you took with your children. I don't look back at the one time my mother rejected me for defecting from the catholic church as a sign of her as a bad mother, I see the 99% of the time where she loved me unconditionally and provided a loving environment in a single parent (although both my parents lived disfunctionally together [hiIrishCatholic]) family. If you continue to support yourself and your son like Im sure you have been doing before all this happened, and get through it like you have other ordeals you've faced in your live, you'll see that you'll be standing there at the other side of all of this.

This is a very complicated issue, and probably not best remedied over the internet. I strongly recommend you take my first point to heart and talk to someone, it feels to me that you are in firefighter mode and we all need a bit of support during those times. Also be wary of people trying to validate your actions of kicking her out. Its a short term answer for a much bigger problem.

[Airenn]

Ohoh! I want to reply to the Ksan debate on motorcycles and lane sharing!

I started riding a month or so ago, so I'm not an expert.

I lane share at lights, and haven't really had the chance to lane share on a highway in traffic. I just haven't really encountered it. If I lived in LA, jesus I'd probably be pro at it by now.

And while I want to defend biking and say it's not his fault and that Ksan was being a hog (hah)... It's still the biker's responsibility to be safe while sharing a lane, and if she blinkered, made the merge and was IN the lane...

Then any rear ending is 90% of the time the rear-ender's fault. Seems like the guy lost control or made a bad judgement call.

I will say that riding a bike is way cheap and also fun. I feel like I am way more perceptive to things around me, have way more room, and easy maneuverability. People truly do not see bikes...

First World Problem: Just the other day I made a left onto a one way street. It had three lanes. I turned into the far left one -- Where I am supposed to turn. A car coming from the opposite direction made a right onto the one way street into their respective lane.

And then decided to merge across three lanes, without blinker in front of me. They didn't 100% cut me off, but it was close enough to say, wow, what?

So, I moved to second lane, sped up, got in front of them and proceeded to slow down and use my blinker a few times. Fucking. Blinker.

As Aiden(?) said, it'll also get ya 86'd.

And I'm ok with that. That being said, I could 86 myself on purpose and it would look and be assumed a complete accident. Just saying... (Aristio, don't take me seriously, call a hotline, man.<3)

[Aristio]

Spoiler: show

Fuck you've certainly had a rough time. Thanks for elaborating further on the story. First things first, I suggest talking to you're primary care physician when you get the chance, we all have that point where our stressors get to be too much and for the sake of yourself and your son talking to your physician may help alot. Im not sure about your usual sleep cycle but with the amount of stress you are under at the moment + a crazy sleep cycle is asking for more trouble, the doc can prescribe maybe a hypnotic or maybe some benzo to help with the stress in the short term. Im not sure of your financial situation, but it seems these issues have been ongoing for long enough that maybe talking to someone might help you make sense of things and to get things sorted. A qualified therapist (make sure to look up credentials...personally if I say psychodynamic or Freud anywhere on a therapists profile I gaze over them. A good clinical psychologist with qualified in CBT can mean mean wonders in a relatively short time).

Secondly, to live your life is of course your choice, but please make provisions for your son. Obviously I know nothing of the situation, but if hes primarily in your care and you are finding it hard to juggle everything at the moment, perhaps you can outreach to say your parents to help in the short term? My sister has been going through a stressful breakup for the last 6 months, and during the harder parts of it my mam takes care of her son (thankfully they live very close to each other which isnt always the case of course).

I want to convey that I don't endorse her actions at all. They are fairly inappropriate and disrespectful (and make me question whether there is more to her as well, e.g. age, substance use, mental health history). What I see as a big problem is the power her actions have on your wellbeing and the somewhat cyclical history of events.

"I caught her" and "I found out" are a vague and can be perceived as either passive or assertive. Were you actively looking for this? Without knowing the details of the devolution of the relationship, had you hopes for getting back with her every time she moved back in? You mentioned still having feelings for her before which leads me to think that of course it would be tremendously difficult to witness her behaviour. I would look deeper at your thoughts and feelings at the times when she moved in. What hopes had you that you can now see with hindsight that may have been problematic? If you could go back and change anything what would you? I would also (although certainly not right now) put some provision for if she needs to move in again (e.g. a limited amount of time [that is adhered to], limited social contact etc).

Her behaviour may have been immoral, but its important to try to understand why she may have lied, possible reasons include: shes a sociopath; compulsive liar; has seen in your past behaviour that lying is necessary for her to continue her own agenda [e.g. she witnessed your reaction to her cybering, and you kicking her out the first time. Of course shes goin to lie so she can stay]. My solution to her lying, on a personal level would be to keep everything on a shallow level. Ask her to not discuss anything personal, keep her shit private and only discuss things that have to be discussed (e.g. son).

Finally, I'll say that you're quality as a father will unlikely be ever judged by one particular event or quality (unless of course you...like sold you child into slavery or something). You'll be judged on the entire journey you took with your children. I don't look back at the one time my mother rejected me for defecting from the catholic church as a sign of her as a bad mother, I see the 99% of the time where she loved me unconditionally and provided a loving environment in a single parent (although both my parents lived disfunctionally together [hiIrishCatholic]) family. If you continue to support yourself and your son like Im sure you have been doing before all this happened, and get through it like you have other ordeals you've faced in your live, you'll see that you'll be standing there at the other side of all of this.

This is a very complicated issue, and probably not best remedied over the internet. I strongly recommend you take my first point to heart and talk to someone, it feels to me that you are in firefighter mode and we all need a bit of support during those times. Also be wary of people trying to validate your actions of kicking her out. Its a short term answer for a much bigger problem.

Lots to respond, so I'll go in order of paragraphs.

I do have a primary physician, but here's the thing: I'm on welfare. Well, we both are. I'm most likely going to have to report that shit to my worker and they'll force me into a therapist. While that may be what's best for me, I don't feel the same way. I have too many responsibilities and in a few years I'm going to get my Computer Science degree. I have to focus on school right now. I have a very strong support network with my friends and family. I've never attempted suicide once, but I've definitely thought about it. I love my son too much to do that, as my father died when I was five and never knew him. I'm looking for a personal therapist, but as I said, I'm very poor. My parents are helping me out with rent and I don't have any income right now other than financial aid and cash aid. My sleep schedule is fine by the way. I sleep for about 7-8 hours a night.

My son isn't a problem for me. I live close to my parents and they help me out with watching him when they can. He's in my care and she's agreed to give me full physical custody until she can get on her feet.

Her mental well being is shaky at best. She's tried to commit suicide in the past, and she has a very serious anger problem. With her not being able to let things go, I've been under attack for two years for circumcising my son.

She left her facebook open and I took a peak. I saw that she was still talking to the guy she was cybering with and saw that she admitted to doing what she did. No, I never had any intentions of getting back with her. We're just too incompatible now. I've made my fair share of fuck ups and she's made hers. She's just stubborn to learn from her mistakes which is what tore us apart. Of course I would change things if I could. That's my family and if I could keep them together I would. I know exactly where I messed up and I know where she messed up. She'll most likely need to move in again in the future, which I'm sure will be problematic. I had feelings for her because we were together for 6 years, living together for 6 years. Seriously, she needed to move in with my family and I after two months of being together.

She lies because she doesn't feel she needs to tell me the truth. In her own words. And that's a good idea.

I'm a great father and I know it.

Some people agree, while other don't. Majority of them agree with my actions because they see what kind of person she is. I'm just trying to do what's right for my son and I.

I know there's a lot more that I can go over. I can write a novel on my history with this woman. However, I know I can leave this relationship and have a clear conscious. I did everything I possibly could and nothing worked. I'm completely open to more personal questions if anyone has them and I'll answer them 100% truthfully.

[Mojo]

Spoiler: show

Lots to respond, so I'll go in order of paragraphs.

I do have a primary physician, but here's the thing: I'm on welfare. Well, we both are. I'm most likely going to have to report that shit to my worker and they'll force me into a therapist. While that may be what's best for me, I don't feel the same way. I have too many responsibilities and in a few years I'm going to get my Computer Science degree. I have to focus on school right now. I have a very strong support network with my friends and family. I've never attempted suicide once, but I've definitely thought about it. I love my son too much to do that, as my father died when I was five and never knew him. I'm looking for a personal therapist, but as I said, I'm very poor. My parents are helping me out with rent and I don't have any income right now other than financial aid and cash aid. My sleep schedule is fine by the way. I sleep for about 7-8 hours a night.

My son isn't a problem for me. I live close to my parents and they help me out with watching him when they can. He's in my care and she's agreed to give me full physical custody until she can get on her feet.

Her mental well being is shaky at best. She's tried to commit suicide in the past, and she has a very serious anger problem. With her not being able to let things go, I've been under attack for two years for circumcising my son.

She left her facebook open and I took a peak. I saw that she was still talking to the guy she was cybering with and saw that she admitted to doing what she did. No, I never had any intentions of getting back with her. We're just too incompatible now. I've made my fair share of fuck ups and she's made hers. She's just stubborn to learn from her mistakes which is what tore us apart. Of course I would change things if I could. That's my family and if I could keep them together I would. I know exactly where I messed up and I know where she messed up. She'll most likely need to move in again in the future, which I'm sure will be problematic. I had feelings for her because we were together for 6 years, living together for 6 years. Seriously, she needed to move in with my family and I after two months of being together.

She lies because she doesn't feel she needs to tell me the truth. In her own words. And that's a good idea.

I'm a great father and I know it.

Some people agree, while other don't. Majority of them agree with my actions because they see what kind of person she is. I'm just trying to do what's right for my son and I.

I know there's a lot more that I can go over. I can write a novel on my history with this woman. However, I know I can leave this relationship and have a clear conscious. I did everything I possibly could and nothing worked. I'm completely open to more personal questions if anyone has them and I'll answer them 100% truthfully.

It's going to be easy for other people to label her and possibly you as well. I can tell from what you've said that it's a complicated situation. Focusing on what she did wrong or what you did wrong isn't going to be helpful. It can make you unhappy and lose track of important things in life.

The best thing you can do is cut off all non informal ties for a while. If you allow her to move back in with you, you would likely be setting yourself and her up for failure and heartache again. You're not doing anybody any favors by trying to enforce rules on how she lives her life. You need time away from each other to find clarity for yourselves.

[Kerberoz]

your**

For fuck's sake.

[Seshat]

Your: possession.
You're: you are.

Example one: Your mom is here.
Example two: I hope you're doing well.

Mojo used it correctly, the rest? Not so much. Back to lurking!

[Acevalefor]

Your: possession.
You're: you are.

Example one: Your mom is here.
Example two: I hope you're doing well.

Mojo used it correctly, the rest? Not so much. Back to lurking!

I believe Kerb's comment was directed at Cliron. It is hard to take someone seriously when talking about a serious topic when they can't spell or even use the correct word for the context.

[Airenn]

I think my metabolism is fading... faaaaaadiiinnnnng.....

[AidenCarby]

Good, put on some weight and get a bigger bike, woman.

[Cream Soda]

Anyone have any articles for religious people being attacked by atheists? Playing devil's advocate in this debate and I need a bit of ammo

[Blubbartron]

I'd be interested if there's ever been a case of that. Usually the lack of belief in gods isn't enough to motivate someone to attack anyone. Not physically, anyway. I could see some going out of their way to be a condescending prick, but that's about it.

[Pyro]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/League_...itant_Atheists

[AidenCarby]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/League_...itant_Atheists

[Blubbartron]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/League_...itant_Atheists

That's really interesting. Most of the things in the opening summary are commendable (sponsoring museum exhibits, lauding scientific achievements, encouraging people to think and discuss intelligently, etc), but what in the fucking fuck does this mean:

conducted scientific research in the field of atheism and critics of religion

Atheism isn't a scientific field to research, that's retarded. It doesn't make any claims to investigate.

That said, the violence they committed was done in tandem with the communist government that wanted to eradicate faith in the USSR. It's hard to say that their lack of belief is what made them kill people. It seems reasonable to me to say that faith is incompatible with communism. How can a person work for the good of everyone when they're part of one of these subgroups that each think they're chosen by god and inherently better than others? How can you expect people to want to improve life when they think their life is just a blip they must suffer through before their eternity in paradise? The result is kind of inevitable when you're dealing with people who don't just think they're right - they know they're right, and proselytizing is their god-given duty.

[Odin'sLaw]

so over the past few days the rain hasn't let up so everything is pretty much puddles and mud for me at work, today another section of my company asked my team to do some ground work, I've seen the area before its just a massive half a bowl shaped hill with a pond at the bottom, so we've gone to cut the grass in the area and its 2-3 foot tall full of duck shit we had 2 strimmers 3 box mowers and a bloke on a manual blower this "small job" took nearly 2 hours of working in the pouring rain my team leader nearly drowning in the pond me nearly loosing a mower in the pond and one of the strimmers nearly sliding 30 foot into the pond for us to get back to the office at the end of the day "oh yeah i know we said it needed to be done today but it could have waited til it dried up a bit"

[Buffy]

Anyone have any articles for religious people being attacked by atheists? Playing devil's advocate in this debate and I need a bit of ammo

Do you mean in general, like world wide? Or do you mean the United States specifically?

[BaneTheBrawler]

Anyone have any articles for religious people being attacked by atheists? Playing devil's advocate in this debate and I need a bit of ammo

Your best bet is probably going to be internet bullies and yelpers.

[Tyrath]

So I normally only use my Skype to chat with friends. But this morning my boss wanted me to make several international calls at night from home using skype. She used her credit card to put some money on it so I wouldn't have to pay for the calls.

Fast forward to now. I started making the calls. Didn't have much luck with some of them, but I finally got someone on the line that sounded promising for what I was inquiring about. BAM SKYPE DISABLED.

Due to unusual behavior, we’ve suspended your account as a precaution.

What the fucking fuck. The worst part is, to release my skype account I need the Credit Card number I used to make the purchase earlier this morning. Which I don't have, because it belongs to my boss. And she's asleep. And its already Friday in Asia and all the companies I needed to talk to will be off duty by the time I get my Skype back.

Fucking security man.

[BaneTheBrawler]

At least it's not your fault.