Ridiculous Police News (Specific events)

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

That was a crack at Melena pretending to be an expert for knowing how to use a wrench at the police station.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

Let's try to keep up there Barney Fife this ain't detective work now.

[Milkster]

It is, why I kept quiet most of the time. Think the only comment that really made me facepalm was the one month to train a cop since our academy is six months long. Wanted to go through it myself but since I destroyed my shoulder in middle school and it got misdiagnosed, there was no way I could pass the physical. Fuck that having to bench twice your weight. In shape I could barely bench a hundred, let alone the 460 I'd have to do lol. Why I probably will just go back for my degree in criminal justice and see about being a PO instead.

You have to be able to bench press twice your weight? Might want to let the Academy know that they're fucking up with some of these graduates. So what once you reach a certain age (i.e. a year on the force) you can let yourself go and still be a good police officer? There's a reason the doughnut shop stereotype exists. Firefighters, now those are some real heroes. I've seen some of the biggest burnouts and dropouts get accepted into Police Academies and are now serving us fine citizens. My ex-fraternity brother is going through the academy now and he can't even lift a barbell... Anecdote, I know. Most days officers aren't in life or death or high-risk situations and when they are... well, let's just say they're not batting anywhere close to .500

[Dimmauk]

Firefighters work less than cops LOL

Are you guys seriously saying MF was trolling the whole time?! I'm shocked.

[quannum]

if this thread has taught me anything, it's that the police academy movies are closer to a documentary series than a slapstick comedy.

[Dimmauk]

I like the part in police academy when the citizens in training outsmart the military hard ass instructor. So true to life.

[Xno Kappa]

Not to go against my law enforcement bro's but I call bullshit on the whole "bench twice your weight" bit. I weigh 190 and got a one rep max of 320. I'd be ineligible by these magical standards. Which is bullshit cuz these motherfuckas suck at making coffee, go hand out more parking tickets if you forget my hazelnut creamer god damn it.

[jmc]

Not to go against my law enforcement bro's but I call bullshit on the whole "bench twice your weight" bit. I weigh 190 and got a one rep max of 320. I'd be ineligible by these magical standards. Which is bullshit cuz these motherfuckas suck at making coffee, go hand out more parking tickets if you forget my hazelnut creamer god damn it.

Different departments have various standards. Benching double your body weight is actually used as a applicant test for various departments, but not mine.

I have also heard of that requirement to get on specialized units i.e swat

[Melena]

But trolling all BG cops and a dispatcher? This is better than my taste the rainbow thread in spam.

Never said I was a dispatcher, just work on dispatch systems among others. But keep trolling. Your at least good for a laugh, which puts you at about as useful as the lower 10% of the nation. Which also means your easily replaced and wouldn't be missed if you were shot and killed. Just sayin

[Melena]

You have to be able to bench press twice your weight? Might want to let the Academy know that they're fucking up with some of these graduates. So what once you reach a certain age (i.e. a year on the force) you can let yourself go and still be a good police officer? There's a reason the doughnut shop stereotype exists. Firefighters, now those are some real heroes. I've seen some of the biggest burnouts and dropouts get accepted into Police Academies and are now serving us fine citizens. My ex-fraternity brother is going through the academy now and he can't even lift a barbell... Anecdote, I know. Most days officers aren't in life or death or high-risk situations and when they are... well, let's just say they're not batting anywhere close to .500

Your right in that a lot of the older farts are not in the greatest shape, and well at least for the agency I work for they find themselves in the shit boring jobs like video arraignment and what not. Courts here use a bunch of retired police deputies just cause they need the staffing. I can safely say though at least 90% of the sworn staff at the agency I work for are in better shape then the people in this thread, especially the trolls. Hell my LT is a good 20 years older then me and he'd have pretty much all of you begging for mercy after a workout. Guy is a beast.

[Valisk]

It was a hot summer day and I was in my workout room benching 1200 pounds. My abs were flexing and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour workout I called one of the bitches I know, Jessica. She is really fucking hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my Lamborghini Gallardo and reved it up to 40,000 RPM (this is an Italian import with special engine system). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 8th gear, I hit about 600 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the sound barrier. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, Jessica called me and said she wanted me to fuck her. So be it.

I came to a full stop from 700 mph in front of her house. These Ferrari's have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my Bugatti and starts eyeballing my dick. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my dick. Booya.

Flash forward to like 10 minutes later. My 30 inch dick is going inside of her VAGINA, hitting them walls. I'm holding her entire body up with my left pinky as I'm fucking her and she has 30,000 orgasms. She looks me in the eyes and she says "harder." V-TEC just kicked in, yo. I blow my load so hard she falls off my dick. There had to have been about two pints of cum everywhere. People say I cum like a pornstar, I wouldn't disagree with them.

I throw her a towel so she can clean herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Maserati and drive home.

MF doesn't just have an ego, he has a superiority complex. He gets a kick out of "slamming" people on the internet because it helps him sleep at night.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

Never said I was a dispatcher, just work on dispatch systems among others. But keep trolling. Your at least good for a laugh, which puts you at about as useful as the lower 10% of the nation. Which also means your easily replaced and wouldn't be missed if you were shot and killed. Just sayin

Hello, Melena, look at post #421, now back to me, now back at post #421, now back to me. Sadly, you still sound retarded, but if you stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Perm Spice, you could smell like you're me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the Perm your perm could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a cop with two tickets for that '89 Corolla you drive. Look again, the tickets are now a dispatcher. Anything is possible when your perm smells like Perm Spice and not a dispatcher. I’m choking a marine.

[Melena]

Hello, Melena, look at post #421, now back to me, now back at post #421, now back to me. Sadly, you still sound retarded, but if you stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Perm Spice, you could smell like you're me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the Perm your perm could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a cop with two tickets for that '89 Corolla you drive. Look again, the tickets are now a dispatcher. Anything is possible when your perm smells like Perm Spice and not a dispatcher. I’m choking a marine.

This may possibly be the most retarded thing I've seen posted on BG, and Leaf and Moose have said some really retarded shit. Thanks for ensuring that what I just read will be more retarded then any other thing I hear today.

[Ragnus]

poopdeck is the illegitimate spawn of spam. if you aint trollin you ain't poopin, bro

^

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

Your right in that a lot of the older farts are not in the greatest shape, and well at least for the agency I work for they find themselves in the shit boring jobs like video arraignment and what not. Courts here use a bunch of retired police deputies just cause they need the staffing. I can safely say though at least 90% of the sworn staff at the agency I work for are in better shape then the people in this thread, especially the trolls. Hell my LT is a good 20 years older then me and he'd have pretty much all of you begging for mercy after a workout. Guy is a beast.

Never said I was a dispatcher, just work on dispatch systems among others. But keep trolling. Your at least good for a laugh, which puts you at about as useful as the lower 10% of the nation. Which also means Your easily replaced and wouldn't be missed if you were shot and killed. Just sayin

Retarded is getting the word 'you're' wrong 3 times in a row across two posts in 5 minutes.

[Xno Kappa]

Poopdeck is the mecca of intelligent discussions yo. All the liberal pussy faggotry confined to one sub-forum.

[Deadgye]

This may possibly be the most retarded thing I've seen posted on BG, and Leaf and Moose have said some really retarded shit. Thanks for ensuring that what I just read will be more retarded then any other thing I hear today.

Srsly? Internet moar.

[Ragnus]

I equate Poopdeck to some people having a political conversation while ducking and dodging other people throwing shit at everyone else.

[Valisk]

^

What's cool about looking like an idiot? Some trolling is funny in moderation, but when you do it every other post to get more virtual friends on your e-cock, it gets retarded don't you think? But by all means, keep voting for MF to win the internet. He'll bust soon enough with all you guys reverse cowgirling him.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

What's cool about looking like an idiot? Some trolling is funny in moderation, but when you do it every other post to get more virtual friends on your e-cock, it gets retarded don't you think? But by all means, keep voting for MF to win the internet. He'll bust soon enough with all you guys reverse cowgirling him.