I had an argument with my wife and the last thing I shouted was, "Please send the cops after me so I can get myself shot!"
I would like to thank her for doing just that, because I was trying to commit suicide by cop but was too lazy to actually look for cops. Thank you, wifey.
Also, thank you, cops. Now that you've shot me for exiting my vehicle too abruptly for your liking, probably without even suspecting that you think I'm armed, I have seen the error of my ways. I will no longer be depressed because I have only one injury keeping me from being a firefighter. Thank you again, cops.