Major Depressive Episode - Have you had one? What did you do?

[Rufus]

I know that feel bro. Feels bad man.

Seriously. I'm 29 and been through a fucking retarded divorce for the last 3 years (no kids though so yay). The dwelling, helplessness, feeling useless, all resonate and amplify if you focus on them.

I tried the happy pill route too, but in my opinion it's just a waste. It came down to therapy for me to break out of my lethargy.

Also,

Look up the four noble truths. I'm not religious in any way and you may not be either, but studying Buddhism has helped me more than wishing or talking to the ceiling.

Take life one day at a time. Don't look back at the past, and don't look for tomorrow; it isn't here yet. We're only given today to live and tomorrow might not come for some of us. /endcorny

Feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to.

[ⒻⓊⒸⓀⓎⒺⒶⒽ]

A major depressive episode, however, is not "sad." It's hell. It's a constant feeling of being utterly worthless, completely devoid of a single ounce of hope. It's suicidal thoughts that creep into your life on a daily basis. It's holding a knife up to your wrist and pondering whether you should just go ahead and do it, not calling anyone first for the drama, not half-assing it for the attention - just really planning to do it.

[Naggi]

Then I was prescribed Citalopram but it made me gain weight and stopped working after 2 weeks so I stopped taking them.

The regulatory effects of Citalopram (and other SSRIs) aren't apparent for several weeks (about 4 weeks, iirc). If you are prescribed them again, you need to persist in taking them in the long term. Two weeks is nowhere near long enough - it's normal for depression/anxiety to worsen (especially if you are taking anything above 20mg/day) before your condition improves. I took Citalopram for 4 years, having finally stopped altogether last week.

[shepardG]

Depression fucking blows, having dealt with light and heavy depression now for 6ish years I know that feel yuri. Mine really started on my 1st tour in Iraq, when the realization that mankind was probably never going to live up to my hopes.
But seriously it got bad after my first tour in afghan. I re-enlisted and three days later ended up carrying my buddies casket through the rain to send him home to his wife and kids.
That sense of hopelessness has never left me, but I finally went and got help. It was tough and I've never been on medd but I know I'm lucky in that aspect.
I know you'll pull out of it brother, and it'll be tough, but you will.

[ⒻⓊⒸⓀⓎⒺⒶⒽ]

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[dejet]

I've had that feeling on and off for a few years, at one point I was too afraid to leave the house for a really long time because I was afraid of people judging me and I would have panic attacks. I would eat nothing but soup at one point, I've had a lot of trouble with my circadian rhythm for a really long time which I suspect may be the catalyst for most of this. I kinda immersed myself in MMO's but for a while I was too afraid to interact with people there, and would either not respond to people or Alt F4 if I messed up.

Then I was prescribed Citalopram but it made me gain weight and stopped working after 2 weeks so I stopped taking them. Then last year my father died and I had to quit college and move to a different country and mostly stopped feeling anything, sometimes I feel like I'm in limbo but if I think about anything too difficult to deal with I kinda shut off and it feels like something is pulling whatever it is that makes me myself from the back of my mind. Then I get the feeling like I'm balancing on the edge of completely disappearing and I can't pull myself back. My voice goes all monotone and my movements are slow and stuff, I don't really know what that is.

The Citalopram was prescribed to me when I was 15 after I tried to OD on flu pills but not actually given to me until I was 21, I went to the doctor about sleeping issues and he gave me that. I don't feel like I want to die but I also don't feel like I want to live, I stopped having ambitions and stuff and I just sort of stopped planning things and do whatever keeps me busy. I eat healthy and I walk the dog if that counts as exercise. I'm lucky my boyfriend is as understanding as he is.

Sorry if it's a mess of words, I can't quite piece it together properly since there's been so much and writing this makes me feel anxious for some reason. I don't know if you can relate to this, even though I know it doesn't answer your question but you're not alone in your struggles. I hope for you that there are people around willing to help you through it and that you don't get to the point where you don't even know what to do with yourself anymore.

I used to call people who were suicidal or on meds weak when I was younger but in hindsight it was probably a reflection on how helpless I felt myself.

Its a very real thing, I do tend to think some people overdo it and are not in as big of a depression as they make it out to be. Deep depression is a lot more then your girl left you or your boyfriend dumped you. Its when everything seems to be going wrong not just one small insignificant thing in your life.

Main thing is to move on, hell go blow money on something you always wanted to do! get a pet, go to a formal event and get dressed up all nice with a friend or two.(just do not go broke ~_~ )

edit: I think your a woman? sry its hard to tell on forums; if so iv been told by many girls that when they are angry or depressed they go kickboxing. Men can do this as well; also a good pick-me-up to think of someone you want to kick the crap out of!

[Naggi]

I stopped after 4 months because I put on 46lbs and I was miserable because of it. As soon as I stopped taking them the weight gain stopped so I chalk it down to it killing my metabolism, I was only on 10mg and even with healthy diet and exercise I couldn't maintain it at all.

Sorry, I must have completely misread your post! I don't think I experienced any metabolism issues. Strangely, I was much lighter during the first 3 years I took it - I've put on weight now

Deep depression is a lot more then your girl left you or your boyfriend dumped you. Its when everything seems to be going wrong not just one small insignificant thing in your life.

Sometimes a seemingly insignificant life event can be the trigger for perceiving one's life as having gone terribly wrong.

[dejet]

Sorry, I must have completely misread your post! I don't think I experienced any metabolism issues. Strangely, I was much lighter during the first 3 years I took it - I've put on weight now



Sometimes a seemingly insignificant life event can be the trigger for perceiving one's life as having gone terribly wrong.

trust me I do know that small things can set off depression, I should of said; its not the main point, something much more deep and of greater importance is going on. That insignificant event can be the final straw so to speak, but you really need to find the root of it.

[Naggi]

Don't worry Dejet, I knew what you meant <3

[hey]

trust me I do know that small things can set off depression, I should of said; its not the main point, something much more deep and of greater importance is going on. That insignificant event can be the final straw so to speak, but you really need to find the root of it.

Eh, it's not unusual for major depression to have no real cause.

[Ragnus]

I was a pretty late bloomer. I didn't really care about wanting a relationship until I was about 23 since I was emotionally fine by myself and didn't care about sex. I'm still not sure when it happened but I just got lonely all of a sudden and figured it was about time to try and find someone.

In a span of about seven months I had about two to three bad "set-ups" that didn't work out, I lost my job, the first woman I let myself develop real feelings for rip my heart out, another bad matchup while I was rebounding which I screwed up mostly because I was rebounding, and falling out of FFXI which was my social/emotional crutch for about 6 years at that time and I was pretty fucking low. I'd just go to sleep just to zone out for a few hours and just didn't take care of myself. I still can't go into my old room at my parent's place without feeling this dread come over me.

I've totally turned it around now and I'm really happy in my life that I have now. I think I probably would have had to go on anti-depressants for a few months if I didn't just keep it bottled up inside though.

[dejet]

Don't worry Dejet, I knew what you meant <3

<3 I have no PHD just going off what Iv seen from so many people(myself on that list for what I would consider very mild depression)

As for it can come from nothing tho? I do not really see that. When I see a person in some form of depression; be it from a breakup, birth, job stress, or death of friend/family there always seems some reason for it once you get talking to the person. One thing to the next has gone wrong.

(unless your talking about a chemical imbalance from birth or something)

[hey]

(unless your talking about a chemical imbalance from birth or something)

That would be it.

[dejet]

ya iv never want to run into anyone like that, sucks to think about. You cant control any of it, at least when its a person who has run into a bad string of events you can help them out. When its a person who has some chemical imbalance no matter how hard you try there really is almost nothing you can do for them I guess(and meds blow for this sorta thing seeing as you have to be on them for life).

[Kalmado]

Citalopram is what I'm on (generic for Celexa). I too have gained weight. My whole life practically I've been somewhere between 150-175lbs. Normal for a guy of medium build that's 5'9. Now, I'm 215. My friends say they don't see it, but I feel it. My wife said she can tell a little. I always feel bloated. But for me, I'll take this over feeling like I want to jump out of a window 10 stories up when a supervisor at work looks at me even remotely cross.

I understand what is said about diet and excersise, but I do think it's not strictly the pill. I ate like a horse, barely excersised, etc. After the pill I did gain weight. I asked the doctor. We went over my diet/habits. She said quit eating so much, excersise, and drink less. It took about 5 weeks and I lost 10 pounds. After starting my new job, I fell off my excersise habits, but kept my diet close to the same. Gained back the weight I lost in about two weeks.

It's going to different for every individual, but I personally believe while on meds like this where weight gain can be an issue, you have to just work that much harder to maintain the weight you want.

[Sevilla]

Ive had this feeling before, but it was sort of put on me, I'll explain why. I deployed to afghanistan. I had no problems with deploying, I actually wanted to deploy, however at the time I was on citalopram. I was previously seeing a psychiatrist a year before the deployment. I didn't have major depression then, but I could not cope with it, and I did not want my company knowing I was seeing a psychiatrist, because, even though they say it wont ruin your security clearance, the stigma is still there. SO anyway, this medication sedates me. And I anticipated to change schedules, what I didn't anticipate was changing schedules almost weekly. Well as time went on I forgot to take some dosages. Slowly depression was coming back. The medication was wearing off, and it would take nearly a month for it to take effect again. During the time I missed my medication, I was researching all my medications and how much it would take for me to overdose to commit suicide. I know, some of you may be saying, you are deployed, you have a rifle why not shoot yourself. This plan of mine was thought out well. I didn't want anyone cleaning up my mess. I felt like I was a burden to people, and I didnt want to be a burden even when I am dead. So the "cleanest" way was overdose. I used websites like rxlist.com to find out lethal doses. Well I found out what I was doing and in order to prevent myself from doing it, I trashed all my meds... except one. It was an inhaler. I did not research this because I completely forgot about it. Well, one night I just started puffing away. After about the 35th or so, I stopped and ran to the aid station. And told them to take it away from me. I was kept there overnight to be observed, and all sorts of suicide watches happened on me. I was placed back on the medication and everything seems okay.

Worst feeling I have ever had, and I do not want to go back to that place. I just fear that I may never get off this medication. I am on a new medication because citalopram made me sleepy. I am on Effexor now. The end of May, I should be coming off this medication. But I am afraid I will go back to that place. I also read on people experience with coming off this medication. Sad thing is this medication reminds me to take my dosages, because if I miss two, I get nauseated, lethargic, and have these horrible headaches.

[Melena]

My wife suffers from severe depression as well, and to go along with her general distrust of doctors, especially psychiatrists, it's a difficult thing. A lot of it stems from being mentally and physically abused by her alcoholic father, her much older sisters (18 years between her (the youngest) and the middle sister trying to get her hooked on drugs as a teen, and being severely beaten and raped in high school causing her to drop out and costing her a college scholarship. It's gotten better for her since we met and eventually married. Just have to keep trying to find the positives in life as dark as it can be. It's not easy but if you have a good support group of friends and or family, it makes it easier.

[dejet]

Ive had this feeling before, but it was sort of put on me, I'll explain why. I deployed to afghanistan. I had no problems with deploying, I actually wanted to deploy, however at the time I was on citalopram. I was previously seeing a psychiatrist a year before the deployment. I didn't have major depression then, but I could not cope with it, and I did not want my company knowing I was seeing a psychiatrist, because, even though they say it wont ruin your security clearance, the stigma is still there. SO anyway, this medication sedates me. And I anticipated to change schedules, what I didn't anticipate was changing schedules almost weekly. Well as time went on I forgot to take some dosages. Slowly depression was coming back. The medication was wearing off, and it would take nearly a month for it to take effect again. During the time I missed my medication, I was researching all my medications and how much it would take for me to overdose to commit suicide. I know, some of you may be saying, you are deployed, you have a rifle why not shoot yourself. This plan of mine was thought out well. I didn't want anyone cleaning up my mess. I felt like I was a burden to people, and I didnt want to be a burden even when I am dead. So the "cleanest" way was overdose. I used websites like rxlist.com to find out lethal doses. Well I found out what I was doing and in order to prevent myself from doing it, I trashed all my meds... except one. It was an inhaler. I did not research this because I completely forgot about it. Well, one night I just started puffing away. After about the 35th or so, I stopped and ran to the aid station. And told them to take it away from me. I was kept there overnight to be observed, and all sorts of suicide watches happened on me. I was placed back on the medication and everything seems okay.

Worst feeling I have ever had, and I do not want to go back to that place. I just fear that I may never get off this medication. I am on a new medication because citalopram made me sleepy. I am on Effexor now. The end of May, I should be coming off this medication. But I am afraid I will go back to that place. I also read on people experience with coming off this medication. Sad thing is this medication reminds me to take my dosages, because if I miss two, I get nauseated, lethargic, and have these horrible headaches.

can you request any type of transfer to say the states after this deployment? the stress over there can not be helping you at all even if you want to do it.

[Sevilla]

can you request any type of transfer to say the states after this deployment? the stress over there can not be helping you at all even if you want to do it.

I was sent back early. But do you want to know the funny part of this? I was placed on a high risk list. I had to get a waiver to deploy. The doctors said that I was a high risk, but at the time the commander was more concerned about the numbers than anything else. So they sought the waiver and that is why I deployed. This was truly poor judgement on their side. But, it was my fault as well for not warning them about the effects of the medication. The reason why I didn't say anything about it was because the most likely outcome would be "suck it up, and drive on."

[dejet]

Well I hope this event can help you get where you need to go. My brothers girlfriend although she loved her deployments(outside haiti, really she said she liked afghanistan and iraq more) and was planing to make her life of the marines did not mind and even enjoyed work here in the states when she opted not to go in for a 3rd contract.