Coping and Moving on. How do you do it?

[vagus]

Your reply should have been "Wanna Fuck?"

This is alpha as fuck.

[Sepukku]

"Everything happens for a reason" is the most B/S logic ever. Scrubs did a whole episode on it. And just cause Shirl/Laverne/whoever the black nurse was who was still alive for that one last episode got to prove in ONE initially seemingly bad case that good came out of it, it still failed to ultimately address all the other bad things Dr. Cox cited as seemingly having no good reason for happening, only that people get screwed over and this world is filled with both evil and bad luck.

I also concur though with other posters, don't engage any of her friends in conversation unless you're doing nothing but blatantly making a move on them. Even if you get shot down, the fact that you tried to get with them will reach her and get under her skin, either making her irate or making her sad.

[RandomJoe]

Kisada -Thanks for the recommendation, noted.

GreatGaurdian - at the end of the day I don't know. Very soon I won't care.

[RandomJoe]

Well, she called about 4 times, texted. dropped my stuff off.. called again and texted while sitting in her car outside. I caved, went out and to her car, stood outside the passenger window, motioned to roll it down, and said "Your words are poison, you are a weak and twisted person undeserving of my respect and acknowledgement. You have already said goodbye. This is the last thing I have to say to you."

I came off a little like a recording, but that's just me. She kind of looked up gaping.

I feel good, and this is he kind of closure I can live with. I probably didn't need to do it and its probably what she wanted in her twisted mind in order to move on. She was kind of looking at me with with an emotionless almost satisfactory expression to my previous point. Nonetheless, as far as I'm concerned the book is now closed. There is no regret on my part. She knows how i feel, knows I will move on, and I know she will do the same.


The only thing i'm pissed about is that she forgot to put FFIX in the box.

[kisada]

yo, man you shoulda called the cops on her. for real. nothing says goodbye like the law.

[ikariiiii]

i'm just glad that you made good use of the advice given to you. thats pretty win, not to mention that you really can't have any regrets after that. cheers

[vagus]

Well, she called about 4 times, texted. dropped my stuff off.. called again and texted while sitting in her car outside. I caved, went out and to her car, stood outside the passenger window, motioned to roll it down, and said "Your words are poison, you are a weak and twisted person undeserving of my respect and acknowledgement. You have already said goodbye. This is the last thing I have to say to you."

I came off a little like a recording, but that's just me. She kind of looked up gaping.

I feel good, and this is he kind of closure I can live with. I probably didn't need to do it and its probably what she wanted in her twisted mind in order to move on. She was kind of looking at me with with an emotionless almost satisfactory expression to my previous point. Nonetheless, as far as I'm concerned the book is now closed. There is no regret on my part. She knows how i feel, knows I will move on, and I know she will do the same.


The only thing i'm pissed about is that she forgot to put FFIX in the box.

Well done sir. Now hit the bar and grab a beer in celebration. *respect knuckles*

[RandomJoe]

Curious question I was pondering. Does one's ability to walk away from a relationship correlate at all to their emotional investment in the other person?

As I mentioned earlier, in a moment of what I thought was insecurity, the ex stated that she would be 'ok' if shit went sour. I'm unsure now, if that could have been a reflection of her self-confidence or a sign of lack of investment in the relationship. I may not be able to answer that question in our particular scenario, but it leads to a broader question (below)

No. I'm not caught-up on her shit she said and whining over this. Legit curious- bettering self, etc.

I'm curious what approach I ought to take in the future with myself as I grow myself as a person. Does being able to separate yourself painlessly in the event of cheating or dishonesty reflect poorly on the investment in the relationship, or are they two different things? Intertwined? I can't seem to answer this one myself just yet.

To contrast, a good portion of my anxiety was around losing my investment (female, retirement, car, etc). I'm trying to understand if that fear (fear drives anxiety in all my experiences) is a reflection on my self-confidence or a reflection of the investment..or a combination of the two. I'm leaning towards it being related only to confidence. Happy confident people don't worry about losing their investment because they have the confidence to be 'ok' with whatever happens and move-on.

[kisada]

any confidence she gained from the breakup came from her lack of emotional investment. if you found meaning in something and let it go but still constantly questioned its value you'd also be constantly second-guessing yourself to the point of insecurity and vulnerability. but when you come to the realization that you've made the right choice about letting something go you are making a huge and important affirmation to yourself. and after that affirmation you will feel a lot better and more confident that you did the right thing.

i said it before but the worst thing you probably did was just become uninteresting to her. does it mean you did anything wrong? no. maybe you did everything right, but she's just one of those people who is so fucked up somewhere in the head that a normal, high-quality guy doesn't get her anywhere emotionally. when the girl breaks up with you in such a fashion of course it'll make you question yourself, even if you're a well-adjusted guy with good qualities. and the first thing you'll ask is "where did i go wrong?" but it might not even be on you to begin with. imo you must consider and then accept this before you can move on.

[Churchill]

Assuming people are fucked up because they cheat on you (especially in a long distance relationship where it is 100% going to happen) isn't very good practice.

[kisada]

yeah i meant in the case that maybe she was someone who didn't see value in a decent guy, as an example. not saying that i thought she necessarily was.

[Dimmauk]

Seems she was only as loyal as her options. There is a reason most long distance relationships don't make it.

[RandomJoe]

Yea i had a discussion with my roommate last night and its kind of like a 'fear of long-term commitment' thing where everything was a-ok in the here and now, but when she looked to the long run and her career she couldn't stomach it.

In all honesty, As far as the relationship was, it was good for any long distance or not. We saw each other more than you think. We talked every day, we communicated effectively, etc. Everything up until the call monday morning and the two nights before seemed fine. I had seen her the weekend before, she was coming home for the summer when i would see her every day, and we spend nearly a year together before doing long distance. It was pretty good, and I think we handled our shit well. As I alluded to I did develop some anxiety and stress as time passed, and that could have strained our relationship. We certainly did fight more in the last couple months, but I didn't put weight on it because we'd talk about it and move on.

As I stated previously I'm going to be taking a more active approach in my life to make myself happy with just me, and to maintain that happiness for just me. I got into a slump where I wouldn't fight the anxiety for my own sake, just for the relationship's sake, and i've suffered because of it.

So now I'm trying to take charge and make me happy and confident, and sure that I can persist it, before moving on to someone else.

[dejet]

http://www.bluegartr.com/threads/840...ics-a-question..

not playing. Iv gota few friends to workout with me after breakups. Iv been thanked each and every time. Find a friend and hit the gym more(if you dont do already)

The fitness thread is full of people who are wiling to help from runners, to Power lifters, lolcorssfit, to CS. Anything you want asked feel free to. Dont think iv seen you post there so jump right on in.

Few months back we had some drama for what I think is the first time! was very fun, and only lasted half a page(thats got to be a record for BG)

before moving on to someone else.

Rule one of finding a person thats worth your time; DONT LOOK

[Hyan]

Happy confident people don't worry about losing their investment because they have the confidence to be 'ok' with whatever happens and move-on.

Pretty much. It also shows that you're not clingy which can be a turn-off for women. Plus knowing that you can walk away if they start acting like a bitch is a good motivator for them to work harder for the relationship to keep you satisfied.

[Celeste]

I'm a happy and confident person and I can eventually deal with shit and move on. At first it feels like the end of the world. Sometimes it pains you every day for years. Just keep your head up.

[Maaglin]

yo, man you shoulda called the cops on her. for real. nothing says goodbye like the law.

I had the opportunity to do this once. It was glorious to think of that bitch spending the night in jail while all of her friends stayed at my place.

[Omnipotent]

Once a cheater... always a cheater. The fact is, she cheated on you and no matter how long, you are going to always have doubts and mistrust in the relationship. Without trust in a relationship, it will NEVER work. Best bet is to move on, the best way to heal is to give it time. Totaly disconnection from her is best.

[Churchill]

http://www.bluegartr.com/threads/840...ics-a-question..

not playing. Iv gota few friends to workout with me after breakups. Iv been thanked each and every time. Find a friend and hit the gym more(if you dont do already)

The fitness thread is full of people who are wiling to help from runners, to Power lifters, lolcorssfit, to CS. Anything you want asked feel free to. Dont think iv seen you post there so jump right on in.

Few months back we had some drama for what I think is the first time! was very fun, and only lasted half a page(thats got to be a record for BG)




Rule one of finding a person thats worth your time; DONT LOOK

I'm a sexy motherfucker and I xfit every day yo.

[foopy]

Everythingwentbetterthanepected.jpg

Good shit OP, glad you listened to everyone's advice.

Just going to reiterate that you need to completely forget about her.

Do not call her. Do not text her. Unfriend her on Facebook. Zero contact. She is dead to you. DEAD.



Since you have listened to BG so well, I hope you continue and follow this:

Reply to her best friend right now with ”I have had a crush on you for years.”

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