20 mg of adderall

[Greatguardian]

If nothing else it's a good laugh.

Maybe these sorts of things are the reason I'm not married.

[Ragnell]

Stick your dick in her anus

[Brill Weave]

She'd take a cab up Lothrop.

[Greatguardian]

That is pretty bad.

[Brill Weave]

Short of me insulting her I don't know what else to do to get her motivated. She's putting on weight and quite honestly I don't want to be married to a fat chick. She's not at the point now, but if she continues down the path she's on, she will be.

[Sera]

I have attempted to explain this to my wife, but she steadfastly refuses to go to the gym. She claims she can't get motivated enough to go. It's gotten so bad that I'm pretty much doing everything around the house while she sits on the couch. I want my wife to be happy, but she just doesn't even try. We both work full time. I do cat litter, garbage, dishes, laundry, cook, ride the exercise bike an hour each day, and still find time to play games etc. She fucking sits. And sits. And sits. Oh and she cries. Can't forget that part. She's on numerous medications. Seeing a psychiatrist AND a psychologist. Somedays she claims she's upset about her infertility. Here's the kicker. She's fine, ovulates monthly. I'm the one who is having issues. I've even had surgery to attempt to correct it.

Hmph. Sorry for the impromptu rant.

Hmm. Ok -- #1 it's hard to get motivated to do more than be a fucking slug when you still feel like crap. If she's still crying for no reason, that means she's not being managed effectively yet. You mentioned medications: not all are created equal. There are hundreds of antidepressants because everyone's biochemistry is slightly different. My mother went through 10-15 different types of meds for her bipolar syndrome before we were presented with the option of ECT. We talked it over and decided to do it, and frankly, it was amazing. It kept her balanced and medication-free for 5 years or so before we started to see some flux again. (She's honestly due for another round IMO, but I'm not her doc so, ya know *shrug*.)

Anyway, all I'm saying is that if she's still isolated and sitting and crying, she's not on the right med. Find a doc who is willing to LISTEN to her about ALL of her symptoms. Mention the psychosomatic pain. Mention any heaviness or chest pain/pressure, dizziness, heart racing, etc. Talk about the circumstances around these events. At my worst (before I finally dragged myself back to the doctor -- remember I talked about my Zoloft experience -- I swore off doctors after that and didn't return until THIS March, when Ryko sat me down and said "I really think we need to take you to see someone" -- he couldn't bear to see me the way I was.) I was just SO sad and SO paralyzed and SO isolated. I felt hopeless and worthless. There was really no reason for it -- I have stressors (we all do) but nothing that should make me sleep poorly, have cold sweats or hyperventilate. And yet, I was doing those things. I could barely leave my house. Ryko FORCED me to leave the house at least once every couple of days, and let me tell you, it was not easy for him to do. (Telling you guys, he really needs to be canonized, he has the patience of Job.)

It's easier said than done, but I implore you: don't get frustrated. Don't give up. By seeming exasperated or angry you are alienating her, and she needs you right now. Understand that she is SICK -- you wouldn't be angry at her this way if she had cancer. Think of it the same way. These types of sicknesses end in death, too -- death much more violent, unexpected and tragic than cancer deaths. Go WITH her to the doc. Talk to him. Talk to HER. Once she finds a treatment or approach that works, she will pep up (just slightly) and then when she's got that momentum, encourage her to work out. Right now I'm sure the mere thought of it is making her panicky.

Just my two cents. I know it is rough.

[Greatguardian]

I've never had to insult a woman to get her motivated. I find that it's rarely ever anything but destructive and tends to make things worse, especially if they're already depressed.

Whenever I'm in a situation like that, if you couldn't tell already from my examples, I tend to make up for her lack of motivation by having more than enough motivation/spunk/drive for the both of us. It's exhausting, to be sure, but it's better than doing nothing and making no progress. Pardon the sexist generalization male privilege etc, but I find that women often just enjoy seeing that their S/O is taking a profound, active interest in them. Actions really do speak a million times louder than words. Picking my girlfriend up and carrying her to the gym even once did way more for her disposition than any amount of talking ever did, after she got over her anger/embarrassment over being seen slung over a guy's shoulder for a few blocks of course.

I like to shake things up and do something crazy when the stagnation/routine starts to set in.

[Brill Weave]

I do try to talk to her. She gets pissed off and starts crying more and yells at me. So I just stop. I don't yell, I don't scream, I don't argue with her. I'm a lot like Ryko in the patience department. She's only ever heard me raise my voice twice. Neither time were directed at her. It takes a Herculean effort on someone's part to really piss me off to the point of getting a reaction. It's the opposite here. I'm to the point of indifference. This isn't a recent occurrence. It's been going on sporadically for five years. This is nothing new for me.

[Sera]

Insulting a woman who is already completely broken down is 1.) mean, 2.) worthless (accomplishes nada) and 3.) distances you from her. Remember dawg, this is your wife. You like, swore loyalty in front of your family/friends/each other/chosen deity. Loyalty isn't just about where you put your dick. It's about being in her corner even when you don't really understand what's happening in her world. I'm a handful, but I know I'm loved and I know Ryko is in my corner 100% -- he may not agree, he may not understand, he may be annoyed -- but I never have to worry about being alone or feeling alone. It has made a world of difference.

[Greatguardian]

Changing the frame of the discussion from "Go to the gym" vs "Don't go to the gym" to "Be carried to the gym" vs "Walk to the gym under your own power" was also far more successful than I originally thought it would be.

[Brill Weave]

I'm not saying I would actually insult her. I'm saying I've tried just about everything I can think of short of that. I'm tapped out of ideas. It is what it is.

[Greatguardian]

Until you have walked 5 blocks with her in your arms and sat her down on a moving treadmill, you are not tapped out of ideas!

She has already given up. If you give up too, it's game over.

[Greatguardian]

If you don't think you'd be able to carry her for 5 blocks, you should probably check with shiro for tips on picking things up and putting them down again. In my case I had the advantage of being the 5'8" 180lb ex-athlete carrying a 4'11" 120lb girl.

[Sera]

I do try to talk to her. She gets pissed off and starts crying more and yells at me. So I just stop. I don't yell, I don't scream, I don't argue with her. I'm a lot like Ryko in the patience department. She's only ever heard me raise my voice twice. Neither time were directed at her. It takes a Herculean effort on someone's part to really piss me off to the point of getting a reaction. It's the opposite here. I'm to the point of indifference. This isn't a recent occurrence. It's been going on sporadically for five years. This is nothing new for me.

Sounds like she's too stuck in her head to see the big picture. How sad. My heart breaks for her. I've been there. Looking back on that, all I can say is that for me, panic worked this way: It made EVERYTHING big. It made small things overwhelmingly large. It was to the point where I felt like an ant, and the rest of the world was still normal size. Going outside made my chest tight, it made me breathe faster, more shallow and it made breathing near impossible. I constantly felt like someone was PHYSICALLY stepping on my sternum. I felt HEAVY -- my arms and head felt like they were made of lead. My body felt sluggish, thick, as if my insides were made of molasses. It's fucking rough to be mentally overwhelmed, emotionally overwhelmed and then on top of all that, your body just feels like shit. At my worst, my body felt like I had constant flu aches. No one likes to go to the gym with the flu.

[Brill Weave]

That pretty much fits her description to a T Sera.

[Sera]

This is going to sound silly, but encourage her to DRINK WATER. She should be drinking a MINIMUM of 8 glasses a day. I drink 4-5 liters, personally. I felt the effects almost immediately when I started this routine. When I don't (say on a weekend when my schedule is chaotic), the difference is huge.

[Sera]

Well, everyone is different but if I may, I recommend Cymbalta. Shit is dope. It really seems to focus on the physical pain aspect of clinical depression. When your BODY doesn't feel like dogshit all the time, your mind starts to feel less hopeless. Ask Paul what I looked like when I got up in the morning before. I could barely walk. At times I needed a cane -- no bullshit. Between my joints feeling stiff in cold weather and my generalized body aches (think flu-type aches) it was hard to WALK, much less exercise. Cymbalta is prescribed in step therapy, so she'll start with a low dose for 7 days, and then increase to a slightly higher one. After a few weeks it may need to be adjusted upward or down to perfect your dosage BUT that is only if you notice even a slight improvement. I started to feel better at 4 weeks, and it was not just an inner improvement: Paul said I LOOKED better, I smiled more, I took more care in my appearance. The difference was pretty radical.

My doc says Cymbalta is a great med because it's actually quite weak as far as medications go. When it is prescribed, either you respond or you don't. If you don't respond even a bit initially, it's best to move on to something else, because adjusting the dose upward isn't going to make it work. It's like a light switch: either it turns it on, or it doesn't. You don't feel drugged, you don't feel flat, you don't feel robotic.

[Brill Weave]

I'll mention it to her. She's on Lyrica now.

[Demosthenes]

Don't like something about yourself? Do something about it.

[Greatguardian]

I get the feeling my gung-ho liono advice is not being taken seriously . While I do understand that clinical depression and related ailments are real, physiological disorders with tangible effects on the chemical balance of the brain, it must also be remembered that people lived without xanax and zoloft and cymbalta for tens of thousands of years. While these are effective treatments for many forms of depression in their own right, they're not the only way to improve disposition.

Don't get me wrong, homeopathy and the like is hogwash, but people found ways to improve their lives before we had the kind of understanding of neurochemistry that we do today. It's beautiful outside. Sometimes a nice walk through Schenley will just do wonders. Other times, showing you care becomes the most important thing you can do.

There are two kinds of caring, though. Caring with thought, and caring with action. The former is how a lot of established couples tend to show they care. It involves emotional support, dialogue, sending candy to the workplace, and understanding. The latter is generally underutilized, and is thus far more potent when used properly. It involves sweeping a woman off her feet, calling her in sick to work, turning off her alarm, and hijacking her commute to go ice skating, and anything that shows, not tells, that you care about her.

I highly recommend it if only because it's a lot more fun and does a lot more, in my (unmarried) experience, for a relationship as a whole. It's not like there's any reason why it all needs to be mutually exclusive anyways, tbh.