2012 NHL Offseason Thread: ROCK OUT WITH YOUR LOCKOUT

[bluefan]

How come you weren't dragged off and arrest...wait, that would be Wulf.

[Ace-o-fire]

How come you weren't dragged off and arrest...wait, that would be Wulf.

The person, who is known by the name “Wulfgang”, was arrested for the murders in Baltimore when he was seen buying two 1.75lts of liquor at a store while carrying the Stanley Cup above his head. In what can only be described as the most vicious rampage of violence and irresponsible nature leaves 4 injured and the Stanley Cup missing during a 8 hour heist. At the Ceasers’ Atlantic City New Jersey during the Stanley Cup visit brought by L.A. Kings player Justin Williams a violent attack occurred.

It started when Mr. Williams came to the hall where eager fans awaited to greet him when “Wulfgang” drop kicked a security breaking 5 of his ribs.He then grabbed a baby out of a woman’s hands then forcefully shoving her to the ground with one hand leaving her with a concussion.This action was followed up when mere seconds after when “Wulfgang” called out “Hey faggot, catch this” while he tossed the baby he took in to the air. Thankfully the baby was not harmed as Mr. Williams quick reflexes dropped the Stanley Cup to grab the baby.

After this “Wulfgang” proceeded to pick up the Cup and say “This is my only chance to see the cup in Nashville damnit!” while dashing off to the nearest exit.Security was waiting at the exit to Taser as he approached, but it didn’t stop him as he attacked both security guards leaving them with missing teeth, bruises and a black eye. He then jumped in to a black Nissan 230 and sped down the Highway, when he was arrested he clocked a blood alcohol level of .205, 8 hours after the start of his heist.

When he awoke the next day in jail, he said he had no memory as he said
“I fucking out drank a camel last night, I blacked the fucked out.”

[Callisto]

Jeff Skinner just got paiiiiidddd

[Wulfgang]

Skinner definitely got paid for future potential vs previous results; not saying it's wrong necessarily, he's a solid player.

And what the shit Ace haha, did you actually take the time to write that whole story?

[Thoronas]

Oh man with Meszaros out in definitely I hope Holmgren goes full retard and offers like every RFA defenseman a contract. All your Carlsons, Del Zottos, and Subbans are belong to him.

[Brill Weave]

I would laugh if Holmgren did this just because of the resulting shitstorm it would cause as soon as any of his skill guys became RFA's. We're talking years of potential hilarity.

[Ace-o-fire]

Skinner definitely got paid for future potential vs previous results; not saying it's wrong necessarily, he's a solid player.

And what the shit Ace haha, did you actually take the time to write that whole story?

haha, 5 am is a very interesting time.

[BadKarma]

Oh man with Meszaros out in definitely I hope Holmgren goes full retard and offers like every RFA defenseman a contract. All your Carlsons, Del Zottos, and Subbans are belong to him.

If he offer sheets Del Zotto I will drive to Philly and beat his Brett Hull lookin ass with a bat

[Bregor]

Oh man with Meszaros out in definitely I hope Holmgren goes full retard and offers like every RFA defenseman a contract. All your Carlsons, Del Zottos, and Subbans are belong to him.

[Callisto]

Fresh from the what the hell damn crap department, Mike Madano is getting a divorce...I don't really know what's up with rich people bit I'm fairly certain that if I managed to bag sometime who looks like Willa Ford I'd find a way to make things work.

[Ace-o-fire]

Fresh from the what the hell damn crap department, Mike Madano is getting a divorce...I don't really know what's up with rich people bit I'm fairly certain that if I managed to bag sometime who looks like Willa Ford I'd find a way to make things work.

but when your rich, why put in the hard work when you can just make it rain on some new bitches?

If he offer sheets Del Zotto I will drive to Philly and beat his Brett Hull lookin ass with a bat

I'll join ya, fucking hate philly, worst city on the east cost by far.

It's like all the trash from NY, north NJ, and the none Pensultucky area of PA just tossed everything into the Delaware and it ended up in Philly/Camden.

[Selamis]

Fresh from the what the hell damn crap department, Mike Madano is getting a divorce...I don't really know what's up with rich people bit I'm fairly certain that if I managed to bag sometime who looks like Willa Ford I'd find a way to make things work.

I know right? Unless she was the one to cause the split but still, I'd be like cmaaaaaaaaaaan, we can make this work, it's cool.

On a related note, thank god for her topless scene in the remake of of Friday the 13th.

[Wulfgang]

So Doan's agent confirmed a team outside NY offered $7m per for four years. The lollerskater fake NHL insiders on Twitter are all claiming it is definitely the Preds.

I would be amped if the Preds got Doan, but that is absurd money for a 4 year deal to a 35 year old.

[Ace-o-fire]

I feel Vancouver Canucks are going to pay for him.

[Selamis]

I don't want to say he's coming to Chicago, but Toews made a mention in an interview at the recent Hawks convention, that he's been texting Doan and trying to plant the seed in his head to come here. <.<

[Richybear]

Toews texts include smiley's, which I assume look like this:

"You should come to Chicago, it's a fun place. -_-"
"Kane and I had lots of fun when we won the Stanley Cup. -_-"
"Last year was a bummer, getting knocked out by those bums from Phoenix. -_-"
"Oh, you're gonna sign with the Islanders? Ok. -_-"

[Callisto]

I don't want to say he's coming to Chicago, but Toews made a mention in an interview at the recent Hawks convention, that he's been texting Doan and trying to plant the seed in his head to come here. <.<

All I can picture is those terrible Chevy commercials with him and Kane texting about trucks lol

[Selamis]

All I can picture is those terrible Chevy commercials with him and Kane texting about trucks lol

Those commercials are beyond terrible, lol. The only good one they aren't terrible actors in, is the Lemonheads one where they are playing 3 posts.

[Callisto]

Those commercials are beyond terrible, lol. The only good one they aren't terrible actors in, is the Lemonheads one where they are playing 3 posts.

I tried for months to find stick tape in that shade of yellow that the Lemonhead had lol

[Selamis]

I tried for months to find stick tape in that shade of yellow that the Lemonhead had lol

I might actually be able to track some down. One guy on my hockey team had bright fucking pink tape lol, I'll see where he got it and see if they have yellow.