Violence Against the LGBT Community

[Ksandra]

And really people, children? I think I need to go on my first date or something first... You guys are moving way too fast!!

some of us want you to experience the joy and hell we are experiencing.

[zoobernut]

some of us want you to experience the joy and hell we are experiencing.

It really amazing how up and down having children is. Your mood can change almost as fast as theirs which is in an instant.

Also Niro I know you need to go on your first date and everything but that doesn't take away from the fact that you will make a wonderful mother some day. (If you want kids) Adoption is a great thing that anyone can do who is in the right position.

[Nirokun!]

Baby steps... I had always thought that I would be an aunt who had doggie children (our closest aunt is like this.) It's looking to be that way soonish maybe, my mom and I are always talking about him and his relationship and whether or not we like his girlfriend and how she does/does not fit into our family (is this bitchy? We have to do it!!) And I don't know if it's the estrogen, or it's just me getting older, but kids are soooo cute (lots of interaction with grandchildren when you do a home visit for grandma.) I like the idea of having kids (really, just toting them around and having little hands clasped tightly on my clothes, or sitting down and eating together awwwwww <3), but I don't know. There's a lot of things I have to do first, a person I have to be before I can have kids, so I can teach them and raise them well. There's not much I could teach my kids when all I ever did was go to school, be depressed, and transition. I need to be able to answer their questions, to guide them, because I would hope (good lord I hope) they don't turn out like me, and they could be normal people. I just don't know how I'd ever get to that point. That, and stable relationships are really, really rare for people like me, and the likelihood that I'll ever meet anyone is really low (for a lot of reasons.) I did come close, recently, and for 6 whole days I was floating (he knew and didn't care), but that ended (I ran, as usual). We'll see if that kind of thing can happen again, all in due time.

Rambling, but baby steps!

[BaneTheBrawler]

Oh, I see. I misunderstood and thought you were making the tall man comment to yourself, not people saying it to you. Makes more sense now.

It's interesting that you say stable relationships are rare for people like you. I wonder if that's because of whatever struggle you may have to come to terms with your real identity, or if it's due to societal pressures (bullying etc) or something. I'm curious because a friend of mine has serious self-confidence issues (due to bullying, moving away from friends at a rough age, and his parents' divorce, I think), and it affects EVERYTHING about him. For example, you can't trust him to borrow things and give them back, because he treats them like his own... which means he treats them like shit, loses them, etc... which he does because he doesn't feel like his things are worth anything because he thinks he isn't worth anything. The mind is a crazy thing like that.

[Nirokun!]

(I wrote a lot and deleted it, too much!)

The rundown: People don't want to be seen with us, there's a huge stigma and it's a liability because not everyone will treat you the same or be as open-minded about your relationship. We have to catch up on a lifetime of experiences that were never open do us. As far as relationships, that means I'm expected to act like other girls my age, and feel as comfortable doing what they do, because going at my own pace means I'm probably going to slow for him, and he'll lose interest because of that, ON TOP of the social stigma. Checking facebook, single women are a minority, and most are either in long term relationships or married with or without kids. I find it hard to believe someone would take it slow with me, because guys won't really wait around that long for any woman, much less a woman he can't see a future with. I'll never be worth it to him.

Another issue is the high prevalence for violence against this population. And while I've never been called out or treated poorly in my life, I have been sexually assaulted before. It's a constant reminder to avoid men...

The only way I could see things working out is if I knew the guy for a long time in a platonic way before anything happened. It's the only way I've felt comfortable so far (so I don't run away immediately), usually because the guy already knows about me, and I have time to feel safe around him. That's not to say that other ways of meeting guys wouldn't work, but I've never had the opportunity with my lack of a social life (I'm posting on a videogame forum, I'm a geek!), and the fact that my job/recent schooling only exposes me to other women and the elderly.

I can't say I am the way you describe your friend, I generally have a strong sense of self-worth, but it's that I don't think other people (men) will see me the same way after knowing. I've been told that I'm beautiful enough times, by enough people, that I started to think I didn't look so bad, but was still never sure if people saw me the same way after knowing. That did, however, happen once (recently), where the guy still said I was beautiful after knowing. I cried because it actually got through to me for the first time. But it ended up not working out, because while I was able to accept a lot of things, a lack of attraction on top of the other problems was too much. I feel like I should be able to be attracted to the person... standards. :/

[Ksandra]

Hey now, being a girl geek is a bonus! STOP RUNNING AWAY AT TAKE A CHANCE GIRLIE.

And hey, most of us know and think you're hot from the pics you posted in the irl thread. Our opinion> everyone else's.


Also if you think a guy won't take it slow...my husband's brother dated his wife for 14 years before they got married so.....it happens lmao.

I will say when I heard that I looked at my husband at the time (when we were still dating) and said, "don't you expect to pull that shit on me."

[Churchill]

I think the fact Niro pointed out that there is no future is a really important point, it is a pretty instant factor to whether a guy views a relationship as sex until sex is boring or something long term.

Assuming they get by the MTF thing as well.

[The Stig]

I am fascinated by your story, one thing that's on my mind was, what do you sound like? I recall that Miss Universe Canada thread where a transgender person was disqualified and then let back in the pageant. Jenna Talackova was her name. Someone posted a youtube video of her interview and she still sounded a bit male (or a bit off)? I didn't actually watch it for myself.

But I did so a quick name search and read a few of your posts. One thing that's not mentioned (or I missed it) was the voice. I'm just interested to know if you consciously speak with an adjusted voice or does your natural voice pass off as a woman. Afterall, it seems people are not aware of your past, I've not seen a picture of yourself yet (I'll look when I get home from work) but otherwise on all purposes you seem to pass off fine to them based on your posts

[Rhyis.]

Got all kinds of Oprah up in here.

[Nirokun!]

I am fascinated by your story, one thing that's on my mind was, what do you sound like? I recall that Miss Universe Canada thread where a transgender person was disqualified and then let back in the pageant. Jenna Talackova was her name. Someone posted a youtube video of her interview and she still sounded a bit male (or a bit off)? I didn't actually watch it for myself.

But I did so a quick name search and read a few of your posts. One thing that's not mentioned (or I missed it) was the voice. I'm just interested to know if you consciously speak with an adjusted voice or does your natural voice pass off as a woman. Afterall, it seems people are not aware of your past, I've not seen a picture of yourself yet (I'll look when I get home from work) but otherwise on all purposes you seem to pass off fine to them based on your posts

WHY AM I STILL AWAKE? Oh, because I had my last laser hair removal session and my schedule gets messed up when I'm off work. And this Irish Breakfast Tea. That aside~

I sound like a woman, I guess! People always say I sound like my mother (ALWAYS on the phone, even family.) I don't sound like myself, I sound like her (she loves it, because she's always said that I'm going to be exactly like her, especially when we don't get along.) I don't know how I'm supposed to describe what I sound like, it's like telling someone what a strawberry tastes like... lol I still hold onto my southern accent sometimes? People still ask me where I'm from because I have an accent I guess. I didn't start hormones until after puberty, so whatever happened, happened, but my puberty (if you dig far back enough) was weird, and my voice never cracked and I never got an adam's apple (my brother's both did.) People would sometimes say, in school, "Why do you talk like that?" lol

I've never had to do the voice training that other transwomen have to do, and I still think I talk the same. My guy friend, however, said my voice used to be a bit deeper (his wife says she thinks I have always sounded the same). If my voice has been forcibly altered, I don't try to do it, nor have I ever tried. I did notice a loss in some of the higher range (which made me sad), because I can't sing the same songs to myself anymore, but that was more recently. It could still be the late effects of puberty? I don't really know. But people don't look at me funny when I talk, and I certainly don't get called "Sir"! lol

yaysleep!

[The Stig]

Thanks for explaining, yeh I know it can't be described but I guess you answered the question with

But people don't look at me funny when I talk, and I certainly don't get called "Sir"! lol

[Guyverarmor]

Excellent ! glad to hear you are still here Niro and congrats on things finally going your way !

Actually I think things are not going to be looking up very shortly.

[Plow]

I'm actually curious niro if you feel like answering another question--

How would you feel if you met a guy you really liked and both saw a future with, but he didn't want you to go through with the full operation?

[Alvinho]

Operation or not, quick forum search, and it turns out Niro! is pretty hot (could have fooled me, judging by the pics). Not even gonna lie.

[Nirokun!]

I'm actually curious niro if you feel like answering another question--

How would you feel if you met a guy you really liked and both saw a future with, but he didn't want you to go through with the full operation?

I couldn't. I'm sure there are plenty of people into that, both as a fetish and a dating preference, but I couldn't. If you were morbidly obese, and someone loved you like that (and didn't want you to change), does that stop you from wanting to be the best you can be? If you didn't like yourself because of your weight, does having someone else love you(re weight) make you happy? Is it enough? I thought about this before (non-op vs pre-op), and even before with the gay thing. I didn't want to limit my potential for happiness in any way, to please someone else, and chose to go about life living the way I wanted to, disregarding what other people thought. I transitioned when I knew it would be easier to have a boyfriend and live as a gay person, because I never saw myself truly happy that way. I'm going for the operation because I'm not going to settle for a lesser life, even if, in the end, it never amounts to what I wanted it to be. And if I never achieve the happiness I've always wanted, I could at least say that I tried.

http://i50.tinypic.com/2w7gzub.jpg
Do we love this dress? Do we love that this dress matches my nails? Do we love that this dress feels like a tshirt and was $16.00? Yes, yes, yes, yes! (I hope you can't tell that I need to shave and shower like, asap! lol)

[Kuya]

It's actually pretty rare for a female transsexual to go under the knife down there.

[Alvinho]

http://i50.tinypic.com/2w7gzub.jpg

See what I'm saying?

[Nirokun!]

It's actually pretty rare for a female transsexual to go under the knife down there.

I think it has more to do with cost, access, and outcome than their desire to have it done. Just so people don't assume that, because it isn't common, it isn't desired.

[Kuya]

Oh no, i never meant to imply that. Most transsexual females do not go under the knife down there, but many if not most despise what they have down there.

[Ashmada]

Motivations are diverse, though. Some just aren't sure they want to go all the way, tis a pretty major decision, afterall.

Operation or not, quick forum search, and it turns out Niro! is pretty hot (could have fooled me, judging by the pics). Not even gonna lie.

Could've fooled me too. Sure there are still telltale signs (jawline, shoulders), but subtle enough to not be noticed when you don't know.