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  1. #1
    The Optimistic Asshole
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    2012-2013 NFL Week 1: The Ed Hochuli Memorial

    God tier...you will be missed. Ed never makes bad calls, the rules are just wrong.



    Remaining on topic, we are implementing a new rule into the new NFL threads this year. As you are aware, there's an increased awareness of people's feelings on BG in regards to spoilers. Therefore, there will no longer by any game discussion in the NFL threads on game day. Some people may be tivoing the game, we don't want to spoil that for them.

    Spoiler: show
    j/king


    With that out of the way, let's get down to the biz...

    preseason predictions.
    AFC East: New England
    AFC South: Houston
    AFC North: Baltimore
    AFC West: Denver
    Wildcards: San Diego, Buffalo

    NFC East: Philadelphia
    NFC South: Atlanta
    NFC North: Green Bay
    NFC West: Seattle
    Wildcards: New York, Carolina

    AFC Championship: Denver @ New England
    NFC Championship: Carolina @ Green Bay

    Superbowl: New England defeats Green Bay

    Coach of the year: Bill Belichick
    Offensive ROY: Doug Martin
    Defensive ROY: Stephon Gilmore
    MVP: Tom Brady (Have you seen the schedule? 13 wins...easy)

    In a new installment:
    Coaches to get fired: Ken Wisenhunt, Leslie Frazier, Romeo Crennel, Lovie Smith

    Week 1 matchups:

    Dallas at NY Giants - The Dallas defense didn't allow a single touchdown...during the preseason. The offense is healthy...except for their best WR and their all-pro TE. But they have some guy that has a babysitter entourage that can carry the team. The Giants have lost some key players on both sides of the ball this season. Mario Manningham who did much of nothing. Brandon Jacobs who also carried the ball...and promptly fell down. They still have the greater Manning, so I hope those two shiny new CBs on Dallas are ready for class, because summer is over and Eli's school of QBing is in session.

    SUN, SEP 9



    Indianapolis at Chicago - Brandon Marshall vs Vontae Davis and the Dolphins aren't even on the field. OK, not really a storyline. Andrew Luck begins his NFL career likely sitting on his ass courtesy of Julius Peppers and Lance Briggs. I don't see this game being very pretty. Chicago will running it down the throat of Indy. 220 yards rushing, calling it now. Also, diabetes.

    Philadelphia at Cleveland - Similar to the last game, a rookie QB is going to be getting Baptized by a solid set of pass rushers. Chad Pennington Mike Vick Mike Kafka will be responsible for getting the Eagles off to the right foot this season. Here's to hoping Vick refrains from strapping a random Cleveland fan wearing a dog mask onto a rape table.

    New England at Tennessee - Fun stat. Superbowl losers are a whopping 3-15 ATS (NE -4) in the first game following a superbowl loss. Those 15 teams probably weren't playing mediocre teams with a young QB that's played a handful of NFL snaps. Tommy Brady has no less than 4 elite pass catchers that would start on all 32 NFL teams. Best QB, best coach, best receiving corp...if they hit half their defensive draft picks, this team should be scary.

    Atlanta at Kansas City - Matty Ice on the road sucks. Not only that, Arrowhead is a hell of a tough place to play. If there's any strength to the KC Chiefs, it's their secondary. Eric Berry is back after the early exit in 2011, Stanford Routt and Brandon Flowers should hold down the fort to give the first upset of the year.

    Jacksonville at Minnesota - Is this real life? What a god damned QB battle. Gabbert vs Ponder. What a RB battle. No-knee Peterson vs No-show MJD. There's really nothing good to even say about this game other than I really hope you aren't getting this game in your region. I have no idea who the hell wins. Vikings assuming MJD isn't in uniform.

    Washington at New Orleans - RGIII will get to spend 60 minutes trying to avoid cart-offs in his first game in the NFL. I think the Saints will be out to prove a point in their first game of the season, and they should be able to hold down fort fairly easily. I cannot envision a rookie going into NO right after a damned hurricane, on the heels of the the Katrina anniversary, and winning a football game. The Saints should shut this game down early.

    Buffalo at NY Jets - Let's give the New York Jets a hand. In their 4th and final preseason game, they finally scored a TD. Unfortunately, now they get into the real games and face a much improved Buffalo defense bolstered with the addition of Mario Williams. It's too bad Wayne Hunter is now gone, I would have loved to seen Sanchez killed.

    St. Louis at Detroit - This should be an incredible matchup, something many of us fantasy owners have been waiting for. Calvin Johnson vs The Madden Cover curse. Who comes out ahead? Can the cover take out megatron? I doubt it, so the next best thing will be the curse taking out megatron by proxy. Eliminating Stafford, thus eliminating Johnson. Detroit wins, Stafford goes on the IR.

    Miami at Houston - Ugh. Miami actually has a pretty solid front 7, so I think they can hold their own against the stellar Houston running game. However, their best player in the secondary is a guy that wasn't even the #1 CB a week ago. Their best safety is a 7th round pick that almost went to prison. Then they have the Houston defense to content with. Miami isn't moving the ball here. At all. One TD for the Miami offense would be a huge shock for me.

    San Francisco at Green Bay - The most overrated team of last year faces last years biggest underachiever. I see no reason why Aaron Rodgers won't take out his frustrations from last season's failed playoff run on the niners. I think Green Bay wins, wins big, and the Niners begin the season with their first of several losses. Alex Smith can't fool us two straight seasons.

    Seattle at Arizona - Hurray Russel Wilson. Seattle is a dark horse for a lot of teams this year. I think they'll have one of the better defenses in the NFL and I think Wilson will prove to be the steal of the 2012 NFL draft. I picked them to win the division, but if they can't handle a terrible Arizona team, the future won't be looking very bright.

    Carolina at Tampa Bay - Carolina destroyed TB last season in their two matchups. Now with a different coach and a different attitude, I think TB is ready for a turnaround. I don't know how soon, however. After adding some much needed pieces with all that damn cap space, TB has put themselves in a position to be competitive. Unfortunately, they play in what may be best division in the NFL. I think the Bucs home record should improve, but it won't begin here.



    Pittsburgh at Denver -

    They win...with Tim fucking Tebow. Now they have Manning.

    MON, SEP 10

    Cincinnati at Baltimore - Apparently Dalton's injury isn't severe, he expects to suit up for the season opener. Wish that were the case for the 65 other players injured for the Bengals in the preseason. I really think the Bengals can keep this game very competitive. I think Baltimore lost a bit on defense with Suggs. That hurts. I think they'll find a way to pull out a close win.

    San Diego at Oakland - Maybe the Chargers have finally broken the mold last season when they won 4 of their first 5 tilts. Unfortunately, they also broke Ryan Matthews during the preseason. Now, Ronnie Brown will be getting the call. He may make a great backup for Phillip Rivers if last seasons' Rivers decides to take snaps, but a RB he is not. Carson Palmer played damn good football during the last few games of the seasons. I like that to continue into this season.

  2. #2
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    Love the Vick-vs-Dog Pound schtick, I'm bitter I didn't think of it before I wrote my game previews. Will post after I proofread them in a bit.

  3. #3
    Demosthenes11
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    preseason predictions.
    AFC East: New England
    AFC South: Houston
    AFC North: Baltimore
    AFC West: Denver
    Wildcards: KC, Pitt

    NFC East: Philadelphia
    NFC South: Saints
    NFC North: Green Bay
    NFC West: Seattle
    Wildcards: Cowboys, Bears

    AFC Championship: Pitt @ New England
    NFC Championship: Bears @ Green Bay

    Superbowl: New England defeats Chicago

    Coach of the year: ROMEO
    Offensive ROY: Justin Blackmon
    Defensive ROY: Chandler Jones
    MVP: Tom Brady

    In a new installment:
    Coaches to get fired: Arizona, Minnesota, Miami, San Diego, Atlanta

  4. #4
    Demosthenes11
    Guest

    DAL @ NYG - Giants gonna have a big injury this year - I'm thinking Eli goes down for the year or misses significant games very early on. Also, they may remember they are the giants are go mediocre again. Dallas doesn't fuck up the opener like last year.

    Colts @ Bears - Bears OP this year. Not convinced their defense will be all that great (old man Urlacher) but fully expect cutty to go balls deep. Colts finish a respectable 6-10 and luck plays pretty well.

    NE @ Ten - Brady has every opportunity to break more records as long as the line figures it out. I miss matt light. Gronk and Hernandez become the best 1-2 punch in the NFL. Oh, and there are a few other good people catching Tom's balls too. Jake Locker blows.

    Ealges @ Cle - Vick back to regular season hero. Cleveland back to being Cleverland.

    Rams @ Lions - Bradford sucks. Rams rebuilding. Lions regress but still put up gaudy offensive numbers. Schwartz cries more.

    Falcons @ Chiefs - Falcons will never be good unless Matt Ryan (playcalling? ) actually starts being aggressive. Chiefs have too much POWER

    Jags @ Vikings - zzzzzzzz I don't think anybody really wins, especially the fans

    Redskins @ Saints - Saints won't be that much worse without Payton. Drew Brees cries until they win 11 games; may or may not help more old ladies cross the street this year than last. RGIII does not have a strong rookie year, but shows promise. Santana Moss and I are still dating irl

    Bills @ Jets - Can't pick the bills. Won't do it. It's been too long. Ralph Wilson dies half way through the year. Meanwhile, the team tries to rally around it but Fitzpatrick. Tebow starts 3 games while Sanchez is "hurt" with a strongly exaggerated injury. Defense is pretty good. Offense is offensive.

    Dolphins @ Texans - Dolphins have no talent. Really. Reggie bush will be hurt most of the year. Texans will be good but lose first round of playoffs; underachieve.

    SF @ GB - Alex smith remembers who he is. Harbaugh gets 2 penalties for too good of handshakes. Aaron Rodgers rocks and rolls.

    Seahawks @ Arizona - Hawks will be pretty good this year. I must admit I don't hate Pete Carroll. Cardinals will be the worst team in the nfl.

    Panthers @ Bucs - Not on the panthers train yet. Need another year. Bucs gonna surprise some people this year. Their new coach is awesome. JAAAAAAAASH

    Steelers @ broncos - Peyton wins it on last possession, but doesn't look fantastic. He will take a while to get back to form, if he ever does fully. Pitt will do what they do every year - look really old but be fine.

    Bengals @ Ravens - Bengals go back to being doormats. Flacco still not anywhere near elite. Potential mid season meltdown for ravens as aging players get older and more frustrated and they lose a few toughies.

    Chargers @ Raiders - no1curr. How tall is meachem?

  5. #5
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    AFC East: New England
    AFC North: Baltimore
    AFC South: Houston
    AFC West: Denver
    Wild Cards: NY Jets, Cincinnati

    NFC East: NY Giants
    NFC North: Green Bay
    NFC South: Atlanta
    NFC West: San Francisco
    Wild Cards: Chicago, Philadelphia

    AFC Championship: New England over Denver
    NFC Championship: San Francisco over Green Bay
    Super Bowl: New England over San Francisco

    Coach: Pete Carroll, Seattle
    Comeback POY: Peyton Manning, Denver
    Offensive POY: Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay
    Defensive POY: Jason Pierre-Paul, NY Giants
    Offensive ROY: Robert Griffin III, Washington
    Defensive ROY: Chandler Jones, New England
    NFL MVP: Peyton Manning, Denver

    Coaches fired: Norv Turner, Jason Garrett, Leslie Frazier, do the four guys coaching New Orleans count?


    And now, on to the best part of the NFL season -- gambling. Lots of two-score lines and home dogs out of the chute, but with the replacement referees likely to screw up one or two games every week, I'm a little gun-shy. I'll pick 'em all anyway, though, I do have a reputation to uphold.

    2011-12 Breggy "The Greek" Scoreboard

    Pick: 172-96
    ATS: 138-123-7


    WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5TH

    8:30pm EDT

    Dallas at NY Giants (-4) - Nothing like a great divisional rivalry to get things started. Last season, the G-Men needed a win at home against the 'Boys to lock up the division in week 17. And win they did, jumping out to a 21-0 lead in the first half, sacking Romo six times, and using the momentum as a springboard to their legendary playoff run. Dallas will no doubt be looking for revenge, but games like these don't really need a narrative. Both teams start the season a little banged up (honestly, does Prince Amukamara even play football anymore,) but there's reason to believe Witten and Smiles could both suit up Wednesday. Both offenses can throw the ball, and both defenses can get to the quarterback. But I like a healthy Ahmad Bradshaw and rookie David Wilson to break off some runs. Long story short, New York was better than Dallas last season, and I see no reason why that would have changed as of today. Also, offensive lines, anyone? Giants win and cover.


    SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9TH

    1:00pm EDT

    Indianapolis at Chicago (-9.5) - A year ago, Chicago started 7-3, with those losses coming at N'awlins, at Detroit, and at home to Green Bay. Then Jay Cutler went down, and the wheels came off. To fix their ills and hopefully protect their best offensive player a little bit, Mike Martz was jettisoned in favor of Mike Tice, who should employ more three-step drops and designed rollouts in an effort to best utilize Cutty's considerable talents. Oh, and they got Brandon Marshall for two third-round picks. With a punishing defense returning largely intact, I'm expecting big things from DA BEARS. The Colts succeeded in sucking for Luck, and he's looked good in two of his three preseason games. But will he have any help? Addai, Garcon, Clark, Saturday, and Diem are all gone, as is the team's offensive philosophy for the past decade, which was, "Eh, Peyton will handle it." As if that weren't enough to handle in one off-season, they're shifting to a 3-4 scheme on defense, with Mathis and Freeney at outside linebacker. Oh, and Collie had another concussion. This should be fun. Chicago wins and covers.

    New England at Tennessee (+6.5) - It was another dominating season for Belichick's crew, as they posted the best point differential in the AFC and boasted two record-setting tight ends to compliment more of the same from Tom Brady. And sure, their defense allowed the third most yards in the history of the NFL, but they weren't even in the bottom half of the league in points allowed. But Bill's tinkering a little bit, moving Rob Ninkovich to end while staying in a base 4-3. I gotta tell ya, a LB trio of Mayo, Spikes, and Hightower is terrifying. Tennessee had one of the most vanilla 9-7 seasons in recent memory, barely missing out on the postseason while Matt Hasselbeck clung onto a starting gig, and CJ1K limped closer to fantasy irrelevancy. They just got a bit of good news -- Kenny Britt will only miss one game -- but there's not much that can help them in this one. Tennessee needs to disrupt Brady's timing to have a chance, and they're hoping Kamerion Wimbley can provide some serious, consistent pressure off the edge they've been missing since Jevon Kearse's heyday. The best thing I can say about the Titans is that Cortland Finnegan is gone. Fuck that guy. Patriots win and cover.

    Philadelphia at Cleveland (+8) - Another year, another season I'm hoping Cleveland loses a lot for a high draft pick. With Trent Richardson nursing a balky knee all through the preseason and Brandon Weeden, well, being Brandon Weeden, I have no faith that the Browns will improve on their scoring average of around 13 and a half points per game last season. And with a defense that will miss Phil Taylor from Baylor for the first six games, and in all likelihood Scott Fujita and Joe Haden to suspension, it's not like they're going to be holding a lot of teams down waiting for the offense to click. To make matters worse, they open against a team... of dreams! With Asante Samuel off to the ATL, there's no longer a logjam at corner, and I love the speed in the front seven. Bringing in DeMeco Ryans was a great gamble, if he can stay healthy he's a huge presence in the middle. As for the offense, welp, it's all about Vick and Shady staying healthy. Vick will wear a flak jacket during games, not due to any rib injury, but because he read a report that dogs have developed opposable thumbs and can now operate firearms. Keep your head down, brother. Eagles win, Browns with the points.

    St. Louis at Detroit (-8.5) - For years, Detroit was defined by having one player with other-worldly talents, and not much else. They limped through the seasons and occasionally the playoffs every year, never reaching a Super Bowl. And when that transcendent player retired, the team suffered through over a decade of futility. Now, they have another such talent in Calvin Johnson, and if he and Matt Stafford can continue putting up points in bunches, the team's window for playing come February will only get bigger. It'd be nice if they could do a few other things, like keep any running backs healthy or play defense. But at least Eric Wright is gone. The Rams picked the wrong year to go in the toilet, nabbing Sam Bradford with the #1 pick two years ago instead of waiting for the perfect time to crumble like Indy did. They've had a hard time keeping the Cross-Eyed Kid upright and fielding a serviceable receiving corps, but their old, reliable battle axe Steven Jackson still has some gas left in the tank. Throw in a defense with a lot of talent, especially in the front four, and they could surprise some teams this year. Jeff Fisher's certainly done more with less in the past. That said, I'm not expecting any week 1 shocker here. Lions win and cover.

    Atlanta at Kansas City (+2) - Kansas City finished the season on a strange note, firing Todd Haley with just three games left and turning the reins over to Romeo Crennel. Between both coaches, their last five games resulted in three wins over quality teams (Chicago, Green Bay, Denver) and two puzzling losses (NY Jets, Oakland) while never eclipsing 20 points in any one contest. One might assume this is the result of a punishing defense, but the Chiefs don't really scare anybody on either side of the ball. With Crennel and HILLIS in town, there's an aroma of Cleveland around this team, so you might want to invest in some Febreze. I can't decide which was the more embarrassing playoff moment last season -- the Steelers losing to a strike from Tebow, or Atlanta's entire wild card game. The latter certainly has the better image macro. More big plays on both sides of the ball will take the Falcons from a very good team to a Super Bowl contending one, and keeping Julio Jones and Brent Grimes on the field will certainly help. Mike Nolan will try his hand at a unit that seems to be a step behind the Saints offense on the regular. They'll either need to stop the best offenses in the league, or outscore them. That's a tall order for the Loose Deuce. But the Chiefs shouldn't be too much of a problem. Falcons win and cover.

    Jacksonville at Minnesota (-4.5) - The battle of great running backs, MJD versus All Day! Wait, what? Oh. Um, well, okay, I guess these teams will still play a real NFL game! I can certainly understand both sides of the Maurice Jones-Drew holdout. If you're the player, you're one of the better feature backs in the league, and want to be paid as such. If you're the team, you went 5-11 with him last year, added no difference makers on defense, and are so desperate for fans you agreed to play multiple "home" games in London. Besides, their offensive line isn't terrible, Rashad Jennings is certainly capable of putting up some decent numbers himself, and we all know the team will live and die with the development of Blaine Gabbert anyway. Minnesota has their own green quarterback to worry about, but Christian Ponder gets a little more help at the skill positions. And if Matt Kalil can play with the same fire that fuels the hotness of his gene pool, good things are in store for the Vikes. But that's a bit too much forecasting -- this game will be a war of attrition. I'll take Vikings to win, Jags with the points.

    Washington at New Orleans (-9.5) - You may have noticed that I did not pick the Saints to make the playoffs this season. No, that's not a typo. I'm just not convinced that you can gut an entire team's coaching staff and expect the offense to not miss a beat, as well as a defense that was suspect to begin with to get stops when they need to without their best player. It is entirely possible that N'awlins just keeps churning out huge point totals, I just don't know what will happen when they hit a speed bump every now and then. Washington seems to be on the upswing, as they have a number of things going for them -- an elite quarterback prospect, a slew of good-but-not-great wide receivers along with a stud tight end for him to target, and an aggressive defense. They still have some issues along the offensive line and in the secondary, but it's certainly better than the McNabb-Haynesworth era. As cynical as I tend to be about rookie quarterbacks, and as much I want to see Dan Snyder and every mouth-breathing Redskins fan suffer, I really think RGIII is legit. If I truly believe everything I've written, it all amounts to this -- I have to pick the upset special. Redskins win.

    Buffalo at NY Jets (-3) - I'm not going to talk about the Jets offense. Deal with it. What I will talk about is how punishing the Jets defense is. They were fifth in yards allowed, intercepted more passes than passing touchdowns allowed, and added LaRon fucking Landry. If this unit can stay healthy and shore up against the run a bit, look out. I guess you could call them my post-hype sleeper this season. Buffalo was the NFL's early season darling last year, opening 5-2 with some dominating performances before crashing and burning in a seven-game losing streak. So which was the real Buffalo? If rookie left tackle Cordy Glenn can help keep Fitzpatrick upright, it might be the former. Defensively, their front four looks terrifying on paper, and another rookie getting rave reviews is corner Stephon Gilmore. This should be a great game, and I think that line is spot-on. Jets to win and barely cover.

    Miami at Houston (-10) - I don't understand why people are hating on Miami getting Hard Knocks this year. People go to air shows to see the Blue Angels, sure, but they also go because maybe a gigantic fireball will crash out of the sky. Miami reminds me of Cleveland on so many levels -- historic franchise, recent futility, Hall of Fame-caliber left tackle, hopelessly raw rookie quarterback. They actually finished last season on a 6-3 run, for what it's worth, and I think Reggie Bush will have a big year. But what about this team scares anyone, exactly? Houston's calling card for the last few years has been their offensive line, making fantasy studs out of Arian Foster and Steve Slaton before him, and protecting Matt Schaub well enough for him to lob home run balls to Andre Johnson. But they lost both their right guard and right tackle to free agency, not to mention Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans on the other side of the ball. I still like the Texans to win the division, but not in convincing fashion, maybe at 9-7 or even 8-8. Houston wins, Dolphins with the points.

    4:25pm EDT

    San Francisco at Green Bay (-5.5) - Game of the week. We last saw the 49ers come within a knee of the Super Bowl, getting clutch performances from Alex Smith and CLICK CLACK when it mattered most. More importantly, they return the NFC's best defense completely intact. If they can get a bit more production from the receivers, San Fran has a great shot at getting right back in conference title game. Of course, their biggest competition is Green Bay, who seemed to be on cruise control for much of the year, thanks to Aaron Rodgers and the consistently potent passing game. Their bend-but-don't-break defense will probably improve this season, just by virtue of not being last season's defense. There are some injury concerns early with Greg Jennings and B.J. Raji, but they have the personnel and the coaching staff to overcome it. Take the under for sure, but I'll go with Packers to win and cover.

    Seattle at Arizona (+2.5) - Oh, NFC West, taunting me with a home dog in week 1. I'm not falling for it, buddy! I hope John Skelton is starting in October, so I can make all sorts of terrible, Halloween-based puns. In the present, they're still terrible on offense. How Larry Fitzgerald isn't completely insane by now, I'll never know. Defensively they have some things going, especially in the secondary, so it should be a good test early for Russell Wilson. Speaking of, I love the spin on the quarterback competition in Seattle. "Oh, they're so smart, they stole Wilson in the third round!" My take on it is, "Look at those dumb shits, they gave Matt Flynn a $26 million contract to sit on the bench. That's almost as bad as drafting Weeden." Regardless, I like the 'Hawks to win this one in the trenches, especially if Marshawn Lynch suits up. Seattle wins and covers.

    Carolina at Tampa Bay (+2.5) - I don't know which is worse -- the people who say Cam Newton will regress only because his numbers are unsustainable, or the people who think those numbers will magically translate into wins. I expect more of the same from Scam, but any improvement in the standings will come on the back of their defense. They might have the best and/or most underrated linebacking corps this season in Anderson, Beason, and Kuechly, and if the secondary can play well, I do expect more wins. I'm not sure what to think about Tampa Bay this year. I expected the core to take a big step forward last season, and they did -- into a gaping chasm. Any performance from Josh Freeman, from making the Pro Bowl to getting benched, wouldn't surprise me in the least. I do feel bad for their offensive line, even though they brought in Carl Nicks, they lose Davin Joseph for the year. Rookie safety Mark Barron should make an immediate impact, but that might be negated by the mere presence of Eric Wright. Could be a long season for the Bucs. Panthers win and cover.

    8:20pm EDT

    Pittsburgh at Denver (-1) - Amid all the Tebow hype, the playoff run, and the beginning of the Manning era in Denver, there is one truth people don't talk about -- the other 50 guys on the team are pretty good. Sure, they posted a -81 point differential, but a lot of that came at the hands of the worst starting quarterback in the league. The fact is, their improbable win streak and trip to the postseason was mostly due to Von Miller and a suffocating secondary. Going from Tebow to even a competent quarterback would mean a remarkable improvement, but if Peyton is healthy, this could be ugly. Pittsburgh's biggest off-season stories were filming a movie and not wanting to pay their leading receiver. The real story that went unreported was Ben Roethlisberger's stance on Rep. Todd Akin's remarks. Maybe this is the Browns fan in me, but I see Pittsburgh as an old team getting older. The offensive line should be much better, but everything else is getting worse. If Polamalu gets hurt again, and Harrison gets suspended again, I don't see Pittsburgh making the playoffs. Denver wins and covers.


    MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10TH

    7:00pm EDT

    Cincinnati at Baltimore (-6) - Andy Dalton and Joe Flacco are very much alike -- they're both ugly goons, they both succeeded in making the playoffs as rookies, and they're both propped up by their weapons and a solid defense. I really hope Flacco hits the free agent market, and some desperate team throws bags full of cash at him, only to be utterly disappointed. Oh wait, that sounds like something Cleveland would do. Nevermind. With Terrell Suggs out, look for Sergio Kindle and Courtney Upshaw to step right in and wreck havoc. I like Cincy's long-term prospects, as last year's playoff berth was no fluke. But just looking at the Bengals injury list makes my knees hurt. Throw in a balky elbow for Dalton, and what should be a good game could turn into a laugher for Ballmurr. Ravens win and cover.

    10:15pm EDT

    San Diego at Oakland (+1.5) - What are the Chargers doing exactly? They lost Vincent Jackson and replaced him with "generic pedestrian Saints receiver." They bring in Ronnie Brown to back up the most injury prone back in the league. And after Phil Rivers' worst season, they have the stellar backup plan of Charlie Whitehurst and Jarrett fucking Lee. My head asplode. Oakland did a pretty good job exercising the ghost of Al Davis last season, climbing back to respectability after taking a big gamble on Carson Palmer. If they can get Palmer, McFadden, and the receivers all on the same page and keep them healthy, I really like the offense's potential. If Denver falters, it won't take much to win the division, and I'd enjoy Chris Berman wheezing out "Raiders" for a few more weeks, just to piss you assholes off. Oakland takes this in the upset.

  6. #6
    Demosthenes11
    Guest

    oh btw, NE defense is still gonna blow this year. The gamble was on more plays to be made (timely sack, turnover, etc).

    But ya, Mayo/Spikes/Hightower is so much yussss as long as they can stay healthy

  7. #7
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    AFC East: New England
    AFC North: Baltimore
    AFC South: Houston
    AFC West: Denver
    Wild Cards: Kansas City, Cincinnati

    NFC East: Philadelphia
    NFC North: Chicago
    NFC South: Atlanta
    NFC West: San Francisco
    Wild Cards: Green Bay, Carolina

    AFC Championship: Houston over New England
    NFC Championship: San Francisco over Chicago
    Super Bowl: San Francisco over Houston

    Coach: Jim Harbaugh
    Comeback POY: Peyton Manning
    Offensive POY: Matt Forte
    Defensive POY: Justin Smith
    Offensive ROY: Robert Griffin III
    Defensive ROY: Janoris Jenkins
    NFL MVP: Tom Brady

    Coaches fired: Arizona, Minnesota, Dallas, NY Jets

    Week 1:
    Dallas@NYG - Giants show rust to start the season.
    [email protected]Chicago - Cutler gives the rookie a clinic.
    Philadelphia@Cleveland - No explanation required.
    New England@Tennessee - See above.
    [email protected]Kansas City - KC is gonna control the clock.
    Jacksonville@Minnesota - Everyone loses, really.
    [email protected]New Orleans - Superdome is a rough place to start your pro career.
    Buffalo@NYJ - Jets' OLine looks like a sieve.
    St. [email protected]Detroit - Megatron starting off right where he left off.
    [email protected]Houston - Not-quite-ready rookie against a tough D.
    San Francisco@Green Bay - Alex Smith gets injured on first drive and Kaepernick shows his higher upside.
    [email protected]Arizona - Weird stuff happens in that stadium.
    Carolina@Tampa Bay - Bucs need chemistry.
    [email protected]Denver - Ben spends the game on his back, Peyton spends the game celebrating.
    [email protected]Baltimore - Bengals too beat up.
    San [email protected]Oakland - Chargers can't get the offense going.

  8. #8

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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    Lol @ Chicago going to the superbowl.

    Dallas@NYG - Giants start slow, then make it to the playoffs and fucking piss me off at yet another god damn superbowl.
    [email protected]Chicago - DA BEARS
    [email protected] - Cripple fight, anyone could win this game.
    New England@Tennessee - Landslide
    Atlanta@Kansas City - Matty Ice is gonna do work.
    [email protected] - Everyone loses, really.
    [email protected]New Orleans - I like RG3 and all but he needs to sit his punk ass down and watch a Vet go to work, BREES.
    [email protected]NYJ - TEBOW
    St. [email protected]Detroit - Stafford to Megatron is gonna keep on fuckin' shit up.
    [email protected]Houston - Dolphins won't be good for a while.
    San Francisco@Green Bay- 49ers D is going to give Rodgers all sorts of problems, Cedric Benson ain't doin' shit either.
    [email protected] - No one gives a fuck.
    Carolina@Tampa Bay - Panthers are less awful.
    [email protected]Denver - Peyton schools Ben in this one.
    [email protected]Baltimore - New kicker won't miss that field goal.
    San [email protected] - See Seattle @ Arizona.

    AFC Championship: NE over Houston
    NFC Championship: 49ers over the Chiefs

  9. #9
    The Optimistic Asshole
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    Guess I'm the only one that thinks the Niners will regress.

  10. #10
    Banned.

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    Re: 2012-2013 NFL Week 1: The Ed Hochuli Memorial

    So many inside jokes from just the last 3~ weeks. All I can say is

    FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL

  11. #11
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    Ifrit

    this thread sucks..all these forecasts and no pics/gifs

  12. #12
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    Re: 2012-2013 NFL Week 1: The Ed Hochuli Memorial

    Quote Originally Posted by Tyche View Post
    Guess I'm the only one that thinks the Niners will regress.
    They can reach playoffs with just the defense and AKERS

  13. #13
    Brown Recluse
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    Unicorn

    Cutty coming back in full God mode. Prepare your anus jelly dicks
    Still this.

  14. #14
    Un-Rad Conrad
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyche View Post
    Philadelphia at Cleveland - Similar to the last game, a rookie QB is going to be getting Baptized by a solid set of pass rushers. Chad Pennington Mike Vick Mike Kafka will be responsible for getting the Eagles off to the right foot this season. Here's to hoping Vick refrains from strapping a random Cleveland fan wearing a dog mask onto a rape table.
    Nick Foles

  15. #15
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    Season Predicitions
    AFC East
    http://alt-a.bitg.net/nightmobile/ca...200/193205.jpg
    AFC North
    http://www.pigskinbuzz.com/wp-conten...lacco-bert.png
    AFC South
    http://a.fn.fncdn.com/images/content...610/Vez1iQ.jpg
    AFC West
    http://www.fantasyfootballsideline.c...play_image.jpg
    Wildcards
    http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/834288/manning.gif
    http://t.qkme.me/35d92k.jpg
    NFC East
    http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcs...abbvick910.JPG
    NFC North
    http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...B28SdxfYBw&t=1
    NFC South

    NFC West
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nG5z4zBH8G...ith_cr_576.jpg
    Wildcards
    http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs3/3678039_o.gif
    http://cdn1.sbnation.com/fan_shot_im...4947/duYUy.jpg

    AFC Championship
    Baltimore @ New England
    NFC Championship
    Green Bay @ Chicago
    Super Bowl
    Chicago over Baltimore

    Coach of the Year
    http://midwaymadness.com/wp-content/...oviesmith1.jpg
    Offensive ROY
    http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/spo.../PX00146_9.jpg
    Defensive ROY
    http://i2.cdn.turner.com/si/2012/wri...ke-kuechly.jpg
    MVP
    http://www.thesportsbank.net/core/wp...rte-5_3_11.jpg

    Week 1
    Dallas @ The Super Bowl Champions

    Colts @ Bears
    http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_as...super-fans.jpg
    Eagles @ Browns
    http://gcobb.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/dhady6.jpg
    Rams @ Lions
    http://www.sportsgeekery.com/wp-cont...1/11/suh-2.gif
    Patriots @ Titans
    http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_as.../458227369.gif
    Falcons @ Chiefs
    http://cdn1.sbnation.com/fan_shot_im...4947/duYUy.jpg
    Jaguars @ Vikings
    http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs3/1507273_o.gif
    Redskins @ Saints
    http://www.newerascouting.com/wp-con...ans-saints.jpg
    Bills @ Jets

    Dolphins @ Texans
    http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2010/0919...er1_sy_300.jpg
    Carolina @ Tampa

    49ers @ Packers

    Seahawks @ Cardinals

    Steelers @ Broncos
    http://iamgiant.files.wordpress.com/...commercial.jpg
    Bengals @ Ravens
    http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/B...0Kz6CtoqXl.jpg
    Chargers @ Raiders
    http://www.nflpassers.com/wp-content...ms5to1_400.jpg

  16. #16
    GATTACA!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyche View Post
    Guess I'm the only one that thinks the Niners will regress.
    Nah, they have to regress this year.

    THE DEUCE IS LOOSE

  17. #17
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    Ifrit

    The Minnesota Vikings open the regular season against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sept. 9, and whether star running back Adrian Peterson plays may not be determined until just before kickoff.

    Vikings coach Leslie Frazier said Thursday night that Peterson probably will be a game-time decision.
    The Dallas Cowboys' search for a veteran offensive lineman has ended with a trade for Miami's Ryan Cook, according to sources.

    Cook, who started at center against the Cowboys in Wednesday's preseason finale, will be acquired for a seventh-round pick.

    Cook, 29, was a second-round pick by Minnesota in 2006 and he started 40 games for the Vikings before joining the Dolphins last season.

    He has recorded starts at right tackle, right guard and center during his career.
    .

  18. #18
    A Magic Ham Sandwich
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    Quote Originally Posted by AidenCarby View Post
    NFC Championship: 49ers over the Chiefs
    bit of a reach but I like it

  19. #19
    A Magic Ham Sandwich
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    except the niners winning part or getting there in the first place

  20. #20
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    A fan who attended a preseason Houston Texans' game at Reliant Stadium fell to his death from an escalator, officials said Friday.

    The fan fell from the escalator while attending Thursday's game between the Texans and the Minnesota Vikings, Reliant Stadium officials said in a statement.

    The Houston Medical Examiner's Office confirmed in an email Friday that it received the body. The medical examiner's website said the man, who was not identified, died in a Houston emergency room.

    Houston police spokesman Kese Smith said the fall occurred at the north end of the stadium and that the fan's condition wasn't known.
    .

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