2012-13 NFL Week 3: TEARS

[Dimmauk]

http://baltimoresportsreport.com/wp-...ines_ward.jpeg

RIP

Fucking LOL

Also, Good job tyven!

[AidenCarby]

At least my team is going to win, TYVEN HATH SPOKEN

[Lucavi]

Bah, new week, new shitty skins predictions.

[Conrad]

I agree with my tier placement and the subsequent comment re: rosh hashanah

[tyven]

Bah, new week, new shitty skins predictions.

no rack, no carricker, too much pacman. goodnight sweet griff

[Tajin]

Betting lines no one one gives a shit about and my predictions for this week.

Giants(NewYork) (-1.5) - Panthers(Carolina) (1.5)
Rams(StLouis) (7.5) - Bears(Chicago) (-7.5)
Buccaneers(TampaBay) (7) - Cowboys(Dallas) (-7)
49ers(SanFrancisco) (-7.5) - Vikings(Minnesota) (7.5)
Lions(Detroit) (-3) - Titans(Tennessee) (3)
Bengals(Cincinnati) (3.5) - Redskins(Washington) (-3.5)
Jets(NewYork) (-3) - Dolphins(Miami) (3)
Chiefs(KansasCity) (9) - Saints(NewOrleans) (-9)
Bills(Buffalo) (-3) - Browns(Cleveland) (3)
Jaguars(Jacksonville) (3) Colts(Indianapolis) (-3)
Eagles(Philadelphia) (-4) - Cardinals(Arizona) (4)
Falcons(Atlanta) (3) - Chargers(SanDiego) (-3)
Texans(Houston) (-1.5) - Broncos(Denver) (1.5)
Steelers(Pittsburgh) (-4) - Raiders(Oakland) (4)
Patriots(NewEngland) (3) - Ravens(Baltimore) (-3)
Packers(GreenBay) (-3.5) - Seahawks(Seattle) (3.5)

[Bregor]

I give this thread:

Spoiler: show

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/ima...pacmanback.jpg

Spoiler: show

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/ima...pacmanback.jpg

Spoiler: show

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/ima...pacmanback.jpg

Spoiler: show

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/ima...pacmanback.jpg

Spoiler: show

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/ima...pacmanback.jpg

5 out of 5 Pacmans.

[Chrius]

Going to the COWBOYS game in terrible seats. Please don't fail too hard

[Blackice]

lolCowboys aside, this guy puts how I felt perfectly in words after the Seattle game.

[Tweek]

[Dimmauk]

Raiders are worse than the Jags?

[Tweek]

idunno man they're looking pretty fucking miserable, sad and pathetic. I think JAX looks better than them right now. MIA destroyed them, nuff said. I didn't think they could be this bad with a healthy Run DMC

[Akiyama]

lolol, broven. good work.

[Cleverness]

Akiyama deserves his own tier called "Jizzy poo cake" tier. Tyven amend this.

[Demosthenes11]

I'm glad you have joined the boston TE party tyven

[Ketsuri]

Last week: 9-7
This year: 17-15

Giants vs Panthers
Rams vs Bears
Buccaneers vs Cowboys
49ers vs Vikings
Lions vs Titans
Bengals vs Redskins
Jets vs Dolphins
Chiefs vs Saints
Bills vs Browns
Jaguars vs Colts
Eagles vs Cardinals
Falcons vs Chargers
Texans vs Broncos
Steelers vs Raiders
Patriots vs Ravens
Packersvs Seahawks

[Dimmauk]

Akiyama deserves his own tier called "Jizzy poo cake" tier. Tyven amend this.

Used condom cake.

[Bregor]

Last week
M/L: 10-6
ATS: 8-7-1

Overall
M/L: 21-11
ATS: 17-14-1


THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20TH

8:20pm EDT

NY Giants at Carolina (+1) - Fuck Thursday games. Seriously. Too much fantasy interest in these teams to make lineup calls on Thursday morning. Anyway, Eli got away with one last week, derping it up in the 2nd quarter with three picks before going full God mode to beat the Bucs. On a more sour note, the D-line only sacked JASH once (they got one more from a linebacker) so they'll have to eat a ton of Subway step it up big time if they want to contain Cam. I'm sort of dismissing last week's win for Carolina, I'm not sure the Saints defense can stop anybody. But at least J-Stew and D-Will and G-Love and Special Sauce and all their running backs with dumb nicknames are relatively healthy. This seems like the classic early season game the Giants should win, but Coughlin botches somehow. I feel dirty doing it, but give me the Panthers in the upset.


SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23RD

1:00pm EDT

St. Louis at Chicago (-7.5) - I started Jay Cutler in three fantasy leagues last week. Those teams still went 2-1. ALL HE DOES IS WIN. Even though I'm not a Bears fan, I was a little embarrassed for the Monsters of the Midway. I know they're a much better team than the debacle they put on the field last Thursday night. But the Rams are a team they should beat, and they're at home, so I'm guessing we'll see numbers closer to week 1 for Cutty and B-Marsh. St. Louis was gifted a win by Josh Morgan and Shanahanigans, capitalizing on an ugly 2nd half performance by the scab refs. I'm pretty sure I saw Ken and E. Honda slapping the shit out of each other at some point, no flag. I like Jeff Fisher a lot, and the Rams are on the right track, but you just don't come into THE Soldier Field as an upstart and win. Cutty does it, Bears win and cover.

Tampa Bay at Dallas (-7) - Tampa Bay hangs with the reigning Super Bowl champs, the 'Boys get smoked by Seattle, so of COURSE Dallas is a touchdown favorite. I don't even know what to say about that, except

Spoiler: show

http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.n...ed-9-16-12.gif

Dallas wins, Bucs with the points.

San Francisco at Minnesota (+7) - I think San Francisco is the most complete team in the league right now. Crabtree looked pretty damn good last week, and Vernon can't be covered. CLICK. CLACK. And then there's the defense, although it wasn't that hard to stop Fat-Face last week. Also, AKERS. Minny got Vinatieri'd, but it was the second straight game that Ponder has looked decent. Unfortunately, there's a good chance Patrick Willis grinds him into a fine paste. 49ers win and cover.

Detroit at Tennessee (+3) - It's been a tough two weeks for tough football. CJ1.1ypcK looks like the worst back in the league right now, and the defense allowed Brady and fucking Phil Rivers to shred them. Even ol' Fat-Face should be able to put up points in this one. The only reason I'd watch this game would be to see if Suh pulls out a machete and lops off Steve Hutchinson's arm. It could happen. Lions win and cover.

Cincinnati at Washington (-3.5) - Andy Dalton tore Cleveland up, but without Joe Haden, who wouldn't? I don't think Washington's D is that much better than Cleveland's, especially now with Orakpo and Carriker out. I didn't realize this, but it was the fifth straight year St. Louis and Washington played during the regular season. Worst rivalry ever? I'm pretty sure Shanahan will once again snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, also Pacman gonna sting dey ass. Bengals in the upset.

NY Jets at Miami (+3) - So at least Tannehill won't go 0-16. But he looked more like a game manager than a future franchise quarterback, which I guess is okay when Reggie Bush is pounding the rock harder than he did Kim Kardashian's ass. That secondary is really, really bad though. So much so that even the Sanchize should be able to get some balls downfield. I still really like the Jets, especially on defense, and this one should be a bloodbath. New York wins and covers.

Kansas City at New Orleans (-9) - The Saints are a two-score favorite? Has anyone actually watched their first two games? Then again, Kansas City is God-awful. If not for CJ$55millionK, the huge bust of the fantasy world would be Jamaal Charles. I wouldn't be surprised to see HILLIS getting more carries the rest of the way. Brees looked okay against the Cats, so I think going back to the Dome, we should finally see a good performance from him. Still, KC scores enough to keep it interesting. Saints win, Chiefs with the points.

Buffalo at Cleveland (+3) - TRENT versus Spiller. This one is going to be fun. Weeden managed to look not-terrible last week, which will only further delay the franchise's eventual decision to cut their losses and sign a younger player, like Larry King or Betty White. Cleveland's front seven is actually playing well, but they're a slow team, and I think Buffalo's big three have themselves a day. Can Buffalo bottle up TRENT? Can I not pick Cleveland when they're home dogs? Of course not. Browns in the upset.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-3) - What can I say about the Jaguars that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? As for the Colts, week 1 it was all, "Why didn't the Colts take RGIII?" Week 2, pump yo brakes, kids. They're both going to be great, but Luck plays better with the white bread Indiana crowd. This is why MoJoDrew's holdout was retarded -- the Jags are going to lose 12+ games with or without him. Colts win and cover.

4:05pm EDT

Philadelphia at Arizona (+4) - Worst battle of 2-0 teams ever? The DRAM TRAM luck-boxed into both their wins, somehow beating Baltimore last week despite having no interest in offensive consistency. The only thing I took away from that game is we're not all going crazy and Joe Flacco is indeed terrible. Arizona's surprise win in Foxborough last week reminds me of when Buffalo shocked the Pats last year. Literally everything had to break right for them to win, and I don't think they're as good as that game might normally indicate. You do have to give it up to the defense though, they sacked Brady four times and caused enough disruption to give them a chance. I like them to get after Vick here. The only problem is the Cards' best weapon is stuck in neutral, and one 40-yard bomb to Torrey Smith aside, the Iggles have been pretty good at containing receivers on the outside, so I don't see a huge game from Fitzgerald even though it's still KOLBBERIN' TIME. I hate doing it, but I'm taking Philly to win here, Cardinals with the points.

Atlanta at San Diego (-3) - Either Vegas thinks the Chargers are for real, or they thought Denver handed Atlanta the easiest win ever Monday night. It's September, which means there's still time for a vintage Norv Turner meltdown, and his wins came against the two worst teams in the AFC. The Falcons are pretty thin in the secondary though, so for fantasy purposes I'd start Rivers and whoever-the-fuck-is-healthy in the receiving corps. I hate to buy into hype, or anything that Jon Gruden says, but Matt Ryan does look a lot more comfortable this season. Roddy and JULIO should continue to do work, and I think Tony Gonzalez could last until he's 50. This guy can play, Jaws! Oh fuck, I started doing it again... Falcons in the upset.

4:25pm EDT

Houston at Denver (+2) -

Spoiler: show

http://i54.tinypic.com/c1fy8.gif

You don't keep Peyton Manning down for very long. He may lose from time to time. But afterward he retires to his secluded castle high atop a rocky outcropping. He pours himself a glass of port from a decanter of fine crystal. He sits on his ornamental throne, gently petting his white Persian cat named Tapenade. And he plots. He plots to destroy defenses with his very mind. All the film and stats probably indicate Houston wins this game. But I'm going with the Sultan of Scowl, the Kaiser of Commercials, the Tyrannical Touchdown Tosser. Denver in the upset.

Pittsburgh at Oakland (+4) - The fact that Pittsburgh is only a four-point favorite in this game is more of an indictment of their team than any positive you can take away from Oakland's first two games. They're a mediocre team, and I don't trust them at all. But the Raiders let Reggie Bush run all over them, and I think Redman, Dwyer, and present-day Franco Harris would be able to do the same. That line for Oakland looks tasty, but I'm just not sure this will be a one-score game. Steelers win and cover.

8:30pm EDT

New England at Baltimore (-3) - There's a lot at stake here, since the loser of this game drops to 1-2. That's all you need to know really, no one cares about the hype surrounding the AFC Championship rematch, and Billy Cundiff will be 40 miles south. The interesting matchup for me is New Englad's defense against Joey Eyebrows. I think Ray-Ray gets his, but Flacclol's ability to pick up 3rd downs and push the ball downfield will be key. And frankly, I don't think he has it in him. I also expect to see old ass Ray Lewis get worked by Gronk a few times. Patriots in the upset.


MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH

8:35pm EDT

Green Bay at Seattle (+3) - Much like New England, Green Bay's defense looks vastly improved from last year, which roughly translates to below average. Still, it should be enough to bottle up an efficient but not terribly explosive Seattle offense. I don't really see Seattle getting much pressure on Rodgers, and if he has time he'll pick you apart. I hope I've won all my fantasy games by Sunday night, because if I have to stay awake for another shit-show called by Tirico and Gruden, I may kill someone. Packers win and cover.

[Demosthenes11]

who will bernard pollard hurt this game? I'm betting brandon lloyd or steven ridley

[Dimmauk]

Bones Jones's bro will RNC Pollard before he can kill Brady.