How about a "that time some weirdo started talking to you about jesus in public" thread?

[Cream Soda]

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...31692668_o.jpg

[Nephlite]

There was a guy that used to hang out in one of the parks here in D.C. who had a curious nickname of "Crazy Jesus". I used to hear stories from some of the old timers who said he moved in about 7 years ago from Seattle and all he does day in, day out is stop people passing through the park and talk to them about Jesus. If you can imagine: a 6'3" - 6'5" 160ish pound skinny homeless guy with a full belly length beard, a Seahawks baseball cap, G-Town University sweatshirt and jeans, carrying about a 3 foot wooden cross in one hand, a bible in another hand, and very well spoken and well mannered. A lot of people in this city tend to shy away from the homeless. People would sooner walk over them than talk to them. Think of the homeless guy who was dead for 3 days captured on video in China while hundreds of people walk past him every day without checking on him, and you got D.C. The only people who tended to hang with the guy were young college folk who were trying to find a good place to blaze for the evening and he eventually gained a ton of followers.

So fast-forward a few months after I hear the story, I'm doing foot beat in the area he frequents so I decide to stop by. There's about 10 or 15 people in the park sitting around him while he's talking. Very animated, very aggressively passing on the word of Jesus. I decide to stop by and listen for a few and I'm in uniform so as I come up, about 5 or so of the kids decide to split because they were probably holding. I didn't chase them as I was curious and the guy stops, looks right at me, and does the cross motion and says "Welcome to the flock". Then he continues the sermon. It was actually quite nice to be honest. He didn't try to pressure people, he was merely sprouting off what I could only translate to his own crazy ass version of his interpretation of the bible. It was mostly about how God doesn't want you to follow him blindly, it's more of him setting guidelines for us to follow to be better people. He said "If only people would follow some of the guidelines, the world wouldn't be fucked up."

Now me, I'm not religious by any means and thought about it for a moment. Here's a guy, flat on his luck, not a care in the world, merely telling people just to be better people without trying to force it on people. I'm thinking "Wow, maybe I can do something to help this guy get on his feet." Gave him a business card and told him to call me about a job working in a church somewhere (Unitarian, I didn't want him to show up at a Catholic Church and get the shit stomped out of him by a security guard). So he continued, gaining a few more stragglers and some of the local homeless in the area and they settle in for a long night of talking.

So a few more months passed, I saw him around a few times and stopped by saying hi and asking if he ever thought about the job. Every time I got on the topic though, he would start talking about Jesus again so I just chalked it up to craziness.

Well after one day of talking to him, I'm about 3 or 4 blocks away when an officer in need of assistance call comes over the radio. Dispatch updates there's plainclothes units on the scene so use caution. Location was the park I was just at so I'm thinking "Fuck, someone just shot Crazy Jesus." Get on scene and there's one guy laid out on the ground while medics were working on him and about 3 or 4 other agencies on scene (about 20 or 30 cars, bike units, motorcycles, etc. and about 50 cops). Couldn't get close enough to see what was going on with the guy laid out so I go to one of the other guys sitting on a squad and ask him what's up. Sure enough, someone taps my shoulder and I when I turned, came face-to-face with Crazy Jesus. Had a badge out, gun showing, everything and smiled shaking my hand. He was in the middle of sermon-mode when some crack-head ran up on him and tried to stab him with a knife. So he knocked the guy out with the wooden cross he was holding and used the business card I gave him to call my Dispatcher because his radio fell out of his pocket and he couldn't call for help. Turns out the guy was undercover narcotics from the feds and the Crazy Jesus get-up was his cover.

Just had to stare at the guy and tell him "Best cover evar dude..." Would have still thought the guy was batshit insane to this day if it hadn't happened.

[Athas]

http://lockerz.com/u/20568958/decalz...here_are_the_h

....yeaaaap.

I had forgotten how uniquely stupid that man is.

[Aristio]

I had forgotten how uniquely stupid that man is.

Tell me now, do I honestly want to watch that video? Because I kind of do, but my face is red enough for the facepalming I've been doing lately.

Also, Crazy Jesus story is awesome.

[Ivykyori]

It happened constantly when I was living in NY. Except instead of individually talking to folks, they actually YELLED to everyone on the bus and trains. I am not a morning person, but I'm also not very violent at times, so I just turn my iPod up to max to drown them out. They even say that you're going to hell. I'm thinking to myself..."so are you."

[Plow]

Tell me now, do I honestly want to watch that video? Because I kind of do, but my face is red enough for the facepalming I've been doing lately.

Also, Crazy Jesus story is awesome.

if your face is already slightly injured, it could be quite dangerous indeed

[Correction]

How about a "that time some weirdo started talking to you about jesus in public" thread?

[Dimmauk]

Love the crazy Jesus story.

[Alvinho]

Love the crazy Jesus story.

This.

[arus2001]

This.

In stereo.

[Abandon]

oh wow, crazy jesus = best fed ever

[Waraji]

We need more crazy jesus stories. Kind of remind me of those awesome Garbage man stories, btw does anyone have a link to those? (Some guy who happens to pick up a night shift for a garbage pick up company, and shares all his crazy experiences, with the grand finale of teenagers at the end.)

[Zilong]

http://www.bluegartr.com/threads/993...es-included%29

This happened 2 years back.

[BaneTheBrawler]

"So that's why you don't hit someone with glasses"

Pretty much. It's like a giant red button labelled "GO BERSERK"

The first time (That I can remember) someone knocked my glasses off my face, I grabbed him by the ears and slammed his face into a concrete wall. I hadn't trimmed my finger-nails, either, so they cut up his ears some. Didn't break his nose or anything, as I was only like 7 when this happened, but he sure cried like the bitch he was. The bullies at that school stopped picking on me after that.

It's really difficult to control your rage when you can't see shit and you're tearing up (since usually a hit that knocks off glasses will cause the involuntary watering of the eyeballs). That wasn't the last time someone knocked my glasses off, but that was the last time I truly lost control over it. Now I just count (out loud) strikes, for ANY serious hitting. Three strikes, your ass is as grass as I can make it. If I'm angry enough to be counting strikes, it means I'm that close to losing control... and even as weak as I am, I'm big enough to do some damage in a state of pure rage.

Edit: lol just realized I said pretty much the same thing, minus the story, in the original thread.

[Ashmada]

Quite a while ago, was still at uni. Must've been 19 or so.

Was sitting on a bench in town with a friend between classes, exams were coming up (late april/early may) so we were talking about Banach algebra or some shit like that; at which point a black dude approaches us and asks us if we've "heard the good news".

My friend and I both went to (the same) catholic school, so we know what that means; our reactions are different though: he's polite, I'm not, so as I ignore the intruder and keep recapitulating some obscure mathematical point, he politely tells him that yes, we have and we're not interested in hearing anymore about it.

The preacher insists: "you've not been told it properly" and starts ranting about how jesus died for our sins; he's really starting to get my goat, especially with his broken french and strong african accent (sounds racist, I know, but really, french spoken in an african accent can be really hard to make out. TV usually subtitles it), so, immature as I was, I decide that since this guy won't leave I might as well have some fun turning the tables on him:

"You say he hung nailed on the cross for X hours to wash away our "sins"? That's nothing, Odin was nailed to Yggdrasil for nine whole days, with his own spear to obtain the wisdom and the Runes; yet do you pay him any tribute? Do you even honor His Name? When did you last cast the Runes?"
A nearby couple starts looking at us with an amused smirk.

It went on and on for some time: afterall, I had time to kill until the next class, so I could afford to pay courtesy to this guy's persistence by returning it: everytime he tried to bring the subject back to the bible, I went back to some mythological story, mixing them up a bit (the average christian doesn't know Gilgamesh from Charybdis, anyway) and half an hour later, we had learned very little about jesus (anyway, after 15 years in catholic schools, I know what he had for dinner on his fifth birthday*) but he had heard (not learnt, it's not jesus so he instantly forgot, obviously) a lot about pre-christian myths.

Eventually, it was time we headed back to the amphitheater, so we left while he was mid-sentence. The nearby couple's smiles were quickly dashed as he headed to them, undettered in his proselytic fervour.


Six months later, a couple of old ladies, jehovah's witnesses this time. I made the mistake of not checking who was ringing the doorbell and spent the next 15min debating/mocking them.
That's when I understood how pointless it was: they're too thick to understand that you're laughing at them.
Oh, well, at least they saw me throw their leaflets in the fireplace (lit, it was winter) and never bothered me again.


*Pork chops and hummus.

[Spicyryan]

.

[Acevalefor]

I would love to add to these stories but I don't have anything interesting. I am a believer myself, but not your typical Americanized Christianity. I believe my own thing and let you believe yours.

That being said, I do not allow people to talk to me about any sort of evangelism from any religion. I have never had it come to a shouting match or had anyone get argumentative. I simply tell them I have nothing to say to them and am not interested in what they have to say as soon as I know what they are about. The vast majority of the time they stop right there and walk away. For the very few that don't leave then, I just start interrupting them every time they try to say something. Just make random noises every single time they say something. It has always worked within 30 seconds.

[Kerberoz]

The Bible would be so much cooler if it ended with YHWH splitting into all his different personalities for a battle royale to the death with Jonah's whale and the burning bush an' shit.

[Renzokuken]

I haven't heard any stories from former Christians yet so I might as well share mine. I was raised Christian and somehow that was embedded deep enough that I wasn't able to shake from it until after college. God I get bummed thinking about that, all the shit I missed out on because of my beliefs back then.

Anyways, the church I was a part of always used indirect tactics for trying to "grow the church." We would put on neighborhood events, like a back to school block party where they gave away backpacks, free haircuts and stuff. It was a pretty sweet setup. You never had to feel uncomfortable like you were forcing your beliefs on someone else while at the same time feeling like you were following the commandment to proselytize.

In college we would do spring break mission trips where we would provide a lot of free labor to people in need. Every year there would be two or three non Christians that somehow got roped into going. God I feel sorry for them now. 1,500 miles from home, stuck with about 100 Christians, and we did bible study, a sermon, and about 1-2 hours of worship music every fucking night for a week! Every fucking one would "convert" early in the week, probably just to feel like they fit in. I was always confused when we would get back to campus and those people would avoid me like the plague. How my perspective has changed.

However, I did some direct proselytizing in Honduras once. Looking back on it, it seems like such an arrogant thing. We drove about 3 hours away from the capital to the most remote place I've ever been and put on a medical clinic. To give you an idea how remote this was, someone pulled out a camera and the locals started freaking out. They believed having their picture taken stole their soul. Afterwards the head local missionary took us around to each house/hut/whatever and made us tell them the "good news" while he translated. Even being a believer it felt so silly. We would spout a little about Jesus for a couple minutes, the guy would give them a bible, and they would convert on the spot most of the time. What did they have to lose?

Several times I have been approached by Mormons trying to convert me, even once while I was in Japan. They're pretty low tier though. If you know anything at all about Joseph Smith's personal life you've got them by the balls. Hell, just mentioning the golden plates will probably be enough to get them to leave.

[Pirian]

Several times I have been approached by Mormons trying to convert me, even once while I was in Japan. They're pretty low tier though. If you know anything at all about Joseph Smith's personal life you've got them by the balls. Hell, just mentioning the golden plates will probably be enough to get them to leave.

You can't start out with the crazy You have to work people into that! I can't imagine that you told the people you were trying to convert that the guy died and came back to life. No, you probably simple said something along the lines of "he died for your sins" and left the more unbelievable parts out, but maybe I'm wrong (although, if it was being translated, then I doubt the translator translated it exactly like that). The golden plates are no less ridiculous than any of the other major miracles in the bible, which is no less ridiculous than Zenu