Domestic Violence Help

[Hatedregret]

Comparing one thread of people saying it's fine to hit a woman to another full of people talking about fighting friends if they hit one is completely retarded? You're all quite dense if you thought I was comparing the situations in any degree more than that.

You can't be on the fucking fence with this topic. Either shit is equal rights and it's fine, or they're the weak species that need protection from any male threat with criminal punishment showing the same.

[archibaldcrane]

Pretty sure the fence is "did she deserve it or not"?

[TacoTaru]

I can't tell if you're serious or not. I hope not, but I honestly can't tell.

[Qalbert]

don't get what's so hard to understand guys, it's either ALWAYS WRONG to hit a woman, or NEVER WRONG.

[Hatedregret]

I get that you don't agree with me. I really just dislike flip flop opinions/laws etc. I was really screwed over when I was younger by a judge having a bad day. I don't think it's ok for others to decide on a whim how your life can pan out. That situation caused me to really view just how often people change their opinions to suit their needs instead of holding onto their views and beliefs despite social pressure. Equal rights is fine if shit is equal.

And by the way, people gotta sort their own shit out. You can't go in assuming every woman has fucking Stockholm syndrome just because they have an abusive other. Darwinism goes that way too. You gotta believe in yourself and stand up on your own two feet. Be strong and get it done.

[Cream Soda]

THIS kind of situation would be the same if it were a man and his wife abusing him, so I don't see how anyone is changing their opinion to suit their need.

If anyone deserves a hit, they deserve a hit, man or woman. When someone is being abused, undeserved, i it it were the other way around and she were beating the husband, then the person doing it is a piece of shit.


It's not that he's hitting a woman, it's that one spouse is abusing the other, so no, it's not the same.

[TacoTaru]

Equal rights doesn't mean people can beat the hell out of each other whenever they feel like and everyone else is supposed to be all hunky dory about it. Men and women both get trapped in abusive relationships and don't realize what's happening to them is actually abuse. There's nothing flip flop about this. Also your advice to not interfere because people need to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps and grow up" is exactly why people end up getting killed in abuse relationships. It's the cause of a lot of other awful things that end up being taboo as well, but this thread isn't about that.

[Caiyuo]

Just wanted to add more support to the information and advice Isladar and Kohan are giving. I dealt with this between my dad and step-mother and felt like it was an impossible situation to intervene in and wish I'd been better prepared and could've planned better prior to involving the police and DCF. She refused to admit he did anything when it came down to it because she was scared, already previously disabled and couldn't be convinced of or see any possible way out. Involving the police and DCF scared him momentarily, but when they ultimately couldn't do anything without her admission it didn't stop. He separated her from her family for so many years that by that time only her 80 year old mother that lived a thousand miles away would stay in contact. Her mother thought all she could do was leverage financial support on him not abusing her. I can say with a great amount of certainty that the only reason any of this stopped was because of a unrelated issue in his health that made him dependent on her.

I hope this doesn't intimidate you and I would feel horrible if it did, I only share this to enforce the reality of what kind of damage can be done to a person's self-worth and how important it is for the people that care about them to get involved. Isladar encouraged me and helped me to feel equipped to act so all I can do is repeat that you are getting very worthwhile advice that is worth taking.

[isladar]

I don't think it's ok for others to decide on a whim how your life can pan out.

I'd hazard a guess that most victims of abuse feel the exact same way.


Also, to the people who've insisted on shit-posting in this thread: since I'd rather not be accused of abusing mod powers without actually doing so, I'm keeping all those posts I've had to move and whenever I'm feeling down I'm going to pick someone from the list to ban for a week or a month or whatever sounds good to me at the time. Go to Reddit if you don't like it.

[archibaldcrane]

Encouraging her to get an abortion was dead-serious. The prospect of being tied for the next 18 years to this controlling psycho is pretty terrifying.

[isladar]

What if you're in a relationship with an abusive spouse and you're not pregnant?

[archibaldcrane]

You should abort the relationship? Not sure what this hypothetical is hoping to accomplish, I think OP's girl, and anyone else in an abusive relationship should gtfo...I don't think this is a particularly controversial stance.

[isladar]

In an abusive relationship? Step one: leave the relationship. Pack it up, everyone, problem's solved.

[archibaldcrane]

I don't really know what is happening right now, so I'll leave you to whatever this is.

[Cleverness]

I regret coming back to this thread for many reasons. 1 being someone trying to equate the bus driving uppercut to an abusive relationship.

That said people need to learn when to troll. Stupid wop topic? Reprecussions of doing porn topic? Stupid generic relationship advice thread? Anything in Poopdeck? Sure that's fine. Serious topic? Slow down. If the OP doesn't turn out to be the usual dipshit OP then don't do it. If he does then it's open season.

[jmc]

In an abusive relationship? Step one: leave the relationship. Pack it up, everyone, problem's solved.

As some who has left a abusive relationship....... Hell of a lot easier said than done.

(yes I know your post isn't serious)

[isladar]

In fact, you managed to pick up the crazy obscure subtext my post had.

Don't mind me, I'm just learning a lot about the BG userbase at the moment and it's gotten me rather grumpy.

[Brill Weave]

So if I post something less than serious should I expect to see more posts deleted or am I just going to get banned like the others? Just curious as to where the line is on this. We've had threads and conversations involving domestic violence/abusive relationships before. Christ look at the Low Sex Drive thread, that thread was a joke and that was dealing with mental abuse. OP has gotten good advice from people here. Why is this thread being treated with kiddy gloves?

[isladar]

You've already had posts of yours moved, so yes, if you were to continue to shit-post, as I mentioned above, you'd be entered into the (not-so-randomized) draw. I'm not sure how to explain to you why it's immensely inappropriate to treat this thread like a Reddit-style LOL INTERNET thread, as it should be rather apparent. I'm also not going to base my handling of the subject matter on a "we've been horrendous before" guideline. If other threads had this subject matter and were treated this way then that speaks of a failure on my part to do something about it, not justification for continued shit posting.

I'm not really interested in entertaining a "it's not fair we can't shit up a thread asking for help in assisting someone in an abusive situation" discussion, because when writing it out like that makes it seem kind of shitty, don't you think?

I was going to say that this thread isn't being treated with kiddy gloves, but I'll concede that it is; I haven't permabanned anyone yet.

[Brill Weave]

As I said I was looking for clarification as threads aren't usually modded to this level. While the comments were in bad taste(and I freely admit that) the reaction may have been a bit heavy handed. Not saying you're right or wrong as it's not my call to make, I'm not a mod/admin. It was just surprising given past threads. Carry on, you won't hear anything else from me on the subject.