Friend in trouble - advice appreciated

[Ksandra]

People that withhold sex or attention as "punishment" are dicks, regardless of gender. If you don't like someone's behavior, don't have a fucking relationship with them. Trying to modify their behavior through psychological abuse isn't cool at all. What in the fucking fuck.

I actually agree with this 100% and I don't know any women in a healthy relationship that would put up with a husband who would withhold sex. I do see more women who try to play that card than men. I hate it. But I also see that it happens because many women feel that's the one power they have in the relationship. Which is why I believe many would outlast a man because they've been trained that sex is powerful and know when to use (and not use) it correctly, way more than men do.

[Churchill]

You can pretend I just said attention (what women crave and also covers sex) if you're going to argue an irrelevant tangent to the point.

[Ksandra]

You can pretend I just said attention (what women crave and also covers sex) if you're going to argue an irrelevant tangent to the point.

It's true women hate being ignored, but they are not nearly always going to give in the way you think they will. Not in a long-term relationship situation anyways. I think doing that method is an easy way to put you on thin ice over a break up/divorce.

[Blubbartron]

But why does it work with everyone!

Abuse does tend to be a highly efficient way of making people do what you want. That doesn't mean we should advocate doing it simply because it's effective.

[Churchill]

It's true women hate being ignored, but they are not nearly always going to give in the way you think they will. Not in a long-term relationship situation anyways. I think doing that method is an easy way to put you on thin ice over a break up/divorce.

It's actually an easy way to secure long term affection/position. People are getting divorced because their men don't do this.

Abuse does tend to be a highly efficient way of making people do what you want. That doesn't mean we should advocate doing it simply because it's effective.

lol abuse. If someone acts like a child, you treat them at the lowest common denominator. That was the point in asking Ksandra how she deals with her kid. You can get your white armor and horse together when I advocate being an insecure douchebag like the OP. Dealing with people is dealing with people, you don't stop doing that because your pedestal outgrew your ability to keep it at ground level.

[Lucienne]

Best way is by ignoring, withholding sex/attention until the behavior changes (Go do other stuff, play vidya, go to a ballgame, hang out with bros), then slowly reward the good behavior. Never rewarding the bad behavior is a solid way to make it stop.

You're not raising a puppy.

You might be doing sex wrong if the absence of it isn't something you miss sharply.

Insert joke about Asian men here.
<3 Ksan, I had to.

[Churchill]

You're not raising a puppy.


Insert joke about Asian men here.
<3 Ksan, I had to.

No, and the second you forget that she is not something to be toyed with is when she'll go feral. Rewarding and punishing behavior is not the same as that.

[Ksandra]

You might be doing sex wrong if the absence of it isn't something you miss sharply.

Who said they don't miss it? They know how to control their desire for it better.

If someone acts like a child, you treat them at the lowest common denominator. That was the point in asking Ksandra how she deals with her kid. You can get your white armor and horse together when I advocate being an insecure douchebag like the OP. Dealing with people is dealing with people, you don't stop doing that because your pedestal outgrew your ability to keep it at ground level.

first: my child is 8 months old. There's no bad behavior to punish atm.

second: a parents responsibility is to try and raise their child into a productive adult. This is a completely different role than a partnership with another adult. Combining the two is pure ignorance.

third: why is not agreeing 100% of the time considered being childish? If you think you always must agree then you're going to have a lot of pent up anger that will just explode.

fourth: arguing is childish, but withholding sex isn't? fucking lol

[Churchill]

I think you fundamentally don't understand how your sex functions. You cannot tell a woman that arguing with you is a bad choice of discourse (or anything related), the gesture is overt. You tell a woman that her behavior is not wanted by withholding what she wants from her behavior (and in general). I've already stated that if you're going to get upset because I said sex, then go ahead, but don't pretend like you've got a mountain to stand on with your argument from Mt. Olympus coming down at me. I frankly won't hear that I'm wrong from someone because I know that I am right.

You can "not all women are like that" me all day but across age and income and race and education everything I've talked about holds true. This is no different.

[Ksandra]

I think you fundamentally don't understand how your sex functions. You cannot tell a woman that arguing with you is a bad choice of discourse (or anything related), the gesture is overt. You tell a woman that her behavior is not wanted by withholding what she wants from her behavior (and in general).

Again, do you expect all women to repress any disagreement they have? You will never survive a long-term relationship if you think disagreeing is childish.

And yes, repressing a woman's or man's right to disagree is psychological abuse. Even if it's just withholding attention.

[Blubbartron]

I've reached the conclusion that Churchill is effectively a feminazi, but for men. We need to invent a word to describe this.

[Ksandra]

Also, to help church out:

fourth: arguing is childish, but withholding attention isn't? fucking lol

ftfy

[Lucienne]

No, and the second you forget that she is not something to be toyed with is when she'll go feral. Rewarding and punishing behavior is not the same as that.

Drop that attitude. You don't describe an entire gender as feral. That's insulting and dumb.
You don't raise women.
You don't teach them how to behave.
A relationship should be between two adult individuals capable of mutual respect.

[Churchill]

Again, do you expect all women to repress any disagreement they have? You will never survive a long-term relationship if you think disagreeing is childish.

And yes, repressing a woman's or man's right to disagree is psychological abuse. Even if it's just withholding attention.

Are we talking about disagreements or are we talking about irrational behavior? You've taken the original topic in a different direction to suit your need to discredit my position.

[Ksandra]

Are we talking about disagreements or are we talking about irrational behavior?

>.>?

idk, I've found it to work out for a lot of people. It makes a lot of sense in regards to certain things (especially the whole, "why women bring up things that happened months ago, and men think that was dealt with" stuff).

[edit] also holy shit do so many many need to learn when to just shut up and hug. If at least a guy gets that right out of that book than it's more than worth it.

Those types of arguments are easily avoided by making it clear to her that those types of arguments are not going to be argued.

You are the one that is equating an argument as irrational behavior.

[Churchill]

Drop that attitude. You don't describe an entire gender as feral. That's insulting and dumb.
You don't raise women.
You don't teach them how to behave.
A relationship should be between two adult individuals capable of mutual respect.

See the above, and I'll still do that. I describe men and women as animals because the type of psychology I subscribe to is one that believes our more primal natures are behind a large majority of our actions. If I am to deal with irrational behavior, I will make it known that I will not. I will do this by withholding what she seeks, attention. I will reward her with it when it stops and a more positive behavior replaces it. If she wants to tell me she thinks gun control is a good idea, I will tell her this is amurika and she will present a rational or irrational argument.

[Churchill]

>.>?






You are the one that is equating an argument as irrational behavior.

We really can't have a discussion if you're going to fail to associate 'type of argument' to the specific behavior "irrational".

[archibaldcrane]

I don't tolerate "withholding sex" from my partners and I wouldn't respect someone who tolerated it from me.

[kuronosan]

Sorry ladies, as much as church is being a douchenozzle what he is saying is pretty much psychology 101. Being that women have emotions, conditioning tends to get stuck behind them while with men it tends to get stuck behind desire.

Innately men will always hunt and women will always gather. How they go about it is such an interesting fundamental difference between the sexes.

To be misogynistic, however, is retarded. I have known many women to be just the way he describes them. I have also known many who are not.

It goes both ways.

[Churchill]

I knew this day would come. My mind was elsewhere and I made my one slip up and now the topic can't be redressed.