Friend in trouble - advice appreciated

[Quixon]

don't we live in an age of nanny cams and fucking cell phones? Have her set up some covert cameras and fucking film this scumbag. There's your evidence of abuse.

This was more in response to police not having anything other than "he said,she said" in regards to violence

If the woman isn't willing to press charges, then I doubt she'd be willing to put up a Nanny cam. If you were abused, called the cops, showed them the bruising, and pressed charges.... the Abuser would be arrested in a heart beat. The problem is the victim is usually UNWILLING to prosecute due to fear of retribution or some other bullshit.

[Cream Soda]

I appreciate all the "beat his ass" sentiment in this thread but realistically that isn't going to help the situation.

Can call the cops all you he wants when it's a black guy. They'll go pick up the first one between 4'11" and 6'2", 120-300 lbs they can find and I'll be off the hook.

P.S. Get me a ticket, Lucie. I'll handle this for you and it's been way too long since I've seen you anyways!

No warnings, no words, no "This is for beating her"

Just a random nigga jacking you for your wallet.

[kuronosan]

You need to convince her this isn't normal.

Then you man up and tell the guy you know what's going on, break his fucking legs, and tell him if you ever see your friend hurt again, you'll show him what a real beating looks like.

Bonus points if you call him a cowardly piece of shit who hits women.

[Ksandra]

I got nothing except to see if there are any women shelter hotlines and see if she can at least call and talk to someone about the situation. But from everything you said I doubt that works.

I totally think you should give her a spare key to your place though. I think a lot of women are more comfortable running to someone they know than to a shelter.

Either way, sorry this is happening. Shit sucks.

[Lucienne]

If the woman isn't willing to press charges, then I doubt she'd be willing to put up a Nanny cam. If you were abused, called the cops, showed them the bruising, and pressed charges.... the Abuser would be arrested in a heart beat. The problem is the victim is usually UNWILLING to prosecute due to fear of retribution or some other bullshit.

Pretty much this. I'm afraid she still somehow thinks it's not too bad.

Can call the cops all you he wants when it's a black guy. They'll go pick up the first one between 4'11" and 6'2", 120-300 lbs they can find and I'll be off the hook.

P.S. Get me a ticket, Lucie. I'll handle this for you and it's been way too long since I've seen you anyways!

No warnings, no words, no "This is for beating her"

Just a random nigga jacking you for your wallet.

He's black actually.

Do you have a passport?! If all fails, I might take you up on that offer.

You need to convince her this isn't normal.

Then you man up and tell the guy you know what's going on, break his fucking legs, and tell him if you ever see your friend hurt again, you'll show him what a real beating looks like.

Bonus points if you call him a cowardly piece of shit who hits women.

He'd beat the shit out of me, I'm a light weight woman. My only chance would be getting a good blow from the back.

I got nothing except to see if there are any women shelter hotlines and see if she can at least call and talk to someone about the situation. But from everything you said I doubt that works.

I totally think you should give her a spare key to your place though. I think a lot of women are more comfortable running to someone they know than to a shelter.

Either way, sorry this is happening. Shit sucks.

It's sucks real hard indeed.
I have numbers to all the hotlines in the city where she lives and one for myself here, because I need to get myself sorted out. This whole thing brings out terrible memories. The key is tricky. I wouldn't give my mother a key to my place if she lived in my town, because I wouldn't trust her. It's a horrible thing to say, but she's done some terrible stuff in the past due to my step father. Years of abuse can turn you into a wreck of a human being. I don't know this guy's exact financial situation, but he's got kids all over the planet and a very unsteady job. I don't know if he's financially dependent on my friend, but it wouldn't surprise me. I don't want to risk the key ending up in his hands. I think I'll bring it along tomorrow and see how it feels when I meet her.

[Quixon]

He's black actually.

he's got kids all over the planet

very unsteady job

I don't know if he's financially dependent on my friend, but it wouldn't surprise me.

So he basically checks off every single black stereotype out there, aside from an ungodly desire to feast on Fried Chicken, Watermelon, and Purple Drank.

[kuronosan]

Oh. Right.

Mace. Lots of it.

[Lucienne]

So he basically checks off every single black stereotype out there, aside from an ungodly desire to feast on Fried Chicken, Watermelon, and Purple Drank.

lol

[Airenn]

Don't give her a key, it will end up in his hands. Stupid thing to do. I know you want her to have a safe place, but this dude owns her. She is his property.

That being said, two years into this and none of you realize she's loving it? Is she calling up people crying that she "fell down"? That being said, if she isn't, she's mentally wrong. So, admit her. In America we have the Baker Act. When someone is a danger to themselves or others they go on suicide watch in a hospital type place for 72 hours.

Put her in that shit. She'll get psych evaluated and meds, and who knows. Maybe meds are what her brain needs cause there is something screwy up there at the moment.

[Airenn]

Oh, this dude's black? Get her pregnant, he'll be out of the way asap. Jeez, ya'll, I expected better of ya.

[Gokku]

im with CS , i dont know you but if this was near SA id fuck em up for ya nothing else needs to occur ... but i guess if you want another alternative you can try public humiliation , put the dude on blast as best you can every where you can. shit im sure if you did it right you could get enough chicks angry then kill him, all pleady crazy vag roids and get out of jail free.

[Aksannyi]

The thing you're forgetting is that by doing things like that, such as publicly shaming him, you're only going to piss him off more and the person who's going to get the blunt of that is Luci's friend.

I really don't think that's what we want to encourage. Yes, the situation is infuriating, but doing anything like that will only exacerbate it.

[Gokku]

Sacrificing one of your friends to CS's BULGE and THIS = Problem solved

[Melena]

Abusers are very good at breaking down their victims and making them think they are worthless and that no one would miss them if they were gone. Hopefully she realizes that is not the case and she can get her out of that situation, but unless someone physically witnesses it and calls the police while it's happening or she does it herself, there's not much that can be done

[Koul]

Is there anyway she can be completely removed from his presence? move in with you, find a temporary studio or something? Then with him cut-off from her, support her from there? Not sure if that's feasible.

[quannum]

Dude is probably on some "I wouldn't hit you if i didn't love you" "why do you make me hit you" "If you were a better person, this wouldn't happen" type manipulation.
Good luck convincing her that she's being lied to. Maybe there's something she wants but doesn't have access to anymore since the abuse started that you could remind her about.

[Meresgi]

>My face when CS flys over there, fights the guy and we find out his name is Purple Drank or something, is a bodybuilder, and rides a unicycle instead of a bicycle

[Elizara]

I got a better idea with the key thing. Make sure you got a key hidden somewhere right outside your apartment/house (I suggest some kinda clever place to hide it; you don't want it under the doormat or something where a robber might be able to find it, that's asking for it. And if you can find one, something with a combination lock is better) and let her know where it is/how to get it in case she has to run for it. As long as that guy doesn't overhear you, it should be fine.

[Anoat]

It's terrible but in a situation such as this until the person wants help, there is not a lot you can do. You can only extend an offer of help and get rejected so many times before you stop offering it altogether.

[Lucienne]

Is there anyway she can be completely removed from his presence? move in with you, find a temporary studio or something? Then with him cut-off from her, support her from there? Not sure if that's feasible.

She'd need to want that. He doesn't even live in the same city yet, still commuting to her, so cutting contact wouldn't be all that difficult. They have common interests, so unless she gave up her dancing, which he's trying to get her to do regardless, she could run into him there any time.

Dude is probably on some "I wouldn't hit you if i didn't love you" "why do you make me hit you" "If you were a better person, this wouldn't happen" type manipulation.
Good luck convincing her that she's being lied to. Maybe there's something she wants but doesn't have access to anymore since the abuse started that you could remind her about.

I took her out clubbing in June. This was before I knew about the physical abuse. He called her 19 times during the time we were out, but she stopped checking her phone after a while and had one. When we got home at 5 am, she called him and they had a huge argument. In retrospective, it probably wasn't a good move. Her sister is taking her on vacation for a week.

>My face when CS flys over there, fights the guy and we find out his name is Purple Drank or something, is a bodybuilder, and rides a unicycle instead of a bicycle
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Having met both, CS would beat the crap out of him in no time.