Friend in trouble - advice appreciated

[Airenn]

Yea, we might as well call him McDonald's cause she's lovin' it.


When she wants out, just have her tell him she's pregnant. You said it yourself: He's got kids all over the place. Apparently he doesn't stick around for that one. It's not about getting her to leave him, it's going to be about getting him to leave her.

[Lucienne]

Yea, we might as well call him McDonald's cause she's lovin' it.


When she wants out, just have her tell him she's pregnant. You said it yourself: He's got kids all over the place. Apparently he doesn't stick around for that one. It's not about getting her to leave him, it's going to be about getting him to leave her.

Being bad at trolling only makes you come across as dumb. Try harder.

[Airenn]

When has she ever said "Help me?" Aside from joking, I'm serious in the fact that she's masochistic. Not to mention you said they don't even LIVE together? It's a commute? She's staying with him on purpose, and not because he's making her.

Edit: I'm not calling her a bad person. Different people have different likes, and maybe - as weird and stupid as it sounds - this is what she likes. Hell, I could be wrong, I don't know her personally, but I tried to catch up on the thread.

They've been together two years. She doesn't ask for help. They don't live together, which is usually a common thing for abusive relationships so the other person has "control", and she still stays.

[Astylla]

I remember years ago when I was in florida I was trying to get my then best friend away from this jackass that was mentally/emotionally abusive. Basically she was maybe 110 lbs soaking wet and was not allowed to eat at home except what he allowed and she was always scared , dizzy and sick from malnutrition and had no interest in anything. One day I got her to leave him and move out. She ended up somehow from that turning to drugs - heroin , crack , etc. and was pretty fucked up for awhile. She self destructed because she didn't know how to be on her own or without him. Granted this is an extreme case however there is so much fucking truth that if she isn't ready..nothing..nobody can fix it , it just doesn't work.

Some people are "attracted" to these types of people because they are convinced by either themselves or by the person they are with they can't do anything right, do better and can't leave.
It's really difficult for people to wrap their head around and most want the best for others but there often times is no way to convince them otherwise until they finally have enough or it's too late
( unfortunately). I have found in my experience being supportive of the friend , not the situation and expressing concern versus judgement was my best option. It sucks all around for sure.

[Airenn]

^ Sorry I was so glib about it and making jokes. I do not condone anyone hitting anyone. Relationships like this are an addiction themselves and if she did quit it/get help, she'd probably need constant care and supervision for a while.

[Lucienne]

^ Sorry I was so glib about it and making jokes. I do not condone anyone hitting anyone. Relationships like this are an addiction themselves and if she did quit it/get help, she'd probably need constant care and supervision for a while.

I didn't take offense, I know where I'm posting. I was gonna make a too much reading 50 shades comment, but you were too fast lol.

I remember years ago when I was in florida I was trying to get my then best friend away from this jackass that was mentally/emotionally abusive. Basically she was maybe 110 lbs soaking wet and was not allowed to eat at home except what he allowed and she was always scared , dizzy and sick from malnutrition and had no interest in anything. One day I got her to leave him and move out. She ended up somehow from that turning to drugs - heroin , crack , etc. and was pretty fucked up for awhile. She self destructed because she didn't know how to be on her own or without him. Granted this is an extreme case however there is so much fucking truth that if she isn't ready..nothing..nobody can fix it , it just doesn't work.

Some people are "attracted" to these types of people because they are convinced by either themselves or by the person they are with they can't do anything right, do better and can't leave.
It's really difficult for people to wrap their head around and most want the best for others but there often times is no way to convince them otherwise until they finally have enough or it's too late
( unfortunately). I have found in my experience being supportive of the friend , not the situation and expressing concern versus judgement was my best option. It sucks all around for sure.

Of what I got out of my mom, my step father was showing extreme interest in her. She had never been courted that way before. My friend mentioned at some point that she found all the attention he gave her flattering in a way. I think large part of the problem lies in a fact these men pick women who crave assurance and attention and give it to them in overload, making them believe they love them more than anyone ever did. Once these women, who generally have hard time trusting men open up to them, the abuse circle starts.

I got a better idea with the key thing. Make sure you got a key hidden somewhere right outside your apartment/house (I suggest some kinda clever place to hide it; you don't want it under the doormat or something where a robber might be able to find it, that's asking for it. And if you can find one, something with a combination lock is better) and let her know where it is/how to get it in case she has to run for it. As long as that guy doesn't overhear you, it should be fine.

It doesn't really matter if she has it or if she knows where it is. The problem isn't whether he might find it, it's whether she might give it to him/tell him where it is/use it for his benefit.

[Koul]

Your friend needs to talk a womans counselor about this crap. Or something. I don't know her but she probably has shit for self-confidence/ego and like others are saying is convinced she's garbage without the shitbag bf

the situation is fucking crappy all around. My sister was in a really bad relationship with a guy and she mostly wanted to make things work since they had a child together. Thankfully, she snapped out of it and he's mostly out of the picture. I just want to scream and shake your friend explaining that her relationship is NOT healthy or normal but at the end of the day, she's going to do what she wants. Which is even more infuriating.

[Penthesilea]

http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/0...d-street-fest/

Something relevant just happened back home where a man punched his girlfriend in public and the police couldn't arrest because she didn't want to press charges. I don't get it.

[Mertron]

give me her number, ill give her the D and she'll drop him flat

[Grey Jorildyn]

We still on this? Show her this picture and call it a day. She needs to make her own decision but understand why she needs to make it.

[Apelila]

I'm sorry that this is still going on for her. I hope that you are able to reach her. Take peace in that you tried. So many people simply turn away without even doing that.

Also,

This has been a rather interesting read, I'm quite pleased with the turns this thread has taken.

Lucienne stated her very valid reasons why she's just enjoying the ride until her 30's and you came in and told her no, younger women are more valuable.

Had I been less confident in my looks or desirability, more insecure or dumb than I am, I might have taken offense. I guess I just see it as a journey into one male mind.

Uh....yeah. I'm sorry for the way that came across, I really could have worded a lot of what I said better. Being heavily medicated at the time likely didn't help.

[NynJa]

http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/0...d-street-fest/

Something relevant just happened back home where a man punched his girlfriend in public and the police couldn't arrest because she didn't want to press charges. I don't get it.

Wouldnt that still be considered disorderly or something regardless?

[Lucienne]

Well, we had lunch, hung out all day, talked mostly about other stuff and just had fun in general. I gave her a card with different numbers to places, and my key. I figured I'd regret not giving it to her and it turning out a bad decision more than whatever misery might come out of this. She promised to tell me next time things get out of hand. I didn't ask about her leaving him, and she gave no signs of wanting to either. Not much I can do other than wait and try to be supportive I guess. It's frustrating.

Uh....yeah. I'm sorry for the way that came across, I really could have worded a lot of what I said better. Being heavily medicated at the time likely didn't help.

I wouldn't worry about it much.

[Elizara]

I hope it works out. I'd say if you're religious, remember your friend in your prayers, and make it clear you're there for her. Oh and make sure you got a certain Louisville Slugger in the closet.

Seriously, not much else you can do. She has to figure out what's wrong with it.

[Abandon]

i am so glad this thread came back, this gave some serious laughs back in the day.

[Xantavia]

Horrible as it sounds, I think the only hope right now is for the abuse to get even worse. If she almost dies, that MIGHT wake her up to the situation she is in. Even that is a slim possibility if he has had her so emotionally tangled up, she would believe it is her fault/deserved it.

Crazy idea: Next time you have a girls night out, see if there are any movies about domestic violence you could watch together (Sleeping with the Enemy type thing). Not a heavy handed documentary, but something that could allude to her situation. See where it goes from there.

[Cream Soda]

Well, we had lunch, hung out all day, talked mostly about other stuff and just had fun in general. I gave her a card with different numbers to places, and my key. I figured I'd regret not giving it to her and it turning out a bad decision more than whatever misery might come out of this. She promised to tell me next time things get out of hand. I didn't ask about her leaving him, and she gave no signs of wanting to either. Not much I can do other than wait and try to be supportive I guess. It's frustrating.

I wouldn't worry about it much.

I hope all turns out well; FB me if you ever feel like talking about it.

Also, if your friend wants to replace the old bulge with a new bulge, HMU!

[Lucienne]

i am so glad this thread came back, this gave some serious laughs back in the day.

The things I do for you!

I hope all turns out well; FB me if you ever feel like talking about it.

Also, if your friend wants to replace the old bulge with a new bulge, HMU!

Literally in this case. And I promise I will. I've been generally miserable for all kinds of reasons lately.

[Lucienne]

Crazy idea: Next time you have a girls night out, see if there are any movies about domestic violence you could watch together (Sleeping with the Enemy type thing). Not a heavy handed documentary, but something that could allude to her situation. See where it goes from there.

I'm actually not sure I could handle that myself and I prefer not having a nervous breakdown in public if I can avoid it.

[Ksandra]

The things I do for you!


Literally in this case. And I promise I will. I've been generally miserable for all kinds of reasons lately.

Take CS's bulge for yourself! Though it maybe too much for one girl to handle.