Friend in trouble - advice appreciated

[Thunder]

Tough situation.. there's a whole industry out there that specializes in this sort of thing, you know. Trying to come up with good advice or successful plan of action in place of someone who's made thousands/millions of dollars and had decades of experience is a very big stretch. But here's my shot at it anyway! Granted, I do have some experience in relevant areas

You could ask what her dreams are.
In a perfect world what would her life be like.
What do you want your life to look like in five years.
What kind of friends do you see yourself having in that time? Like, what kind of behaviors/traits might they have?
What steps would you need to take in order to get yourself closer to your dream life? Like, how would you meet these people?
What's your dream husband like? what kind of behaviors/traits etc
What steps would you need to take in order to get yourself to meet these kinds of guys?

Anyway, that's how I'd imagine a professional would at least get started in a situation like this. Being sure not to put down the abuser, criticize her for not "just leaving", or being impatient

But again, I don't deal with people who are in this kind of trouble. I've done financial/lifestyle mindset training and been an accountability partner with very successful and very not successful people. So I could be as clueless as the next guy

I do have experience with this part here though: Ask yourself some of those questions from above since she might be holding your time/emotions hostage for longer than you'd want. Plenty of times people need to push away from lifelong friends because those friends are going down a road that would be debilitating to those around them. Good luck to ya

[quannum]

Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave


tl;dw it took this woman being beaten half-to-death before she realized the relationship only ends with her death.
she saw her dude as a deeply trouble man that she could fix/change, not as an abuser.

I guess the good news is that your friend hasn't been isolated and put into stage 2 yet

[Thunder]

"We don't change until it's more painful not to change than it is to stay the same"

It'd be nice if it doesn't come to being beaten nearly do death to feel like your relationship sucks

[BaneTheBrawler]

some women just love the d

[Lucienne]

Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave


tl;dw it took this woman being beaten half-to-death before she realized the relationship only ends with her death.
she saw her dude as a deeply trouble man that she could fix/change, not as an abuser.

I guess the good news is that your friend hasn't been isolated and put into stage 2 yet

Thank you so much! This was great. I'm going to check out her book as well.

Regarding the isolation, I decided two days ago to move back to the city. I've been considering it for a while, and funny enough, I had two apartment offers in my e-mail the same day I had lunch with my friend. Unless something goes terribly wrong, I'm signing a contract on Monday. He can't support her, so now I just need to get her to stay where she is.

Take CS's bulge for yourself! Though it maybe too much for one girl to handle.

I'm actually seeing someone with a presentable bulge.

Tough situation.. there's a whole industry out there that specializes in this sort of thing, you know. Trying to come up with good advice or successful plan of action in place of someone who's made thousands/millions of dollars and had decades of experience is a very big stretch. But here's my shot at it anyway! Granted, I do have some experience in relevant areas

You could ask what her dreams are.
In a perfect world what would her life be like.
What do you want your life to look like in five years.
What kind of friends do you see yourself having in that time? Like, what kind of behaviors/traits might they have?
What steps would you need to take in order to get yourself closer to your dream life? Like, how would you meet these people?
What's your dream husband like? what kind of behaviors/traits etc
What steps would you need to take in order to get yourself to meet these kinds of guys?

Anyway, that's how I'd imagine a professional would at least get started in a situation like this. Being sure not to put down the abuser, criticize her for not "just leaving", or being impatient

But again, I don't deal with people who are in this kind of trouble. I've done financial/lifestyle mindset training and been an accountability partner with very successful and very not successful people. So I could be as clueless as the next guy

I do have experience with this part here though: Ask yourself some of those questions from above since she might be holding your time/emotions hostage for longer than you'd want. Plenty of times people need to push away from lifelong friends because those friends are going down a road that would be debilitating to those around them. Good luck to ya

Thank you so much, this was great! I'm going to try the questions when I get a chance. I've talked to women help lines, but I didn't feel like it gave me anything, my mom has been really helpful, I've talked to a friend of mine who's a psychologist as well, I'm just trying to get anything that feels useful wherever I can.

And you're absolutely right, we might end up going separate ways at the end of this, but I also feel I have to give it all I have for my own sake. It's taking me on an emotional journey I should have taken years ago under supervised circumstances.

[Cream Soda]

I'm actually seeing someone with a presentable bulge.

How is Mr. Quiet?

[Lucienne]

How is Mr. Quiet?

He's alright I suppose.

I think that's about as authentic an answer I can give you.

[AoE]

Mr.Quiet? I had no problem getting him to speak.

[Cream Soda]

Mr.Quiet? I had no problem getting him to speak.

Must have been a group thing. at BG meet up, he didn't say much. Said more at the end than at the start, but pretty quiet overall

[Lucienne]

Mr.Quiet? I had no problem getting him to speak.

That was the most social I've ever seen him be with a stranger. He's not quiet per se, just generally very reserved around people he doesn't know. Once he starts talking, you can't stop him though.

Must have been a group thing. at BG meet up, he didn't say much. Said more at the end than at the start, but pretty quiet overall

You guys talked a ton when you were back at our place as well I recall.

[Lucienne]

I went to my friend's place yesterday and found one her favorite items broken. I didn't ask what happened. I know how much she loved the bust, she saved it even though it was broken, and there is no chance in the world it could have been an accident considering where it was placed. So I decided to fix it for her. Three hours and $30 later, I'm pretty pleased. Now it just needs to dry and get painted, and you won't even know it was ever broken.

I kind of feel like sending him a message that if he breaks anything she loves ever again, I'll break his fucking fingers and he'll never play an instrument again, but I assume it would be a very poor idea.

My only concern is how he's going to react when he sees it, I don't want to make things worse for her. I guess the question is why he broke it, was it because he knew she loved it and he wanted to gain control, or was it at hand when he was throwing stuff around. I don't know if I should ask her or warn her that it might cause a reaction.

I think I did a pretty awesome job fixing it at least.

Spoiler: show

[Ksandra]

wry does your friend have a bust of my cousin?



But seriously, you did a great job! Have you talked to her lately about all this stuff yet? Really sucks she won't get herself out of it.

[Lucienne]

wry does your friend have a bust of my cousin?

I didn't want you to find out like this...

But seriously, you did a great job! Have you talked to her lately about all this stuff yet? Really sucks she won't get herself out of it.

Thanks, I'm so pleased with it, I could smash it on his fucking head, that would make me feel good probably.

We've talked a bit. Me and her sister are a bit of a good cop-bad cop right now. She talks to her a lot, and I try to get her to have as much fun as possible when he's not around. We've had a serious talk, I told her that he won't change, that he's ill and needs treatment, and even then, he'd have to be willing to get well, and it would take years. I think it's important that she knows I don't judge her. I'm moving back home as well, which is something I've been wanting to do, and this really gave me a push, so she knows she won't be alone if she leaves him. I guess I intend to be the man he's not, take her places, do things she likes, fix stuff he doesn't or stuff he breaks.

[BaneTheBrawler]

ITT: luci is a man

all you gotta do, luci, is teach him how to be a man.

[Lucienne]

Ksandra, if the price is right, I'll bust one of your family members in no time. No time being roughly a week, with all the drying it took.

I'm pretty happy with the result. I'm quite confident I could fix one from scratch now if he breaks it again.

[Ksandra]

Nice work! The family Gods will be pleased. lol

[AoE]

Oh nice my mom has something like that.

[Ksandra]

I actually don't think my dad had any busts of her. We had a ton of brass wall plates though.

[Plow]

This is like... a shitty movie idea lol, but even so...

I haven't read a lot of the thread, so forgive me if it's been addressed as well...

Have you considered the fact that he's likely a cheater as well? Even if he's not currently cheating, get another random hot model friend to approach him...


People this obsessed with power and control are pretty likely to stick it anywhere they can, and likely not even be particularly careful about getting caught because they assume they can get away with it no matter what.


The downside, of course, is the possibility that she just lets it go and it makes the whole situation even worse.

[Ksandra]

http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.6079...410467&pid=1.7