2013 NHL Season Thread: TUUKKA RASK, HE'S FROM FINLAND, AND IS INELIGIBLE TO BECOME MAYOR

[Bregor]

RANT TIME

Spoiler: show

HERE FOLLOWS A LIST OF CAPITALS WHO HAVE NOT SPENT THEIR ICE TIME BLOWING GOATS IN 2013

Mike Green: On July 16th, when Mike Green was re-signed to a three-year, $18.25 million contract, it was seen by many as a big gamble by George McPhee. Green was a restricted free agent, and many thought that he should either qualify Green and wait for someone else to offer sheet him and earn some free draft picks, or keep any offers to him limited to one year and see if he could regain his Norris-worthy production. Well, one of the few bright spots for the Caps has been a new and improved Mike Green. He's fourth on the team in scoring, has 3 power play assists, is skating almost 27 minutes a game (a career high), about 7:30 a game on special teams, and is playing even +/- through one of the worst 11-game stretches in team history. I've watched almost every game in its entirety, and not once have I noticed Green out of position or making a bonehead play that used to plague his defensive game. Not only that, but he finally picked up one major award recently.

Mike Ribeiro: While Green has been the defensive stalwart, Ribeiro has driven the offense, such as it is. While the philosophy of trading prospects for veterans is a win-now move, and the Caps are not winning now (and probably not in the future) I still can't blame McPhee for picking up a quality playmaker close to his prime. Ribeiro has 13 points (8 on the power play) through 11 games and has shown the offensive creativity that this team has been lacking ever since they got Halak'd way back in 2010. Starting the year with Jason Chimera and Joel Ward, then moving up to Ovechkin's line, and also spending time next to Backstrom on the power play, Ribeiro has shined whoever he's skated with. I wish Cody Eakin and the Stars all the best, and the trade will be for naught if the Caps don't re-sign Ribs, but for now I'm just going to enjoy the production while it lasts.

Karl Alzner: The raw stats don't tell the whole story with Alzner. He's pointless and a -4 so far, but he's never going to put up a bunch of points, and the even strength goals allowed while he's on the ice mostly came in the beginning of the season when he was just in the vicinity of John Carlson's suckage. After being paired with Green, the two have formed a legitimate top pairing, playing the toughest minutes and doing reasonably well with the assignment. He's also second on the team in shorthanded minutes, although their penalty killing unit has allowed the most goals in the league, so I'm not sure that's a good thing. Regardless, despite some bad luck with a couple ticky-tack penalties, Alzner has been he usual self, and I can't pin any of the unholy terror this team is causing me on him.

Joel Ward: We all know Ward is a streaky player, and he began in the season in the midst of a very good streak. In seven games in January, Ward had 4 goals and 2 assists to lead the team in scoring. He's pointless since the calendar flipped to February (too busy celebrating Black History Month?!?!) but his play had been fine -- he's forechecking well, staying out of the penalty box, and even creating a few chances on the bottom six. While I'll never understand his contract, he is what he is, and that is a very good checking line forward.


AND NOW FOR THE PLAYERS ON THE CAPITALS WHO WOULD BE BETTER SERVED BY LEAVING HACKEY FOREVER AND JOINING A SIBERIAN CIRCUS

EVERYONE ELSE BUT MORE SPECIFICALLY

Alex Ovechkin and Nicklas Backstrom: Look, I'm sure it's difficult to be the superstars on a mediocre-to-bad team. But that doesn't change the fact that you need to produce. And the stats aren't terrible -- 3G 4A for Ovie, 1G 7A for Backis -- but once again they don't tell the whole story. Beginning the season together, they looked pretty clueless at even strength. Then Adam Oates did what I've been asking for since forever ago, and split up the dynamic duo. And while Ovie has been basking in the awesomeness of Ribeiro, Backstrom's line centering Troy Brouwer and rotating left wings Wojtek Wolski, Jason Chimera, and Marcus Johansson has produced diddily-poo offensively. Combined, Ovie and Backis are set to make $123.2 million until the summer of 2021. Do you think Ted Leonsis is sweating those contracts just a bit?

Braden Holtby and Michal Neuvirth: Washington has had its fair share of veteran goalies in recent years: Tomas Vokoun, Jose Theodore, Christobal Huet, Brent Johnson, even Olie Kolzig was a Cap as late as the 2007-08 season. But McPhee was set on going into this season with his two talented yet inexperienced netminders. Everyone remembers Holtby setting the hackey world on fire last year with his sparkling play against Boston and New York in the playoffs. Perhaps that performance placed unfair expectations on Holts. Perhaps watching Holtby shine messed with Neuvirth's confidence. Whatever the case, a veteran goalie doesn't crack so easily. What do I mean by crack? Caps opponents have scored on back-to-back shot four times this season, and three more times with only one saved shot in between. How fragile are your goalies?

John Carlson: I enjoy Elliotte Friedman's 30 Thoughts columns on the CBC website. It's a very good, very balanced reflection on the current state of the NHL. Sometime towards the end of last season, I remember reading one of his bullet points quoting an anonymous league official, saying it's not a matter of if John Carlson will win a Norris Trophy, but when. Well, that guy looks like a fucking doofus right about now. Carlson has been about as bad as any defenseman I've seen play for the Caps since the Bruce Cassidy/Glen Hanlon era (looking at you, Joel Kwiatkowski). Carlson has been a lazy, stationary turnstile, not using his size or his speed to retrieve pucks, win board battles, or pressure anyone in the defensive zone. It's pretty bad when you get paired with John Erskine and he seems like the more competent defenseman. Carlson's development into a Drew Doughty-style top-tier blueliner will be key moving into next season. Because let's be honest, we can stick a fork in 2012-13.

John Erskine: Speaking of Big John, he only has 2 PIMs and NO FIGHTS THIS YEAR! WHAT THE FUCK I WANT MY ERSKINE SMASH



YEAH THAT'S THE STUFF, RIGHT INTO MY VEINS AW FUCK YES

Jeff Schultz: Continuing on the blue line, this is my face every time Jeff Schultz gets a sweater for the night:



Really, Oates? REALLY? I'd rather start Wulfy than Jeff fucking Schultz. I know it's rough right now with Dmitry Orlov and Jack Hillen on the IR and Erskine suspended. But that's no excuse to start Schultz, especially when you're scratching Roman Hamrlik on the regular. I actually thought Schultz played his best game last night and was one of the team's best defensemen. You know what happens when Jeff Schultz is one of your bright spots? You give up five goals in a period. He's the biggest player in the league I've seen just bounce off guys in the corners. He doesn't hit, he doesn't block shots, and he's slower than molasses. Get him the fuck out of DC.

Brooks Laich and Dmitry Orlov: GOOD PLAYERS, Y U NO HEALTHY?

Roman Hamrlik: Hamr, I know you're better than half of the defensemen the Caps dress every night. Why does Oates continue to scratch you? Did you do something to him when you were playing against each other? Did he not appreciate your anti-union rant during the lockout? Whatever it is, get your shit together and get back on the ice.

Jason Chimera: Chimmer was a nice surprise last season, finishing third on team in goals with 20 and playing a decent second line winger after Laich made the switch to center permanent. This year, he's back to his old stonehands self, fumbling entries, getting dispossessed in the offensive zone, and not scoring a single goal in 23 shots. Because Ovie and Backstrom have been average, the secondary scoring needs to step up, and Chimmer needs to be right in the middle of that.

Marcus Johansson: When it comes to not scoring, Marcus Johansson has to be front and center. He's looked decent on his few trips into the offensive zone but come away with nothing but one lay-up power play goal. The rest of the time, he's been pinned in his own end and allowing goals at a record pace. His -7 in nine games is the worst on the team. Comparing him to a young Nicklas Backstrom may still be true but only because of how far Backis has fallen as of late.

Jay Beagle: Dale Hunter's golden boy, Snoopy has looked pretty dreadful in the early going so far. Tabbed as a shutdown defensive forward, he's already a -4 and hasn't been able to reproduce any of the sandpaper that earned him valuable playoff minutes last year. On the plus side, he's winning 54% of his faceoffs, and he's already topped his career high in assists (2, lol) but they need more from a guy who just got a three-year extension.

Eric Fehr: Pointless in eight games? I'm sure glad we brought you back to the Caps!

Mathieu Perreault: This munchkin is clearly not an NHL player. Leave him in Hershey already. He has 4 minor penalties in five games, probably leading to 4 power play goals against (I'm far too lazy to look up game logs for this clown).


Everyone else is doing mediocre enough not to infuriate me. Troy Brouwer is doing Brouwer-like things. Wojtek Wolski is being shuffled between ineffective lines, but has looked pretty good offensively. Matt Hendricks would be better served letting Big John pick fights, but he does it anyway. Tomas Kundratek is a young player getting an extended look due to some injuries, and could be a nice piece on the power play. Joey Crabb provides me with CRABB PEOPLE puns. Tom Poti is just lucky to be playing professional hockey after two years of crippling groin injuries.


OKAY, DECENT BREAKDOWN. LESS FROTHY RAGE THAN I WAS EXPECTING. NOW WHAT?

I am not as angry as I thought I would be after a 2-8-1 start. I have simply come to the realization that the Washington Capitals are no longer a good NHL team. They have had some bad puck luck so far this season, to be sure. But last season they were tied with Ottawa for 7th in the East with 92 points, and when a team is built to be mediocre, a little bad luck can easily keep them out of the postseason. It's obvious now that the Capitals have been playing with half of a top six forward corps for the last five seasons (Ovechkin, Backstrom, Semin/Ribeiro) while slotting old men and grinders into the other spots. That strategy works for some teams -- Pittsburgh is doing just fine with Crosby, Malkin, and Neal -- but when your superstars appear to be in decline like Ovie and Backstrom are, it's simply not good enough to contend. I still believe there is enough talent among the defensemen to get the job done, as a top four of Green, Alzner, Carlson, and a healthy Orlov should be fine for the next few years. But that only works if Carlson and Orlov play up to their potential. And the goalies? Who the fuck knows when either one of them becomes a legit number one.

In short, the 2012-13 Capitals are best illustrated by the best mascot in the world:



I thought the team's defense would be the cornerstone of the franchise:



Then there's always the chance that Ovie and Backstrom could regain their MVP-caliber form:





Well, let me check those goaltending stats:



Fuck. My. Life. This hurts about as much as:



Because, Caps fans:

[Selamis]

9/10 would read again

[bluefan]

After reading that...suddenly, I'm not so upset with last nights loss to the Leafs.

[Bregor]

Also, these are amazing:

http://russianmachineneverbreaks.tum.../42584514456/x

[Mote]

thank you Bregs.

For the record, having seen the last two against the pens, I agree with you on Green, of all people. He's actually playing like a real defenseman.

[bluefan]

So Caps are sellers?

Okaaaaaay....Wellwood for Backstrom straight up. Limited time offer. We'll throw in Clitsome as well.

[Bregor]

So Caps are sellers?

Okaaaaaay....Wellwood for Backstrom straight up. Limited time offer. We'll throw in Clitsome as well.

[bluefan]

Okay okay okay...Ponikarovsky, Antropov and Wellwood with a side of Clitsome.

http://thedailywalk.files.wordpress....inal_offer.png

[Bregor]

Okay okay okay...Ponikarovsky, Antropov and Wellwood with a side of Clitsome.

http://pmcmovieline.files.wordpress....den-globes.gif

[bluefan]

[removed]

[Bregor]

Another month to go on Orlov, 6-8 weeks on Hillen. GUESS WE GET TO SEE MORE JEFF SCHULTZ

[Bregor]

Sky Kerstein ‏@SkyKerstein #Caps

Oates says Erskine is in tomorrow

IS IT CAN BE SMASH TIEM NOW?

[isladar]

Fantastic write-up, Breg. It was like reading stagesofgrief.txt.

And now for my Chicago write-up:

Spoiler: show

Spoiler: show

[Selamis]

Bolland looks so creepy, more so than usual lol.

[bluefan]

Oooooh, just noticed tonights match up.

Ducks and Stars.

Selanne vs Jagr.

[Kang]

Caps best chance to win the Cup was in the year they got upset by Montreal. Has been a tailspin since then.

[BadKarma]

Better then Schneider vs Luongo

[vagus]

Nice read. Needs to be posted elsewhere on the interweb.

[Callisto]

Fantastic write-up, Breg. It was like reading stagesofgrief.txt.

And now for my Chicago write-up:

Spoiler: show

Spoiler: show

Spoiler: show

[Callisto]

http://cjzero.com/gifs/BoucherFace.gif