The Best/Worst of the Internet

[tyven]

i gathered that thanks to the me myself and irene youtube. OH DISCHARGE OM NOM

[Qalbert]

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

At one point, she worked at a convalescent home; not just for old people either. It was for folks who were a little nuts and couldn't take care of themselves. One lady there has this disorder. She thinks EVERYTHING is food, as in she'd eat her dinner and then start trying to eat the napkins. As you can guess, she ended up morbidly obese. She was too fat for the showers, so they had to take her out back and hose her down like an elephant. Since she was so fat, she had a lot of rolls, and they couldn't get everywhere. Now, one day the family friend is making her rounds of the complex, and was stopped by this dude in a wheelchair. He mumbles something at her. "Bitch stole my Doritos..." "What?" "That fat lady stole my Doritos and SHE WON'T GIVE 'EM BACK!" "Okay, okay, calm down. I'll get your chips back for you." She goes into the fat lady's room. She's in their with the chips and nothing else. Buck naked, with her legs spread. There's this thick almost gelatinous discharge in the fat lady's vagina. And she's dipping the chips. And eating it. With that cheese drip on pizza stretch effect. She apparently had this big smile as it dripped down her chin.

[quannum]

someone post the one about a chick in a bath tub gettin freaky with a lobster

[Mertron]

someone post the one about a chick in a bath tub gettin freaky with a lobster

Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
One morning around 5 am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain.

It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's cunt when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US.

Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

from a facebook comment of a girl I went to high school with

U shuld c what he did to me while Iwas sleeping my whole hand has blood on it he literally ripped my skin off n 3 diff spot Itold y'all those were horns not cruels on his head needless to say the sec he falls back to sleep I'm cutting his nails off

[Day]

[Mertron]

sure it makes sense. bitch is retarded.

[Howie Roary]

I hope that's how they think inside their head

wt sHld i hav2 eatnao gurfren?????
EAT

[Callisto]

from a facebook comment of a girl I went to high school with

tf is the context here lol

[Xajii]

That sounds like it is about a pet why is that funny idgi

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

her baby

[Qalbert]

you see he has curly hair but she insists they are horns because she is the devil's mistress

[Day]

how cruels

[Tajin]

women don't have smegma, what the fuck
it was a combination of fat juice and dirty pussy discharge and I am now retching at my desk while typing this sentence

There are no gonhorrea balls either according to lolwiki and webmd.

[Ksandra]

lobster story is also pretty much impossible.

doesn't make either of them less gross to read, though.

[quannum]

wait till you see the japanese omelette video

[tyven]

lobster story is fake, it did get a local AM radio host here fired for a minute when he talked about it on his show like 13 years ago

[Mertron]

im aware the story is fake, it was just requested. I AM A MAN OF THE PEOPLE

[Callisto]

wait so you mean you can fuck a lobster without dying